Tutus, Teeth, & a Bag of Fairy Dust
by TwiStarJunkie
Summary: Edward Cullen has a secret nightlife...one that could destroy him. When the worst person possible uncovers it, what will he do and will they be able to accept it?
1. Chapter 1

**This is just something that came to mind one night. **

**YES, its a CRACKFIC. **

"Mr. Cullen, Bella Swan is here to see you."

Fucking Jessica.

I really needed a new receptionist because if I had to listen to her whiny, nasal ass voice for one more day, I was going to fucking set myself on fire.

"Send her in," I muttered back into the intercom.

Calling Swan in to my office had seemed like a good idea this morning since we needed to go over what articles were going to print in tomorrow's paper. But as it was, I had a pounding headache and desperately wanted to do nothing more than sleep.

"You needed to see me?" she questioned, stepping into my office.

"Yeah, I wanted to go over what we're printing tomorrow, but to be honest with you, I've got a headache that won't quit. I hate to put this on you, but do you think you can handle it on your own?"

"What happened?" she asked flatly, crossing her arms over her chest and moving to take a seat in one of the chairs.

"I told you; I have a headache," I groaned, tipping my head back and rubbing my palms over my face.

Bella Swan and I had a bit of a different relationship than I did with my other employees. She was my best friend's little sister. We'd known each other since we were in diapers so trying to pull the wool over her eyes or trying to dominate her in anyway never worked.

Regardless of whether I was her boss or not.

"Right. Okay, now explain the gash above your eyebrow, and the puncture wounds on your arm."

Shit.

"Look, I got into a fight last night. No big deal. Now can you do it or not?" I asked, watching as she gave me the bitch face.

Great. I just knew I'd be hearing about this later. Considering that she fucking lived with her brother, he found out about everything that went on up here.

"Yeah, I can do it. Thanks for asking so nicely," she grumbled as she dug around in the pocket of her jacket.

She then stood and dropped a few Advil on my desk. "Do yourself a favor and take these. They may help with more than just your shitty mood. Asshole."

As she walked out, I adjusted my pants and sighed.

One of these days, I was going to learn how to fucking talk to her.

I mean, fuck, it shouldn't be that hard, right? I knew she had a kid, and I knew that the whole situation revolving around that fucking sucked for her as the kid's dad was total dick, but no matter how much time I spent with her, no matter how many _moments _we had, if I was in a bad mood or we were in the office, I treated her like shit.

I didn't want to either.

What I needed was to lose my second job.

Maybe then I'd actually be happy.

Maybe then I'd actually get some fucking sleep.

And maybe…just maybe, Bella would get to see me for who I really was, because I knew that at this moment in time, she only saw me as the spoiled offspring of the infamous Carlisle Cullen…owner of The Line, a highly regarded newspaper in the small town of Forks, Washington.

It was while I was on my way home from the office that I did what had become my m.o. after work.

I texted Bella my daily apology.

Why?

Because I was a pussy and hoped that one of these days, God would see good in me and grant me my one wish; to sink my dick to the fucking hilt inside of her.

Hey, I never claimed to be a gentleman.

Bella of course texted back with her usual 'Fuck off.'

I didn't expect anything less, and to be honest, it made me smile. Fuck if I know why.

As I glanced down at my watch, I realized I only had an hour and a half before my second job took over.

Worst part about it was, I couldn't call in sick. I couldn't take vacation. And I sure as fuck couldn't be late.

I had no fucking choice in it.

Maybe it was God punishing me, or maybe it was fucking Lucifer himself having a grand laugh at my expense, who knows.

All I knew was that I was forever damned to a nightlife of misery with no end in sight.

I just prayed that tonight, I would actually finish early.

And for the love of God, I hoped it was uneventful.

But as things go in this fucking line of work, every night is eventful. Every night runs late.

And every night, I get fucking bit by the bitch dog on Sycamore Lane.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

When I was forced into taking over Alice's route, I didn't believe for one second that I'd be made to wear her uniform, but apparently, we had to keep with appearances for the sake of the kids we were visiting.

If I had had any control over it, I'd have bought a change of outfit and said fuck their rules, but they'd stripped me of that right.

Instead, like clockwork, every night at nine o'clock on the dot, I was transformed into the one thing that threatened every shred of my masculinity.

With the pale pink tights and glittery pink stilettos, complete with the criss-crossed pattern of silk ribbon around my calves….

The dark pink tutu that hung around my fucking waist and the sequined pale pink leotard that clung to every—and I mean every—inch of my torso and groin, to the extravagant wings that appeared out of nowhere and growing my back, and the fucking man purse that hung on my shoulder…complete with a bag for the teeth, and the multiple formulas of fairy dust…

I was fucking cursed.

Ladies and gentleman, my name is Edward Cullen and I am—indeed…

The Tooth Fairy.

**So...yeah...blame my daughter's loose tooth LOL!**

**This will most likely be 8-10 chapters long...at the most!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, LOL! I didn't expect to get much feedback on this one, but once again, you all surprised me ;D**

**Here's more of our disgruntled fairy...**

Another night full of bullshit left me dead on my fucking feet this morning.

My day had already started off shitty as I woke up late for work with another massive headache, and had been deprived of my daily shower—not to mention, I'd missed breakfast—which was how I wound up with my head planted firmly on my desk in agony.

Alice fucking owed me. Her route was utter and complete hell. There was a dog on damn near every fucking street I turned down, and the craziest part was that it wasn't the big ones I had to fear; it was the little bastards, and thanks to them, I now had fresh bite marks around my ankles and calves to prove it.

Sixteen houses was the number I'd hit last night, which was double the number from my old route, but when a fairy dies, it always fucks someone's world up, and I wound up being the lucky winner this time around.

No, Alice hadn't died, though I couldn't say she'd be alive much longer if my nights kept going the way they were. Our Aunt Carmen had passed when the kid she was visiting pushed her out of a three story window.

I don't know why everyone made such a big deal out of it anyway. She was an old hag that had no business putting on a leotard and tutu to begin with.

Anyway, Alice had taken over her route and until they found a suitable replacement for Alice, I had to fill in. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that my old man was behind it either. He ran this region, and there was no way in hell he was going to get off his ass and take the extra route on. Then again, it was probably best he'd done it the way he had because that made sixteen kids a night that weren't subjected to inhaling his cigar smoke in their sleep.

He was a fucking slob, and I knew he was probably perched at his fucking desk, smoking a Cuban with a bottle of scotch, having a big ass laugh at me in Alice's fairy shit.

My usual attire consisted pants, a shirt, and a fanny pack.

Shut the fuck up, it's better than a fucking man purse.

And yes, I was still stuck with the damn wings.

Don't ask me what the purpose of us having the blasted things was because we couldn't fucking use them. Well, not without the dust anyway.

Realizing that I needed to get some fucking work done, I lifted my head, eyes buried in my palms.

"Oh, it's alive," I heard the all too familiar, biting tone of Swan. One day she was going to get her method done just right and I was going to fucking explode on her.

Hopefully in more ways than one…

"Who the fuck let your ass in here?" I muttered, not even bothering to look at her. I just kept my eyes trained on the desk.

"I'm dropping of a preview of today's paper. You need to approve it, jackass. And," she paused; I could actually feel her getting closer, "Edward? Is that fucking _glitter _in your hair?" she mused as I seriously contemplated chunking my stapler at her head. "And _pink _glitter at that! It's even on your face. Jesus, what the hell did you do last night?"

Fuck my motherfucking life.

"We don't talk about your life, so don't talk about mine," I bit out, watching as she actually tried to feign hurt.

"So, it was one of those nights, huh? What happened? Let me guess, you took home a drunken skank, then woke to find that the skank was actually a he?"

"Swan, I'm fucking warning you; I'm not in the mood for your shit today. I'll look the paper over and let you know if it's approved when I get the chance. Anything else?" I growled, knowing full well that she was just joking with me.

Her face twisted in anger as she stared me down. "Why the fuck do you have be such a prick all the damn time? Jesus, you need to get fucking laid, Edward, because I'm getting tired of putting up with your bullshit!" she yelled at me, reaching out for something.

The stapler I'd been eyeballing? Yeah, the bitch chunked it at my fucking head.

I swear, it wouldn't be fucking long before a kid woke in their sleep to find the tooth fairy hanging over their pillow, looking like they'd just survived three rounds in the ring with Rocky fucking Balboa.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

It was after work that I received the phone call from my best friend, Emmett. As I knew it fucking would be, it was in regard to Bella Swan and the spat we'd had at work this morning.

You'd think that after twenty plus years of dealing with this shit that he'd be used to it by now, but apparently, she was really playing the shit up when she got home because he was pissed at me every damn time I talked to him.

Of course, the call ended with him threatening to put my balls in a sling.

Oh…If he only fucking knew!

And seriously, how the fuck _do _women wear that shit? I spend a few hours in it a night but it never fails. My balls go from cozy, to boiling hot and sweaty within seconds of putting that blasted leotard. I was convinced that wearing the shit had cursed me with IBS—irritable ball syndrome; my balls itched like a motherfucker during and hours after wearing it.

I'd even tried shaving. Yeah, stupid fucking move. It made the shit even worse.

At one point, I even considered buying a cup but then thought better of that. In the case a kid did wake up, I didn't think it would be good for them to see the tooth fairy hanging above them with a fucking bulge under the skirt. Or at least I know that shit would have freaked me out had that have happened to me.

But it was that night that I my old man had gone and fucked me, seriously, because the last name on the paper was the last fucking kid on this planet I wanted to pay a visit to.

I just prayed that someone would finally be on my side because I was going to need it in order to make it past the bitch responsible for the staple marks on my forehead and her beefcake of a brother.

**Uh oh...**

**Looks like our precious fairy is about to come into some trouble!**

**Until tomorrow...leave some love!**

**T**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so the update came a bit early! **

**Enjoy!**

Who the fuck did a fairy have to call to get a route change around here? I'd tried Alice, my mother, my father—who was of no fucking use—and had even called my brother in law. All were either out on their own routes, or it was their night off.

They knew of my predicament, and they knew damn good and well why it was too fucking risky. But obviously, they either didn't give a shit, or they found humor in it. Or both.

So needless to say, I was left to suffer through it and hope for the best. And if I were to base it off of my past history in luck and hoping for anything, I was totally fucked.

To give myself a bit of courage, I threw back a shot of good ol' JD, and, after strapping my pussy ass gear on, headed out for the night.

The first two houses I hit were, by the grace of God, uneventful. I was in and out faster than you could blink.

The third house nearly had me piss myself. Getting in, taking the tooth and leaving the cash was no problem; it was getting out that damn near gave me a fucking heart attack. Upon entering the house, I'd failed to notice that the people had a fucking cat. This was bad for two reasons: one, I was fucking allergic to cats. And two, I'd come to realize that cats were attracted to all things sparkly, and…feathers. Well, guess what my fucking wings consisted of? Feathers. And need I even reiterate what covered ninety percent of this fucking uniform?

Right.

So imagine my surprise when, as I stood at the top of the stairs, a huge, batshit crazy cat high on catnip came flying at my fucking head. If it hadn't been for my quick reflexes and the railing on the stairs, I'd have been left with a broken neck, or worse. And thank fuck that didn't happen because the health benefits in this line of work sucked big, hairy donkey balls.

Seriously, I could get better health care working as a fucking janitor at Mcdonalds.

Houses four through six weren't all that bad, they just had a variety of animals that—if ever let out of their cage—could cause serious fucking problems. I'm talking rats, snakes, birds…you catch the drift.

I'm talking catastrophically _bad _problems.

By then, I was already worn the fuck out, and my feet hurt like a bitch after having walked damn near six blocks in these inhumane stripper shoes. All I wanted to do was go home, take this shit off, kick back on the couch, and have a fucking smoke. But no, I still had four more houses to hit tonight.

And the seventh house was home to one kid my mind had failed to register upon my earlier scanning of the list.

Remember the old hag Carmen that I'd mentioned before? You know, the one that plummeted to her death at the hands of some bitch kid? Yeah, well, apparently the little bastard had lost another tooth and they were leaving it up to me to take care of it. Well, I said fuck that.

I honestly didn't care if they put me on suspension for refusing to do it, hell…it would make my fucking week.

And before you go off and starting accusing me of pussying out, I was actually taking the fucking high road. I knew if I went up there and that fucker was awake and tried shit on me, I'd have skinned him alive and fed him to the fucking Chihuahuas—the ankle biters—two houses over.

Why you ask? Because if it hadn't been for that kid and his anger management issues, I wouldn't have ever had to give up my route to cover my sister's, therefore I wouldn't be dressed as though I were attending some six year old little girl's birthday party as the entertaining ballerina.

The next house—or Satan's Funhouse, as I liked to call it—provided me with fresh bite marks to the legs and runs in my hose, which to be fucking honest, I was thinking about ditching the hose part of the costume for good. I went through a pair every fucking night, and quite frankly, I really didn't care if some kid happened to wake up and became forever scarred by my hairy ass legs.

The ninth house came up as a dud. For whatever reason, the people weren't home. In a way, it royally pissed me off because I'd come this fucking far for nothing. Sure, I could cut corners here and there with the fucking fairy dust, but we were only given so much a night and you never knew when you'd need it.

When I first started out, I'd learned about saving dust the hard way. I hadn't wanted to walk, so I used it all on one fucking house call. When the kid woke up and screamed for his parents, I had nothing to use against them. Had I have had dust left at that point, I could have put them all to sleep and wiped their fucking memory clean. Granted, it could be used for a variety of shit, but if you were ever caught abusing its powers, you were put on probation for two months; meaning that if at any point during those two months, one of the kids woke up or you were caught by a parent, someone would have to be called in from headquarters to clean up your fuck ups and you'd then be sentenced to three months of laundry duty.

Don't ask. Having someone sent in from headquarters was basically the same as those shady groups of people that are called in to clean up dead bodies.

Any fucking way, that brings me to where I am now, standing in front of the one house I never wanted to see on that fucking list to begin with. Hell, as it was, I probably spent more time here at this house than I did at my own.

The only thing I could see going for me right now was the fact that Emmett's truck was gone, which meant he was most likely down at the seven cedars casino. He usually went once or twice a week, and hell, if I wasn't working, that's probably where I'd be too.

It was was with a deep breath that I sucked it up and went inside. Everything was silent in the house, meaning that Bella had most likely gone to sleep.

Knowing that they didn't own any fucking animals, I went up the stairs with ease. Everything went smoothly. I got the tooth under Emily's pillow, and then put the money in its place—let's face it, I gave her more because that little girl was more like a niece to me.

The exit was when everything fucking went to shit.

I turned away from her bed, but obviously failed to notice the step stool right in front of me. You could probably guess what fucking happened, right?

I tripped and my six foot two ass was sent crashing to her floor.

I hurriedly pulled myself to my feet, knowing that I needed to get the fuck out of dodge, and turned to look down at the beautiful little girl—fucking sue me, I had a soft spot for her.

And I had to hand it to the kid…she slept like a fucking rock.

Then I heard it.

The gasp that verged on becoming a scream.

"Who the…" was all she managed to get out before the whispered, "_Edward?"_

Oh.

Fuck.

**I wonder how our fairy is going to get out of this one! **

**I do believe he just might have it right...he's fucked!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about getting this update out a little late today :/**

**I'll see you all at the bottom.**

Oh fuck didn't even begin to cover it.

The worst possible thing that could have happened on this shit night had just come to fruition.

"Edward?" Bella's voice rung out again.

I sure as hell couldn't just stand here. But really? What the fuck could I say?

'Hey, I'm a Tooth Fairy.' Yeah, somehow I doubted that shit would fly.

Slowly but surely, I turned around. I kept my eyes to the ground in fear that if I actually looked at her, she'd fucking turn me to stone.

"What _the _fuck are you doing in my daughter's bedroom?"

I could actually feel the bitch closing in on me, and if she didn't lower her voice, I was going to have not just one, but _two _giant ass problems on my hands.

"Well, are you going to answer me or are you just going to fucking stand there, you fucking pervert?!"

Fuck.

This.

Shit.

I'd been a part of this beautiful little girl's life since she'd been born, and a part of Bella's for even longer. For her to accuse me—in a way—of what she just did both pissed me off and hurt my heart.

I may think of Bella to be the bitch that she is, and yeah, I wanted to fuck her brains out just for the sake of saying I had, but that didn't mean I didn't have feelings.

I know what you're thinking, but seriously? Think about it. What woman in their right mind would ever consider dating a guy whose night life consisted of dressing like a pink fairy drowned in glitter?

Right.

Taking my chances and looking up to meet her eyes for the first time, I took a step forward, my ankle screaming at me in fucking protest from having rolled it when I fell moments ago.

"Lower your fucking voice, Swan."

"We're in _my _house, Edward; I'll speak as fucking loud as I want to. Why the fuck are you dressed like that?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I warned, sliding my hand into the bag of fairy dust. I hated using this shit simply because it left glitter on my palms for several nights after, and also acted as an aphrodisiac…at least for me it did.

Hence the reason my dick literally had glitter permanently embedded in it. Good old right hand.

Fuck, forget I just said that.

Anyway, the purpose of using the dust was to wipe her memory clean, making it as though I was never there and this shit had never happened. It would also knock her the fuck out.

"Emmett put you up to this, didn't he?" she hissed, her eyes narrowed. And I'm pretty fucking sure there was steam coming from her ears.

"Emmett?" I asked, confused as to how she'd come to that conclusion.

"He told you about Emily losing a tooth and put you up to coming and collecting it, right? Because if that's not it, I swear, I'm calling the fucking cops."

"Right, and you think I'd go along and dress like this just for the sake of grabbing a fucking tooth?"

Then I saw as her eyes enlarged—I seriously thought they were going to pop out of her fucking skull. Her eyes were glued to the general region of my fucking tutu, and when I glanced down to see that the aphrodisiac effect of the dust had already set it, Bella's eyes filled with rage.

My blasted, traitorous cock had pitched a fucking tent beneath the tutu. Here's the problem with that though: because of the damned leotard and tights, my dick had nowhere to go but off to the side.

So in other words, Bella was provided with prime view of what probably looked like a turtle's head peeking out from its shell against my fucking thigh.

Knowing she was about to fucking explode on me, I acted fast and fucking chunked a fist full of dust at her face, before bolting out little Emily's window.

Not a good move.

Emily's room was on the second floor of the house.

I could hear Bella fucking coughing and cursing as I extricated myself from the bushes along the side of her house, the branches scratching my arms and tights all to shit.

Tomorrow night, I was paying my dear old man a visit, and so help me, he was going to pay me overtime for the shit I'd been through tonight.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I didn't get a bit of sleep last night. In fact, I'd been here at The Line, working on today's paper since four o'clock this morning.

I don't know why the fuck the situation surrounding Bella last night had me so anxious, but it did.

And what was worse? I hadn't seen her this morning, and it was already noon. Jessica, the whiny bitch up front, told me that she'd seen her in the break room for coffee earlier and that she looked like shit.

On a normal day, I'd have called her into my office just to check on her…in my own asshole-ish way.

Today, I said fuck it. Instead, I took the chicken shit way out of it. I called Emmett.

"Edward, my man, what's up?"

"I haven't seen Bella this morning. Is everything okay?'

"Really? Dude, I dropped her off at work this morning. She's not feeling too hot. This morning she was talking about some fucked up dream she had."

"Dream?" I questioned, nervous as to what he was about to say, but then, a shadow appeared on my left, looming over me.

I knew just from the tapping of the shoe that it was her.

"Uh, hey, Em? She just walked in. I'll call you back."

As I placed the phone back in the cradle, I slowly turned my chair to look at her and when I did, I half screamed and scrambled to get out of my chair and away from...it.

Her hair was a hot fucking mess, but that wasn't the half of it. Her nose was swollen and red, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. She literally looked like she'd been bitch slapped by a bulldozer while being simultaneously electrocuted.

"Jesus, Swan! What the hell happened to you?"

"I don't know, Edward! Why the fuck don't you tell me? What was that shit you threw in my face last night?!" she shouted, her nose stuffy and eyes twitching.

Oh. Shit.

This was not happening. Fuck! This wasn't possible! She wasn't supposed to remember anything!

I ran a nervous hand through my hair as it came closer, glaring down at me.

"After you took your flying leap out of my six year old _daughter's _bedroom dressed like a fucking powder puff, I was up all damn night with a fucking allergic reaction that even the strongest dose of Benadryl couldn't cure!" she hissed, leaning over and putting her face within inches of mine.

At any other time, with her looking fucking normal, I'd have totally been all over her shit, but now, all I felt was the need to piss, shit and vomit. And with my luck, it would happen all at once.

I turned my eyes back to hers and waited for her next rant.

"Now tell me Tink, what the _fuck _did you throw at me last night? And why were you hovering over my daughter's bed last night, dressed the way you were with a fucking _boner_?!"

So I said the only thing I could think of.

"Exactly _why _were you looking at _my dick_?"

**Oh boy...he's in for it now! **

**Thank you all so much for your reviews! They've entertained me for sure LOL!**

**Until tomorrow...**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for missing the update yesterday! My internet cut out on me and I only had enough energy to post one update last night, for another fic :/**

**Sad, I know!**

**Back to the hilarity. **

"_Now tell me Tink, what the fuck did you throw at me last night? And why were you hovering over my daughter's bed last night, dressed the way you were with a fucking boner?!"_

_So I said the only thing I could think of._

"_Exactly why were you looking at my dick?"_

**Chapter 5**

"I wasn't looking _for _it, jackass! It was staring me in the damn face under that ridiculously disturbing tutu. So what was that shit?"

"I-I," I started and then groaned to myself. This was not going to go over well. "I can't tell you that."

"Oh, the fuck you can't!" she shouted, leaning even closer, her nose a hairs breath from mine; I just prayed to God that the bitch didn't feel the sudden urge to sneeze.

"I'm serious, Bella!"

I sat there, watching the satan herself stare me down, huffing and puffing as she backed away slowly. Then out of fucking nowhere, she began to laugh and when I thought I'd join in with her, trying to play it off, she fucking bitch slapped the ever living fuck out of me.

I was fairly certain they were going to have a send a fairy to _my _house tonight to collect my own fucking teeth.

I quickly got to my feet, rubbing at my cheek as I fixed her with a glare. "What the hell is your problem?!"

"You know damn good and well what my problem is, Cullen. And you're giving me nothing. I don't fucking like it, but I can get past whatever it is you threw at me last night since it's to be expected from a fucking idiot like you. But I will not let go of the rest. I keep seeing you hovering over my baby in the middle of the night, cross dressed to the nines. I don't know how you got in, or what you were attempting to do, and honestly, I'm terrified to know."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella! We've known each other since _we _were in diapers! Just the fact that you're standing there, basically accusing of trying to harm Emily fucking hurts. That's low, and you know it. Why can't you just accept the fact that I can't tell you?!"

"What do you freaking expect me to say? You tell me what you would've done had the position have been reversed!"

"I don't know! Maybe pulled you into my room and fucked the shit out of you?!"

Yeah, definitely not my smartest move. That earned me an even harder bitch slap to the other cheek.

But I recovered quick. " Or better yet, maybe I'd have asked myself if you were possibly drunk, or on drugs…but never, I never would have accused you of hurting a child! Now if you're done kicking my ass, go the fuck home and get some damn sleep. I've got a fucking headache and don't need this shit," I hissed, desperate to see her walk out the door. And as she turned, what little I could see of her eyes showing remorse, I bellowed once again. "And you're lucky that I'm not firing your ass for this."

"Why aren't you?" she questioned, wonderment in her voice. "It's no secret that you think I'm the biggest bitch alive and you can't stand the sight of me, so why the hell do you keep me around?"

"Eye candy," I replied nonchalantly.

Bella shook her head and turned, muttering obscenities on her way out.

Well, that most definitely did _not _go well.

As soon as I was positive she'd either gone back to her desk or had left, I called my old man.

"I'm not changing your route back," he all but shouted into the phone.

"That's not what this is about, and you know it. What the fuck were you thinking sending me over to that bitch's house last night?"

"Listen you little shit, it couldn't be avoided. Emmett's house is on Alice's route."

"Well I'm fucked now, so thanks for that."

"I think it's funny as hell," he laughed into the phone. I knew without asking that his lazy ass was still perched at his desk with his cigar. "I can't believe you actually popped a fucking boner! I wish you could've seen your mother's face."

"Yeah, fucking laugh it up, asshole. That's the least of our fucking problems. She's immune."

There was a long pause before he spoke again, this time quietly. "What are you talking about? That's impossible."

"Oh trust me, it's possible. I've got handprints on both sides of my fucking face to prove it. She remembers everything. And not only is she immune, she's fucking allergic to it."

"Well, did you try to play it off as a freaky dream on her part?"

"Yeah, like that would've worked. She had an allergic reaction and her scalp was covered in glitter. She fucking knows something is up and I can tell you right now, she's not going to stop until she figures out what the fuck it is."

"Nice going, genius!"

"Hey you old bastard, don't put this shit on me! If you would've just given me my regular get up instead of this fairy godmother of hell's catwalk costume, none of this shit would've happened! I wouldn't have tripped over my own feet in bitch, and I could've concealed the fucking boner."

"I know," he howled in laughter. Fucking dickhead. I hope he choked on that fucking cigar. "That shit was great. Thanks for that."

"Fuck you, old man. What the hell am I going to do?"

"The only thing you can do; tell the girl the truth, and for the love of God, tell her gently. Don't fuck it up; I think you've done enough of that to last a lifetime when it comes to this…"

"She's a fucking bitch, old man. You have no idea what it's…"

"I've seen the girl, Edward; Fucking hell, _I'd _nail her if I knew I could get away with it."

And there it goes; I'll never get wood around Bella Swan again. Not with that fucking image in my head.

"Oh for the love of God, _seriously_? What about mom, you asshole?"

"Look, I might be old, but that doesn't mean my dick is dead. You need to figure out how to talk to the poor girl without coming off as an asshole. Maybe then she'll give you what it is you want."

"And I assume you're going to tell me what that is, right?"

"I don't need to; you told her yourself before she slapped you the second time, genius. You're really fucking stupid when it comes to this shit, you know that?"

"What the fuck ever. So I'm supposed to tell her the truth and then what? Wait for her to have me committed to a fucking asylum, or for the police to show up at my door?"

"You'll figure it out, eventually, but tell her sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be. Maybe you should call your sister for fucking help. She could probably help you with the shoes too."

"So, you're still not giving me my uniform back?"

"What?" he exclaimed, choking on cigar smoke. "_Hell _no! It's too much damn fun, plus I've got a bet in place with your mom about which dog is going to make you their bitch first; the Rottweiler on Madison Court or the Chihuahua on Sycamore Lane. So far, the ankle biter's winning."

"Fuck you both."

As soon as I hung up, I buried my head in my hands and thought back over the conversation with Bella, groaning aloud at my failed verbal filter.

Had I really just told her in so many words that I wished she'd have taken me to her bedroom and fucked the shit out of me?

**Will he ever learn to control that mouth of his? **

**Next update, Fairyward takes to the streets again.**

**Will he do as he was told and tell Bella the truth?**

**Thanks for all the reviews! I'm still amazed and touched at the response this short little fic is getting.**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	6. Chapter 6

**I won't keep you...**

**See you all at the bottom!**

Okay, I fucked up.

I get that.

But dammit, I was Bella's fucking boss; when I call her, I expect her to answer.

I'd been calling her since getting off the phone with my asshole old man, hoping to _try _and talk to her, and do as he said, which was telling her the truth.

Well, here's the truth, I'd have rather let her beat the shit out of me than have to admit to the bitch that I was a fucking fairy.

Jessica had been grating on my nerves all damn morning, proving to only sour my mood further. So, I'd been counting the hours until I could finally leave this hell hole office.

Once I'd finally escaped, I drove past Bella's house, hoping to see her car out front, but as is just my luck, she was gone.

Eventually, I wound up at home. With nothing worth watching on TV, and fucking nothing in the fridge sounding appetizing, I became bored, and because I was bored, I started wishing that I could have the fucking costume on hand off the clock as it needed serious cleaning and repairs.

The costumes usually came back in pristine shape every night, but the tights had really taken a beating this past week. Old man and mom really needed to look into strengthening the quality of the fabric.

Still having nothing to do, I began reflecting on the fact that the bitch was both allergic, and immune, to the fairy dust. I was surprised that my parents didn't have a stronger reaction when I'd told them, because honestly, it was mind boggling to me. Never in all my years of subjecting myself to this shit had I ever encountered anyone immune to it.

She'd marched into my fucking office this morning, demanding that I fix what it had done to her, but fuck, I was just a fairy; not a fucking miracle worker. I didn't know the first thing to fixing this. I certainly couldn't use the shit on her again as she was allergic, and as she'd told me so sweetly earlier, the Benadryl didn't even make a fucking dent in it.

My first thought would be for her to take a shower, but just thinking that brought my Captain Hook to life.

Fuck you; don't hate on my dick's pet name, and he lives up to it too.

Just sayin'.

It was while I sat in my living room, taking matters into my own hand—right hand, to be precise—that the text tone on my phone went off. I glanced over, seeing none other than the bitch's name highlighted on my screen.

I cursed whoever was watching up above and grabbed hold of the phone with my left hand, my right hand continuing in up and down strokes.

**Unless you plan on apologizing and telling me what the fuck is going on with you, I suggest you quit fucking calling me, Cullen— The Bitch**

Why the hell did it piss me off to hear her refer to herself as 'the bitch'? I mean, I couldn't fucking stand her ass, but underneath it all, I really did care about her. Let's just say that if anyone were to ever hurt her, I'd rip their fucking heads off and feed them to the fucking seagulls out on the port, but she was still a bitch.

And I was the only one in my book allowed to call her out as such.

**I need to fucking talk to you dammit. It's urgent. And next time I call you, pick up the fucking phone. BTW, don't call yourself a bitch.—EC**

**If it was so urgent, why didn't you tell me in your office? And I'll refer to myself however the hell I want..—Bitch**

**I didn't tell you because it wasn't something I could talk about in the fucking office.—EC**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Nearly two hours later, I stood in my living room, waiting on the fucking change of wardrobe to take effect.

Doing a last sweep through the house, my balls already screaming at me in irritation from the fucking leotard, I heard a knock on my door.

Tripping over my dirty laundry, the balls of my feet already bitching in protest from the shoes, I stole a glance out the dining room window.

Fucking A.

This really wasn't going to go over well.

After all of my attempts to settle this shit over the phone, the bitch had actually come all the way out to my house.

Thankfully, her face was still a little fucked up from her reaction so I didn't have to worry about popping a boner and repeating the clusterfuck that was last night; Captain Hook would have sooner slept with the fucking crocodile than touch her snatch while she looked like that.

I took in a deep breath before opening up my front door.

"So, last night wasn't just a one-time thing? And to think that I actually started to consider the possibility of you having been drunk or on drugs," she hissed, pushing her way past me into my house.

"Hey, bitch, would you like to come in?" I said to the spot she'd occupied seconds ago, my tone thick with sarcasm.

As soon as the words left my lips, her hand connected with the back of my head.

No sooner than she'd done that, she started sneezing and coughing.

Was I ever going to get this shit right?

Not that I'd anticipated her abuse, but I'd forgotten about the fact that when I was in uniform and on the clock, every inch of me was covered in glitter and dust.

To make it simpler to understand, us fairies were like dogs and cats; they shed hair, we shed sparkle.

"What the fuck, Edward? Are you showering in that shit?" she wheezed. "And for the last time, what in God's name is it?!"

"Swan, there's nothing I can do but tell you the fucking truth, but I'm going to warn you, you'll have to keep an open mind."

"What? You're secretly a drag queen and perform at the local gay bar three nights a week?"

_Do not slap her. Do not slap her._

Fuck, chanting to myself wasn't going to help my case at all as I was _thisclose _to emptying another fucking bag full on her head just for that comment.

"Swan, I'm not, nor have I ever been, gay. You saw evidence of that last night," I told her, mentally kicking my own ass for having brought that back up.

"Seeing your dick peeking out from beneath your fucking tutu doesn't prove shit. That could have been a reaction from anything. And can we please quit talking about that?! What the fuck are you, Cullen?"

This was it.

I could either break it to her gently, or just bite the proverbial fucking bullet and put it out there.

I was going with the latter, reaching down and scratching the insane itch that was torturing my balls.

Bella's face twisted in disgust as she shook her head and sneezed again. "God, you are such a pig!"

"No, I'm a fucking tooth fairy, bitch."

Tell her gently?

Yeah, old man, you can kiss my ass with that shit.

**He's so screwed LOL! Will he ever learn?**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	7. Chapter 7

**_I'll see you all at the bottom LOL_**

_Bella's face twisted in disgust as she shook her head and sneezed again. "God, you are such a pig!"_

"_No, I'm a fucking tooth fairy, bitch."_

_Tell her gently?_

_Yeah, old man, you can kiss my ass with that shit._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Fucking up was becoming my M.O.

If I had just refrained from calling her a bitch, things may have gone a lot smoother.

And that's a big maybe.

But I realized the second the words left my lips that I had sounded like the most delusional mother fucker on the fucking planet.

Bella's eyes stayed trained on me for a moment before she started to reach into her purse.

"Right, and I'm the fucking Easter Bunny. You want to be an asshole, Edward? Fine," she hissed, still reaching for something.

Honestly, I didn't think she had a chance in hell of finding whatever the fuck it was she was looking for because I didn't understand how the hell she was able to see with her busted face.

"I'm not fucking around, dammit!" I yelled, making another dumbass move and taking a step closer to her. "The shit I threw at you? It's used for a lot of different shit, but it's primary use is wiping your memory clean and knocking you the fuck out."

"Pixie dust? Is this really the road you want to go down, Cullen?" she bit out as she pulled something out of her blasted purse.

"How'd I guess that trying to come forth and tell you the fucking truth wasn't going to work? You're too caught up in expecting the worst of me and being a snotty, crabby ass bitch. I fucking told hi..."

I was stopped short as she aimed what looked to be a…oh.

Fuck.

I was so beating my old man's ass when I saw him later.

"What the fuck?!" I exclaimed, holding my hands up in surrender. "You're seriously going to fucking shoot me for this shit?"

"No, I'm not shooting you," she whispered to me with a sick smile, "I'm getting fucking even."

All I had time to register was her finger pressing against the trigger before a substance was sprayed into my eyes and I went fucking blind.

Remind me again why I hadn't slapped the fucking bitch minutes ago?

Unimaginable pain radiated from my eyes as they closed against my fucking will. My skin was on fire, and my nose had started running. I tried blinking, but each time I did, it felt as though I was rubbing my fucking eyeball directly on sand paper.

The evil fucking bitch had just pepper sprayed my ass.

"Dammit, Swan, you fucking bitch!" I shouted at her as I ran in the general direction of the fucking kitchen, tripping and falling ass over elbows into my tile floor.

Tears began streaming from my eyes, but it did nothing to soothe my situation. And unless I got this shit fixed and washed out, there was no way in hell I was working tonight.

And for once, I actually fucking hoped I was able to work because if I had to stay here and argue with Bella's bitch ass, I would fucking slit my goddamned wrists.

Almost as soon as my knees hit the floor, warm hands wrapped under my arms and attempted to pull me to my feet.

Someone please explain this shit to me?

Is it fucking normal for a woman to go from being pissed off enough to pepper spray a dude to helping them all within the span of a few minutes?

Was she fucking pms'ing?

Wait, no…that couldn't be it because if that was the case, then Bella ragged twenty-four fucking seven.

"Don't fucking touch me," I bit out, but did she listen?

Fuck no.

"Quit bitching, Edward. You can either sit here and suffer, or you can let me help you wash it out."

"Why the fuck did you spray me to begin with?"

"Two reasons, I'm sick of your fucking mouth and the way you talk to me, and two, to fuck your face up as bad as you did mine."

"I _told _you that shit wasn't my fault! How the fuck was I supposed to know you were allergic to fairy dust?!"

"Would you let go of the fairy shit? I don't know what drugs you're on, but I'm not buying that load of crap."

Once I felt the sink at my fingertips, she turned on the faucet and proceeded to wash my face with dish soap.

"Do you have baby shampoo?" she asked, rinsing my face off, the burning on my skin having eased just slightly.

"Bella, I'm a tooth fairy, not a pediatrician."

"Medicated wipes?"

"Shit, I think there's some in the fucking bathroom. How the fuck do you know so much about this shit?"

"Seriously, Edward? Have you forgotten who my father is?"

Oh, right.

The Chief of Police.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Some twenty to thirty minutes later, my face was just as fucked up—if not worse—than Bella's. She'd managed to get the pepper spray flushed out, but I looked like a damn blowfish.

Not fucking cool.

I prayed that none of the kids I was slated to visit tonight woke or I was going to have a hell of a problem on my hands.

And as for the bitch?

Yeah, she was still here. She'd been handing me Kleenex every few minutes as my sinuses were still fucked from the chemicals.

"I think you've fucking done enough, Bella. I tried explaining, and you don't believe me. I have no fucking reason to lie to you, so just do us both a favor and go home," I groaned, standing to my feet and walking back to the entry way where I'd dropped my fucking man purse chocked full of dust earlier.

"Wings are usually a part of a fairy's body, right?" she asked, quietly.

"What's your fucking point?" I asked with irritation.

Instead of responding, she stood and moved closer and then turning me as she examined my back.

Why the _fuck _didn't I ever think of showing her my damned wings as evidence?

Thinking she was going to start trying to rip them off, I held my breath, waiting for the pain to come. But instead, all I heard was a gasp.

"Oh…my…fucking God..." she slowly said, moving around to look me in the eye, as best she could anyway. "You're a fucking fairy…a real fucking fairy."

I knew it was coming. I fucking _knew _it was coming.

And just as I suspected, the walls of my house suddenly echoed with the sound of the bitch's hearty laughter as she stood hunched over, her hands braced on her knees.

This night just got fucking worse.

**So now she knows...wonder what she'll say?**

**Your reviews are killing me LOL! Sorry for being so behind in responding! But know that I'm enjoying them all!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for not having the update posted yesterday! I'm back on track tho ;D**

**This chapter is kind of a filler LMAO**

**See you at the bottom!**

There's no nice way of putting this, so I'll just say it: Bella Swan is a bitch with a stick up her ass, and I was _thisclose_ to throwing what few morals I had out the window and going full on O.J. Simpson on her ass.

She still stood hunched over, her laughter slowing and heavy breathing taking over.

"You can fucking stop now," I bit out.

"Oh no, I'm enjoying this," she chuckled, finally standing upright. "So, tell me, are all fairies cross dressers, or is it just you?"

"Fuck you, Swan."

"How long has this been going on, Edward? And I'm being fucking serious here. Does Emmett fucking know you parade around town in glitter, a skirt and stilettos, stealing kid's teeth?"

"No, he doesn't know and you're not going to fucking tell him. You think I fucking _like _this shit? I hate it! And out of everyone that could have found out about this, it fucking _had _to be you; the one person that will take it and run with it."

"Jesus fucking Christ, you really don't think much of me, do you?" she spat.

"Cut the shit," I huffed. "I've fucking seen what you're capable of doing to one's reputation, Bella. So, go on, do your worst as I won't expect anything less."

"You know what, fuck you. You're being a fucking drama queen and bitching at me for your fucking mistake. If you'd just chill the hell out for a damn minute instead of thinking the worst about me, you'd see that I actually think the wings are cooler than shit."

"God, you are such a…" I started but then what she'd actually said dawned on me. I had to have heard her fucking wrong. "Wait, what the _fuck _did you just say?"

"Regardless of the hilarity and ridiculousness of this situation, I think it's pretty fucking amazing. I'm still not cool about finding your ass in my baby girl's room."

"All right, look Puffy, this is the last time I'm saying this shit: I meant no fucking harm to Emily. I love that little girl, and you fucking know that. I was just doing my damn job, so get the fuck off of your soap box," I told her, turning to go into the kitchen.

I was going to need a couple shots of J.D. before I even thought of going on my route tonight, otherwise, the first fucking animal or kid that crossed me was going to fucking get the shit beat out of them.

Well, okay, maybe I wouldn't actually _beat _a kid, but I sure as hell knew how to torture the fuck out of one.

Before I could even reach the kitchen, I felt a tug on my wings which caused a fucking fluttering in my stomach and jolts traveling through my body, straight down to my fucking dick.

Shit.

Bella, in her curiousity, had just let me on to something I never before knew about.

Because I'd never told anyone, and no one had ever touched my damn wings, I hadn't known that they were a weakness for me.

But the biggest problem—pun intended—was that I was now left with yet another boner…and the bitch was right behind me.

"Fucking come on, Edward! You and I both know that if you had kids of your own and woke to find a man in a woman's _fairy _costume hovering over your child, you'd freak the fuck out! Knowing what I know now, I know you wouldn't hurt her."

I told myself 'fuck it' as I turned around, hard as hell, and faced her with anger. "Yeah, only thing is, Bella…I wasn't and am not just some random man. Despite all the fighting and bitching we do, I actually fucking consider you a friend and in that case, I'd have given you the benefit of the fucking doubt."

"What the hell do you want from me? An apology?" she screeched, her swollen expression mimicking that of a just hatched baby vulture or something of the like.

"I'll thin k about it. In the meantime, thanks to your dumbass theatrics and pepper spraying me, I'm fucking late hitting my route and if I hope to finish anywhere near a decent hour, I've got to get the hell out of here. So, I'll ask as nice as I possibly can: go the fuck home and I'll see you at the office in the morning."

I continued walking in the kitchen, catching her last minute glance at my fucking junk.

I'll tell you one thing, it would be a cold day in hell before I ever put my dick near her when she looked like that.

Trust.

"Or…you could let me come along with you, Twinkle Toes."

I couldn't help myself. I had to laugh aloud at that shit.

And just as I was about to reject her fucking offer, my phone rang.

With her hands on her hips, she glared at me—the only indication of said glare being her eyebrows.

I pulled it from the man purse and groaned as she began laughing once again.

Yes, along with everything else on this uniform, the fucking phone was blinged out…and you guessed it.

Pink.

"Yeah?"

"You're taking her with you."

"Fuck you, Old Man. I've already dealt with enough shit thanks to her. I'm not about to have another clusterfuck of a night."

"Oh, you're going to do as I said. And when you're done with your route, you're bringing her to me."

"What the fuck? Why in God's name would I bring her to see you and mom? I have no doubt that you are to blame for all the shit I've had this week. The only thing you could do in this situation is make it worse."

"She's allergic to regular, grade A fairy dust; has been since she was a kid, so your mother and I had to formulate a hypo-allergenic dust to use for her and kids like her. However, she's still immune to it. Apparently, your mother thought it would be fucking hilarious to jack up my grand plan last night and she switched bags on you."

"And tonight?" I bit out.

"Are you kidding? Watching you relentlessly fuck up with this bitch is hysterical. It's good shit."

"What's the point in using hypo-allergenic dust if she's fucking immune to it?!"

"The hypo-allergenic actually knocks her out; it just doesn't erase her memory. We never did figure out a way around that one."

"You obviously have something planned, hence your reasoning for wanting me to bring her by. What the hell are you working at?"

Bella had now moved behind me, her hands moving over my wings, exploring.

If she wanted to explore, I had nine inches that hadn't been explored in years.

Bitch.

"Knowing as much as she does, and knowing that she's immune to it, we fucking need someone like her. Your mother could retire."

"Oh, fuck no, and fuck you! You are _not _bringing that bitch into this."

"It's not up to you, asshole."

The bitch ass old man hung up, as I whipped around furiously and stared down at her.

"I'm no expert, but it sounds as though I'm coming with you."

Oh, that was fucking it.

It was going to be a goddamned miracle if I made it through tonight with introducing my fist to her mouth and foot to her ass.

**Okay, so Bella's tagging along for the night and our grumpy fairy is none too happy about it...**

**Next chapter is sure to be interesting LOL!**

**And what's up with Daddy C? **

**Leave some love :D**

**T**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, here we go LOL**

"You know, I could always not go and say I did, Edward. If it's going to be that big of a fucking problem, I'll stay," Bella mumbled and dare I say that she actually looked fucking disappointed.

I have no clue what the fuck all that was about.

"There's no way around it, Swan. The old man sees fucking everything, which is how he knew about you being here. The problem I'm having with you being here and bringing your bitch ass with me, is…what about Emily?"

"This your way of calling me a bad mother, Cullen?"

"Why do you cock a fucking attitude with every question? Jesus, I'm just asking if someone's with her because it's going to be a long fucking while before we get back."

"Right, well isn't this about the time that you whip out your wand and give me wings or something?"

With frustration about to eat me the fuck alive, I scratched at my head, inadvertently sending more dust her way, to which she coughed—well, more like hacked—profusely. "For the second time tonight, I'm a fucking _Tooth _fairy, not a fairy godmother. Those are just a myth."

"That's rich," she said with a snort. "Look, Em's with Emily, if that makes you feel any better. And I've got another question: you said your dad sees everything. Exactly how is that?"

I hung my head, ready to fucking call it quits and be done with her, but I knew I couldn't. I had to see what my old man's agenda fucking was, and the only way to go about figuring that out was to bring the bitch by.

"Telling you would take way too fucking long, so just accept the fact that he can. And before you ask, because I know you will, he's limited to only seeing other fairies."

To my fucking surprise, she said nothing in return, but instead, began heading toward the front door.

"What the hell are you doing, Swan?"

"I thought we were leaving, Tink," she said with a smug grin.

"We are. Out the back door. Never leave through the front. Are you fucking crazy?" I told her flatly, as she approached me.

"Okaaayyy…so, what? Do I just hitch a ride, or …" she started, only this time, she was behind me, and had I have seen her hands going for my wings I'd have stopped her.

But it was too fucking late.

I felt like the biggest fucking horn dog on the planet; seriously, I probably had the worst case of blue balls in the history of mankind.

The bitch was actually fucking attempting to climb up on my back.

What the fuck? Did I look like a fucking horse to her?

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing?" I growled, pulling her off of me and glaring, best I could.

"Well genius, you've got wings, I don't have shit. How the fuck else am I supposed to tag along?"

"Yeah, okay, here's the deal, princess: in order to use the fucking wings, I have to use the dust. Just like a car needs gas. If you further information as to why we aren't flying tonight, there's a mirror in the hall; I suggest you check it out."

"I got the point, dickhead. What if I knew of a way that you could use the dust and not have it affect me?"

"If there was a way, don't you think I'd have figured it out by now?"

"No, because it seems all the blood from your fucking head has gone to your dick. What the fuck, Edward? Do you have some kind of erectile disorder that I don't know about?"

"We are _not _having this conversation, Swan, so drop it."

"Drop it, or suck it?"

And can you believe that she actually fucking _laughed_ at that?! As bad as I wanted to let her…oh, fuck it, it would get rid of my ongoing problem right?

But just as I was about to tell her to drop on her knees, I realized that she couldn't. Not without having to make a trip to the hospital anyway.

I was covered in fairy dust. Her fucking head would blow up even further and pop off her body if she actually took the shit in the mouth.

"Good as that sounds, I'm fairly certain you don't want the dust in your mouth."

"Got gloves?" she asked, coming closer.

Mother.

Of.

Fuck.

Did she actually just insinuate that she wanted to jerk me off?

"They're in the kitchen drawer left of the sink," I whispered, not sure of what the fuck had just happened.

"Seriously, Cullen?" she said flatly, taking a step back. "You make it way too easy. Did you really think that I would…"

Hell to the motherfucking no. She wasn't getting away with this shit. Not this time.

I grabbed her arm and started pulling her with me out the back door. "You started this shit, and I'll be damned if you're going to tease me, Swan. Obviously, you need to get laid, and I'm in the same fucking boat. When we're done with this fucking route, we're revisiting this conversation."

"Actually, Edward," she bit out from behind me, "you started all of this when you mentioned—earlier today—that you wanted me to fuck you last night."

Oh, she really knew how to keep this shit going.

Suddenly, hearing what she'd come up with to enable us to fly was a priority because I wanted to finish this fucking route as fast as humanly possible tonight.

Captain Hook had a date with my very own blow-up doll.

Shit, scratch that; just thinking about looking down at _that _face sucking my cock diminished all traces of a hard on that I had.

"All right, what was this grand fucking idea you had that is supposedly going to help us fly?"

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Don't ask me what the fuck she was doing because I didn't have the slightest clue.

We'd actually driven in her car all the way to her house that she shared with Emmett. Of course, she was going to have the inside of her car steam cleaned and detailed before she drove it again or she was going to be forced to live with a swollen face for days to come.

She had me hide out on the side of the house, in the case Emmett was awake.

Sometimes—and this was _only _sometimes—I felt bad for the bitch. She'd gotten pregnant by some jackass right out of high school. I'd dealt with the asshole—Riley was his name—but I'd sworn Emmett to secrecy. I knew if she ever found out, she'd have cut off my balls and fed them to me.

She didn't like talking about it, and I couldn't blame her. And as I'm sure you've noticed, I fucking want her. But as history has shown over the years, I'm not good enough for her.

I don't know even know why I'm bringing this shit up. It's not like it'll change anything. Sure, the chances of us scratching an itch tonight was fucking higher than it had ever been, but did I see anything coming from it?

Fuck.

No.

"Don't you ever fucking smile anymore?" Came a very muffled voice as I jumped and whirled around.

"_Son of a motherfucking bitch!" _I hollered, pretty sure I'd just fucking pissed myself.

There she—it—fucking stood, dressed the same as before, only there was one big fucking difference.

The evil ass, black gas mask that she'd pulled over her head.

This was the kind of shit nightmares were made of, and if I had to choose between that creep ass mask and her abominable face, I was going with the fucking face.

I could just see it now.

We were going to seriously fuck up the dreams of ten little kids tonight, should they wake.

**They really paint a fucked up looking image, don't they? LOL**

**Tomorrow's update will be loads of fun!**

**Also, I've had a lot of you begging for a banner, and while I would LOVE to give one, I am extremely technically challenged in that department :(**

**I'll post one as soon as I can.**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	10. Chapter 10

**I can't even...**

**LOL**

**See you at the bottom!**

Why the fuck didn't I stick to the original plan of walking?

As it was, I was literally forcing myself _not _to clothesline Bella's bitch ass with a tree limb.

Okay, so her fucking idea to use that hideous mask turned out to be a good thing…

For her.

For me, I couldn't wait until this damn route was over so I could set it on fucking fire.

Instead of coughing, sneezing, and hacking like she had been, she was now screaming at the top of her lungs, in my fucking ear. And, as hard as this is to explain, due to the restrictions of the mask, it was muffled and sounded more like a shrill buzz.

Almost as though I had a fucking bee stuck in my ear.

Add to the fact that she was all over my damn wings, and her thighs were squeezing my waist tight as fuck.

I was in hell.

Just trying to imagine what our silhouette would look like to anyone that happened to see us was enough humiliation by itself as I'm sure we looked like a fucking witch on a broomstick with a damn landing gear, which in this case was also known as my 'wood'.

Upon arriving at the first house, Bella immediately jumped off my back, effectively giving me a wedgie from hell, and started hauling ass to the front door.

Considering how fucking bad it would look to any onlookers, I quickly caught up to her and forced her to the side of the house with me.

"Let's get one thing straight, Swan: you're tagging along with me…_on my job_. If you don't want the neighbors to freak the fuck out and call the police on a possible terrorist on the loose, then you need to fucking watch yourself. You can't just go parading up to someone's front door like it's no big deal."

She then said something but I couldn't even begin to come close to telling you what it was.

"What the fuck ever. Come on, let's get this shit over with. And please, don't fuck this up for me. Oh, and don't fucking touch _anything_," I mumbled, turning and heading to the back of the house.

I was actually fucking nervous that Bella would go and tell her cop daddy about this shit when she saw me more or less break into the house.

Of course, I usually used the dust to open the locks, but considering that the fucking terrorist princess here just _had _to fucking fly, I was going to have to save all that I could.

And as luck would have it, as we rounded the first corner in the kitchen, we were met with what had to be the biggest fucking mastiff I'd ever seen. I knew how to deal with them, though I fucking loathed it, but to my surprise, this time, it wasn't me the dog was after. His eyes were trained on the CDC hazmat employee beside me, and his fucking teeth were bared.

And what was Bella doing?

Squatting the fuck down and stretching out her hand as though the dog wanted a belly rub or some shit.

I knew that it was only a matter of time before the damn dog either charged her or barked, waking the residents up.

"For fuck's sake, Swan; take off the fucking mask!" I hissed, not daring to make a move.

I watched as she slowly pulled it up, leaving it to rest on her head as she continued to look at the beast.

"Don't you carry treats or something? You're supposed to come prepared, Cullen."

"Oh, I come prepared, just not for this shit. Most of the dogs I encounter are fucking outside," I answered her.

"Throw some of your dust on it!"

"You planning on walking the rest of the night?" I growled a little too loudly.

And that was when I heard something thump on the floor of the second story above us.

Fuck.

My.

Life.

Ten times over.

Whether it was the kids or the parents, I wasn't sure, but I had to get this shit done and fast.

Meaning Swan was going to have to wait outside because the last thing I needed was for her to slow me down, fall down the stairs, or…you get the point.

Bitch was like a bad omen.

I mean, yeah, I was—am—a fuck up, but Bella? She's got the worst luck, and to have two dumbshits in the same house at the same time was just asking for disaster.

"Bella, go outside. Right. Fucking. Now. I'll be there in a minute."

"What the hell, Edward? Your dad said for me to tag along."

"Yeah, tag along. _Not _take up residence in my asshole. Now, go outside because I can guarantee you, I'll be using the dust on this call."

"What about the fucking dog, asswipe?" she bit out, obviously pissed.

"You can nurse my wounds later, Puffy."

I wasn't oblivious to her fucking glare, but I ignored it and headed up the staircase as fast as I fucking could, dog quick on my heels.

Is it possible for dogs to get roid rage? Because if it was, I was pretty sure this motherfucker had it.

I was met at the top of the stairs by none other than fucking Jessica.

My annoying, horny ass receptionist.

Either this kid was hers and just didn't share the same last name or it was her little brother.

"Oh my God! Edward? What the hell are you doing in my—oh no," she started, a grin spreading on her face as her eyes widened and she looked me over from head to toe. "Lauren set this up, didn't she?"

Fuck this shit.

I had no fucking idea what the hell she was talking about, and I sure as hell didn't want to know.

Without even giving it a second thought, I reached into my bag and dusted her ass, watching as she slumped to the floor.

And no, I didn't catch her. Hopefully, her fall had banged her head enough to keep her ditzy ass knocked out for a good while. I did, however, have to put her in her damn bed.

Note to self: take a scalding hot bath in bleach. STAT.

Once all was settled, I head into the kid's room, seeing that the fucking window was open.

Not cool.

It was as I was leaning over the kid, hand under the pillow searching for the tooth, that I nearly pissed myself for the second time that night.

"So, you and Jessica, huh? Never saw that shit coming."

As it happens, my hand slipped and I actually fucking fell on the poor kid.

When his eyes opened and locked on me, he unleashed a blood curdling scream that both broke my heart and gave me all the reason in the world to stick it to Bella.

I looked over my shoulder at her, to which she smiled, took a step back and pulled the mask back over her face, causing another scream to erupt from the poor kid.

I dusted him as fast as I could, and once I was sure he was out, I turned to her.

The adrenaline coursing through my veins was unlike anything I'd felt before on the job, and add the rage and sexual tension to that…

Yeah.

Fuck waiting 'til we finished the route.

**Ok, before you start throwing shit at me LOL, I spoke too soon when I'd said this fic was going to be 8-10 chapters at the most. **

**I'm thinking it'll be more like 15ish ;D**

**I don't think there's even anything left to say on this chapter, as it speaks for itself.**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	11. Chapter 11

**So, this chapter's a bit longer...**

**Enjoy!**

_I looked over my shoulder at her, to which she smiled, took a step back and pulled the mask back over her face, causing another scream to erupt from the poor kid. _

_I dusted him as fast as I could, and once I was sure he was out, I turned to her._

_The adrenaline coursing through my veins was unlike anything I'd felt before on the job, and add the rage and sexual tension to that…_

_Yeah._

_Fuck waiting 'til we finished the route._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Bella stood idle across the room as I approached her.

Without a word being said, I gripped her hand and pulled her behind me, looking for any surface or wall that would suit our needs.

Jessica and the kid would be out for hours to come, so I wasn't worried about being found pounding into Bella.

I just had to hope and fucking pray that she didn't go off and tell Emmett about our activities, otherwise, I'd soon be confined to a wheelchair and on O2 indefinitely.

You _think _I'm joking. Just ask the last friend of Emmett's that fucking dared to touch her.

And I'm not saying she's a fucking whore or anything, far from it. Fuck, I can't even tell you the last time she even mentioned a guy. Well, by their birth name anyway. Hearing the words 'asshole', 'dickhead', things of that sort were nothing new, as you've already bore witness to.

Me? I hadn't been with anybody in years, and it was for one simple fucking reason: My wings.

I had one lapse in judgment a long time ago—I was drunk, mind you—and I had a girl freak the ever living fuck out on me when my shirt came off and the wings fucking popped out. Thankfully, I had enough dust on hand to knock her out before dropping her off on her doorstep.

Not exactly my brightest, or most gentlemanly move, but who gives a fuck.

It was at this point, in my fucked up train of thought, that we stumbled upon a game room furnished with a pool table, which to me was fucking perfection.

I didn't have the slightest clue how we'd even gotten into whatever part of the house this was, but apparently, I'd been so lost in thought that I hadn't paid attention.

Obviously, Bella had already caught on to what the fuck I wanted as she fisted part of my leotard and literally threw me against the edge of the pool table.

As she started to come closer, I stretched my arm out to stop her.

"Take off that fucking mask," I demanded. There was no way in hell I was getting off with that demonic thing on her head.

She quickly took the contraption off, revealing a sexy smirk on her lips—thank fuck they weren't swollen all to hell.

Though they would be soon enough.

Just that thought brought Captain Hook back to life, and it was a fucking go.

My eyes shot to her hands which were very slowly playing with the hem of her t-shirt. My mouth began to fucking water as she then decided to torture me even further by lifting it half way.

"You wanna see more?"

"What the fuck do you think?" I growled, pushing off the pool table and taking her by the waist.

"Then you better get to stripping, Pinkalicious, because I'm _not_ about to be fucked by a fairy in a tutu," she murmured, reaching a hand up to pull at the damn leotard.

And cue fucking anxiety. Considering all of her exposure to my situation at this point, I prayed she didn't flip the fuck out about my wings being permanently attached when all the clothing was removed.

So began our furious rush at ripping our clothes from our bodies, stopping when I was left with the fucking tights around my knees.

Just as I was about to lean in and finally kiss her, she pushed against me with a sexy tsk slipping past her lips.

"What now?" I bit out, my voice strained.

"Take off the shoes and tights; you're not working a pole."

"I don't know what kind of club you've been in, Princess, but they don't fucking wear tights," I told her.

I jerked those bitches from my legs as fast as I fucking could before taking her by the waist once more and pressing her back against the table until she lifted herself up to lay out, making for an easier position.

As soon as I took the step that pressed my dick fully against her, an animalistic groan erupted from my mouth.

I bent over, pressing my mouth to the smooth, warm skin of her stomach, trailing upward to her breasts.

Her hands fisted in my hair as I took a hardened peak into my mouth.

Why the _fuck _hadn't we done this sooner? Why had we denied ourselves this for so many years?

The taste of her skin on my fucking tongue was exquisite.

"What is that smell?" she half panted, half whimpered, the lustfully sweet tone of her voice making me impossibly fucking harder.

"Mmm," I mumbled around her nipple. "I don't fucking smell anything other than you. Jesus fucking Christ, you're wet," I hissed, grinding myself into her.

"Wow," she whispered with a smile in her voice, and I wasn't fucking sure I wanted to hear what it was she was about to say next. "You're like a fairy of a different color, aren't you?"

That got my attention.

My head jerked up to meet to see her gaze fixed just over my shoulder.

Right.

The wings.

"They're blue. They were fucking pink ten minutes ago."

"For fuck's sake, they _are _blue. The only reason they were pink is because it was part of Alice's fucking uniform. Now, for the love of all that's fucking holy, can we please stop talking about my abnormalities and get on with this."

"You tell me, Cullen. I'm still waiting for you to slide that massive cock of your inside me."

She needn't say any fucking more.

My hips pulled back as I used my hand to line myself up with her entrance before thrusting myself balls deep inside.

Her back came up off the table, her breasts pressing against my chest, as a loud moan burst from her lips.

I couldn't fucking hold back any longer. "I'm going to apologize ahead of time for the consequences this will cause to your face," I hissed before crushing my lips against hers.

Tasting her on my tongue was fucking heaven, and the way in which she responded by pulling at my hair, further fusing our mouths together, brought a feral hunger to course through my fucking veins.

I began furiously pounding into her, nothing but the sound of our skin slapping together and our fucking moans to be heard.

Part of my aggression could probably be blamed on her raking her nails over my shoulders and across the base of my fucking wings.

With our lips devouring each other, and her hands back in my hair, I moved one of my hands from her breast down to her clit, moving my thumb in rapid circles against it..

Within seconds, her body began to thrash against me as her walls clenched around me with a vice-like grip.

Fucking hell, there was no way we weren't doing this again. I'd never fucking had it like this.

And for it to have been with Bella just blows my fucking mind.

It didn't take long before my impending release came crashing over my head, and because I didn't have a fucking condom—obviously my old man wanted to torture me—I had to pull out and shoot my fucking load into my hand.

If I had to guess, it was about ten minutes later when we finally moved up and off of the pool table, my hand full of…well, you get the fucking picture.

"Where the hell is your uniform?" she asked, looking around in complete fucking confusion as she got dressed.

"Give it a fucking minute. It'll all make sense, and probably further explain my 'wings of a different color' as you so called it." I grumbled, popping a glance around the room, hoping to find a towel, shirt…sink.

"What the _hell _is that in your hand?"

Oh fuck.

This shit was not happening.

"We didn't have a fucking rubber, so I had no choice but to," I started to explain right as she came closer and inspected my hands.

Then she did the last fucking thing I thought she'd do.

She put her damn finger in it.

After studying it for a second, I just knew she was going to have something to say. Anybody in their right mind would have something to say after having been faced with this shit.

But I wasn't fucking ready for the words that _did _come out of her mouth.

"So…" she began, glancing at me, her lips twitching with the threat of laughter. "You fucking fairies are the bastards we have to blame for the coming about of glitter glue."

Forget the fucking goddess she became fifteen minutes ago.

She was a bitch, and a fucking funny one at that.

**Soooooo...**

**I can't wait to hear the responses for this one LOL!**

**Next chapter, its the rest of the house calls and onward to Daddy C's!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm sorry for not posting yesterday, but I've got a sinus infection from hell :( **

**Anywho, my plans for this chapter changed and I hope you enjoy!**

How Bella was still capable of talking about having taken dust directly in the mouth was seriously mindfucking me.

If you could see her face, you'd totally get where I'm coming from. She couldn't even put the damn mask back on because it pressed against her eyes.

It was like something out of a damn horror movie; like if I just barely pricked the skin of her face with a needle, her damn head would explode.

And it really fucking sucked too because believe it or not—and another shock to me—I really wanted to fucking kiss her again.

No. Let me rephrase.

I wanted to bury myself balls deep inside of her again.

Especially after she literally saved my ass back at Jessica's house. We'd been on our way out after our sexcapade in the game room, when that fucking dog came in from outside.

Bella told me that while I'd gone up to the kid's room and before she'd made it through the kid's window, she'd managed to trick the dog outside.

Obviously she missed the great big, black doggy door installed in the back door.

Amateur.

Anyway, when that fucking beast laid eyes on me again, he came after me and managed to lock his fucking jaws down on the flesh of my ass.

It was during my squabble with the dog that Bella just so happened to find a bag of treats, hence saving my ass.

And now, we were flying to the next house which was across town. I never had to go this far out of the way for a single house call, so I knew that it was my old man jacking around with my fucking life and route again.

"So, Cullen, you plan on explaining the different colors to me anytime soon?" Bella asked, this time actually speaking into my ear rather than buzzing.

"You mean my wings?" I asked, feeling her nod into my shoulder. "It's pretty fucking simple. There are four colors in this region: Pink, Blue, Purple, and Gold. I'm a blue fairy, which is the true color of my wings. Normally, at precisely ten o'clock every night, my old man clocks us all in and it's almost like a flick of his wrist. The second it fucking turns ten, our uniform just takes over our body. The route I'm on right now is actually Alice's, but she's covering for someone else. Old man obviously thinks this shit is funny so he has it set somehow that when I'm in uniform, it is to be Alice's uniform, therefore pink."

"Wait, you're telling me that your sister is in this shit too?" she questioned in shock. "She's a fucking tooth fairy?"

"Swan, the whole family is in the business. I was fucking born into it."

"How long have you been doing this, Edward?"

"Since my twenty-first birthday six years ago. You sure have a lot of fucking questions."

"Well, can you blame me? I just got fucked by a fairy packing glitter glue."

"Not funny," I snorted. "That reminds me…you aren't going to tell Emmett, right?"

Her brow arched as her jaw dropped as she glanced at me over her shoulder. "Telling Emmett would be the equivalent to publishing it in the fucking paper, Edward. Even I'm not that fucking evil."

Then, my fucking old man called.

"Yeah?" I answered once I'd lowered us to the ground.

"Eighty-six the rest of your route; you and the sex kitten can finish that shit tomorrow. Me and your mom need to talk to the both of you."

That was all he said before hanging up.

The thing that stuck with me and kept echoing in my head was how he'd suggested that _both _Bella and I were going to finish my route tomorrow night.

And what was even worse than that shit?

I was bringing Bella, the smart ass bitch that I'd just fucking pounded, over to meet my parents. One of which had just referred to her as a damn sex kitten.

Most fucking times, I did enough of a job fucking things up with Bella, so I certainly didn't need any fucking help.

Especially not if I planned on having my fucking wand polished again…if you catch my drift.

"What the fuck are we doing, Cullen? I thought we had another house to hit?"

"That was the old man. We're calling it quits tonight; he wants to see us."

"Well, if what you told me earlier was true, then we've already given the old pervert more than an eyeful, so what the fuck could he possibly want that he's not saying over the phone?"

"I have no earthly idea, but I promise you that he's going to be fucking feisty as all hell when we get there with the way you just fucking called his old, dilapidated ass out," I told her with a laugh.

Whoa.

Wait a fucking second.

Since _when _did Swan and I laugh _together_?

And for once, we weren't at each other's throats.

It was then that I took notice of the way she was staring at me.

Not moving.

Not even blinking.

"What?"

"What the fuck are you doing, Cullen?"

I cocked a brow at her. I followed the gesture her hand made at my feet and…

What the mother fucking fuck?

I was tap-dancing or something of the like. Don't even ask how that shit happened because this was a fucking first.

"So….that was why you were so fucking crabby?"

"What?" I exclaimed, staring at her as my feet continued on in their dance.

"You needed to get laid."

"Trust me, Swan, no matter how badly I needed to get laid, accomplishing said feat would _not _have done this. This is my dear old man having a fucking laugh at my expense. In case I haven't explained it enough, I'm basically his damn puppet and he's in his little cubby hole somewhere pulling my fucking strings."

"Well, Cullen, you certainly are no Lord of the Dance, but you're not bad. You should totally check out the town ballet."

**A bit on the shorter side, but it was just what I needed to lead up to the next chapter. **

**I won't be able to post until Sunday night most likely as my hubs is dragging me out of town to the inlaws...**

**Next chapter will ALL be set at Daddy C's...that's a promise!**

**And now I'm really wanting to see Robward in the getup for the Nutcracker ballet LMAO!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	13. Chapter 13

**Here you go!**

**Enjoy!**

"So…_why_ do you think your dad's so damn gungho about seeing us?"

Bella asked as soon as we took off flying once again. I was running low on dust, so thankfully, this was the last time I'd use the shit tonight.

What?

I sure as fuck wasn't about to walk to their house—aka headquarters—with my dad performing 'Happy Feet' on my legs.

"Fuck if I know, but it obviously has something to do with you. And I'm going to fucking apologize ahead of time for whatever comes out of that fucker's mouth."

"Oh come on, Edward. I met your parents a while back and they seemed perfectly nice."

That caused me to fucking snort. "Yeah, okay, so maybe I'm _not _the only one they've mindfucked. Just promise me that you won't hold me accountable for his actions…"

"They can't be that bad!" she laughed disbelievingly.

"Don't say I didn't fucking warn you, Swan."

"Fucking A," she sputtered after a serious coughing fit. "Is there any place from up here that I can bury my face?"

"What the fuck kind of question is that?"

"I'm breathing in your damn dust, Tink."

"Okay, look: I stopped calling you a fucking bitch, which believe me, is taking a lot of fucking willpower. So do me a favor and stop with the cheapshots, you busted ass puffer fish. And the only thing I can think of is my neck, since we already discovered that my hair is fucking full of it."

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Holy. Fucking. Shit. Your parents live here?!" she exclaimed, jumping off my back once we arrived.

Yeah, their house was massive, like something out of a damn fairytale.

Go figure.

"Any chance the old bastard can do something about my face?" she asked, taking my hand.

I glanced at her with an arched brow and then down at her hand. "I fucking hope so. What's with the hand holding shit? You aren't one of those clingy bitches are you?"

"And getting laid obviously had no effect on the fact that you're a fucking asshole," she hissed, ripping her hand away and stomping off.

"I was just fucking with you! Shit! Can't you take a joke?" I groaned, catching up to her but making no attempt at grabbing her hand or touching her in any way.

"When said joke is coming from someone like you, then no."

"What the fuck is that…"

"He never did take my fucking advice when it came to a beautiful woman such as yourself," the old man interrupted, stepping out onto the front porch.

And here we fucking go.

He stretched his hand out to Bella, and because she didn't fucking know any better, she took it.

The fucking pervert helped her up the steps and then as she proceeded to walk into the house, he gave me the fucking stink eye and gestured to me with his hands the motion of grabbing a handful of ass.

"Mr. Cullen, I don't need to have eyes in the back of my fucking head to know what you did just now. Edward's told me all I need to know."

Fuck.

Me.

The bitc.._.Bella_…had just busted the old man, and even though I knew I'd catch hell and take all the blame for it, she'd just fucking made my night.

"I don't really give a shit if you know or not. It just further proves what I've been telling our little Princess all along; you're just the kind of bitch this industry needs."

Oh shit.

This was _not _going to be good.

Bella stopped, causing me to run into her; and knowing she was pissed, I took a few steps back and to the side because I wasn't about to get nailed in the balls for the old man.

"What the fuck kind of fairies are you people?! So far, I've met a cross dressing prick with an attitude problem, and now I'm dealing with a rusty, sour old man who's trying to rob the fucking cradle! I don't know who the hell you think you are, but Edward is the _only _person allowed to call me a bitch, asshole, and even then, I don't take it fucking lightly."

Say what?

I'm fucking _allowed _to call her a bitch?

Since when?!

"Okay, first off," the old man started before pulling out his 'power stick' as he called it—not that kind of stick, you perverts. With a flick of the wrist, Bella's face was back to normal and she was no longer…well, let's just say she was back to beautiful. "There, I couldn't take having to look at that ugly mug any fucking longer. Now, I called you a bitch with the utmost respect. You don't take any shit and that's just what we need."

"What you need?" she asked lowly, shooting a look at me over her shoulder. "Are you telling me that you want to bring me into the fucking fairy business?"

Fuck.

She was fucking gorgeous, so there was _one _thing I could actually thank the bastard for.

"Precisely. Look, my wife, Esme, is older than shit and having her put on the uniform is just wrong on so many levels now. Same goes for me. I've been trying to groom dumbass there to take my place but he's in desperate need of help. You, with the right training, could take over her position."

"Give me one good reason why I would want any part of this shit after seeing the shit you put Edward through tonight? It's like you fucking live for humiliating the poor man."

Okay…what the fuck is happening?

Why the _hell_ is she taking up for my ass after all that I've said about her?

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice, sweet cheeks. You're immune to our defenses, and I'm certainly not going to trust you to keep the secret."

"Edward?" she called to me with a low voice. "Did you fucking know about this?"

"Do you think I would've brought your ass here if I knew he planned to bring you into this shit?! For fuck's sake, even _I _don't want to be in this shit, Bella!"

"So, now wait a minute, if you and your wife can leave the business, why the fuck can't Edward?" she hissed, turning back to look at the old geezer who, to my complete fucking horror, was starting to sport wood.

**Oh boy, Daddy C sure is a handful! **

**Until tomorrow...**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	14. Chapter 14

**Due to the Superbowl and a pleading PM from a wonderful reader, Mireads, here's another chapter!**

**Have fun!**

"_So, now wait a minute, if you and your wife can leave the business, why the fuck can't Edward?" she hissed, turning back to look at the old geezer who, to my complete fucking horror, was starting to sport wood._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Oh for fuck's sake, Edward. Did you tell the bitch _anything_ of use?"

Bella glanced at me again as I raised my hands in surrender, bowed my fucking head and took another step back. I wasn't touching this shit with a seven foot pole because I knew what was coming, which was why I'd stayed behind her to begin with.

I saw her knee come up off the ground and watched as the old bastard fell to the ground.

A knee to the groin _while _hard?

Fuck. That. Shit.

Thank fuck I'd never been that fucking stupid.

And oh hell, I just referred to the old man's boner.

Was it awful for me to wish Bella would fucking flash me? Just to get the image of his wrinkled and shriveled…

Gah!

"Give it to me straight, Cullen…" she started, startling me out of my trash filled mind.

Oh I'll give her a whole lotta straight….

"Your old man set aside, and your usual costume restored, how bad is the job? Really?"

"Fuck, you're actually considering this shit?! Swan, you and I can't even get along working a fucking _newspaper, _and you fucking want to get into the business of visiting kids in their fucking sleep?"

"Well, Edward," she whispered, coming fucking closer and slipping a hand under my tutu grabbing the goods. "I think we both know that we found the answer to that problem earlier."

"We did?" I asked back.

How the hell did I completely lose control of this whole fucking situation? Apparently, Bella and the old man were running this show now. All they needed from me was a nod of the head here and there because I was fucking lost and had been since we got here.

"Here's the deal, you fucking little cunt waffle," the old man started to say.

Jesus, did he ever fucking stop?

"Just because me and Esme are retiring doesn't mean we're leaving the business. We can never leave the fucking business."

"Kiss my fucking ass," she snapped.

"Bend over and tell me where, bitch."

"_Carlisle Cullen!"_

Oh shit.

Mom was pissed.

"Leave the poor girl alone, and go take a fucking break," she bitched, coming up behind him and popping him up side the damn head.

Once he walked off, she turned her attention to Bella. "I'm sorry, pumpkin. He needs to lay off the fucking Viagra. He's become a different person since the doctor put him on it."

Wait…doctors actually _put _people on that shit?

And why the _fuck _was she discussing that with Bella?

"Jesus, mom, no one wants to hear that shit!"

"You watch your mouth, shit head!"

"No! You're no better than he is, and you fucking know it! Making a bet with him over which dog made me their bitch first? Really? What the fuck is wrong with you people?"

"Oh my God, they did that?" Bella asked loudly, laughing hysterically at the end.

"What the fuck, Bella? I thought you were on my side?"

"I am…I am…I'm sorry," she panted, placing her hand on my arm and attempting to catch her breath. "Whew, okay…Esme, what does the old pervert mean by retiring but not leaving the business?"

"We retire in every sense of the word, relinquishing all our powers to who we hope will be you and Edward, but we're bound to this life by contract. They have it written that way to prevent people from exposing the truth. Edward, of course, was exempt from the consequences of having told you because he had no choice, and well, we'd set it all up. You can only retire once you reach a certain age."

"And exactly what the fuck happens when you break the rules?"

"All we know is that there are consequences. Those that have suffered won't breathe a fucking word about what happened. It's all in the hands of our superiors."

"What the fuck? Are you guys for real? What happens if I take the position? Someone would have to fucking train me, and there's also the matter of me having a kid of my own. And what about Edward?"

"He's a fucking little shit, why does he have any bearing on whether you take it or not?" she bitched.

My own mother was bitching about me.

Fuck.

My.

Life.

"As funny as it is to see him cross dressing, I feel bad for the poor guy. Had I have had a gun in hand when I caught him in my daughter's room, I'd have shot his ass. If I take the job, will he get his original uniform back?"

"Yes. Wow, you really are a bitch, aren't you?"

"I may be a bitch, but at least my tits won't be hanging at my damn knees in my uniform."

"Touche…you really know how to pick 'em, Edward."

"What the fuck, Mom?! I didn't pick her! You and Dad did!" I yelled, still not brave enough to get any closer.

Oh, and score three points for Bella. That shit was great.

"Another thing, Esme. This whole business about the old dirtbag being able to see everything Edward does at all times, is that included in the powers that you'll be relinquishing?"

"For fuck's sake, yes!"

Not knowing what was coming next, Bella took a step back and turned to face me.

"What do I do, Pinkie?"

"Bella, I'm fucking cursed and damned to this life. There's no help for me. It's up to you. I don't want to tell you yes and then have you be fucking miserable for the rest of your life."

"Other than dealing with your asshole, Podunk parents, what's so miserable about it?"

"Everything. Can't go swimming outdoors, or indoors for that matter unless you're alone. You can't fucking date because people think of you as a freak…fuck it, do what you want, okay?"

Did I seriously just get fucking emotional and open up with Bella?

Oh my fucking God. Getting laid had turned me into a bitch.

"Not if the person you're dating is a freak too…" she whispered before kissing my cheek and stomping off to my mother, pressing herself against her until they were nose to nose.

"I'll fucking take it, but any shit from you and Hefner in there, and I'll make your lives a living hell."

I was beginning to get a serious fucking headache. Bella had just accepted the job, even though the old man had said she had no choice.

She'd just threatened my mother.

And she'd also more or less informed me that she and I were fucking dating…

Mind.

Fuck.

If she was indeed doing this…two things needed to happen STAT.

She needed to lose the clothes and gain her fucking wings and…

I wanted my old uniform back.

My balls were itching something awful, and sitting here ignoring the itch for the past twenty minutes had me ready to drag my ass on the fucking floor for relief.

**I'll let you guys have the floor on this one LOL!**

**T**


	15. Chapter 15

**ENJOY!**

"_I'll fucking take it, but any shit from you and Hefner in there, and I'll make your lives a living hell."_

_I was beginning to get a serious fucking headache. Bella had just accepted the job, even though the old man had said she had no choice. _

_She'd just threatened my mother._

_And she'd also more or less informed me that she and I were fucking dating…_

_Mind._

_Fuck._

_If she was indeed doing this…two things needed to happen STAT._

_She needed to lose the clothes and gain her fucking wings and…_

_I wanted my old uniform back._

_My balls were itching something awful, and sitting here ignoring the itch for the past twenty minutes had me ready to drag my ass on the fucking floor for relief._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Well, now that that's been taken care of, follow me and we'll get you suited up," my mother told Bella, smug as all hell.

I fucking hate my life.

Seriously, more shit had happened to me in the past forty-eight hours than what normally happened to a person over the course of a fucking year.

"Swan, I need to fucking talk to you," I growled, completely frustrated at having pussied out and been left to watch the show happen from the sidelines.

Bella arched brow at my mother who gave me the bitch face and went back into the house.

"What is it, Cullen?"

"What is it? What _is it?!_" I yelled, pulling at my fucking hair. "I'll tell you what the fuck it is! _You_! Do you even realize what the fuck you just condemned yourself to? And since fucking when are _we _dating?! We fucked, Bella. Once. Does that constitute a fucking relationship to you? Oh, and one thing you seem to have fucking forgotten…you're _allergic _to the dust! What? Do you plan to go around with busted face scarring kids for life?"

"Yes, Edward, I do realize what I condemned myself to, and for the record, as hard as it is to believe, I actually did it for your stupid ass. And I'm fucking sorry for overstepping and saying we were dating; I didn't realize it was going to be such a big insult to you. But I get it now. You don't want to be alone in this fucking curse of a life, but you sure as fuck don't want me around for it, either. After all, the general consensus with you assholes is that I'm only good for a fuck and that's it. Don't worry; I've dealt with it long enough, so it doesn't fucking hurt me anymore. I'll stay out of your way, okay? And as for the dust, I guess I'll find out soon enough what to do about it."

Okay….

Was I really so fucking harsh that I deserved that shit?

And what the fuck?

Were those actual fucking tears in her eyes?

_Fuck!_ Was I ever going to get this shit right? I never meant for to take my words to mean that she was only good for a one time lay, or anything of the sort. Hell, maybe I hit a nerve, who the fuck knows but I couldn't let her go on thinking that way.

But as I started to say _something, _she shook her head and began storming off, but stopped at the front door and faced me.

"Oh, and I guess I should fucking apologize for sticking up for your sorry ass a minute ago; I assume that was overstepping as well."

Fuck this.

"Bella, wait a minute, dammit! You can't just fucking yell at me and then walk off. I don't think of you like that, and I never said that's all you were good for. I fucking know you're worth a hell of a lot more than that, but _I'm _not. I'm a fucking dirt bag and Emmett would fucking kill me for even looking at you, just as he fucking attempted to six years ago."

Her eyes widened as she came closer a few steps.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, dropping my head to my chest and locking my fingers together behind my head.

"Bullshit. That was around the same time that Riley disappeared. What the fuck happened, Cullen?"

"Emmett found out that I was going to fucking ask you out two months after that asshole abandoned you. He threatened me from going anywhere near you, in that manner, so I backed the fuck off."

"I'm going to fucking kill him! All these years I've poured my heart out to him, and he's straight faced fucking lied to me!"

Asphincter says what?

What the hell was she going on about now?

"Edward, I would've fucking gone out with you even back then, and Emmett fucking _knew _that! And not only that but it's _you! _Since when are you intimidated by anybody?!"

I let that last comment sink into her head for a moment.

Had she not just witnessed my relationship with my douchebag old man?

"But you know what," she continued, "that still doesn't constitute you acting like a royal fucking asshole to me over the years!"

"I don't know if you've fucking noticed, Bella, but you've been no saint either. You could've said something too. And I cannot believe we're having this conversation right now. We're at my parents', who just happen to be head fairies, I'm dressed as a fucking prima ballerina of the cross dressing persuasion, and you look like you've been thrown through too many fucking walls," I grumbled, smiling when I caught sight of her laughing at me.

" Look, I'm sorry if I fucking offended you, but I really wasn't expecting it, and you caught me off guard. If you want to give this shit a shot, we'll talk later," I told her, knowing full well that she understood what I meant by later.

She nodded and turned to head back in at the sound of my mother's annoying ass voice hollering at her.

"By the way, Pinkie, you may want to check the mirror when you get inside," she told me with a wink before disappearing behind the door.

I knew without her even saying it outright.

My face was still puffed and fucked.

I could only hope like hell that she would be a more generous fucking fairy than my parents because if she wasn't, I was moving to Canada.

**Okay, so they hashed a few things out, making for a bit less humor and some drama.**

**It had to happen though, but I assure you, the next chapter goes back to their unbelievable bad luck LOL**

**Thanks again for all the reviews! You guys rock my world ;D**

**T**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for the delay...**

**See you at the bottom!**

Knowing that my mother had Bella occupied inside, I didn't see any fucking reason to head inside. Instead, I took a seat on the steps of the porch.

I knew things were about to fucking change with the business.

Especially if the old man and mom were leaving it all in the hands of myself and Bella.

Fucking idiots they were.

Had they not seen how catastrophicly bad my luck was? Had they not watched me fuck up night after night? House call after house call?

And just what the fuck they were thinking pairing the two of us up really led me to fucking believe they were snorting something.

I mean, sure, Bella and I were somewhat getting along now—I blame that on our fuck fest in Jessica's house—but regardless, we'd been at each other's fucking throats for years now and the beginning of our night tonight solidified just that.

I was going to fucking talk to her about this dating shit later, as I told her we would, but did I really think anything would come from it?

Fuck no.

She'd have to be fucking stupid to agree to date me with all the hell I'd given her. And I'd be a certified nutcase to agree to date a woman who was capable of being the biggest bitch on the face of this fucking earth.

Not only that, but if the old man could humiliate me so thoroughly with this ridiculous fucking uniform, I didn't even want to think about what she'd do to me.

I just knew I was going to be paid back for all the times I'd called her a bitch.

But now, even though I was pissed at the world and everyone in it, I also felt guilty as fucking hell.

If what she'd said about Emmett and all that shit was true, I was quite possibly the sickest asshole out there.

Riley, the boyfriend of hers that I'd fucking scared off, had gotten her pregnant right out of high school and fucking abandoned her the moment he found out. He'd tried telling her to get rid of it, but Bella wasn't that kind of person.

Which was why, when she'd said that she was only good for a fuck with guys like me, it had struck a chord in me and actually made me fucking care.

Fuck, see, I'm getting all emotional and shit again. Maybe mom and the old man would lend me some of the shit they were on because I didn't like feeling.

Feeling guilt.

Feeling for her.

Before I could torture myself further, I heard a whistle and whipped my head around to look behind me.

Oh fuck me.

They couldn't possibly be fucking serious with the uniform they had her in.

If they were, I was going to be fucking doomed to walking around with a permanent hard on every night.

Bella stood behind me, slowly moving to my side to give me a better view.

They'd strapped her in the same bitch ass stripper shoes they had me in, only on her they looked sexy aa fucking hell. Hugging her feet just right and the ribbon wrapping around her beautiful fucking calves deliciously.

Her legs were bare, showing off her flawless, ivory skin, and as my eyes moved further north, I took in the mouth watering way in which the skimpy , lacy tutu hung on her slim hips.

In case you didn't catch that, she wasn't wearing a fucking leotard. Apparently, that torture was meant just for me.

Her stomach was completely bare up to about an inch below her tits, which were tightly bound—and pushed up with ample cleavage—by a shockingly bright purple satin, held together in a knot around her neck.

She was still without the wings as she hadn't been sworn in yet, but to see her standing there had my cock harder than fucking steel.

Bella cleared her throat, startling me out of my perverted gaze as I glanced up to meet her eyes.

"Well?"

With an eyebrow raised, I averted my eyes to my mother standing at the door. "Are you fucking crazy? She's not going out like that! She's a fucking Tooth Fairy! Not a fucking stripper in a bar!"

"Edward, the girl has the perfect body for it, so stop being a prick," my mother chastised me.

Then I made the mistake of actually looking at Bella again.

"I actually happened to like this one, Edward, and I really thought you might too. But I guess some things never fucking change; you still, even after all that's happened tonight, you still can't bring yourself to pay me a fucking compliment for once. Why is that?"

I gave my mother a look and as I hoped she fucking would, she went back in the house.

"What the hell do you want me to say? That I want to fuck you six ways to Sunday? Because I'll openly fucking admit that! But they did this shit on purpose. My dick is hard anytime I'm fucking near you, so to have you dressed in _that _is going to make my job a hell of a lot harder."

She was laughing.

Bella was fucking laughing at me.

I wasn't fucking playing around! This wasn't a goddamn joke to me!

"Well, sounds like a personal problem to me, Edward. But you do realize that once we're sworn in and they step down, it won't _have _to be a problem anymore. There's an easy way around that shit."

"Oh really? And just what might that be?"

"Fucking it out of your system," she purred leaning over me and giving me a close up view of her full, glorious fucking tits.

I couldn't think of anything witty to come back with and I sure as hell wasn't boning her on my parents' porch, so I went with a change of subject.

"What'd they say about the dust issue?"

"When we're sworn in, hypo-allergenic dust will become the new standard. Which brings me to question, why the fuck didn't you use that shit on me? You fairies should know that shit."

"Oh, they do," I wryly chuckled, standing up and getting closer to her. "Mom and the old man fucking knew from day one but thought it would be fucking funny to not tell me. The bags usually come preloaded with all the dust you'll need through the night, but they switched mine out. I swear on my life, Swan, I had no fucking idea. But hey, you got it easy. The old man fixed your face and you actually got a uniform that fits you, and your fucking gender. Look at me: I've still got a busted ass face and am dressed as a zombie fairy come back from the dead. There's rips and tears all over this fucking costume thanks to the shit they've put me through."

"I can tell you one thing, they don't realize exactly who they're putting in charge. I say that once we're sworn in, we wreak havoc on them for all the shit they've done to you."

"I meant what I said earlier, Bella. We need to talk later."

"If you can promise me that you won't bullshit your way through that conversation, then I'll agree to it…Pinkalicious," she teased with a raised brow and a wicked smirk.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You are such a bitch."

"Says you, but your cock sure doesn't seem to think so," she answered with a wink and then turned back around to head into the house.

**Edward's got his hands full now, doesn't he?**

**Next chapter will be loads of fun :D**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	17. Chapter 17

**See you at the bottom!**

As it turns out, my parents still had a few tricks up their fucking sleeves.

Even though they fully intended on handing everything over to Bella and I, they decided—at the last minute—that Bella would have to tag along with me on my route for the next week before they'd swear her in and make everything official.

Why?

Because they're fucking assholes and were putting the responsibility of training her on me. Why they couldn't have Alice train her was beyond me.

Bella and I working routes together was a fucking monster of a disaster, as we'd already proven.

That night, once we'd finished at mom and the old man's, I brought Bella home.

And no, there wasn't any funny business, no matter how badly my cock wanted there to be. As soon as we'd stepped back onto her front porch—both back in our day to day clothes as I was technically off the clock—fucking Emmett opened the door, giving me a hard look.

Thankfully, Bella had rushed him into the house before he could say anything to me. And I wasn't stupid, I knew just by the look in his eye that he was on to Bella and me.

Whether she told him or not remains to be fucking seen.

Being back at work today fucking blows, especially after the night Bella and I had. I hadn't gotten a fucking wink of sleep because of the massive erection that arose anytime I thought back to what had transpired with us.

In fact, that was the same damn reason I hadn't left my fucking office all day. I knew that the second I set eyes on her, I would lose fucking control again.

And no, we hadn't talked last night like I'd fucking hoped we would. Honestly, I think she was avoiding it. Or fuck, maybe I was…who knows.

Looking on the bright side, my face had returned to normal, so that left me with one less thing to deal with today.

"Mr. Cullen?"

Fuck.

"Yes, Jessica?"

"Bella Swan is at the desk asking to see you."

Oh God, how the fuck was I going to get out of this one?

I guess I could always take her up on her suggestion last night and fuck her out of my system.

"Send her in," I answered, immediately shuffling to straighten my desk and make it look like I'd actually been fucking working and not just sitting at my desk all damn day.

When she walked in though, I knew…she wasn't just paying me a visit to give me shit like she normally did.

After all, she locked the fucking door behind her and closed all the blinds.

With determination in her eyes, she charged my desk, knocking all my shit to the floor with a sweep of her arm.

"What the fuck…" I barked until she hopped on top of the desk and slid across it, dropping into my fucking lap.

As you can imagine, my dick was rejoicing inside my fucking pants and there was no way in hell she couldn't feel it.

Her brown eyes were damn near black and hooded as she took hold of my tie and jerked me closer.

She didn't have to fucking say a word; I was onboard with this shit the second she hopped on my desk.

With a growl erupting from my chest, I dug my fingers in her hair and crushed my lips to hers.

Within seconds, her ass was grinding relentlessly into my junk.

I knew that, with us kissing, and the fucking dust having not been changed to hypo-allergenic yet, that she was most likely going to swell up like a balloon once again, but I couldn't have cared less.

And obviously, neither did she.

With her hands now fisted in my hair, and my hands on her perfectly round ass, teeth clashed and nipped, tongues twisted and lapped, and our breathing rapidly turned into panting.

We couldn't fucking get close enough, not as long as we were in this damn chair.

I ripped my lips from hers as her mouth latched to my neck. "Get up," I hissed.

She obeyed a minute later, and the second she was standing, I turned her in my arms, putting her back to me as she braced herself on the top of my desk.

With her back arched and her sultry eyes blazing at me over her shoulder, I pressed my palm against my hard cock, which was fucking begging to be released from the confines of my pants.

"Are you just going to sit there and stroke yourself, or are you going to fuck me, Edward?" she breathed in a husky voice, challenging me.

I could feel my nostrils flare with how fucking badly I wanted her.

Then she licked her fucking lips and bit down on the bottom one.

I groaned loudly as I pulled the zipper on her skirt and pushed it down her hips with force, my thumbs hooking into her panties and taking them with it.

I took a step back to admire the fucking view of her ass in the air, her legs slightly parted and her pussy glistening with how fucking wet she was for me.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. What the fuck have you been thinking about?"

"You," she whispered. "Last night, and how badly I want you inside me again," she purred, pushing her ass against me.

With clenched teeth and a roar bursting from my chest, I quickly undid my pants, releasing my cock and instantly sheathing myself inside.

***Ducks***

**Next update will be Sunday night as we're out of town again!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	18. Chapter 18

**_So sorry for leaving it like I did on the last chapter LOL! Hubs forced my hand and was making me load up to leave._**

**_So...without further ado..._**

_I took a step back to admire the fucking view of her ass in the air, her legs slightly parted and her pussy glistening with how fucking wet she was for me._

"_Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. What the fuck have you been thinking about?"_

"_You," she whispered. "Last night, and how badly I want you inside me again," she purred, pushing her ass against me._

_With clenched teeth and a roar bursting from my chest, I quickly undid my pants, releasing my cock and instantly sheathing myself inside._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Holy.

Shit.

I remained still, eyes closed tight, teeth grinding together as her sweet pussy gripped my cock in a vice-like grip. I had to regain control of myself, otherwise, this was going to be fucking over within seconds.

And the look she was shooting me over her shoulder wasn't fucking helping matters.

This woman was going to be the fucking death of me. I wanted to be pissed at her for the shit I was sure to endure over this next week, but how the fuck could I when she pulled something like this and felt this fucking amazing inside?

Her ass started pushing back against me as she bit her bottom lip impatiently.

"Fuck, Swan, stop it. I'm not going to fucking last…"

With her bitch face taking over, she whirled herself around to face me. Without my dick slipping out of her.

How the fuck she'd managed that shit was beyond me, but fuck if it didn't turn me on all the more.

It was as I stood there, trying to figure out how she'd done it, that I was knocked backwards onto my ass with Bella astride me.

Her hand had my tie in a tight grip, keeping our chests pressed together.

"Shit," I groaned loudly, my head slumping to her shoulder as her hips began to move on me, sliding deliciously up and down my dick. "Sweet mother of fuck…"

I didn't even get to finish before she'd jerked my tie and brought me closer, latching her lips to mine.

This was definitely not a position I'd ever fucking been in before. Bella was fucking riding me and kissing me like she couldn't get enough. She was taking complete control, something I'd never had a woman do.

Well, I guess that's not really fucking saying much either. Due to my _situation_, I'd only been with two other girls and that was back in fucking high school—before the family business became a part of my life, and before the fucking wings became a permanent part of my body.

Wings that this beautiful woman on top of me was now reaching for.

With our tongues sliding together, and our moans filling the space of my office, her hands were now sliding up my torso and around to my back where my wings were currently strapped down.

Yes, I had wraps that I wore daily to keep the motherfuckers contained.

The second the tip of her finger brushed against the outer edge of my wing, I gripped her hips and flipped us, putting her beneath me on the floor.

As her shocked eyes bore into mine, I couldn't fucking help but smile.

I gave her no time to fucking adjust before I began pounding into her.

Bella's hands now held a firm grip at the base of my wings as her hips rose to meet mine thrust for thrust.

Her face was already beginning to swell, and I just fucking knew that once we finished, she was going to be all over my ass for it having happened again.

"I thought," Thrust. "we were going," Thrust. "to talk," I gritted out with another forceful thrust, my balls tightening with the threat of my release.

"I was fucking tired," she started, a high pitched whimper escaping her lips, "of waiting, and I've been fucking wet for you since last night."

That did it.

At the same time she moaned, she bore down on my right wing, causing that coil to snap as I filled her with my seed.

I continued pumping into her, not willing to fucking walking away until she got hers.

And she didn't disappoint because as soon as I changed the angle of my hips and hooked an arm under her leg, her fucking back arched and she cried out as her walls clamped down damn near painfully around me.

As I lay fucking useless on her, both our chests heaving, I just knew that there was no fucking way I was going to get anything else done here at work. My fucking body and clothes were saturated in sweat, and Bella would be a fucking freakshow soon enough, so we were going to have to get the fuck out of here.

"Not that I fucking mind, Swan, but next time you feel the need for a booty call, fucking call me. You're lucky I didn't throw your ass out," I told her with a laugh.

One problem…

She wasn't laughing with me.

"You really need to do something about your fucking mouth, Edward," she hissed, pushing me off and out of her.

And although what she'd just said fucking bothered me, something else came to mind that I couldn't ignore.

"Bella…I'm sorry, I wasn't fucking thinking….tell me you're on birth control or some shit because…"

"My God!" she screamed in frustration at me as she pulled her panties and skirt back on. "Do you really think I'd have let you…Nevermind. It's clear that you really don't think very much of me, Edward."

"_I _don't think much of _you_? Right, because I have a habit of being a fucking douchebag to you? You realize that you're the only woman I've fucking been with since high school? I care more than you might think," I growled.

Frustrated that we were fucking arguing yet again, I righted my pants and shoved my hand into my hair.

"Look, we need to get the fuck out of here, okay? There's no fucking way I'm getting anymore work done, your face is starting to swell back up, and there's shit we need to go over before tonight's route. Like coming up with a reason Emmett will believe for you being gone every night of the week tonight."

"Fine, whatever," she mumbled quietly as she came closer.

She once again started going for the wings.

Did she think I was some kind of fucking energizer bunny or some shit?

I was good, but not _that _fucking good.

"Now is not the time, Swan. At least let me…" I began to say, taking her wrist.

"Jesus, Edward! I was just going to help you strap them back down. I'm going to head over to my desk and get my shit. I'll just see you at your place later."

_Shit! Fuck!_

"Dammit!" I ground out. "Bella, just wait and I'll go with you. And thanks for the offer, but—I mean no offense—every damn time you fucking touch my wings or so much as breathe on them, I get a boner from hell, okay? Trust me, its best if I strap them down."

"Is it like that for all fairies?" she asked me with an amused laugh.

"I don't fucking know, but if it is, you're in so much fucking trouble."

**LMAO! Ok, we're nearing the end of this short little ride. **

**Next chapter will sum up and cover a good chunk of time.**

**Thanks again for all the reviews as they keep me going and mean the world!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks to FF being FAIL for the past day or so, this chapter comes a bit late. **

**ENJOY!**

Fuck me running.

What in the fresh hell ever made my parents believe that Bella and I made a good fucking team?

Tonight was the third night that she'd tagged along for her so called training.

I didn't even see the point in training her to begin with. A fucking two year old could do this job. Seriously!

Granted, having her with me _did _come with its perks—like getting laid—but for the most part, she slowed me down and more shit happened to me during the time I was with her than at any other time.

Sure, I fucked up often enough by myself, but having Bella with me…shit, something went wrong every five fucking minutes.

I'd started using the hypo-allergenic dust so as not to blow up her face, but we quickly learned that dogs fucking loved it.

And when I say loved, I'm not talking about the way the love a toy or a treat.

Yeah, the house with the Rottweiler? We passed it that first night on our way to another house call. The bitch went right past Bella and knocked my ass to the ground, and as humiliating as it fucking is to admit this, he hopped on my back before I could get up and went to fucking town on me.

Bella, of course, stood off to the side laughing her fucking ass off instead of helping me.

Needless to say, I had stains on that tutu that would never be washed out, hence the reason I burned that bitch when we returned to my house that night.

Emmett had agreed to keep Emily for Bella all week after I stopped her from telling him about us. If she'd have told him the truth about she and I being together, he'd have refused to keep her out of spite. So, Bella had told him there was a headlining story that she was helping me with down at the office.

Which meant us leaving our cars parked and the lights on just to keep with the fucking story.

I found it hilarious and disturbing that Bella's biggest complaint so far was the fact that she'd yet to get her wings.

Me? I wished like hell I didn't fucking have any. Hell, I'd have given her mine if it were possible.

And speaking of, I was going to have to look into some kind of shield or some shit for my wings because Bella's obsession with them was torture. My body didn't produce jizz fast enough to keep up with her. Don't get me wrong, I could go several rounds, but every fucking time she touched them…

Oh fuck it, you wouldn't understand.

Any fucking way, another thing that was driving me fucking crazy was that Bella has this disorder or some shit where she has to touch fucking _everything. _The first time I realized this, it was too late.

She'd set off three separate house alarms already and all three happened _after _I told her not to fucking touch _anything._

And animals were included.

It didn't matter how vicious the dog, cat, or whatever was…she _had _to touch it.

I'd damn near fucking killed her last night when she tossed—yes, _tossed_—a fucking kitten at me. She was only a step away, but she tossed it nonetheless and I've got the fucking puncture holes all over my body to prove it.

Oh, and let's not forget when she mistook me for a kid's parent at the end of our route last night and threw a fistful of the sleeping dust at me.

She reamed me for that shit this morning, pissed because she'd had to drag my ass out of that house.

I'm still unclear of how she actually managed to get me back to my house.

Not really sure I want to know either.

And by the way, it seems that Bella and I aren't exactly the quietest during our fuck fests.

Jessica had approached me the day after Bella and I's romp in my office. Apparently, everyone had heard us.

"Pinkalicious!" she hollered at me as we entered the fifth house of the night.

"What the fuck, Swan? Are you _trying _to wake up the fucking kid?"

"No, I'm trying to warn your dumb ass about the parent at the end of the fucking hall," she answered, arching her bitch brow at me.

I turned to look, and sure enough, there was a man at the end of the hallway…

And he was holding a fucking baseball bat.

"You just _had _to touch the goddamn piano, didn't you?" I hissed, watching as the guy began hauling ass down the hall, heading for me.

"You're the one that said I could, genius."

"That was because you had a grip on my wing!" I yelled, darting across the room as the douchebag came in swinging. "Fucking dust his ass, dammit!"

"You're the one holding the dust, asshole!"

Fucking A!

"And what? Risk a blow to the head?"

"You survived two earlier in the night, or am I wrong?" she quipped with a wink.

Oh that dirty, sexy little minx!

I reached my hand down into my bag as fast as I could given the way I was having to bounce all over the room, escaping that bat at all costs.

When I finally had some in hand, I threw it and not only hit the dude, but Bella too. Thank _fuck _I'd was loaded with hypo-allergenic tonight, otherwise, she'd be pissed and all over my ass.

I looked down at the monstrous asshole slumped at my feet and ran a hand through my hair.

"This shit…this right here is why you tagging along with me is a bad fucking idea. Let's get this shit over with. We need to see the 'rents again, and fucking STAT!" I growled, taking her by the wrist and jerking her down the hall behind me.

"We aren't seeing your fucking parents, Edward. I'm finishing out the week with you, whether you like the shit or not. Unless you want me to tell Emmett exactly what it is we've been doing."

"Are you fucking threatening me, Swan?"

"I'm not threatening you; I'm warning you."

"Okay fuck seeing the parents…I'm taking you to the Volturi."

With an arched brow and hands on her fucking hips, she stared at me. "The who?"

"The Volturi. They're mom and the old man's boss…fairy royalty if you will."

And you just think I'm fucking joking.

**No words LOL**

**Leave some love, ladies!**

**T**


	20. Chapter 20

**ENJOY!**

Yeah, okay, so I hadn't thought the whole taking Bella to the Volturi thing through.

Not that it wasn't possible, but it was impossible to accomplish tonight. Due to all of our mishaps tonight, thanks to Ms. Touch It, we were already running pretty fucking late. And there was only so long we could stretch it before Emmett began suspecting something.

As soon as the door of the last house closed behind us, Bella gripped the base of my wings, ready to hop on.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I growled. "We're out of dust."

"Well, my feet fucking hurt."

My eyes widened as I pulled her from where she was attempting to climb up onto my back.

"_Your _feet hurt?! That's rich, Swan. I'm a fucking man, and I've spent more time in stilettos than I care to fucking remember. And I didn't see you running on fucking hardwood floors from a dude with a baseball bat either!"

"Running? Really? Is that what you call it?" she snorted, biting down on her bottom lip. "Looked more like fucking prancing to me."

"Run," I hissed, trying not to laugh.

She knew I wasn't fucking around because, regardless of how badly her feet hurt, she hauled ass away from me.

Was this seriously happening?

I could only imagine what the fuck it would look like to anyone that happened to be watching. In the eyes of everyday people, we—especially me—would appear to be certifiably insane.

Here I was, tranny fairy from hell, chasing a beautiful woman who appeared to be a hooker rather than a fairy—because of the missing wings—down the fucking street.

After coming out of a house we didn't fucking live in.

I finally knocked her to the ground—or rather, sandpit—in the playground of the elementary school down the road. We were both laughing like crazy, which was fucking odd considering it was me and Isabella fucking Swan.

"You wanna rephrase that, princess?" I questioned, our noses rubbing together.

"Rephrase what, exactly? You were prancing," she whispered flirtatiously, pressing her lips to mine as her fucking hips lifted and brushed against my semi hard cock.

I'm putting it out there right the fuck now that I am _not _fucking her in this damn sandpit. It's one thing to humiliate myself in this ridiculous uniform, to douse myself in fucking glitter, and to subject myself to being molested by motherfucking dogs, but it was another thing entirely to have sex in a place that would leave me finding sand in places it never belonged for weeks.

But it wasn't going to stop me from kissing her.

I was afraid nothing could stop me from that shit.

Her hands, held tightly in my grip at either side of her head, struggled against me to comb through my fucking hair.

Things were changing between us. Something about the fucking way she was kissing me now was different. Almost like she was really feeling…

Fuck, I couldn't do this. At least not here on the playground of a fucking school!

I broke our kiss and then pulled her with me to stand.

"So, these Vultures that you mentioned…where the fuck are they?"

"Vultures?" I asked, cracking the fuck up. "The _Volturi_, Swan. They'd fucking die if you called them that to their faces. If I told you that they weren't of this world, would you take me for my word and leave it at that?"

"Aren't of this world? Edward, speak fucking English. Are they fucking aliens or something?"

"No. They just…you'll see tomorrow, okay? There's no good way to explain it to you, so it's best for you to just experience it yourself."

"Tomorrow? What the fuck happened to needing to see them STAT and you being tired of my shit?" she asked, arching a bitch brow and jogging ahead a few steps then turning to face me and walk backwards.

"Swan, it's not so much that I'm tired of _you_—and I can't believe I just fucking said that—but it's more that I'm fucking fed up with shit going wrong. I mean, even you have to admit that we make a fucking terrible duo."

"Seriously, Edward, I don't think we're that bad!"

Was she fucking _crazy?!_ "Are you fucking kidding me?! You should go on Alice's route with her one night and then you'll see just how bad we are."

"Okay, for one, I'm actually begging you _not _to send me out with Alice. I don't want to bum a ride on her back, Edward; your wings are the only fucking wings I'll ever touch. Second, I actually tend to think that you and I are pretty fucking kick ass together."

I stopped walking and just stared, jaw dropped.

I could feel my face twisted in complete fucking confusion and I'm sure that from where she stood, it looked funny as hell.

"Hand it over, Bella."

Her brow creased adorably as she crossed her arms over her chest, causing her cleavage to come together fucking beautifully.

"My eyes are up here, jack ass!" she laughed, slapping at my chest.

"Hand over whatever the fuck it is you're smoking, because it's got to be some good shit if it's convinced you that we're kick ass together."

"I'm serious! Think about it! Think about all the shit that's been thrown at us—most of which was my fault—and we still made it through and finished the night! For fuck's sake, I dragged your ass out of a house and managed to get you back to your place…all while you were knocked the fuck out!"

"Speaking of that, how _did _you do that?"

"I managed to get you to a vacant house down the road and called a taxi," she murmured, looking away as she blushed.

I slapped my palm to my forehead.

This was a huge, colossal mistake. She called a fucking taxi. We'd been seen and because I was passed out, I hadn't…

"Chill the fuck out, Cullen. When we got to your place, and after he helped me get you inside, I had him drive me back to my house and dusted him with the amnesia shit before he drove off."

My eyes narrowed at her skeptically.

How had she known which dust was which, and why wasn't she blown the fuck up when I saw her this morning?

"Mind explaining why the fuck your face wasn't swollen up like a goddamn balloon this morning then?" I asked flatly, just waiting for her to fuck her story up.

"I called your old man."

Fuck.

Me.

**These two KILL me LMAO!**

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**Happy Valentine's Day to you all!**

**Leave some love!**

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	21. Chapter 21

**SEE YOU AT THE BOTTOM!**

"_Mind explaining why the fuck your face wasn't swollen up like a goddamn balloon this morning then?" I asked flatly, just waiting for her to fuck her story up._

"_I called your old man."_

_Fuck._

_Me._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"My old man? Why the fuck would you call him?"

"You really are too fucking gullible, Cullen. How the hell would I call him? I don't have the douchebag's fucking number," Bella laughed, smug about the fact that she'd just gotten one over on me.

"Not cool, Swan. So if you didn't call the old man, how is it that you got rid of the swelling?"

Approaching me with sympathy written all over her face, she cradled my jaw in her hand. "The dust was hypo-allergenic, Edward," she whispered.

I am such a fucktard.

How had I forgotten that.

"Shit," I mumbled, hanging my head.

"You really need to loosen up and stop worrying about every damn thing. I'm almost afraid to see how this meeting with the Volturi plays out."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked lowly, still reeling in disbelief that I'd forgotten about the dust change.

"You don't think before you speak, and most often times, you dig yourself a grave that you can't get out of."

"I've dug myself a deep ass grave with you, and I still manage to fuck you," I rasped, arching a brow at her challengingly.

"And there you go, just like that," she smirked, rolling her eyes.

"But you aren't mad at me," I quipped, "because you like my cock too fucking much," I goaded her with a smile.

"Why don't you just come home with me, and we'll talk about this shit there?" she hissed.

"Nice try at changing the subject, Swan. But to answer your question, wouldn't that totally fuck up our story with Emmett?"

"At this point, I don't care. He's going to find out eventually, and I'm assuming that you and I will need to turn this Volturi shit into a weekend long trip?"

"I guess, if you're anticipating more than just a meeting. What do you want to do?" I asked, genuinely curious because, while it takes a while in their world, it certainly wasn't going to take all damn weekend.

"What do I want to do?" she reiterated, humming to herself, finger pressed to her lips. But then, she turned her eyes on me, and…Fuck. I knew that look. "You."

"So what you're really saying," I teased, "is that you want to have a sex-filled weekend away with me."

"Yeah, I suppose I am. Whatever gave you that idea?" she laughed, punching my arm. "But you've got to lose the skirt, and the shoes."

"Ha fucking ha. Now, how exactly do you see this thing with Emmett playing out?"

I really needed her opinion because—the way I imagined it in my head—was him binding my hands with a rope hung from the wall, and then him chaining my feet to the fucking floor before torturing me for days.

Sorry, but I'd take molestation from the biggest fucking dog on my route—and I'd do it gladly—before I ever agreed to being Emmett's play toy.

That bastard had a sick as fuck mean streak.

"He might bind you to a chair with a ball gag for a night, but hanging you from a ceiling and chaining your feet to the floor is a little extreme, don't you think?" she asked with a laugh.

"Dammit, I just said all of that out loud," I growled, rubbing a hand over my face.

"If you want, I'll be happy to swing back by the house with the mastiff…I'm sure he'd love to sink his teeth into your ass again. That is if seeing Emmett is too fucking intimidating…"

"You fucking suck, Swan."

"Oh but you love that I do," she answered with a wink.

Since when did fucking everything become a sexual innuendo with her? And why was it such a damn turn on?

Now more than ever, I wished we still had some fucking dust because I'd fly her sweet ass back to her place STAT.

"So now I'm sweet?"

Oh my fucking God! Maybe I could talk the old man into robbing me of my voice or some shit for a week or two.

My voice was starting to fuck me over more than these damn bitch shoes and tutu ever would, and that was really saying something.

"Let's say I _do _stay at your place. What happens when Emily wakes up and finds me in your bed? Won't that confuse her?"

"Edward, she's never seen me with anyone. Fuck, I've never even fucking had anyone over before. Do you really think I'd risk doing that to her?"

Dammit.

"Of course not, but I had to ask, Bella. I didn't fucking mean anything by it."

"Shit. I know you didn't, Edward," she sighed as we stopped walking. "Truth is, she'd probably love for you to be the one I'm with. She fucking adores you. Besides, you're the only man in her life outside of family."

There was a certain tone to her voice that filled my stomach with dread and made my hands clammy. And when she looked at me, her chin quivered.

"Oh fuck, you aren't about to cry are you?"

"Gee, thanks for the shoulder! No, I'm not about to cry. I've come to accept that I failed her a long time ago."

"You don't really believe that shit do you, Swan?" I asked angrily.

"Can't we change the subject and just go back to the house?"

What the fuck just happened?

She was talking…we were actually, for the first time ever, starting to talk about important shit and she was shutting down on me.

Why the hell did that bother me so fucking much?

"I'll just say this and then we can go wherever the fuck you want to go. You have _not _failed her, Bella. You've been an amazing mother to that little girl. Especially with the shit hand you were dealt. You support and provide for that child on your own, with no fucking help financially. And you've been smart about who you let around her, which honestly, makes me question why the _fuck _you're still allowing my creepy ass around her."

"Oh well that one's easy. You're her fairy godfather. What kind of mother would I be to keep you away from her?"

I had to laugh. She fucking had me there.

"Well, you certainly threw every accusation you could my way that night."

"Oh that wasn't in response to you being around her. That was entirely due to the fucking boner you sported."

"So it wasn't the fucking costume?" I asked, gesturing at my body. "Cause you know, if she had woken, I had the perfect fucking excuse for the boner."

"Oh is that so?" she smiled as we started walking again.

"Yeah. It was just my wand tucked into the band of my tutu."

"Sweetheart, unless your 'wand' is the size of Hillshire Farms Summer Sausage, no child in their right fucking mind would have bought that shit."

**Next chapter, confrontation with Emmett. Will he find out about fairydom?**

**LOVIN' you guys' reviews! **

**No matter how many goals I set for myself as to when this fic will come to an end, I can't quit writing. I suppose it'll end when Fairyward has nothing more to say LOL!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	22. Chapter 22

**Since I failed to provide an update last night, here's a second one for today ;D**

**SURPRISE and enjoy!**

I was either the biggest pussy on the earth, or I had done just as Bella had suggested; I'd fucked her out of my system.

Once we made it back to her house, she'd gone inside to make sure Emmett was asleep before cautiously leading me up to her bedroom.

I felt like the biggest fucking loser, and I'd even given thought to whether the old man had anything to do with my situation.

I'm sure you're probably wondering what the fuck I'm going on about, so I'll just come out and fucking say it.

I couldn't get it up.

Captain Hook was unresponsive to everything, and believe me, Bella had fucking tried _everything. _

God knows I wanted to fuck her six ways to Sunday, but someone was obviously having a big fucking laugh at my expense.

Bella had surprisingly been nice about it. According to her, it was my nerves regarding the impending conversation with my best friend down the hall.

I'd even offered to go down to the fucking Walgreens down the road and buy some Viagra, but Bella refused to let me.

She claimed that just the fucking thought of me being hard for four hours or more terrified the shit out of her.

Then, she'd even gone so far as to make a fucking crack about there being so much glitter glue that…fuck, I can't even remember exactly what she'd said. Only that it referred to certain things being glued together or something along those lines.

Any fucking way, we lay in her bed, stark naked, staring at the ceiling.

Well, she was; I was lying face down with my head buried in a pillow.

"What the fuck? What's up with your wings?"

Oh, fucking hell.

"What do you mean?"

"They're limp, or whatever you want to call it. I thought they were always spread out and that's why you keep them strapped down."

"No, they only expand when I'm on the clock or otherwise…"

Before I could finish, she began laughing and turned over. "Oh my God, wait; you're telling me that your wings get hard-ons?"

"Well, when you put it that way, I sound like a complete imbecile," I grumbled, turning my head to lock eyes with her.

"Will mine do the same?" she asked, smiling at me, but then morphed into a frown. "Or does that mean mine would get wet instead?"

I cocked a brow at her before a hearty laugh burst from my chest. Sweet fucking hell, I prayed that didn't happen, but at the same time, it would be the _perfect _form of payback for the shit she'd given me at the beginning.

"Fucking hell, Swan, why don't you say what's really on your mind," I joked.

Obviously, she didn't get the memo because her next words literally made me want to fucking cry.

"So, if that were true, I suppose mine would be fucking dripping right now?"

Fuck this shit.

I wasn't going to sit here and waller in self-pity while she talked about how wet she was.

I moved onto my side, not breaking eye contact as I slipped my hand beneath the covers and between her legs, groaning aloud when my fingers were met with her immensely slick heat.

My mouth watered just at the thought of tasting her, especially since I'd yet to do so.

When her fucking hips moved under my hand, and she lifted them off the mattress at the same time that she crushed her lips to mine, I was fucking gone. My resolve annihilated.

She was offering it, and I sure as fuck wasn't about to turn it down. If I couldn't have sex with her, this was the next best thing.

Though, I couldn't promise that I wouldn't try shoving my limp cock inside of her when I had finished and hope that she could somehow fuck it back to life.

I didn't even fucking bother to move my body between her legs. I sat up and hunched over her, using my hands to spread her flawless fucking legs.

The sight of her beautiful, pink pussy glistening with her wetness filled me with feral hunger. With a shuddering breath, I lowered my mouth to her and slowly snaked my tongue out to pass through her folds, sinking into her entrance for a deeper taste.

Bella moaned loudly as she bucked up into my face, and like a fucking trigger had been pulled, several things happened.

My wings shot out, my cock went hard as motherfucking steel, and Bella hollered out a muffled, "Ow, fuck!"

I didn't let that stop me from drinking her delicious as fuck juices.

Until she gripped my wing and then pulled my hair with the other hand. Hard.

I ripped my head away to look at her and the fucking lust there was enough to bring me to my knees.

"Dammit, Edward, _fuck _me," she hissed, wiping at her…

_Oh shit! _My wings had bitchslapped the ever loving fuck out of her, leaving her with a busted lip.

I wasn't going to deny her, not after seeing that and _knowing _that she still wanted my fucking cock inside of her.

I hurriedly moved myself into position and forcefully thrust into her, sliding home.

And I'd have fucking come right then…

Had her bedroom door not flown open, banging against the wall.

"Bells?" I heard Emmett's voice boom. And then? Then I waited for it. "_What the fuck?!_ Cullen?"

I didn't even have time to blink before I was taken by the wings, jerked from her body, and thrown to the floor.

This was fucked up. The wrong fucking hands were on my goddamn wings, and my dick was still hard…if not harder.

Having Emmett's hands on an erogenous zone was no different than if he'd been stroking my cock himself.

Oh my God. I think I'm going to be fucking sick.

I heard Bella scream as she pulled the sheet around her body for decency and flew to my side.

"A fucking headline for the paper?" he barked, his chest heaving. "Really, Bells? How fucking long has you been...and just what kind of sick shit are you into, Cullen?! Wings? You wear fucking _wings _while you bone my baby sister?! I thought I warned you off of her, you motherfucker!"

He had a point.

I was—_am—_a mother fucker.

Yeah, that wasn't really funny.

"Emmett, chill the fuck out. Who I'm with is none of your fucking business. If Edward is who I want, then you'll just have to accept that. What we do with our time is also none of your concern."

"Bells, he's a fucking douchebag!"

"Hey, you know what? Fuck you too, Em. What the fuck have I ever done to make you believe I'd hurt Bella?"

Instead of verbally responding, he answered with a right hook to my jaw.

"Still think it was a good fucking idea to tell him?" I grumbled as I looked over at Bella.

"If you two don't shut the fuck up and be quiet, you're going to wake up Emily," Bella growled and I fucking knew she wasn't playing around.

She'd have my balls in a sling for that shit.

"Emmett, go the fuck downstairs so Edward and I can at least put some fucking clothes on. We'll be down in a minute."

"He's not fucking stayi…"

"Go goddammit!" she shouted.

Emmett shot a look at me and I just knew…

There was no way in fucking hell we were getting his approval on this, which meant I was going to have to take desperate measures.

I was going to have to tell him fucking everything.

After all, the fairies could always use more recruits.

**Oh boy, Emmett didn't take that too well, did he?**

**BWAHAHAHAHA!**

**Tomorrow's update should be interesting!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	23. Chapter 23

**I guess this update is late for ya'll, but it's on time for me as I never went to sleep last night LOL!**

**I'll see you all at the bottom, my Lovelies!**

"_Emmett, go the fuck downstairs so Edward and I can at least put some fucking clothes on. We'll be down in a minute."_

"_He's not fucking stayi…"_

"_Go goddammit!" she shouted. _

_Emmett shot a look at me and I just knew…_

_There was no way in fucking hell we were getting his approval on this, which meant I was going to have to take desperate measures._

_I was going to have to tell him fucking everything._

_After all, the fairies could always use more recruits._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I waited, holding my fucking breath, until the door shut behind Emmett. I knew that had Emily not been asleep down the hall, he'd have slammed that motherfucker.

As soon as I heard the door click, I turned to Bella.

"Swan, this is the one and _only _time I'll actually say this: Touch my fucking wings. Grip 'em, rub the fucking shit out of them…_anything_!"

She smirked at me and narrowed her eyes.

"A bit uncomfortable with his hands _there_, weren't you?" she laughed. It wasn't fucking funny dammit. "Considering how desperate you sound right now, I'm guessing your _body _reacted to his touch?"

"Are you _trying _to piss me off?" I growled, thisclose to actually holding her down and rubbing my wings over her body my fucking self.

"Oh lighten the fuck up, Tink. Jesus, for a fairy you can be such a fucking drama queen sometimes," she mumbled as she came up behind me and ran her hands from the base of my wings down to the tip and up again.

Sure, my dick grew hard, but at this point, I gladly fucking welcomed it because it was a reaction to her.

She continued on for a while, and when I felt back at ease, I grabbed her hands and turned around to face her.

"He's not going to accept this, Bella; I can tell you that right now."

"Why, Edward? Why won't he? Okay, so maybe he warned you away from me a long time ago, but we're grown adults, and you're his fucking best friend! He trusts you above all others."

"Honestly, I don't have the slightest damn clue why he hates the idea so much, and fuck, I don't even know how you and I got to this point. A week ago, I was ready to dropkick your bitch ass."

"Just admit it, Cullen. You still want to drop kick my bitch ass," she giggled, wrapping her arms around my waist, dropping the sheet from her body in the process.

"Oh, Swan, believe me: dropkicking you is the _last _fucking thing I want to do to you right now," I breathed, letting my eyes travel her naked form appreciatively.

And no, I didn't give a flying fuck if she saw me.

Because she did.

The smug grin on her face was proof of that.

"Cullen, there's no way he'll wait that long for us to be downstairs. Let's just get dressed and let this be over and done with. The faster we do, the sooner I can solve you're problem," she replied, glancing down at my cock, which was angrily stabbing her stomach.

"You realize that if he doesn't accept this and brings up the wings, I have no choice but to tell him the truth and force him into recruitment, right?"

"Recruit? You might have to fucking _recruit_ Emmett?! Are you insane?! Edward, if you recruit him, he'll top the damage you and I have accumulated this past week in one fucking night!"

"Yeah, that I'm aware of, but I already know exactly which fairy I'd pair him with. She'd know how to handle him; trust me."

And I wasn't fucking lying.

Alice's ex-partner had left and been assigned to a new route for having duct taped Alice's mouth and having locked her in the trunk of some drug dealer's car.

Yeah. Rosalie Hale was super bitch, and I thanked fucking God I'd never had to work alongside her.

Anyhow, getting back on track, I hurriedly threw on a pair of pants and a shirt that Bella found in her dresser, which to my surprise, actually fit me. Once we were decent, and after a miniature make-out session against her closet door, we headed downstairs and to the kitchen where Emmett was leaning against the bar, still just as pissed as before.

"Before you say anything, Em, I want to know what the fuck you have against Edward," Bella growled menacingly upon sitting at the kitchen table.

Remember me referring to myself as a pussy? I totally just cemented that shit.

The second those words left her lips in _that _tone, I turned my back and scratched at my neck, refusing to make fucking eye contact with the beast across the room.

Which was fucked up considering he and I grew up together.

Was I afraid of him? Fuck no.

But I also wasn't stupid.

That motherfucker could kick my ass in two seconds flat.

"Bells, I don't…dammit, look: you come home from work day after day, telling me how Ed's talked to you, treated you. And sometimes, you're even in tears. Am I supposed to just suddenly accept the fact that you're actually _with_ him now?" he questioned her, the stress of the situation coming through in his voice.

Had I really been so fucking cruel to her that I'd driven her to fucking crying?

Shit, if I had, then I was an even bigger asshole than I'd originally thought.

"Emmett, have you ever stopped to think that maybe we never would have been in this position had you have let him ask me out years ago, like he wanted to?"

Oh shit.

Fuck.

Now he really _is_ going to kick my ass.

Maybe if I quietly slipped out of the room, I could make it out the front door and halfway down the street before either of them noticed.

"Don't even think about making an escape, Ed. I can see your dumbass thinking it," Emmett warned. "Dude, you're my best friend, man. You know I love you, and I swear if you repeat that shit I'll kill you. Obviously you two have talked and you told her about asking me permission to ask her out after Riley left. I don't fucking appreciate the way things go down at the office, and you know that, but what I don't understand is why."

Both he and Bella turned their eyes to me, waiting for an answer.

Either way I was fucked. I had to fucking explain why I was an asshole. Didn't they understand that asking me that was like asking a fuck up why they fucked up all the time? Or asking a mentally unstable person why they were locked in a fucking insane asylum.

"I don't know, Em. I honestly don't fucking know."

"It's not all his fault, Emmett. I'm just as guilty. I was just as much a bitch to him. What are you really worried about? Because it can't all be about the shit at the office," Bella answered.

Was she actually coming to my fucking defense again?

"The truth is, I'm afraid of history repeating itself. Look what happened the last time you got caught up in a guy, Bells. And I swear, I'm not bringing it up to hurt you, but you can't tell me that you haven't thought about it too."

Oh God, we were fucking going _there?!_

"Honestly, I haven't been with him long enough to really think about that, but I can tell you right now, Edward wouldn't do that. Not to me or anyone else. You've seen him with Emily. She fucking loves him, and he's great with her. So don't sit there and put him in the same category as Riley. I can't even believe you're doing that!"

"Bella…" I started, trying to regulate because this was beginning to go somewhere I wasn't fucking comfortable with.

"Riley…yeah, speaking of…Edward, have you even told her the reason he fucking left town?"

When her eyes turned to me, I wanted to crawl in a mother fucking hole and let my old man beam me up to the Volturi for help.

Shit just got real, and I had no fucking way out of it.

I just hoped I got out of here with my balls intact afterward.

**Will Bella accept the fact that Edward's the reason Riley left town?**

**Will Emmett accept them being together?**

**I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	24. Chapter 24

**See you girls at the bottom!**

"_Riley…yeah, speaking of…Edward, have you even told her the reason he fucking left town?"_

_When her eyes turned to me, I wanted to crawl in a mother fucking hole and let my old man beam me up to the Volturi for help._

_Shit just got real, and I had no fucking way out of it._

_I just hoped I got out of here with my balls intact afterward._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Edward, what the fuck is he talking about?" she asked narrowing her eyes at me. "Why would you have any fucking knowledge on why Riley skipped town?"

I shot Emmett a furious glare because him putting me on the fucking spot like this was complete bullshit.

"It was the night we moved you into Em's," I sighed.

"_What _was?"

"I fucking cared about you, even back then, Swan. Seeing you cry over that piece of shit, I won't forget that as long as I fucking live. I found him at a bar I'd heard he'd been frequenting. Needless to say, I beat his fucking ass for what he said to you. For what he fucking _did _to you, and that beautiful little girl upstairs. I put the fucking fear of God in him and told him that if I ever saw him again, I wouldn't stop at kicking his ass. I'd put a goddamn bullet in his head."

"T-that was _you_?"

Hold the fuck up.

She's _smiling_?

She's fucking smiling!

"You knew?!" Emmett barked and I asked in shock…at the same time.

"Who _doesn't?_ Everybody and their fucking dog knows about Riley getting his ass kicked and being run out of town, but no one told me who was responsible. To be honest, I thought it was you, Em. Never in a million years did I ever think that it was you, _Edward_."

Her eyes seemed to be fucking shining as she smiled softly at me.

My. God.

For the first time ever, I'd fucking beaten Emmett at something. His attempt at turning Bella on me had just fucking backfired.

With my head swelling full of ego—yeah, I'll fucking admit to it—I smirked at Emmett and walked over toward Bella, which was only a few steps.

"Em, its not like everything with me and Edward is fucking roses all the damn time. Shit, we're still arguing and pissing each other off like no other, but that doesn't mean we can't work on it. Look, you know this is something I've talked about wanting for a long time now, so please, don't fucking give me shit about it."

I could see Emmett relenting and, while the conversation may have been over with him in regards to Bella and I being together, I knew that the whole Riley issue was going to be the topic of a talk coming with her. Now that I'd fucking owned up to running that piece of shit out of town and away from her, there's no way she wasn't going to have a million fucking questions, which I could only hope I'd have lots of alcohol on hand for.

"All right, I can try and come to terms with this shit, but there's something I need you to explain to me," he spoke, looking at me pointedly.

A feeling of dread made itself known in my gut, and I just knew…

Things were about to take a complicated fucking turn. Bella's hand wrapped around mine as she pulled me closer to stand behind her chair.

"What's that?" I mumbled out, knowing exactly what was coming.

"The fucking wings, asshole. Now, I'm no genius by any means, but when I pulled you off my sister earlier and I grabbed 'em, they didn't fucking move. It was like they were fucking growing out of your back, which isn't fucking possible," he exclaimed, laughing unsuredly to himself.

I could feel Bella's eyes on me, urging me to glance down at her. When I did, the look she was giving me was _not _what I wanted to see.

She wanted me to fucking lie to him, to pull something out of my ass and make it believable. There wasn't a damn thing I could tell him that would come across as believable without leading him to believe I was either mentally unstable or I was gay, which I clearly _am not._ Not that there's anything wrong with people that are, it's just that I'm not.

"Actually, Em, its possible," I sighed.

His eyes widened as he looked at me skeptically. "What?"

My eyes met Bella's once more. She slowly blinked and then locked eyes with Emmett.

"Show him, Tink," she whispered, causing me to scowl and Emmett to chuckle.

I growled to myself and grabbed my collar at the back of my neck, pulling it up and over my head.

Without even looking at her, I could feel Bella's eyes roaming over me, and I fucking prayed that she didn't decide to be funny and stroke my wings, because that would have just been plain mean.

"Dude, where the fuck are they?" Emmett questioned with an arched brow.

"_Dude_," I mocked him, "let me fucking turn around."

So…I did.

"Uh, what the fuck? Spread 'em."

I needed a fucking gallon of bleach for my ears and mind. Now!

"You have no idea how fucking disturbing that was to hear come from you," I growled. "And it doesn't fucking work that way."

"So, what the fuck are you, man? Is this shit treatable?" Emmett asked, and apparently, I should've given him a rundown of the rules before letting him anywhere near me.

I turned back around to face him, only I didn't realize just how close he was standing. His fucking _lips _smashed against mine as his hand—which was obviously already reaching—roughly stroked my right wing, and…yeah, you guessed it.

My fucking dick went hard as a goddamn rock, causing a rather prominent tent in my pants that forcefully pressed against his…

Oh for the love of all that's fucking holy, let him be limp…let him _fucking_ limp!

Was it bad that I couldn't tell?

Why the _fuck _was I even thinking about this shit?!

**I don't even know what to say after that LMAO!**

**I apologize for not updating yesterday but Hubs had me running errands like crazy yesterday, and then my other obsession-The Walking Dead- kind of distracted my lazy ass LOL!**

**I'll try and get another update in tonight. If not, look for it in the morning ;D**

**Leave some...well, you know what to do!**

**T**


	25. Chapter 25

**Making up for the missed update yesterday! **

**Enjoy!**

_I turned back around to face him, only I didn't realize just how close he was standing. His fucking lips smashed against mine as his hand—which was obviously already reaching—roughly stroked my right wing, and…yeah, you guessed it._

_My fucking dick went hard as a goddamn rock, causing a rather prominent tent in my pants that forcefully pressed against his…_

_Oh for the love of all that's fucking holy, let him be limp…let him fucking limp!_

_Why the fuck was I even thinking about this shit?!_

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I jumped back.

I had the sinking feeling that a fucking…

_Son of a bitch!_

"Emmett!" Bella yelled, taking hold of my arm and stepping in front of me to place her hand gently upon my now throbbing jaw.

"What?! The asshole just fucking kissed me! And…and," he stuttered, moving to the side of us, his eyes flying to the tent in my pants. "He just fucking _violated _me with…"

"Shut the hell up, dammit. He can't fucking help it!" she hissed, turning her furious eyes on him, turning me on even further.

This so wasn't helping.

"He can't help it? What the fuck, Bells? Your boy toy here just popped a fucking boner against my junk!"

"It's your fucking fault! You touched his fucking wings!"

Suddenly the room went so quiet you could hear a fucking pin drop. Emmett's brows raised as he looked at me and Bella.

This was the prime example of why being a fairy sucked ass.

Of why there were rules against telling people about us.

"His wings? Seriously? That's all you've fucking got? How long have you fucking been hot for me, Ed? I mean, is this the fucking reason you," Emmett started, pushing Bella aside and getting in my face.

"Fuck you, Em. I wouldn't touch your dick with a ten foot fucking pole," I growled.

"Newsflash, Princess, you just fucking did! With _your _nasty, scrawny ass pole!"

"Scrawny?" I hissed. "I'll fucking show you scrawny, motherfucker," I bit out, taking my junk in my hands and jumping at him.

"Will you two dumbasses shut the fuck up?" Bella exclaimed.

Obviously, she had the biggest brain fart in history of mankind because she began rubbing my arms and then my fucking wings.

"Oh fuck," I groaned, feeling that coil in my fucking groin tighten and then snap within the span of a minute.

A sticky, hot mess now covered the inside of my fucking pants and was traveling down my legs.

"Oh," Emmett guffawed with a disgusted gasp. "That's just fucking sick," he mumbled in a strained voice as his eyes fixated on the wet spot covering my shit. "Is that…what the fuck? Is that fucking _glitter_?"

Where was my old man when I actually needed his shriveled ass?

And I cannot believe I just fucking said that shit.

"Edward, why don't you go upstairs and clean…" Bella began to tell me softly, her eyes expressing…

Sympathy?

Pity?

Could this night get any fucking worse?

"Uncle Edward?"

Oh. God. No.

This wasn't happening.

Why the hell did I have to open my fucking mouth and jinx this shit?!

I turned to see Emily standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Hey, Sweet Pea, what are you doing up?" I asked her, squatting to her level, ignoring the uncomfortable, disgusting mess in my pants and making sure my arms covered the spot.

"I heard yelling. Why are you wearing wings?" she asked me with her sweet as hell giggle.

I glanced at Bella and Emmett. Both looked at me with startled, blank expressions, offering zero fucking help.

So I said the only thing I could think of that might cover my ass.

"Well, you see, your mom's going to dress as a fairy for a party at work and I was showing her what these looked like. What do you think?"

Her eyes lit up in the way only a child's can as she reached out to touch them.

"Oh, honey, don't touch," Bella spoke up, saving me from further humiliation.

She _was _alive! Where the fuck was she two seconds ago?

Bitch.

"They're pretty!" she smiled, withdrawing her hand. "They sparkle!"

"Emily, honey, everything's okay. Uncle Edward and Uncle Emmett were just playing around. Why don't we go tuck you back into bed?"

Emily's lips bowed into a pout as she looked at me. "Will you come read me a story, Uncle Edward?"

I was a sucker.

And the kid knew it.

"You got it, Sweet Pea. Do you think you can give me just a minute? I'll be right up, promise."

"Okay," she squealed, hugging my neck. "Don't worry about wetting your pants, Uncle Edward. I do it sometimes too."

Tell me that did _not _just happen.

When Bella pulled her away, trying to hold in her laughter, and began leading her out of the kitchen, she looked at me over her shoulder with a smoldering stare.

I'd fucking done something right.

For once.

But all of that faded away into nothing as soon as they left my view because Emmett came to stand in front of me, arms crossed.

"I'll wait until you're finished with Emily for you to explain just what the fuck is going on, but for the record, that shit that happened before with your junk…that never fucking happened."

"Right, Emmett. Like I'm going to go and tell someone that I popped a goddamn boner because you touched my wings. Who do you think that would look worse on? Me or your dumbass?"

"Good point, bitch," he laughed. "Ed, you're my boy and all, but I swear to fucking God, you hurt Bells and I'll fucking kill you."

Yeah.

Like I didn't already know that shit.

I'd been friends with his ass…

Let me rephrase that: I'd been friends with _him_ for how many fucking years now?

I knew what happened to people that crossed Bella.

And none of them were still around in Forks to tell about it.

"Dude, we're not even fucking officially dating yet, so back off. And its fucked up that you even think I'd hurt her like that. I know what she's been through, okay?"

When I looked back at him, his eyes were fucking black with anger.

Fuck.

What the hell did I say this time?

Or was it what I didn't say?

"You're fucking my baby sister and you aren't even _dating_ her yet?!" he roared, shoving me backward.

I took that cue to make an exit.

After all, there was a little girl upstairs waiting for me.

"I'm just gonna go upsta…yeah, I'll be back in a minute," I rushed out, hauling ass out of that damned kitchen and up the stairs, where Bella met me at the top.

"In a hurry?"

'I'm not positive, but I think Emmett's about to fucking lose his shit downstairs. You need to regulate him or I'll be making an escape out your fucking window."

Her eyes then rolled in aggravation.

"Shit, Edward, what the hell did you do now?"

"Me?!" I hissed. "He;s the one that fucking punched me, remember? He's the one throwing around threats down there. Why are you putting all the goddamn blame on…"

Her lips were suddenly on mine, sucking and biting at my bottom lip.

What was I saying to her before?

"That was really sweet," she whispered against my jaw. "The way you handled her. She's in there waiting, and when you're done with her, meet me in my room. I need to _talk _to you before we go back down."

Now I'm no fucking rocket scientist, but…did she just proposition me?

As I mulled it over in my head, she pressed her lips against my neck before pulling away.

"Oh, and I set out Peter Pan for you to read to her. She loves that book."

**BWAHAHAHA! Bella still has a few jabs up her sleeve!**

**Poor Emmett and Fairyward! Will their friendship ever be the same?**

**Update tomorrow!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	26. Chapter 26

**See you Lovelies at the bottom!**

**WARNING: Drinking or smoking/inhaling while reading may result in excessive choking, vomiting and possible shitting of one's pants. I am NOT responsible ;D**

**BWAHAHA!**

When Emily had finally fallen back to sleep, I half expected to find Emmett waiting for me on the other side of her bedroom door, but to my surprise, the hall was empty.

I could hear someone down in the kitchen, but I wasn't about to fucking go down there on the chance that it was just Emmett.

That and the mess in my fucking pants was beginning to burn and dry, causing the hair on my thighs to stick together.

Yeah, it sucked.

Assuming that Bella wouldn't mind me barging in her room to change, I walked in, not bothering to knock.

"Edward!" she screeched.

Her body streaked across the room in a flash, nothing but flesh and her long, mahogany tresses to be seen as she dove on the other side of the bed, grasping at the sheets.

I quietly shut the door behind me, trying desperately not to laugh as she peeked at me over the edge of the mattress.

"Haven't you ever heard of fucking knocking?" she snapped.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Princess."

She rolled her eyes as I stayed exactly where I was.

After the night I'd had, I wasn't going anywhere fucking _near _her naked flesh until I was one hundred percent sure we wouldn't be interrupted.

"Why are you all the way over there?" she questioned, raising a confused brow at me.

"Why are you hiding down there? More importantly, why the _hell _are you naked?"

"Why do you think?"

I chuckled with a shake of my head. "Swan, I'm not doing shit until we're either at my place or I know for a fucking fact that Emmett and Emily are sound asleep and not getting back up."

"Why don't you fucking dust them, genius?"

"Gee, why the _fuck _didn't I think of that?!" I answered sarcastically. "I'm out of dust…remember? Big dude, baseball bat, chasing me around his fucking living room because _your _OCD ass had to touch the goddamned piano?"

"You aren't bitter about it, are you?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" I shot back, smiling at her fucking spunk.

"Did she go to sleep easy?"

"Oh, she's out like a light. It's Emmett that's still up making racket in the damn kitchen. Do we really have to go back down there tonight?"

"If we don't, he'll come up here and you know that. So I guess that since you're out of dust, you're going to have to recruit him, aren't you?"

"Fuck yes, as much as I don't want to. But what's bothering the shit out of me is the fact that with you and Emmett working routes every night, no one will be here to watch Emily."

"I haven't got that far ahead yet. Just…let me think about it, but you have to tell Emmett tonight, Edward. He won't let up until you do."

For the first time since Bella had found out about me, I actually wished she had her fucking wings already; that way, she could fucking tell Emmett and recruit him herself.

This just wasn't something he was going to take lightly and I knew it.

I sighed as she stood, her back to me as she wrapped the sheet around herself. "Do you happen to have any other pants I can change into?"

Bella's face scrunched up as she ran her hand over her face.

"No, I don't…can't you just wear those?"

"I've got fucking jizz in…"

"You glitter glued yourself…right, I forgot. There's two options: you can either ask Em for a pair of his pants which are way too fucking big for you, or you can wear that."

I looked in the direction which she pointed.

Fuck no.

Was she fucking kidding me?

"A robe? You're suggesting I wear your fucking _robe_?!" I growled, eyeballing the silky, vibrant purple robe that hung from her bathroom door, lacy shit embroidering the collar.

"Well, do you have any other ideas, Einstein?!" she exclaimed loud enough to get her point across, but quiet enough to not make it past her door.

I laughed manically to myself, looking up at the sky and flipping it the bird with both hands, knowing without seeing that my old man was laughing his fucking ass off.

When I brought my head back down, Bella was smirking at me, extending the vile piece of fabric to me in her hand.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I swear on fucking everything, I was going to start traveling with a damned bag of extra clothes.

Never again would I do this shit.

When I re-emerged from the bathroom, it had taken the bitch nearly fifteen minutes to quit laughing long enough to take a damn breath.

The robe was three sizes too fucking small.

The sleeves squeezed my arms like a second skin and cut off about an inch past my elbow. Thank god my hips and waist were slim because had they have been a size bigger, I'd have walked downstairs with my junk on display, peeking through the robe.

"Swan, when we go down there, you're fucking sitting in my lap. If you don't, we could wind up in a very bad position with Emmett."

"Good lord, Cullen, it's not like he hasn't seen a cock and balls before. After all, you gave him an up close and personal feel earlier, didn't you?"

I whimpered tiredly. "You're really going to fucking go there? Don't you realize just how bad tonight has sucked already? And you want to make it worse?"

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to fucking lighten the mood a little bit, Edward. I think I might have some boy shorts if you wanna put those on under it. They'll be tight as hell but it's better than nothing."

"Let me guess, they have fucking Hello Kitty on them, right?"

"No, not Hello Kitty…" she hummed.

Shit.

This was going to be bad.

I could just feel it.

In fact, I promised myself I wouldn't fucking look at them.

So, when we went downstairs, the seams of the fucking boy shorts cutting into my skin and my dick feeling like it was suffocating, I prepared myself for the worst.

Emmett met us as we walked into the kitchen, his brow furrowed, nose flaring, and lips twitching as his eyes widened in disgust.

"One, why the hell are you wearing Bells' robe, and two, why _fuck _is your dick choking the Powerpuff Girls?"

**I'm just gonna...**

**Yeah, no words...AGAIN!**

**Just hit that review button, and I'll see you ladies tomorrow night D**

**T**


	27. Chapter 27

**I'd warn you all about smoking/inhaling or drinking while reading, but at this point, I'm just wasting my breath LOL!**

**Enjoy!**

_Emmett met us as we walked into the kitchen, his brow furrowed, nose flaring, and lips twitching as his eyes widened in disgust._

"_One, why the hell are you wearing Bells' robe, and two, why the _fuck _is your dick choking the Powerpuff Girls?"_

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"I'd ask why the hell my dick is any of your fucking concern, but I really _don't _think I can stomach hearing it," I grumbled, pushing past him roughly.

A sharp pain shot out down my arm as Bella pinched the shit out of my bicep and fucking twisted.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"Damage control, cupcake," she answered with a wink as I sat at the table.

To my surprise, she did just as I'd asked in the bedroom; she dropped her sweet ass down on my lap.

And just as my fucking luck would have it, the sound of ripping fabric was heard just as Bella squirmed atop my newly hard cock.

I clenched my eyes shut tight, letting my head slump down onto Bella's shoulder.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" Emmett groaned, no doubt at the sight of my wings spread behind me.

"I'm sorry; I didn't think," Bella whispered into my ear. "And you know, I think if I move just right, you could slip inside and fuck me without him ever knowing."

She did _not _just say that…and in the same room as her fucking brother!

I don't know why, but it cracked me the fuck up, my laughter only dwindling upon the clearing of Emmett's throat.

"Cut the shit. What the hell are you, Cullen?"

"Look, it isn't that easy, Emmett. If I tell you, there's no going back. Once you know, you'll be recruited into the lifestyle, something Bella has already done."

"Quit fucking around, Edward, and just spit it out!"

"I'm a Tooth Fairy," I started lowly, hanging my head, waiting for the laughter to come.

"Right, and I'm Santa Claus. Is this some kind of sick joke to you? You're seriously fucking with my head, dude, and if you're going to be with…"

"Em, stop. He's not bullshitting you. He really _is _a Tooth Fairy. In fact, his parents and sister, Alice are too."

I watched as his eyes widened and then realization dawned on his face.

"You're serious," he mused quietly, eyeballing Bella, looking for the truth.

"Em, I wouldn't lie to you about something like this. I had the same doubts and reaction as you did when I found out, but he's telling the truth."

He averted his eyes back to me, scrutinizing me with his glare. "How did Bells find out about this shit, exactly?"

"She found me in Emily's room last week. I tried to dust her, but needless to say, it fucking backfired on my ass," I explained as Bella's body shook with laughter.

"I'm severely allergic to the standard dust."

"Oh my fucking God! That's why your face turned into a busted ass pumpkin! And it was because of this fucktard? He dusted you….what the hell is that supposed to mean? Fairy slang for some kind of sex act?"

I couldn't stop myself.

I grabbed a fucking orange from the bowl on the table and chunked it as his big ass head.

"No, cocksucker. It's fucking fairy dust. And if I'd had any left from our route tonight, I'd have dusted you just to prevent bringing your dumbass into it."

Emmett's eyes narrowed calculatingly as he leaned across the table.

"What the hell do you mean 'our' route?"

"Since Bella found out, and there's no possible way to dust her as she's fucking both allergic _and _immune, she's been recruited. She's already been suited up with her uniform, she just hasn't received her wings yet. Those will come once she's sworn in this weekend."

"Bells? What the fuck?!" he exclaimed, standing and coming to tower over where she sat on my lap. "You didn't think all this shit was something I needed to know?"

"No, Em, I didn't, because you finding out and not being dusted means that _you're _now being fucking recruited! And not only that, I knew you'd flip your shit over Edward and me."

"You and Ed," he scoffed. "Yeah, according to Thumbelina there, you're not even fucking dating. So what is this, Bells? Are you fuck buddies now?"

I could feel the hurt rolling off of her in waves without even looking at her, and the tone he'd taken was just plain fucked up.

"Hey man, back off, okay? I did say we weren't dating, but that's only because we haven't had any damn time to fucking talk about it. You know, for someone who just minutes ago said you would come to terms with it, you've got a really shitty way of fucking showing it. Bella, I really don't think its fucking wise that I stay here…"

"No, wait," Emmett sighed. "I think I need to talk to Bells for a minute…alone. Is that okay?"

"Em, I'm not discussing anything alone with you, right now. Dammit, Edward's trying to fucking explain what you witnessed earlier, and you're going to listen," Bella snapped, standing from my lap.

I glanced down to see that, while my fucking boner had disappeared, there was a wet spot. And it was in an area that made it fucking impossible to have come from my own body meaning that…

Fuck.

Not again.

"Damn, dude! How many damn times a day do you pop a fucking boner?"

"Around Bella, it seems every five to ten minutes."

And this time, it was Bella that chunked fruit at my head, a furious scowl on her face.

Emmett's hands cupped over his ears as he looked at me with rage, taking deep breaths in attempt to calm down.

"Can you do me a damn favor, Ed?" he asked as I nodded. "Quit fucking talking about Bells. Period."

A few minutes went by in silence before we heard a 'fucking shit' and 'goddammit' come from the front room of the house.

"Ed, how many of you fuckers are there?"

"Enough, jackass!" a voice I knew all too well echoed.

Oh God.

No.

Not him.

Why the hell did he feel the need to actually show the fuck up here?

Bella looked at me with dread and I thrust my hands in the air. We were fucked.

Emmett's eyes bulged comically as he covered his mouth. "Holy fucking shit, your old, nasty ass Dad is a fucking Tooth Fairy?!"

**Dun dun Dunnnn! Surprise visitor there at the end!**

**Shit's about to go down BWAHAHA! And Emmett just thinks Edward's bad...**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	28. Chapter 28

**Yeahhhh...**

**I'll see you at the bottom!**

"_Ed, how many of you fuckers are there?"_

"_Enough, jackass!" a voice I knew all too well echoed._

_Oh God._

_No._

_Not him. _

_Why the hell did he feel the need to actually show the fuck up here?_

_Bella looked at me with dread and I thrust my hands in the air. We were fucked._

_Emmett's eyes bulged comically as he covered his mouth. "Holy fucking shit, your old, nasty ass Dad is a fucking Tooth Fairy?!"_

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"If you'd get your fucking ears cleaned out, you would have heard Bella fucking tell you that earlier!" I griped just as the old man walked in.

He was in his usual uniform of spandex pants and a leopard print shirt two sizes too small.

Yeah, he was one of those fuckers. The kind that believed themselves to get hotter the older they got, but in his case…it was complete fucking opposite.

The old man gave the words 'saggy ass' a whole new fucking meaning.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I grumbled, balling my fists at my sides.

"You know, I gotta hand it to Bella; the bitch knows how to dress your ass."

Why it took me that long to remember what I was wearing was beyond me, but having him fucking bear witness to it was one of the worst things that could have happened.

"Dude, did he just call my sister a bitch?" Emmett exclaimed as I slapped my palm to my forehead with a sigh.

Emmett started to lunge for him but I jumped in front.

I swear, I got myself into enough shit without the old man here to fucking add to it.

"Em, take it easy," I told him quietly. "We'll be fucking lucky if that's the worst thing he says tonight. Just…don't take anything that…"

"Liked the way his junk felt against your dick earlier? That why you're feeling him up now?"

"Jesus fuck, Dad! Will you just shut the fuck up with the insults and shit?! There's a kid in the house for fuck's sake!"

Suddenly, Bella's arms came around me. I'd plum fucking forgotten that she was in the room, which makes it the second or third time now that the old man had called her a bitch in her presence.

And what amazed me was that she hugged low around my waist, avoiding my wings.

She gave me a look, one I should have known not to trust.

"Answer his question, Carlisle. Why the fuck are you here? And it better be good or I'm calling the cops," Bella hissed.

Oh _damn_…the old man hated the fucking cops.

Shit, I was getting myself in trouble without even opening my mouth! I should have warned her.

"Listen here you crusty ass jizz dumptster, you call the cops and I'll fuc…"

"You aren't doing shit, you old bastard. What the hell are you doing here in my fucking house?" Emmett growled, pushing Bella and I behind him.

"He's not too fucking bright, is he?" the old man asked, looking at me as he grabbed and pulled at his fucking balls.

I'm going to be sick.

"He's here to recruit you, Em."

"Wait, so that shit you said about me being recruited into your way of life because of you telling me…that was real?" he asked with narrow eyes as Bella stretched up, putting her mouth at my ear.

"What do you say we go out back and…" she began with a purr.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" the old man chuckled, pushing past Emmett. "You really think that since I'm here in the flesh that I can't hear what you're saying or see what you're doing?"

Bella whipped around and faced him. She was fucking pissed.

"What we do and when is none of your fucking business, so why don't you get your disgusting, perverted ass back to that saggy, dusty old hag you have at home?"

"Oh, you're just enough of a bitch to take her place, but I think you and I would make for a better team, don't you? This fucktard…" he started, chucking his thumb at me as he bit as his lip, eyeballing Bella.

Emmett glanced at me in disgust as I felt my blood beginning to boil.

There was only one thing I could fucking think of to do that would save Bella's ass.

It was just a matter of whether Emmett would do it or not.

Right now, the old man was so caught up in hitting on my girl that he wouldn't fucking pay any attention to what we were up to.

Oh, shit…my girl?

God, I'm fucked.

So fucked.

I motioned my head, calling Emmett over.

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your old man?"

"That's just it, man. He's old, dilapidated, and horny as hell with erectile dysfunction. Don't ask how I know that shit either. Look, I don't want to do this, but it's the only damn way to get him off Bella."

Emmett's brow raised skeptically, and I didn't blame him at this point for not trusting me.

"I need you to touch me," I hissed, slowly moving into position. I just prayed that I didn't take Bella out too in the process.

"Touch you? What the fuck, Ed? Where?"

"Where the hell do you think, asshole?! My wings."

"Are you seriously asking me to give you a goddamn boner? That's fucking sick!"

"_No!_ I'm telling you to release me…"

Before I could finish, his hand had rubbed my wings, set them—and my cock—loose, sending the old man to the floor with the force of their expansion.

I hurriedly glanced around, making sure Bella hadn't been taken out.

She hadn't, but instead of thanking me, she had to take a jab.

"So, should I give you and Em some privacy? I'm sure the old man would love to watch that shit."

"You're welcome, bitch," I laughed, knowing full well that she'd let me get away with it.

Coming to stand in front of me, my dick slipping between her thighs, Bella kicked at the old man on the floor.

"This old man is about to be fucking sick just thinking about you two dipshits together in any way, shape, or form. Emmett, you'll be in fucking training this week. Rosalie is going to be the one responsible for you. She'll be here when her route is up within the next hour," he informed us, clutching his jaw in pain. His eyes then shot to us. "As for you two, see the Volturi, I don't give a fuck…just know, you little princess," he said, eyeballing me, "that you'll be penalized for bringing in someone that hasn't been sworn in yet."

The sickest park of the whole exchange was that, when he stood, there was a disgusting, prominent bulge against the spandex of his pants and his damned withered, moldy ass wings had spread.

All in response to the girl that was desperately trying to manipulate my cock into sliding home.

So much for his erectile problems.

Fuck.

Thankfully, when he left, Emmett excused himself to the bathroom, leaving just Bella and I in the kitchen.

Alone.

I wasn't sure how long he'd be indisposed, and I didn't give a fuck.

She was obviously feneing for it, and I was done with the teasing.

**Okay, before you start throwing stones at me, I'm working on the next chapter now!**

**It'll be up in the next hour and a half! SWEAR!**

**Leave some...oh you get the point!**

**T**


	29. Chapter 29

**Here comes the BOOM!**

**LMAO see you girls down below!**

_Thankfully, when he left, Emmett excused himself to the bathroom, leaving just Bella and I in the kitchen. _

_Alone._

_I wasn't sure how long he'd be indisposed, and I didn't give a fuck. _

_She was obviously feneing for it, and I was done with the teasing._

***~TT&BOFD~***

With my arms around her waist, I hurriedly pushed her across the kitchen to the island.

Her breathing was already picking up, and I'd hardly fucking touched her yet. She reached up to grab a fistful of my hair and roughly tugged, attempting to bring my mouth to hers.

Unfortunately for her, I had other things on my mind taking priority over kissing her; that shit would come later.

I hastily reached down, pushing the overly tight boy shorts—though on me they more or less resembled fucking panties—past my hips, my cock springing free and literally slapping her ass.

Bella shot me a look over her shoulder that told me all I needed to know.

She was just as fucking ready for this as I was.

When our relationship had gone from hate to this, I wasn't exactly sure, but fuck if I enjoying the new us.

Us.

That just sounded alien to me in regards to Bella, but hell, I fucking liked it.

Returning to the task at hand, I lifted her night shirt just enough to tug the scrap of lace covering her ass down to her thighs, but I soon realized that wouldn't fucking work.

"Just rip 'em, dammit," she bit out, pushing her ass back against me.

She didn't have to tell me twice.

As soon as I'd removed the cock blocking fabric, I forced her legs apart just enough to slide forcefully all the way home.

Bella moaned, biting at her lip as she, again, looked back at me.

Despite how pressed we were on time before Emmett came back in, I was so stupefied by incredible fucking feeling and relief at being inside her once again that I couldn't bring myself to full out fuck her.

My dick had other plans.

I slowly pulled out until just the tip remained inside before gradually pushing my way back in with a roll of my hips. When my hips lay flush against the bare skin of her ass, the walls of her pussy pulsing around me, she pushed back against me again.

"Cullen, you've got to fucking move," she groaned, once again grabbing at my hair.

I leaned over her, my head extending past her shoulder to kiss her.

Big fucking mistake…or shit, maybe it was the best…I was past the point of being able to figure it out.

Getting closer to her meant putting my wings within reach of her hands.

The more she stroked, the faster I pumped into her.

And just as I felt my release spiral through me, Emmett came fucking bounding around the corner.

I lowered my head to her shoulder, biting her shirt, praying he didn't fucking discover what had just happened.

"What the _hell _is that?" Emmett hissed, pointing to…

Oh damn.

The remains of Bella's panties. Shit.

Think, Cullen. Think.

"That? Carlisle's nasty ass dropped them on his way out I think," Bella answered, pulling it off beautifully with a disgusted expression.

And the award for best lie ever fucking told goes to…

"Sick! Ed, man, why didn't you ever tell how big of a horn dog your old man really is?" he questioned, walking over to the cabinets by the sink to get a glass, then pouring some from the fridge.

"I thought you'd already picked up on that, man."

"Dude, I knew he was a horny old fuck, but I never thought he was so bad that he'd blatanly hit on my baby sister like that."

"Em, just ignore him. I do," Bella answered, rendering me nearly breathless as she somehow flexed her inner muscles against me.

My body then took on a mind of its own as my hips began to gyrate deliciously slow against her, pushing and pulling ever so slightly.

"By the way, don't ever tell me to touch your fucking wings again. That shit fucked with my head," Emmett laughed as Bella's head tucked to her chest with laughter.

My. God.

Was she trying to kill me?! Didn't she know what laughing did to the inside of a woman's body?

"Yeah, well, stud, if _that _fucked with your head, what's going on this side of that island with blow you damn mind," another all too familiar, yet unwelcome voice spoke up.

I clenched my eyes tight for a split second before looking toward the back to see Rosalie standing there, still decked out in her uniform.

"H-o-l-y shit," Emmett slowly said, his eyes wide as he looked at her, his tongue snaking out to lick at his lips. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm your new boss, bitch," she mumbled. "Since you didn't catch what I just said, maybe this will get through your thick skull. Edward's buried balls deep in your sweet ass sister over here."

I gave her a deadly glare as Bella's head whipped around.

Shit.

That was the look she used to give me.

Was it wrong to hope this turned into a knock down, drag out cat fight?

I could totally go for some girl on girl action.

"_What the fuck?!_ Bells, you're…Ed, you're banging my fucking sister in _my _kitchen?!" he roared, eyes full of rage.

"Newsflash, Em. This is my kitchen too, and do I really need to refresh your memory on how many times I've walked in on you getting off with some chick at night?"

"Okay, ew. I so didn't need to hear all that shit," Rosalie bitched in her typical fashion.

"I don't recall fucking asking you," Bella snapped.

"Wow, Edward, she's just as bitchy as you said she'd be," she smiled, picking at her nails.

I didn't dare look at Bella. I could feel her glare from here.

In my defense, when I'd said that shit to Rosalie, it had been back when Bella and I were at odds and did nothing but yell insults at one another.

I just prayed that it didn't go back to that.

And as I set eyes back on Rosalie, it was too fucking late.

Emmett.

Apparently, letting in him on what touching wings did to a fairy was the wrong fucking move.

Leave it to me to fuck up again.

He was already at Rosalie's side, and before she or I could stop him, he'd reached out and ran his hand down her wing.

"You sick mother fucker," she hissed, grabbing his arm and twisting it around his back forcefully. "Do that shit again and you won't have a fucking dick to piss with."

"Cullen, back up," Bella said lowly.

"Bella, don't listen to…"

"I mean it. I need to go change."

I did as she asked, but took hold of her arms as soon as she turned around. "Don't leave me down here. I'm sorry about what she…about what I said, but it was a long fucking time ago, okay? You can't fucking tell me that you didn't talk shit about me when you left the office."

"All I know is that what just happened," she started, gesturing between the two of us, "isn't happening again until we…"

"Can't I just call you my girl officially and leave the past behind?" I asked desperately, not wanting another fight.

Her eyes softened as her body relaxed under my touch.

"Dammit, Edward, your pathetic high school bullshit can wait. Right now, we need to lay out the fucking law to the oversized, roid-raged douchebag so I can go the fuck home," Rosalie bitched.

I didn't even get to respond before Bella was in her fucking face, and I was left covering my junk for decency.

I watched in horror, and amusement, as Bella grabbed hold of the barbie's nipples and twisted.

When Rosalie screamed and attempted to fight back, my girl swept her leg under barbie's legs, sending her to the floor.

"_Oh, it's on now, bitch!_" Rosalie screeched.

"No its not," Bella laughed. "You do what you have to do to train my moose of a brother. Edward and I are off limits, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you're out of your fucking jurisdiction, bitch."

Okay, so maybe I needed to talk to Bella about anger management as well.

Shit.

**Oh no, Bella's getting big for her britches LOL!**

**So we've met Rosie and Emmett is showing signs of being a horn dog fairy...uh oh!**

**Next chapter hits tomorrow!**

**T**


	30. Chapter 30

**Here you go ladies! This is more of just E/B tonight ;D**

**See you the bottom**

"Uncle Edward?" a sweet voice called out as a small, warm hand pushed against my shoulder.

I gradually opened my eyes to see Emily standing beside the bed, her nose scrunched up in the adorable way that kids do.

"Hey, Sweet Pea," I rasped, my voice still thick with sleep.

She was fucking lucky she was so cute because no one got me up at…_seven o'clock _in the morning without having to answer for it.

I glanced to the other side of the bed to see Bella laying on her side, her back to me.

"What are you doing in mommy's bed?"

Uh…

What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?

"Are you in here because she's sick?"

I don't know where she came up with that but I was fucking running with it.

"Yeah, sweetie," I told her, forcing myself to crack a smile. "I tell you what, why don't you go downstairs and I'll be there in just a minute to cook us up some pancakes?"

"What about mommy?" she whispered, cupping her hand around her nose and mouth.

"I think we're just going to let her sleep, okay?"

"Okay," she giggled as she ran out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I flipped from my side, onto my back and draped an arm across my eyes.

Last night seemed to have gone on forever. After 'laying down the law' as the Barbie so eloquently put it, she'd taken Emmett outside because at least out there, she could use the fucking dust to hover out of his reach.

Bella apparently meant it when she'd said that we weren't having sex again because every advance I'd made once we returned to her room last night was rejected. And for once, she went out of her way to avoid touching me or my wings.

Hell, she'd even put a damned pillow between us last night.

I knew our past was going to come back to bite me in the ass, but I really didn't think that it would be because of the barbie's fucking mouth.

If anything, I figured it would be me that fucked it up, which in a way, I guess it was.

I mean, yeah, I still called her a bitch from time to time and the shit that she pulled and put me through out on our route had pissed me off more times than I could count, but I fucking cared about her.

And I would do whatever I could to prove that to her, but with our day job and the fairy shit taking up most of our night, I was limited on what I could do.

Especially now that she'd banned me from fucking her damned brains out.

"She's not going to wait forever, Cullen, and the last thing you want is for her to walk in here after you've gotten up and before you've dressed."

The sound of her gritty, morning voice startled me.

I glanced over at her and…

"_Mother of fuck!" _I screamed, my voice raising a few octaves as I fucking alligator rolled out of that bed and crashed to the floor, the sheets a tangled knot around my legs.

In our haste to touch one another yesterday, we'd obviously both forgotten that the dust that covered my body and was laced in my jizz wasn't fucking hypo-allergenic.

I was fucking staring at Mrs. Stay Puft.

And if I had to guess, she was most likely attempting to glare daggers at me, but who the fuck knew. I didn't know where her eyes began and her cheeks ended.

This was, by far, the worst I'd seen her.

"God, you are such an ass sometimes, Edward. This is your fucking fault. _Again,_" she hissed, getting out of bed.

I would have responded. Matter of fact, I was mustering up the words when I noticed the way she was walking.

The first thing that came to mind was AFLAC.

"Why the fuck are you walking like that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow from my spot on the floor.

"My fucking pussy's swollen up, dickhead!" she bitched, storming over to me and kicking my bare ass with…

Fucking A! Did she not believe in toe nail clippers?

Bitch has bear claws!

"Yeah, I got up to go to the bathroom this morning and it took an act of fucking congress to do so. I'm so swollen it _hurts_!"

"Want me to bring you to the hospital?" I asked, my voice strained as I smoothed my hand over my ass to stop the burning sensation.

"Fuck you! They can't do shit for what's wrong with me. In fact, the only one who can is your sick, twisted old man and _fuck _that."

"That's not the only option, Bella. I'll take you to the Volturi, like I said, and they'll fix this shit once and for all. I'm fucking sorry, okay? But don't you go putting all this shit on me! You're the one that has an obsession with my goddamn wings!" I exclaimed, scrambling to my feet and walking to meet her over by the bathroom.

I swear, until we got this allergy problem taken care of, being with Bella was going to be like heaven and hell both at the same fucking time.

"Today. You're taking me today," she demanded, turning to look at me.

Or at least I think she was.

"Swan, we have work at the office."

"So we'll bring our laptops or something with us, but I'm not spending another day of my life looking like this, Edward. And don't tell me it's not that bad because your reaction said it all."

"Bring our laptops? Bella, this isn't a fucking vacation. We're not going to stay in the Four Seasons and have free wi-fi. We're going to Volterra. There is no wi-fi. There are no cell phone towers. Fuck, there's not even TV. But fine, if taking you there _today _will make you happy and get you off my ass, then let's go. But before we do, I promised Emily I'd go make her pancakes, so if you'll excuse me."

"You planning on exposing my daughter to your cross dressing, Cullen?"

Shit.

I had no clothes on other than the fucking boy shorts.

"What the hell am I supposed to wear?!" I growled, ramming my fist into the door frame.

"You can put those pants back on. I know its nasty, but at least the jizz has dried."

"_Grosss!" _I groaned. " Look, I know it's the last fucking thing you want to do, but if we're going to leave today, I'm going to need some clothes. Would you mind running to my place and getting some stuff?" I asked, knowing she'd hate me for it. "Please?"

"Okay, you're asking me, someone who can barely fucking see—and can hardly sit—to _drive _to your house to pick up clothes?"

"If I had an idea that might relieve some of your aggravation…down…there," I started, coughing from how weird this shit was, "would you be open to letting me help you?"

"Oh, I can't wait to hear this. What could _you _possibly think of that would help _this_?" she mumbled, hanging her head.

"A fucking douche."

Her head whipped up, and 'looked' in my general direction.

Yeah, maybe she shouldn't fucking drive.

"A douche?! That's your plan?! How the hell do you intend for me to do that? It's _swollen shut!_"

I was going to fucking regret this shit, I just knew it.

"I'll do it. I'll help you do it," I whispered, wanting to cry at the fact that I'd just fucking volunteered to handle one of those things.

"Go make her pancakes, and I'll think about it," she murmured, reaching out to touch my arm. "Emmett isn't home. He left early and said he'd be back in a few hours. Why don't you go in his room and find a pair of pants."

"Thought you said they'd be too big?" I asked, arching a brow.

"Yeah, well, I've got a rope to tie them around your waist."

And before turning to walk away, I wanted to try and right things somewhat, so I leaned forward and lightly pressed my lips to the puffy skin of her forehead.

**Oh boy, Edward with a swollen Bella and the impending douche...OY VEY!**

**Next chapter will be a riot LOL**

**Thanks for all of your continued support and reviews! It makes my day and keeps me going!**

**T**


	31. Chapter 31

**Sorry for not having posted yesterday or the day before. I've been busy preparing for the freaking BLIZZARD that just hit!**

**This is just the first of not one, but TWO updates tonight ;)**

Okay.

The pancakes I'd cooked for Emily—and Emmett, who'd finally showed his face—turned out to be a big hit.

I was fucking stuffed to the brim.

Bella, understandably, had stayed upstairs. I didn't blame her; after all, her problem was half my fault.

It wasn't often that I felt guilt about anything, and even less often that I fucking admitted to it, but I felt like shit for having put her in the predicament she was in.

Especially considering how many times she'd been forced to deal with the shit.

Once I'd seen to Emily finishing her breakfast and took it upon myself to dress her for the day, I cooked up a few more pancakes for Bella and brought them upstairs to her.

And I'll just say what I'm sure all of you are fucking thinking.

I was doing this one good deed in hopes that she would decide _not _to have me assist her with administering a damn douche.

Yeah, that was another one of those fucking times that my mouth got me into a world of trouble.

But don't get me wrong: if she needed help with it, I'd fucking help her.

Remembering her reaction to me storming into her room last night, I stopped at the door and knocked.

I could hear her cursing and things being kicked around before she finally opened up.

Her face said...

Let me rephrase that.

The gasp that came from her said it all; I'd surprised her, and hard as it was to tell with the condition of her face, it was a good surprise.

"Edward, you didn't have to do this," she murmured, taking the plate from me and walki…_waddling _over to the bed. "Fwank oo," she mumbled around a mouthful of food.

I had to laugh.

She was sitting on a mound of fucking pillows.

I really had fucked the shit out of her yesterday; that much was evident by the fact that her fucking pussy had actually swelled.

That had _never _happened before. Not with her, and certainly not with anyone else as I hadn't had sex since before the fairy shit started.

"So," I started, clearing my throat. "What the fuck are we doing? Am I helping you…do…that? Or are we just going straight to the Volturi?"

"I seriously am not expecting you to help with…that, Cullen. You brought it up, remember?" she answered, looking down to her plate.

Why?

Women always fucking complain about us being frustrating and hard to figure out, but isn't that the fucking pot calling kettle black?

Was it so damn hard to give me a straight answer? Why was she putting that shit on me?

She should just be grateful that I was kind enough to fucking offer because—and I'm speaking on behalf of all men—most would _never_ actually volunteer that shit.

And most wouldn't do it even if they _were _asked.

"Swan, would it help if we did that? Yes or no?"

Her reply was almost so damn quiet I nearly missed it, but unfortunately, I hadn't.

"All right. What am I looking for, and where?" I asked, rubbing at my forehead.

She glanced up at me with her eyes narrowed. "You said it yourself, genius; a douche. And it should be where all the other feminine hygiene products are. Anything you need to know past that, you'll have to ask a store clerk about. I've never…"

"So…wait. I'm offering to help you _douche_ your shit, and you're telling me that you've never done it before?!"

"No, I haven't," she hissed. "I've never had a fucking reason to!"

"Oh, that's just great! You're back to putting all of this on me," I sighed. "Fine. I'll borrow a shirt from Emmett. Just…stay put. Leave your plate on the nightstand or something, and I'll take it downstairs when I get back."

***~TT&ABOFD~***

There it was.

It's big blue fucking letters staring me in the face, mocking me and the task I was about to perform.

The problem with Forks?

It's limited selection of grocery stores.

Seriously, of all the stores, why did it _have _to be a fucking Wal-Mart Supercenter?

The last thing I needed was to have someone I knew see me with that shit in my hands.

And trust me, it was going to fucking happen.

As small as this town was, and as well as everyone here knew me and my family, I was bound to run into somebody.

Sucking down a nearly full cigarette, I sighed and stepped out of my car.

With a shirt and pants two sizes too fucking big, and Emmett's ridiculous Captain America slippers—if you remember, I'd been in my fairy getup when we arrived at Bella's—I headed towards the store.

Yeah, if ever there was an instance where 'taking one for the team' fit it to a 'T', this was it.

To my horror, there were people milling all around the minute I entered.

Most were looking at me as though I featured in the newest addition to 'the People of Wal-Mart', which—after this—I most likely would.

I kept my head down, avoiding all eye contact as I made a bee line to the Health and Beauty department.

That was most likely where they kept this shit, right?

Bella so fucking owed me for this.

She'd owe me even more after I faced the swollen snatch later.

Spotting the Depends, I turned down that aisle. Weren't they the same fucking thing?

I scanned their shelves, finding nothing.

Fuck, I didn't even know what it was I was looking for!

As I continued perusing, my stomach turning further at the several different brands, shapes and sizes of tampons and maxis, I realized that this was going to be a hell of a lot harder than I thought.

"Edward?"

Oh mother of fuck, why her? Why did it have to be Jessica fucking Finley?!

See, I told you!

"Hi, Jessica," I mumbled.

"Are you lost?" she asked, scratching her head after a second. "You're looking at Vagisil and Monistat..."

"What?" I asked as though she were speaking a foreign language.

I looked to what was on the shelf in front of me and felt my dick shrivel and try to climb inside me. Fucking yeast infe…

"No…I, um…I'm looking for…shit, I'm looking for a douche. It's for my…"

"Girlfriend?" she finished bitterly. "Mom or sister?" she added with a tinge of hope.

Tell me she did _not _just fucking go there.

Bleach.

I need to pick up bleach while I'm here.

Shit, even that probably wouldn't help.

Nyquil! A few bottles of Nyquil should help me erase that from my mind for a while, right?

"Look, can you help me or not?" I bit out, letting her know I wasn't up for any fucking chit chat.

"The bottom of the shelf," she snapped, walking away.

I breathe a heavy sigh of relief as she disappeared from sight and then turned my eyes back to the vile shit on the bottom.

Oh fuck me.

Was it too late to call her back over for an opinion?

Why were you women so damn complicated?!

Fresh Scent, Island Splash, Country Flowers…

Massengill, Summer's Eve…

How the hell was I supposed to know which one to get?

Fuck it, I was buying 'em all.

On the positive side, if ever this shit happens again, I had it covered because I sure as hell wasn't coming back.

**Poor, poor, Edward! LMAO!**

**Bella better thank him REALLY good later, huh?**

**Look for the next chapter coming tonight. I'd say no more than two hours. **

**Gotta get my kids bathed and in bed LOL**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	32. Chapter 32

**OMG, I can NOT with these two, LOL!**

**Enjoy!**

"I cannot believe you bought _all _of them!" Bella exclaimed with laughter. "Are you insane?! Just how much are you anticipating I'll need?"

Yep, she was once again having a laugh at my expense.

However, I'd take that over her yelling and being pissed at me any day.

"I wasn't really anticipating anything, Bella! I mean, shit! Have you been down that aisle? How the hell was I supposed to know which one to get?"

"All you had to do was pick a scent, grab a random box and walk away," she answered, still snickering as we walked into her bathroom, her shedding clothes along the way.

And my willing my fucking cock to behave for once in his life.

"Well, gee, it wasn't like I was shopping for air fresheners, Swan," I huffed, crossing my arms across my chest, forcing myself to maintain eye contact and not let my eyes sink lower. "You're welcome, by the way; you haven't even thanked me yet."

Her lips attempted to curve upward into a smile, but—due to the swelling—failed miserably, as she stepped closer, now naked, mind you, and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "Thank you."

And…one…

Two…

Thr…_POOF_!

I fucking hate being a fairy.

She stepped back with a scoff. "Really, Edward? You are going to have to find a way to control that thing."

"What did you expect?! You're stark fucking naked with your tits pressed against my very thin shirt." I pathetically defended myself. "Besides, you didn't seem to mind last night. In fact, you encouraged it," I snarked, knowing I had her.

She sighed and turned to the stack of boxes on the counter. "Pick a scent while I get the shower warmed up."

That got my attention.

"We're taking a shower together?" I questioned, hoping that I hadn't misunderstood her.

"If you're still willing to help, then yeah," Bella murmured.

With a grin, I looked over the boxes.

Island Splash. What the fuck? I suppose that was what the people at Summers Eve thought Hawaiian pussy should smell like?

Country Flowers. They actually bottle that shit? Psychos.

Fresh Scent.

Out of the three, that one sounded best and the less offensive. And I certainly didn't want her snatch smelling unfresh 'cause…

Ew.

"Pick one?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Well?" she asked expectantly. "Hurry up, strip, and get your ass in here."

With a chuckle, I ripped my shirt over my head and shed the rest of my clothes. "What's the hurry, other than the fact you're in pain?"

"I've got to drop Emily off at Charlie's for the weekend. He thinks you and I are going out of town to follow up on a story, and Emmett's swamped with work over the weekend."

The alibis she'd given were actually believable considering what she and I did for a living, and the fact that Emmett was a carpenter for one of the leading construction companies in the Forks area.

Not to mention that he'd be pretty fucking busy with the Barbie during the nights.

I just hoped they hadn't told Charlie—the Chief of Police and Bella's dad—about the shit I'd given her at work.

I mean, I'd always gotten along with him just fine, but I hadn't seen him in months.

"I'll probably just stay in the car when we drop her off then," I answered, grabbing a bottle from the box—not bothering to look at it—and stepped into the shower with her.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous. You know Charlie's cool with you."

"Yeah, well, he probably wouldn't be if I happened to spring wood in front of him."

At that point, Bella moved out from under the spray and stared at me.

"And why the fuck would you do that?"

"Do I really need to recount everything from the time you found out about me?"

She hung her head, laughing…until she saw the thing in my head.

"Holy shit! _That's _the douche?! And I'm supposed to trust you in putting it inside of me?" she practically screamed.

Shit, if she was panicking, this wasn't going to go over well.

I glanced down to what looked like some sort of BDSM slash torture device. There was a bottle of blue tinted fluid along with a nozzle that apparently screwed to the top, but the kicker was the nozzle looked like a spherical cheese grater.

"Swan, you sure you want to do this?" I asked cautiously, praying she'd say fuck no.

But on the other hand, I hoped she'd say yes just because of the humility I had to endure to get it.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, have you no damn brain in that head of yours?!" a voice sounded from the3 other side of the shower curtain.

Oh Jesus…Fuck…Shit…What the _hell _was she doing here?!

"Mom, back off and go home! I don't need your help!"

"Shut your mouth, boy! Bella, I can help with your face, but Edward's the only one that can help with your hoot n'nanny. Sorry, I just don't swing that way."

I looked at Bella apologetically as I slapped my palm against my head. Bella simply grabbed my hand and moved to stand in front of me, should my fucking _mother _pull back the curtain.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I shouted, already at wit's end with their noses being in my damn business.

"I brought some of the special dust we keep in the vault. All you need to do is spread it on yours or her fingers or mouth, whichever you prefer, and apply it to the area. That will take care of her external swelling, but as for the internal, she's going to have to _release_ it another way…if you catch my drift."

Please, God…_anybody_…

Explain to me when it was that my parents became backwoods, Deliverance style, white trash. When it was that they deemed themselves allowed to fucking give me sexual advice.

To fucking tell me _when _to finger fuck and or eat out my fucking girlfriend!

This was shit I was going to have nightmares about for years to come.

Matter of fact, I wasn't sure I'd be able to look them in the damn eye again.

This was the biggest violation of privacy yet.

"Esme, put the fucking dust on the bathroom counter, and then get the _fuck _out of my house!" Bella barked, her nails digging into my leg painfully.

"There's no need to get hostile. All you gotta do is say thank you, sweet cheeks," my mother answered.

"Get. Out." My girl reiterated in an even harsher tone, shocking me and making me wrap my arms around her to pull her against me just a bit tighter.

Once we were sure she'd gone, Bella glanced at me, and just as the wench had said, her face had returned to normal.

But as I bent over to turn off the water, I caught a glimpse of the aforementioned pussy.

And it was, indeed, very, very fucking angry.

Good thing was that I now could have fun relieving her pain, rather than stabbing her with a cheese grater and causing _more_.

**His fucking parents! DAMN!**

**I promise that tomorrow, the snatch issue will be dealt with and then we're off to the Volturi. **

**I'm hoping to post two more chapters tomorrow as I'm pretty much snowed in LOL**

**Leave love ;D**

**T**


	33. Chapter 33

**I fully intended to post multiple updates today, but RL called :(**

**I will TRY to do more tomorrow!**

**Now, on to the resolution to the Swollen Snatch~**

"_Get. Out." My girl reiterated in an even harsher tone, shocking me and making me wrap my arms around her to pull her against me just a bit tighter._

_Once we were sure she'd gone, Bella glanced at me, and just as the wench had said, her face had returned to normal._

_But as I bent over to turn off the water, I caught a glimpse of the aforementioned pussy._

_And it was, indeed, very, very fucking angry._

_Good thing was that I now could have fun relieving her pain, rather than stabbing her with a cheese grater and causing more._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

With a wicked smirk, Bella handed me a towel to dry off with.

I leaned forward to kiss her, now that swollen mug was no more, but she pulled away.

"What the hell?" I asked, making sure to add just enough bite in my tone to…okay, I fucking whined.

"I just got my face back, Cullen. I'm not kissing that mouth of yours until we figure out a solution to this shit. And let it be known, if your parents barge in on us one more damn time, I'll fucking kill them. And I'm not saying that to be funny, either. I will stop their fucking hearts, Edward," she bitched at me.

"Fuck, Swan, chill out, okay? You've made your point," I laughed as I finished drying off and tossed the towel to the corner.

"Oh, I know you get it, but I also know those sick, old dirt bags are fucking listening to our conversation—however the fuck they do it," she answered, with a grin.

I shook my head at her, fucking loving the way she was beginning to think, as she grabbed the bag of dust off of the bathroom counter and motioned with her head for me to follow her into the bedroom.

"You aren't anxious or anything, are you, Swan?" I asked smugly, grabbing her waist from behind and pulling her back against me.

"Right, cause having a swollen pussy is the best feeling in the world," she grumbled.

"Oh, just admit it. You fucking want me," I teased, pressing myself against her perfectly round ass, amazed that I hadn't gone fucking hard yet.

And I say yet because it was fucking inevitable.

Especially with my track record around her.

"In case you haven't noticed, Cullen," she started, turning to grab my arm and pushing slash throwing me onto the bed, "I have _no _qualms about admitting I fucking want you, _but _the part of you that I crave most, I can't have, so hurry up and fix…"

"_Swan! Shut up!"_ I finally exclaimed, finding her word vomit to be hilarious.

For fucking once, I wasn't digging myself a damn grave.

Before I could even register what it was she was doing, she hopped up on the bed and literally sat on my fucking face.

Okay, it was more like hovered, but still…

The snatch was angry, and I fully intended to help her, but if by some chance the swelling went down instantaneously and my jizz was pooled up behind her walls, I did _not _want to be in the fucking way when it came pouring out.

I mean, you'd have to fucking bleach me and my insides, set me on fire, douse me in rubbing alcohol and then put me in a damn bubble for a month before I'd be anywhere close to feeling fucking clean.

_Shit!_

Her damn hand was on my cock and I could literally feel my wings struggling to get free beneath the weight of myself and Bella.

"Fuck," I hissed. "Swan, this position isn't going to work. You've got to move, and let me be on top in control. My damn wings are cutting into my back and shoulders."

And then?

She grinned.

The bitch knew what she was doing to me!

I should have known better. Should've seen this shit coming.

With a pained laugh, I gently pushed her back and to the side, pressing my lips against her bare folds just once, causing her to whimper.

Son of a bitch…her skin was on fucking fire. No wonder she'd been waddling. God only knew how much that shit hurt.

Once she was out of the way, I sat up, my wings snapping to attention.

Bella snickered from the foot of the bed, where she had laid out on her back, legs spread eagle.

Fuck me.

How the hell was I supposed to take this shit seriously?

It was all starting to turn into something akin to a damn porno.

"Before I do anything, does it hurt to touch?" I asked, kneeling on the floor and hunching over the mattress, putting my mouth and hands exactly where they needed to be.

Bag of dust beside me.

"I really don't know, Edward, I've been avoiding it," she gritted out.

"Hey, I'm just asking. I don't want to fucking hurt you," I shot back. "Unless pain gets you off…"

Dammit! I winced and clutched at my head which she'd just slammed between her knees forcefully.

"Okay, I'll take that as a no," I mumbled, resuming my position.

Obviously, talking about it wasn't going to get us anywhere, so I started with soft, gentle passes with my fingertips along her folds and surrounding flesh of her thighs.

Bella moaned and whimpered, but thank fuck, she didn't cry out in pain.

So far so good.

Knowing that I was going to have to get her wet before I could slip my fingers or anything else inside, I tried to think of how to do that.

Next to my cum—which was out of the question—and her own juices—which were non-existent right now—all that I could come up with was either saliva or butter.

Don't judge me.

I'd fucking read about it being used as a lubricant once before.

But then it dawned on me: old saddlebags had told me to use the dust for the external swelling, and to use my mouth or fingers for internal.

It was worth a shot. If the dust worked on her love box like it did her face, then the problem would be fucking solved.

"Well, are you going to sit there and stare at it all day or are you going to help me?" she whined pathetically, her head popping up to look at me between her legs.

"I'm about to put the dust on you, Bella. Considering who we got this shit from, if it hurts or you feel like something is suddenly growing inside you, tell me."

"Growing inside me?! What the fuck, Edward?! Do children actually come about that fucking fast in the fairy world?"

Foot in mouth.

"I don't fucking know! I'm just saying..."

And without waiting a second longer, I opened the bag and fucking chunked the contents over her pussy, coating it.

I jumped up and thrust my hands in the air, thanking the Gods above that it had worked.

Now? Now the pussy was happy and purring.

But Bella?

She had her hand cupped over her mouth as tears leaked from her eyes.

At first, I thought she was crying, but instead, she was laughing…

And pointing to…

I glanced down, following her gaze.

My fucking dick had been reduced down to a Lil' Smokie.

The shit the old hag gave me was fucking shrinking dust, and apparently, when I'd tossed it at Bella, some had landed on my hardened cock.

There was no way they were getting away with this shit.

The Volturi would know exactly how to handle them, and that's the first fucking place we were going…

STAT.

Well, after I finger fucked the rest of…

Yeah, you get the point.

**I'm sure you've all learned, that one problem leads to another LOL, ESPECIALLY for these two!**

**Next chapter is for sure the Volturi.**

**We really are winding down and closing in on the end of this fun ride, BUT I won't give a number of chapters because I honestly don't have a clue how many it will be, just that it's close LOL**

**And if you're on Facebook and we haven't friended each other, please shoot me a request! **

**TwiStarJunkie Masen is what I go by ;)**

**I love keeping in touch and interacting with readers!**

**Leave some love! **

**T**


	34. Chapter 34

**I'll warn you, do NOT drink once you reach Volterra.**

**That's all. **

**See you at the bottom!**

_There was no way they were getting away with this shit. _

_The Volturi would know exactly how to handle them, and that's the first fucking place we were going…_

_STAT._

_Well, after I finger fucked the rest of…_

_Yeah, you get the point._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Thankfully, and surprisingly, dropping Emily off at Charlie's had gone smoothly and remained uneventful.

Leaving Emmett to face the Barbie, alone, for a few days…hadn't.

He'd bitched and groaned, begging me to hold off on skipping down with Bella in order to help him with her.

Well, my answer was as you'd expect it to be.

I told him fuck no and laughed in his face.

He'd then turned to Bella, hoping she'd show him mercy, but my girl was just as cruel as I was, if not more so.

She told him that it was payback for having tried to control who she did and didn't date for the past six years. She'd even asked me to put in a call to Rosalie, telling her to really give him hell.

And I knew Rosalie; that damn Barbie would make him wish he'd never walked into Bella's room that night.

Though, I had a feeling that he already did.

Anyways, here we fucking were, at my house as I rifled through every damn drawer, looking for the blasted bedazzled pouch of dust used to transport us to Volterra.

"Mind telling me how the hell a bag of _dust _is going to beam us up to some make-believe world?" Bella asked, picking at her nails as her eyes followed me around the room.

"Oh, it's not make-believe, Princess. It's fucking real, and something you won't soon forget. The dust is basically the be all, end all for fairies, Swan. All you'll do is hold on to me, I throw the shit to the floor and we're gone. That's it. And you know, it wouldn't fucking hurt for you to help me find it instead of standing there looking pretty."

"What color did you say it was?" she asked, un-fucking-amused.

"It's purple and covered in jewels, but standin…"

"Is that it next to the coffee maker?"

I turned and…I was a damn blind fool.

Sure enough, there it sat, mocking me in all its glory.

"And you didn't think to point that shit out to me sooner?" I grumbled, crossing my living room to the coffeemaker on the kitchen island. "Will you at least get my duffle bag out of my bedroom?"

Bella walked off, and shockingly enough, she did so without smarting off.

"Can I ask why you need a duffle bag full of clothes if we're going to the fairy capital of the fucking world?" she asked, dropping the back at my feet. "I mean, being that you're a fairy, won't you just be wearing your damn leotard and tutu?"

"For fuck's sake, that's not my _usual _uniform, Swan! That's part of the shit that I'm hoping the Volturi will fix."

"Do you really think they'll do anything about your parents?" she asked, locking her arms around my waist and looking up at me.

"I fucking hope so. Aro's pretty reasonable," I answered, wishing like hell I could fuck her into oblivion before we left.

Fat—or should I say short—chance of that happening. I'd be lucky if she even felt a damn tickle with my current _situation._

"I'm assuming he's the one we'll be dealing with?"

Her eyes were focused on my mouth, but I knew that if I kissed her, the chances of getting a knee to the fucking balls was likely, so I just nodded.

"Well, it should be interesting relaying the list of problems we're having to this _Aro_ guy."

Yeah, interesting was right, but what would be even better was seeing her reaction to Aro once she laid eyes on him.

Grabbing her bag and mine in one hand, and making sure her arms were still locked tight around me, I took the bag of dust and threw its contents to the ground.

The beaming up process was rather hard to explain as one minute we were standing in my living room, and the next we were in Volterra.

"Holy fuck, they have a preference for pink, glitter, and jewels, don't they?" Bella spoke in complete awe as she looked at her surroundings.

She wasn't completely off base either. Just imagine if the game CandyLand turned out to be a real place. Only thing to add would be pink floors and glittered walls.

"Oh my God, even without your old man looking over you, you're still condemned to the uniform?" she asked, laughing.

I glanced down in horror and just knew that this meeting with Aro was going to…

"Edward Cullen? Ah, to what do I owe this oh so tempting pleasure?" a musical voice sounded out behind us.

Shit.

I turned to see Aro approaching us…well, more like pirouetting.

And his appearance had gotten even more overboard since the last time I'd seen him.

I looked over to Bella whose jaw was dropped and her eyes bulged.

My uniform was fucking masculine in comparison to his, and his was by choice.

If you can imagine a fairy BDSM Dom, then you've probably hit the nail on the head, only…he wasn't a Dom.

At least I fucking hoped he wasn't.

His coal black hair was pulled up into a 'I Dream of Genie' style pony tail, a bedazzled pink leather strap wrapped around its base. His top—if you could even fucking call it that—consisted of thick pink straps that wrapped around his shoulders and pecks, leaving his nipples exposed.

Nipples which were adorned with silver peircings, each with a series of three diamonds varying in size dangling from them.

The pants…well, they looked more like fucking skin tight chaps in a dark fuschia. But the most disturbing part, and probably what alarmed Bella, was that his fully erect cock protruded from a hole cut out in the pants with strands of white satin wrapped around it in a criss-cross pattern, his wings broadly expanded behind him.

His shoes weren't much different from the stripper shoes that Carlisle had equipped me with, only the heel on his were a fucking spike.

And just like the last time I'd seen him, his eyes feasted on me as though I was his next fucking meal.

"I'm here about my parents, and Bella," I grumbled, gesturing over to her with my hand.

"Bella? Tsk, tsk, Edward, you know better than to bring a human to Volterra," he warned teasingly, licking his lips as he narrowed his eyes at me.

"The old man is swearing her in this weekend. She's been training with me for the past week. Our problem is, she's immune and fucking severely allergic to the dust, hence the reason she's joined us. We were hoping that you could somehow help us with her allergy problem."

"_Immune_, you say?" he questioned, his eyes opening and twinkling in skepticism.

I watched as he reached behind him, pulling out a bag of dust.

I don't even want to think of where he could have possibly pulled that fucking bag from.

With a snap of his fingers, he tossed some dust into her face.

Her face suddenly blew up, she began coughing uncontrollably, and she stayed standing upright, holding onto my hand for dear life.

Apparently his shit was fucking potent because when I hit her with my dust, it took at least an hour for her face to swell as severely as it just had.

Suddenly, a shrill, ear-piercing laugh burst from his chest and echoed off the walls around us, sounding like something from a horror film.

Something kids' nightmares were fucking made of.

His hands clapped together in joy as my eyes caught sight of his fucking dick twitching in his excitement.

I so didn't need to see that shit.

"Oh, this is absolutely fantastic," he squealed, stepping closer to her and running a finger over her face.

But as he did so, his other hand went for my wings—as they did with every fucking visit—and…shit.

Here it comes.

He gasped as my wings expanded and his eyes traveled south. "What the hell is that, may I ask?" he asked, his lip actually fucking pouting as he eyed the miniscule protrusion in my leotard.

"That would be another reason I'm here."

"If you came to finally cave to my offer, Edward, this is unacceptable," he warned with a raised eyebrow.

Yes, he's made advances before. And no, I'm not going into fucking detail.

"Mother of fuck, you're bi?!" Bella exclaimed beside me.

I hung my head.

Fuck my life. There was a hell of lot of explaining to do.

**Oh lord! Aro's a bit much, isn't he? **

**The continuation of their meeting WILL be posted tomorrow. **

**Leave love!**

**T**


	35. Chapter 35

**This chapter, like the last, comes with a WARNING! **

**Drink and smoke at your own risk.**

**See ya down below!**

_He gasped as my wings expanded and his eyes traveled south. "What the hell is that, may I ask?" he asked, his lip actually fucking pouting as he eyed the miniscule protrusion in my leotard._

"_That would be another reason I'm here."_

"_If you came to finally cave to my offer, Edward, this is unacceptable," he warned with a raised eyebrow._

_Yes, he's made advances before. And no, I'm not going into fucking detail._

"_Mother of fuck, you're bi?!" Bella exclaimed beside me._

_I hung my head. _

_Fuck my life. There was a hell of lot of explaining to do._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"_Am I_?" I repeated back to her incredulously, ignoring Aro's questioning stare, and still trying to forget about his dick twitching. "Fuck no, I'm not! Didn't you just hear him ask if I was _finally _caving?"

"Yeah, but that was until you got hard…kind-of," Bella answered, arching a brow high at me.

"Oh my fucking God, Swan, I_ cannot_ _believe _you're actually asking me this shit! You fucking _know _what happens when you touch my wings! It doesn't matter who touches them. And besides, I'm attempting to get this fixed so I can fuck the ever loving shit out of _you_!Not him."

By the time I finished, Aro was frowning with his lips twisted up comically, while Bella smirked.

Wait.

Did she just manipulate the situation by inadvertently getting me to reject Aro, in so many words?

If she did, she was even more evil than I'd originally given her credit for.

However, this could also prove to be very bad in regard to whether he fucking helped us or not.

I grimaced as I turned back to Aro. "Shit, I didn't mean any offense, Aro."

"None taken, my dear boy, though, I can't say I'm not disappointed. I can fix both problems, though I hate to see you lose the leotard and tights; you're ass looks positively phenomenal," he replied, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and making my stomach clench in response. "However, we're going to have to do something about your parents. It seems that Carlisle is going against our code of ethics, in every sense of the word."

"You fucking think?!" I scoffed, taking Bella's hand and pulling her into my side.

Call me a pussy; I don't really care, but I wasn't comfortable around this guy, regardless of whether I was asking for help or not.

"But," he started, smiling at me with his eyes and making my insides run cold. "Everything comes with a price, Edward."

Bella tilted her head up like she was looking at me. "What the hell is he talking about?"

"Bella, is it? Your face I can fix now, and I'll do that at no cost because I just can't bear to look at you like that anymore. But as for your allergic reaction to our dear Edward here, and his tiny package, it will cost you. Well," he backpeddled, "Not you; more like, him."

And there was only one form of payment that Aro would accept. I'd only had to do it once before.

Understand though: I was literally forced into it. And I was _not _looking forward to being put through the motion again, or happy that Bella would be witness to it.

"What exactly is this fucking payment you're talking about?" Bella inquired, to which Aro grinned widely and side-eyed me.

"Should you explain it to her, or shall I?" he sang wickedly, taking a step closer to me and running a nail down the center of my chest.

Did I mention before that he had fucking bitch nails?

Bella's face had gone back to its normal state as she looked at me in question.

"You fucking tell her. I think I'll puke if I do. Saying it out loud makes it more real," I grumbled.

"What exactly has Edward here told you about me, dear Bella?" he questioned, turning his gaze to her.

"Nothing other than the fact that you might help us, though I'm starting to think otherwise."

"Oh my, well then this be awkward for you, I'm sure. There is only one form of payment accepted here. As you can probably tell, I like men," he began.

"Wow, I never would've guessed," she mumbled sarcastically.

"_As I was saying,_ you little twit, I like men, therefore, Edward is the only one who can give payment."

"Just tell me what the fuck it is and stop beating around the fucking bush!" she hissed.

Goddammit, she was _not _helping our case right now. If anything, she was pissing him off, and I didn't even want to think what he'd have me do to make up for it. And believe me, if I could have stomped on her fucking foot without making a scene, I so would have.

"Do you see the ribbon wrapped around my cock?"

"Unfortunately yes," she answered to which Aro raised an eyebrow at me.

"She's a rather vocal spitfire, isn't she?"

"You have no fucking idea," I answered, earning a glare from her.

"We wrap our cocks because here in Volterra, we treasure them above all else. All dicks are bared to the public eye, and presented as a prize…a gift if you will. A hard cock is a happy cock. And they way we keep them happy is by showering them with attention, love, and worship."

"_Worship_?" Bella exclaimed, snorting with laughter. "Jesus Christ, Edward, they're certifiable here, aren't they?"

Nope. Fuck that.

I wasn't answering her ass.

"Edward, I suggest you get her under control or the payment will be doubled," he warned me.

"Doubled? Why is it that every time he mentions payment, you get a terrified and nearly sick look on your face?" she asked, turning to me.

"If you would just shut the fuck up, quit being a bitch, and quit sneaking in snide comments, he'd have fucking told you already!" I snapped, watching as she flinched.

Dammit, I was going to have to apologize for that later, though she would probably forgive me once she saw what I had to do.

Bella hung her head and clasped her hands, standing silently as she took a step away from me. And I fucking hated that she felt she had to do that.

"Well, he really has you under his thumb, doesn't he?" Aro mused as I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"It's not fucking like that, Aro. Just tell her so we can get this shit over with," I answered.

"The standard payment for one service is a hand job, paid to me. In this case, you're requiring three services, but I'll give you one of those free. So what dear Edward here will do, essentially, is get me off, and then, as a secondary payment, he'll kiss the head of my cock once he's finished."

Yep, I was going to hurl. This shit wasn't fucking right.

"_He's going to what?!_" Bella shouted with rage. "Over my dead fucking body," she hissed.

And to my fucking horror, she stepped forward, grabbing his dick forcefully to the point that he winced.

"Edward will do no such thing, you sick fucking freak! He's _mine,_ and you sure as hell aren't laying another disgusting finger on him, you got me, bitch? What you're demanding from people, or should I say fairies, is bullshit and, in a sense, assault."

"Remove your hand from my dick, Bella…" he growled.

"I'll remove it when I'm damned good and ready. Now," she ground out, "First, you're going to return his cock to its normal size. And don't even think about denying it; I'll cut your fucking balls off, one at a damn time with a butter knife."

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

The bitch—_my bitch_—is fucking psycho, and she just threatened the goddamned head of the Volterra.

Shit, that came out really bad at the end.

Vomit.

I was torn between wanting to kill her, and wanting to fuck her senseless as soon as my real dick was returned to me.

And do it in front of his bitch ass.

I am _so _screwed.

***coughs* **

**So...**

**Yeah.**

**Leave some love and let me know what you think!**

**T**


	36. Chapter 36

**ENJOY!**

Now, I was positive that Aro was either going to swing at Bella, or he was going to make my dick disappear entirely.

Especially with the way Bella, a fucking _human_, had lashed out at him.

So imagine my surprise when I heard a rip and felt my cock bust through the fucking material.

And for the first time ever, I wished it curved upward instead of being perfectly straight, because that bastard had a prime view of it.

I reached out and took hold of Bella's waist, pulling her against me for decency against Aro's wandering eyes. I heard her gasp as my length slid between her legs, hot, hard and ready.

Glad to be back in action.

"Next, change his fucking uniform, and make it where that dirt bag Carlisle can't switch it back."

"I'm afraid I can't help you with that. The superior fairy in his region has to sign off on it. Carlisle is the only one with that authority," Aro hissed.

"Then what are you going to do about my allergy to Edward and the standard dust?" she barked, grabbing him harder and twisting.

"If you'll let me go I'll show you, my dear. I vow not to retaliate," he promised and cut his eyes to me over Bella's shoulder. "You've got your hands full with this little devil, Edward. I think I kind of like her."

_What?! _

How the fucking hell did she manage to pull that off?!

Oh God, another bad innuendo.

She glanced at me briefly, question in her eyes.

As I said before, I wasn't getting in this shit. She started it, and she was going to fucking finish it.

I held my hands up to her and stepped back.

With a roll of her eyes, she released him, and wouldn't you know it? The sexy bitch turned around and wiped her fucking Aro-diseased hand on my cock.

I'd now, in a sense, rubbed dicks with Aro.

So now, instead of my cock being covered in the usual embedded pink glitter from my years of jacking off, there was also silver glitter.

Kill. Me. Now.

"To fix your allergy to Edward, I'm afraid there's only one way that I know of for us to try, being that you're human. This is a tricky one since I've never encountered someone immune to the dust before."

"Let's have it," Bella told him firmly, hands on her hips as she backed into me again, covering my junk with her beautiful ass.

"You'll have to drink from him."

The fuck?

"Drink from him? What? Are you about to wave your wand and provide me with fangs or some shit?" Bella asked, her eyes narrowed.

"Oh dear, Bella. I'm not talking about blood. You'll have to drink his essence," Aro sang musically.

"You're losing me, Tiny Dancer."

"Edward?" Aro asked exasperatedly, feigning annoyance as he rolled his eyes and brought the back of his hand to his forehead.

I leaned down, overly excited on the inside about what he was suggesting, and put my mouth to her ear. "He's saying you have to swallow, Princess."

I felt her tense as she turned her head to look at me. "Oh and you sound so devastated by this turn of events," she replied with thick sarcasm. "Ass."

"Edward, do you happen to have your dust with you?"

"Aro, I'm in uniform. Of course I fucking have it."

"No need to get that leotard of yours in a bunch. While you do this, Bella, Edward will empty his bag of dust over your head, as will I."

God dammit! I knew there was a fucking catch!

The sick bastard wanted to watch her suck me off.

As if his forcing me to give him a hand job three years ago wasn't bad enough. And back then, I'd only been brought before the Volturi because I'd gotten into a fight with one of the fairies over on the east side of Seattle.

Jasper Whitlock.

He was a fucking ghetto ass, scrawny little bitch.

I just thank fuck that Aro hadn't made me touch him with anything other than my hands.

"Wait a minute, you mean you expect for me to do this now, in front of you?" Bella exclaimed.

"If you want to continue a sexual relationship with Edward, then yes. It's the only way, I'm afraid."

Bella slowly turned and glanced at me. I could see in her eyes that she had a plan for how she was going to do this, and I knew she saw that I was none to happy or comfortable with this shit having an audience.

I watched as she pressed herself flat against me, winked, and slowly sunk down to her knees, her lips slipping over my cock as her mouth sunk down on me to the fucking base, leaving nothing for Aro to see.

How the hell she'd managed to fit all of me in and not gag or choke baffled me, but who the fuck was I to ask questions?

I felt her hands going for my wings, so I hurriedly grabbed my bag of dust from my man slash fairy purse because this was going to be over fucking fast.

Aro stood behind her, his bag in one hand as his other stroked his own dick.

I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to witness that as Bella began to swallow around me, her hands rubbing my wings with purpose.

I could feel when I was about to fall over the edge, I opened my eyes and started sprinkling my dust upon her head, as did Aro.

What happened next was like something out of the fucking exorcist.

I ain't even gonna lie.

Her face began shifting rapidly between the form of Ms. Stay Puft, and my beautiful Bella.

It continued up until I couldn't hold back anymore and exploded, my cock spurting streams of my seed down her throat.

One thing was for fucking sure, I was going to make damn sure that we died this whole deep throat method again when we returned to Forks.

Or hell, maybe we'd get around to it in the room we were staying in tonight.

Though, I'd forgotten to make Bella aware of that fact.

When I glanced up, completely dazed and feeling like I was on cloud fucking nine, Aro had taken a step back and was wiping his hand on a towel.

Ew.

Bella, with my assistance, rose from her knees, still pressing herself against me.

And before I could stop her, she thrust her tongue into my mouth, kissing me like she'd never fucking kissed me before.

I could taste myself on her and was surprised to find out just how much that fucking turned me on.

"Watching that was more than payment enough. I really wish you would have a change of heart, Edward," Aro sighed wistfully.

No way in fucking hell.

"Not gonna happen, Aro. As I told you, he's _mine_," Bella growled, turning in place to cover me again, and licked her lips.

"What the fuck are you going to do about my parents?"

"Well, we can't leave your region without management, Edward. You know this," he tsk'ed, shaking his head at me.

"Another thing that they're doing this weekend is turning over everything to Bella and I, so you can sentence them now and they'll start whatever you plan for them in the next few days. But whatever it is, I want them to be cut off from any communication or control over my fucking life."

"Oh, really? Well this is delightful news!"

And there he goes with that fucking laugh again.

"I've the perfect punishment for them both. Carlisle will be my personal servant and slave, and you, my dear Edward, knows what that entails."

I did, because he'd already offered me the position once, and I'd run away screaming.

"And the old hag?" Bella asked.

"She'll be the grounds keeper here. That is a strenuous task in itself as we tend to make quite a sticky mess around here," he answered her with a blush.

I knew exactly what he fucking meant by that and I seriously needed to get the fuck out of here so I could empty my goddamn stomach.

"You're both free to go now, Edward. I'll have Felix take you to your room," he told me with a grin as he began to walk off, but then stopped mid-pace. "Oh, and Bella, do teach Edward here how to strengthen his grip. Yours was incredible and he could certainly learn a thing or two from you."

Once he was out of our sight, Bella turned to me.

"You….jacked…him off?!" she hissed, not wanting her voice to carry. "When the fuck was this?!"

And to change the subject until we got to the room, I pulled her against me.

"Do you realize how fucking sexy it is to see glitter on your lips, and to know where it came from? By the way, remind me to never piss you off with my cock out and ready to go."

She started to glare at me, but when I smiled at her crookedly, she lost her resolve and buried her head against my chest in laughter.

**Man, Edward's got some answering to do when they get to that room, huh?**

**See you all again tomorrow ;)**

**Leave love! **

**T**


	37. Chapter 37

**Okay, so it's been a few days, SORRY! **

**I had to get the chapter for another fic out!**

**I'll see you all the bottom!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I wasn't sure how long we'd been in our room now, but I was more than fucking ready to strip down and slide home, knowing that we no longer had to worry about swollen faces and angry pussies.

Apparently, Bella had other plans.

What exactly her plan was, I had no fucking idea.

She'd been standing in the middle of the damn shower since we'd come in. It was like she was in a fucking stupor.

So she'd picked up on the fact that I'd jacked Aro off—that will _never _get easier to say—but I didn't think it was bad enough to cause a fucking psychotic break.

Was it?

"Swan?" I called out, to which she turned her head.

Thank fuck for that! She was still all there.

"What the hell are you doing? You've been standing…"

"Edward, why the _fuck_ is there a dildo on a robotic arm in a shower?" she asked lowly.

Oh right.

That.

I'd forgotten about that. Now I understood her zoning out.

Hell, it fucked me up the first time I came too.

That so did not come out the way it was supposed to. What I fucking meant was, the first time I came to Volterra and saw that shit in the shower, my reaction had been much the same as Bella's only I was a bit more disturbed by it.

"You met Aro, right?" I joked. "Everything revolves around sex here, Bella."

She finally walked out of the shower and over to the bed where she fell back onto the duvet.

"But you're fucking _tooth _fairies! Not kinky, han…"

I moved to kneel on the bed and hover over her, covering her mouth with my hands as I glared at her. "Do _not _finish that sentence," I warned, my chest rumbling with the growl.

"Well, if you aren't going to let me talk about that, then maybe _you _should. I know what I fucking heard out there, Edward. Did you actually cave and jack Lady Gaga's playtoy off?"

I sighed and moved to fall onto my back beside her. "It wasn't like I fucking wanted to do it, Bella," I mumbled.

"Then why the fuck did you? I might give you a lot of shit, but you're one of the most argumentative, and proud people I know, you could've talked his ass down just like I did."

"Proud? Isn't that supposed to mean happy? Or are you calling me gay?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward…I'm saying you have a goddamn ego!" she laughed elbowing me in the ribs.

"I may come across that way to you, but I can't get away with that shit in this world, Bella. The only reason that you got away with what you pulled out there…" I began and then winced as I realized what I'd said. "Shit, sorry, poor choice of words," I laughed, watching as she narrowed her eyes. "The only reason you weren't crucified out there and ripped a new one is because you're human, Bella."

"And you're not?" she said, raising a brow. "So, all this time I've been fucking an alien? Come on, Edward, so you're otherworldly but you're still human. They're just power hungry assholes."

"When I came here for the first time three years ago, it was because of a fight I'd gotten into with a jackass on the east side of town. The bitch ass fairy who is now dating my sister. Anyway, the old man wrote me up for it and because our fight had cost the Volturi a total of thirty-six teeth that night, Aro forced me into paying him with a goddamn hand job. It was either that or let him…"

"Let. Him. What. Edward?" she asked, her voice dropping lower than I'd ever heard it.

"He wanted to fucking blow me, okay? I wasn't about to let anything of his nature _near _my dick, so yeah, I fucking jacked him off and I hated every godda…"

I didn't get to finish.

Bella suddenly sprung on me and fused her mouth to mine.

"Then I say we fuck that memory out of your head," she purred, moving to kiss my neck.

"Sounds like a plan," I hissed, flipping and putting me on top so that my wings were free to move.

Finally, I was going to be able to fuck Bella and this time I wouldn't have to worry about any adverse reactions.

But just as she began ripping the leotard from my shoulders, her phone went off.

"Ignore it," she whimpered against my lips as I ground my hips into hers.

So I did.

Until the ringing didn't fucking stop.

And it seemed that the longer it rang, the louder it became.

My head slumped to Bella's shoulder as her hand stroked my cock, twisting and gripping tighter on the down stroke.

"Fuck, I can't think with that phone droning on an on…"

Not stopping her movements on my dick, she leaned up and over, reaching her phone over on the bedside table, or was it a makeup vanity?

"Dammit, Em, what do you want? I don't know, tomorrow probably. Sorry, can't help you. I gotta go. Because I'm trying to fuck Edward, asswipe!"

I watched in horror as she hung up the phone, while I tried to not jizz there on the fucking spot at the same time.

Had she seriously just said that?

Shit, we were really gonna have to work on her censorship.

Shut the fuck up…I would work on mine too.

But it won't work.

"If you don't stand up and take this shit off, I'll scream, Cullen," she told me, releasing my cock and nearly bringing tears to my eyes as she ripped her shirt from her body and bared those beautiful fucking breasts to me.

As I kept my eyes locked on her hardened nipples, I literally tore the fucking leotard from my torso.

I didn't even manage to get the tutu to my knees before Bella had my dick in her hand and was anxiously tugging me toward her slick heat.

But I wasn't having it.

I didn't want this to be over in a few seconds.

This time…I wanted to fucking last. I wanted her to fucking feel it the next day, that way, when we left Volterra and walked past Aro, he'd know I gave it to her good.

Call me a sick, cruel bastard, but I didn't give a fuck. Hell, if nothing else, it would be payback for what he'd done to me three years ago.

Returning to the sexy and impatient woman below me, I brought a hand to one of her tits, rolling her nipple between my fingers as she moaned aloud.

When her eyes met mine, though, her hand came up to lock in my hair while her other lightly scratched at the stubble against my jaw, slowly urging my head closer to hers.

And it was then that I could feel it.

This shit between us was real, and it was fucking changing.

She knew it too because it was in her eyes as she looked back at me.

With a shaky breath, she pressed her lips to mine…

And BAM!

The fucking minx had sheathed me inside of her in a damn flash.

She'd used the hold she now somehow held over me to her advantage, and as her hips began to buck wildly on my cock, I felt a need for control come bubbling to the surface.

I wasn't going to be gentle, and I sure as well wasn't going slow, but I would make this last.

And once she recuperated enough to gain her breath, I'd be on her again.

We were actually alone for an entire night, no interruptions.

No way in fucking hell I was letting that shit pass me by.

**LEMON is coming ;D**

**Tomorrow!**

**I've got to work on my submission to the Taste of the Forbidden contest.**

**It's been a while since I made Recs so here's what I'm reading:**

**The Rancher's Bride by silverblossoms**

**Reconnecting Roads by MidnightLove87**

**Knocking on Heaven's Door by FallenForTheCullen**

**Shattered Hearts by Greye Granger**

**Leave some love, bb's!**

**T**


	38. Chapter 38

**Well, I promised a LEMON, sooo...**

**Here you go, Ladies ;D**

_With a shaky breath, she pressed her lips to mine…_

_And BAM! _

_The fucking minx had sheathed me inside of her in a damn flash. _

_She'd used the hold she now somehow held over me to her advantage, and as her hips began to buck wildly on my cock, I felt a need for control come bubbling to the surface. _

_I wasn't going to be gentle, and I sure as hell wasn't going slow, but I would make this last._

_And once she recuperated enough to gain her breath, I'd be on her again. _

_We were actually alone for an entire night, no interruptions._

_No way in fucking hell I was letting that shit pass me by._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Not so fast, Princess," I hissed as I pulled out, causing Bella to whimper.

With my hands holding her wrists above her head and firmly to the mattress, she fought to get free.

Desperate to have my cock back inside of her.

I lowered my lips back to hers, thrusting my tongue inside for a thorough kiss, and nipping at her bottom lip as I pulled away.

"Ohhh," I teased huskily, "is this," I began, sliding my dick through her wet folds, "what you want?"

With my voice no more than a whisper against her cheek, and my tongue flicking at her ear lobe, Bella moaned loudly, bucking her hips up, to which I instantly pulled back.

"Edward," she mewled, lifting her head and placing hot, open mouthed kisses against my neck. "Please."

Holy.

Shit.

Had I just…

Christ on a cracker! She'd just pleaded!

With _me_!

Smiling smugly to myself, I pushed forward, just my tip slipping inside. I held the position, completely unmoving and driving her absolutely fucking insane.

I could see it in the way her jaw flexed and her back arched; in the way that her nails dug into her palms as her hands fisted.

"What was that?" I asked, biting gently at her jaw. "You want more?"

"I…I…" she stuttered breathlessly.

"Say it again," I told her firmly, locking eyes with her intensely.

"Say what?" she ground out.

"You fucking know what," I laughed.

Then Bella arched her brow, something that was _never _good for me. "You want me to beg? Is that it, Edward?" she purred.

"Are you mocking me?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes at her to which she grinned.

"Maybe."

The second the word left her lips, I slammed into her with force, moving us up the bed a bit.

Bella screamed out in pleasure, then frustration as I pulled completely out again.

"Again, dammit," I hissed, letting her know that this time, I wasn't fucking around.

Her head rose once more, her nose brushing against mine as she trailed her tongue sexily along my bottom lip. "Please, Edward," she breathed, "I _need_ you. _Need_ to feel your thick cock moving inside me. I _need_ you to fuck me. So…please."

She was nothing if not thorough.

I growled through my teeth as I released her wrists to lock my fingers in hers, brought my head down to press against hers as I thrust inside.

Her legs came up the small of my back, crossing at her ankles as my hips pumped relentlessly into her.

"

Even with her nails digging into my shoulder, and her hand ripping at my hair, she met me thrust for thrust, moaning loudly against my jaw and in between kisses.

It seemed that the faster I pistoned my hips, the higher her legs wrapped around my back, and the further we moved up the bed, because, before long, Bella's head met with the headboard.

To gain even more power, I pulled my hands from hers and gripped the top of the headboard, giving me more control over my movements.

With a slow roll of my hips, I gradually pulled out of her, feeling her pussy grip at me from the inside.

I could see the warning in her eyes as she thought I was about to tease her once again, but, taking a cue from her earlier this evening, I winked at her and then began a relentless pace, pounding against her.

All that was heard was the sound of our skin slapping against one another's, our bodies slick with sweat, and of course, Bella's moaning and screaming.

Hell, sounds I'd never even fucking heard before were passing my lips.

"Come with me, Edward…come with me. Please," she begged again as her head tilted back in ecstasy, her nipples beautifully hardened, and her hair matted to her face.

"Touch me," I rasped breathlessly as I dipped my head between my shoulders, laying a kiss to her lips.

Not needing to be told twice, her hands instantly reached around, grasping my wings and playing them like a fucking fiddle.

Right as I felt my coil snap, I thrust as deeply as I could while reaching a hand down to simultaneously pinch her clit, sending her into a frenzy as her walls squeezed and pulsed around me.

My body twitched and shook with the intensity of my release as I dropped, collapsing down on top of her, burying my face in her neck and trying desperately to catch my fucking breath.

My ass and legs were going to hurt for a damn week.

Fuck.

"Where…the _fuck_…did _that_…come from?" she panted, weaving her fingers in my hair.

"That, Princess, is what happens when we aren't," I paused for a breath, "interrupted. And be ready because in about ten minutes, we're fucking going again. I'm not done with you."

"You're not?" she asked lowly, her tone full of want.

I could already feel myself starting to harden back up.

"Not by a long shot."

"Oh God, I think I fucking love you right now," she groaned, lifting her hips to press tighter against mine, rolling them just slightly.

But I stopped her by forcing them back into the mattress with my own as I raised my head and eyeballed her hard.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

**Edward, Edward, Edward...Will he EVER learn to control his mouth?**

**Next chapter is the conclusion to this latest blunder, and on to more routes back in Forks!**

**Just a side note, I've received some reviews from Guests, telling me to message them. While I appreciate it greatly, if you don't leave your name, I have no way in knowing who you are LOL! I love the reviews, but please, leave your name so I can reply. I'd hate to not be able to respond ;D**

**Thanks for the reviews, again BTW!**

**T**


	39. Chapter 39

**ENJOY!**

"_Oh God, I think I fucking love you right now," she groaned, lifting her hips to press tighter against mine, rolling them just slightly._

_But I stopped her by forcing them back into the mattress with my own as I raised my head and eyeballed her hard._

"_What the fuck did you just say?"_

***~TT&ABOFD~***

The euphoric smile that had been on her face, slowly melted away as she frowned and hurt flashed in her eyes for a brief moment.

"I was referring to goddamn dick, Edward, but it's nice to know how you _really_ feel," she mumbled, pushing with her hands against my chest.

I knew she wanted to escape, to get the fuck away from me and my big ass fucking mouth, but I held firm. I wasn't going anywhere, not until I fixed this colossal fuck up.

In truth, just the mere thought of her possibly loving me scared the shit out of me, but I knew that she didn't.

She'd have had to be a fucking fool to actually love me; someone who'd spent the better part of the last six years making her life a living hell and telling anyone that would listen about how big of a bitch she was.

"Get off of me, Edward," she warned, continuing to fight against me.

"No. Not until you give me a chance to expl…"

"I don't want to hear whatever fucking excuse your damn mind has come up with; obviously, the idea of me possibly falling for you is your hard limit. Whatthefuckever. If you're so fucking terrified…"

"Hard limit? This isn't BDSM and I'm certainly not your damn submissive," I answered, hoping she'd laugh, but instead, she shook her head.

"Of course, you're going to make a joke. This isn't a joke to me, asshole, it was a slap in the fucking face."

Fuck….this wasn't good.

"Bella, I'm fucking…"

"Get. Off. Me," she bit out one last time.

With a grunt, I slammed my fist into the pillow beside her head, grudgingly moving myself off of her.

"Would you just stop for a second and let me speak?" I asked, irritated all to hell.

"I think you said and implied enough, don't you?" she snapped, sitting up and putting her back to me.

"No, I don't. You just…you caught me off guard, Bella. That's all."

"Edward, whether it was off guard or not, the tone of your voice and the look in your eyes said it all. So don't worry, I won't fall for you."

Fucking shit.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

What I had originally intended to be an all night fuck-a-thon, turned into one romp and then a night of me pleading with Bella to come out of the closet.

No, not _that_ closet.

Due to the bathroom being open and no door for privacy, she'd taken up locking herself in the closet. I'd tried fucking everything.

Apparently, my reaction mixed with the tone of my voice had hurt her much more deeply than I thought it could or would, for that matter.

I now knew that she truly was referring to my cock and our activities in the bedroom, and not seriously implying that she was in love with me. However, my instant freak out just made us both that much more aware of how _not _into the whole love thing I was. Afraid is probably a better word for it.

I'd apologized relentlessly, slipped little notes under the door. Hell, I'd even starting talking about old memories from our years in high school and shit.

Nothing worked.

So now, here we were, dressed and on the fucking clock, about to head out for our first route since the trip.

She still wasn't talking to me all that much, and I'd already had Emmett ask me what I'd done.

And fuck no, I didn't tell his ass shit.

Not willing to have a million fuck ups tonight, I'd called the old man and had him do me a favor.

Due to Bella's OCD touching tendencies, I had Carlisle install a small device into the ass of her tutu. It was similar to a dog's shock collar but much smaller, just as powerful and virtually undetectable. It was small than the size of a pea, but motherfucker, it packed a punch.

Each time I saw her go for something, all I'd have to do is press the button on the mini control that old man had given me.

Yeah, it was a dick move, but it was better than us fighting all damn night and me making things even worse between us.

But when have I ever had an idea that actually played out the way I intended it to?

_Exactly._

It was on our way to the first house that Bella presented me with the opportunity to use it for the first time.

We were passing that bastard Rottweiler's house when she was overcome with the need to stop and pet the nasty, perverted fucker.

Now, I'd tested it on myself, but being the pussy I was, I only tried it at half power.

The old man obviously had other ideas and ways to fuck me over because he'd somehow changed the setting when I wasn't looking.

The second I pushed that button, her whole damn body seized up, an inhuman sound escaped her lips, and she fell the fucking ground.

I rushed to her side, trying to at least feign concern, as I looked down at her in absolute horror.

Oh God, if she figured out that it was me who'd just done that to her, she'd fucking have my balls in a sling.

"Son of a bitch!" I exclaimed, hurriedly dumping the control in my man purse. "Bella, you okay?"

"What the fuck was that?" she grimaced, rising back to her feet with my assistance.

I really _was _an asshole.

"I have no fucking idea, but my guess would be one of those invisible electric fences."

"Motherfucker! Well if that's the case, why the hell didn't you get fucking zapped?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? You're immune to the dust, maybe I'm immune to the fence."

Okay, even I'll admit, that was fucking lame. So much for being able to lie my way out of this one.

"Seriously, Cullen, you need to have your damned head examined."

With that, she ripped her arm away from me and took off walking to our first stop.

Maybe the jolt was a little too strong for her size, but hey, it fucking worked, didn't it?

She forgot about that damn dog and bolted without so much as a backward glance.

But I knew the moment we approached the house that something was going to get fucked up. I just had a damn penchant for this shit.

There was chromed out Chopper in the driveway, parked next to a Harley, which was parked next to a Hummer.

Yippee, a house full of bad asses and bikers.

Shit, this kid was going to be a fucking monster.

And when I took a glance around me, Bella was nowhere in fucking sight, meaning that she'd headed inside without me.

Need I explain why that was catastrophically bad?

I went into the house as fast and quietly as I could, looking for her.

It was where I found her and what she was about to do that made me zap her ass again and lay her out.

Her hand had been reaching for the goddamn Big Mouth Billy Bass, a singing fish on a plaque that was hung above the TV in the living room.

The two biker parents lay passed out on the damn couch, just feet away from it.

However, her fucking eyes locked on me before she hit the floor.

And she was pissed.

"What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do?" she hissed slash whispered as she scrambled to get back to her feet, her arms, legs and neck still spasming.

Shit, shit, shit….hide the control.

Hide the fucking control!

**RUT-ROH!**

**I'll try to get the next chapter up later tonight ;D**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**T**


	40. Chapter 40

**I'll see you Lovelies at the bottom!**

_It was where I found her and what she was about to do that made me zap her ass again and lay her out._

_Her hand had been reaching for the goddamn Big Mouth Billy Bass, a singing fish on a plaque that was hung above the TV in the living room._

_The two biker parents lay passed out on the damn couch, just feet away from it._

_However, her fucking eyes locked on me before she hit the floor._

_And she was pissed._

"_What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do?" she hissed slash whispered as she scrambled to get back to her feet, her arms, legs and neck still spasming._

_Shit, shit, shit….hide the control. _

_Hide the fucking control!_

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"_Me_?!" I shrieked as quietly as I could. "I didn't fucking do anything! I've been standing right here!"

"And I call bullshit, Cullen," Bella spat, making her way toward me zombie style, twitching like a motherfucker. "Invisible fence? What brilliant excuse is your magnificent mind going to feed me next? I tripped over another one? Inside a goddamn _house_?!"

"Bella, I can ex…"

"Where is it?" she asked, arching a brow at me.

I slowly moved my hand behind my back. "I have no idea what you're talking about!" I hissed, nearly shitting myself when biker dude started moved in his sleep.

"What's in your hand?"

"What?"

"Don't give me that shit," she bit out, her hand taking hold of my fucking balls, bringing me to her mercy. "You may be a lot of things, but subtle definitely isn't one of them."

Knowing she had me, I extended my hand, exposing the small control.

My first thought was to run like a bat out of hell, but her grip on my balls stopped me.

My second was to fly away, but again…you see my point?

"You sneaky, cocksucking bastard! Where is it? What did you do?"

"It wasn't me, I swear! It was the old man. He embedded the device in the lining under your tutu. He gave me this control and said it would help with your 'touching' problem."

Whoever said I couldn't think on my feet?

Learn from it.

"And you're telling me you had no part in it?" she asked, disbelievingly. "You just did as he told you? Did you even stop to think about what would happen if the voltage was too high?"

Fuck. I really hadn't thought of that.

Scratching at my neck uncomfortably, I looked away.

Suddenly, she tossed her hands in the air with bafflement. "You really are a piece of work, you know that? First, you freak the hell out over playful pillow talk and now I find out that you're trying to electrocute me?!"

I'd had enough of this shit.

And…ewww…she was scratching her ass. Did women really do that shit?

"Okay, you know what? I'm done putting up with this bullshit. I freaked out, I'll admit that. But you blew it way out of proportion, Princess. I have a fear of love. It's not easy to explain, and its fucking embarrassing, to be honest, but it's like I'm allergic to the fucking word. So I'm sorry—for the umpteenth fucking time—that I wigged out on you. It had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. And this? I didn't _want _to zap your ass, but I've tried warning you about touching shit; you just don't listen."

I watched as her facial expression softened and she took a step closer to me, removing her hand from my junk and replacing it with the other.

"I'll admit that I overreacted, but you've got to think about shit before you say it, Cullen. And maybe, this will teach both you and your old man not to fuck with me."

What the fu—

_Holy mother of fucking shit!_

A strong shock stung at my junk and between my legs, making it impossible to think much less breathe, as I fell to my knees, unable to move and on the verge of fucking vomiting.

When I'd regained my wits, I realized that she hadn't been scratching her ass, she'd been searching for the device, which was now somewhere around my fucking sac.

When I finally stood, I gave her my best glare and turned to head up the stairs.

I wanted out of this fucking house so I could talk to her and get everything out on the table once and for all.

However, halfway up the stairs, another jolt rocked through me, sending me tumbling back down with a loud thump.

Oh, she'd fucking done it now.

I'd already had a round with a muscle head and baseball bat, but this asswipe that was now rising to his feet from the couch was a motherfucking biker.

A huge one at that, and bikers were ruthless, at least that's what I'd witnessed so far in my line of work.

For all I knew, he owned a goddamned meat slicer that he kept locked in his shed for douchebags like me.

I looked around me for Bella, praying that she'd help, but the bitch was nowhere to be found.

Reaching to my hip for the man purse, I located my bag of dust; a bag which would be used in its entirety on him alone.

The closer he got to me, the more pissed he appeared to be as he cracked first his knuckles, then his neck.

Shit, I wish I knew how to do that because since pairing up with Bella, I had kinks in my back, neck, and shoulders that a fucking Chinese back walker couldn't get out.

As I readied to throw the dust at him, the loud sound of something hitting his head rung out and he fell to the floor unconscious.

I looked from where he lay on the floor to the beautiful bitch standing behind him, thick ass book in hand. My eyes were doubled in size I'm sure as my chest heaved with adrenaline.

"What the fuck did you do?!" I told her, panic in my voice.

"I just saved your life, Tink, now get off your ass and go take the kid's tooth so we can get the fuck out of here."

"No, I _saw_ what you did, but dammit, we're supposed to _dust _these assholes! Not kill 'em!"

"Edward, he's not dead," she laughed, coming to me and helping me to my feet. "I'm still pissed at you, but at least I can give thought to possible make-up sex once tonight is over."

My jaw dropped calculatingly.

"Who the fuck _are _you, Swan? How the hell can you jump from mood to mood as fast as you do?"

"It's a gift," she winked, reaching around and grabbing my ass. "Besides, I missed having you in my bed."

My mind—as most men's would have—traveled back to her suggestion of make-up sex.

I'd never had the opportunity to have it, but I'd heard it was the fucking best.

All she needed to do was tell me where the fuck to sign.

"Oh, and I should probably mention that biker dude here? He's the local gang leader that Charlie's been after. You might want to dust him anyway, just to be safe."

"You just fucking clocked a _gang leader, _knowing who he is, and you're okay with it? What kind of sick bitch are you?" I laughed, slowly climbing the stairs.

"Yours," she answered with a smile.

I said nothing more because, for once, there wasn't anything I could fucking say to argue her point.

**So, E & B smoothed things over in their own unconventional way...**

**Next chapter, they catch up with Emmett and see how he's doing BWAHAHAHA!**

**I'll try to get one in tomorrow but I've got two other fics that need working on, so if I don't get to it, it'll definitely be up on Saturday ;)**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	41. Chapter 41

**Sorry for the delay! **

**Here you go!**

"_Oh, and I should probably mention that biker dude here? He's the local gang leader that Charlie's been after. You might want to dust him anyway, just to be safe."_

"_You just fucking clocked a gang leader, knowing who he is, and you're okay with it?"_

"_What kind of sick bitch are you?" I laughed, slowly climbing the stairs._

"_Yours," she answered with a smile._

_I said nothing more because, for once, there wasn't anything I could fucking say to argue her point._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Okay, so as soon as we left the biker's house last night, Bella had made me trash the shock device and control.

And I didn't fucking argue either because, let's face it, trying to control or get back at her would never prove successful for me; I was too much of a fuck up, and a complete pussy when it came to her.

Besides, it seems that when I actually listened to her without question, I got rewarded.

Just ask my freshly blown dick.

We'd also put in an anonymous call to Charlie about the bikers and their location.

Bella had started to call him herself, but there was no fucking way I was letting her Chief of Police daddy see me in this fucking get up. And I was fairly certain he'd make me disappear if he saw her in hers.

One thing was bothering me the shit out of me, though. We still hadn't talked about us. About what the fuck we were doing, what we were to each other, and how we wanted this to play out.

The longer time went on, the more it seemed that I was going to have to bring it up on one of our routes.

There just wasn't enough fucking time in the day, and I was really starting to feel weird about all of this.

Normally, I'd say fuck it; after all, that was my motto with everything else, but Bella had actually come to mean something to me, and I cannot believe I just fucking admitted that shit out loud.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that she'd quit walking.

I could feel her eyes on me, and that usually wasn't a good thing.

Unless we were in a bedroom or something.

"Spill," she said, stepping closer to me, her finger hooking under my chin and making me look at her.

"What?"

"We've been fucking walking for the past twenty minutes and you haven't said a single fucking word, Edward. Something's up, and I want to know what it is."

"Can't I just walk in silence? Why does that suddenly mean I'm up to something?"

"I didn't say you were up to something, just that something was up. And maybe you haven't noticed, but you can't walk more than five minutes without me being driven to wanting to rip your goddamn throat out," she answered with a….

Fucking hell.

She was _worried _about me.

Me?!

I gently took her hand, furiously running the other through my hair. This was going to be awkward as all get out.

I was _way _out of my comfort zone here.

"Swan, listen: I…"

The shrill ring of my cell phone blared from my man purse, cutting me off and leaving her to giggle.

"My phone ringing is funny?" I asked, looking at her like she'd grown a second head.

"No, it's just that this is getting ridiculous. You're trying to be all serious and before you can get it out, we're interrupted. Do fairies ever get vacation?"

Shit.

I fucking wish, but then again, if we did, I'd be on vacation year round.

With a shake of my head, I pulled her closer to me while I fished my phone from my purse and answered.

"Yeah?"

"Get you and your bitch's ass to Harry's Bar & Grill downtown. _NOW!_"

Fuck, the Barbie was pissed.

"Rose, calm the fuck down and tell me what's going on," I hissed.

"What in God's name made you think that bringing these two morons into the business was a good idea?"

"What did Emmett do?"

"Let's just say that I'm in a fucking bar with nearly thirty men, half of which think I'm some kind of prostitute and that Emmett is a fraternity pledge. He's told them everything, Cullen, and sooner or later, they're going to believe them. He fucking ran in _boasting _about it! I don't have near enough dust to cover a group this big, so get your ass down here!"

Oh. Mother. Of. Fuck.

"We'll be there in a minute, but I'm telling you now, you leave Bella the fuck alone."

As soon as I hung up, I glanced down to Bella, finding her staring a hole in me.

"Where's Em?" she asked with concerned eyes.

"He's making a spectacle of himself and _our business_ at Harry's Bar & Grill. The Barbie needs us down there."

I reached into my bag, about to pull out the dust when her hand stopped mine. "

"Wait a second, Edward. You were about to tell me something before that call came. What was it?"

My shoulders slumped as I sighed. We were never going to get this shit fucking right.

"It'll have to wait, Princess, but I swear, its nothing to worry about."

She eyed me for a second, and I guess she accepted that I was telling her the truth because she nodded.

"I'll let it go for now, but I expect for you to tell me later."

"Why do I feel like I'm a fucking child and you're the parent or teacher? Shouldn't that shit be reversed?"

"It would be if you weren't thinking with your cock all the time."

I'd managed to successfully pull her mind from what had happened moments before, but I knew that once we got to the bar, she was going to be fucking pissed and would try her damnedest to get the Barbie's head on a plate.

Why?

Because the Barbie was a firm believer in Fairy law, and since Emmett had just broken the biggest one in a _huge _way, her first move was going to be bringing him before the Volturi.

If Bella ever caught wind of that, she'd go fucking apeshit.

And she _would _find out because Rosalie never held anything back.

But for once, I wasn't at fault.

I'd actually be on Bella's side this time.

Somehow though, I imagined I'd fuck this up too.

**So, Edward's starting to get serious about Bella...and Emmett is proving to be a problem.**

**The next chapter will post this evening, continuing with Edward & Bella arriving at the bar.**

**Will Edward fuck up?**

**And most importantly, what will happen if Emmett is brought before the Volturi?**

**Thanks for the reviews, they make my day!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	42. Chapter 42

***~TT&ABOFD~***

When we arrived at Harry's Bar & Grill, I was horrified to find that an actual crowd had gathered at the entrance.

Knowing that there was no way in hell we'd be able to get in the front door without making a spectacle over how I was dressed, I flew us to the back and was surprised to find Alice and her bitch boy toy, Jasper.

Yes, the same asshole that had gotten me sent to the Volturi my first time around.

Granted, Alice had cleaned up his act quite a bit, but he still pissed me off with his arrogant personality and challenging stares.

It didn't help that the old man fucking liked him either, which was obviously the reason he was allowed to dress in the usual male fairy uniform.

As I lowered us to the ground, I moved my arms back, gripping Bella's hips and keeping her behind me. If that bastard so much as blinked in her direction, I was going to be all over his ass.

"Well, it's nice to see you've finally joined the family, Bella," Alice squealed, prancing over to us.

And trust me when I say that Alice takes being a fairy to the extreme. She's…how should I explain it?

If you can picture Richard Simmons on Redbull and high on two lines of coke with my uniform, tutu and everything, then you've got Alice.

She never quits moving, never quits talking, and the worst part about her? She's intuitive.

"Joined the family?" Bella asked in confusion, hugging Alice and looking to me for answers over her shoulder.

I had nothing, so I shrugged my shoulders.

Of course, she wasn't happy, that much I could tell from her frown, but at least she wasn't glaring at me.

Come to think of it, this was the first time she'd heard something she didn't like and hadn't blamed it all on me.

"I've known for quite a while that you and Edward belonged together, and all the fighting you two do has only cemented that fact. Fate couldn't have picked a better pairing."

Bella mouthed 'What the fuck' to me over Alice's shoulder, causing me to laugh out loud.

"Eddie, you realize you're wearing that tutu and your tights backwards, right?" Alice chastised me as she let go of Bella and danced over.

There was a fucking front and back to a tutu?

"Well maybe if you'd actually help me the fuck out and tell our old man to quit torturing me, I wouldn't have to worry about wearing my clothing backwards," I hissed.

And just as Bella would have done, Alice pinched the shit out of me for snapping. Though, my girl would have done a hell of a lot worse than that.

Why the hell am I smiling about that?

The next thing I knew, Bella's hand was tightly laced with my own as Alice went back to Jasper, whose eyes were on my girl's legs.

_Mine._

"I'm yours, but if you and Jasper don't stop this pissing contest you've got going on right now, the make up sex is out," she whispered into my ear with her sweet breath.

I'd obviously said that out loud. I was going to have to keep a close watch on myself with that shit because if I started speaking everything that ran through my mind, there was about to be a hell of a lot of pissed off people in Forks and Seattle.

"So, what's going on?" Alice asked, as we all started to walk inside.

"As if you don't know," I smirked. "Think we'll have enough dust between the three of us?"

"Most likely not," she replied with a wince. "I'm already down to less than half a bag, and I still have five more stops to make tonight. You always run out early, so I know you don't have enough. You know she's going to bring him before the Volturi, Eddie; that's just Rose."

"The _fuck _she is! I've met that sick asshole, and I'm not about to let him be violated like that!" Bella bit out…

Right as the Barbie herself came down the hallway.

This was so not going to be good.

"I don't think you have a choice, bitch," the Barbie taunted.

My girl's eyes grew as she started to lunge for her.

Knowing this wouldn't fair well for her, I tightened my grip on her hand and pulled her back against me, locking her in my arms.

"Shhh," I breathed into her ear, rubbing my cock into her ass, trying to distract her. "Quit taunting my girl and tell us where the fuck he is, Rose."

"Where who is?" Emmett's voice popped in.

However, when he pushed himself in front of Rose…mother of fuck, the old man either _really _hated his ass, or this was the Barbie's idea of a sick joke.

He was a hell of a lot worse off than I was, hence the reason Bella, Alice, Jasper and me were literally hunched over in laughter.

I now understood why Bella was so fucking freaked out when she caught me in Emily's room that night.

Emmett stood with pink mary-jane shoes on his feet, complete with the ruffled socks—don't judge me on knowing the make of the shoes, Alice is a fashionista from hell. He wore a skirt slash tutu as well, but what put it over the top was the ruffles on the ass of his underpants. The top was made of lace and fit him like a playboy bunny's sick idea of a bikini top. What really made the whole ensemble for me was the mini pigtails that stuck up on top of his head. At least that was what I assumed they were supposed to be—there really wasn't any curve to them at all, so in all actuality, it looked more like fucking horns.

"Are you finished, Cullen?" Emmett growled stepping closer.

"Hey, why the hell are you singling me out? Everyone's laughing, man! Besides, I think I deserve it. Just look at the shit they've had me dressed in for months!"

"Yeah, but you're a damn pussy. This chick is a bitch, dude! You've got to help me out here!" he pleaded.

"Is this why he called you in Volterra?" I asked, glancing down at Bella who nodded, tears streaming from her cheeks.

"I can't help you, man. What the hell were you thinking coming to a damn bar and announcing it to the world like this?!" I exclaimed.

"I want out, Ed. I'm not cut out for this shit! I thought I was going to get wings and shit like you, but instead, I got the Child's Play meets the Muppet Babies makeover! And on top of that, the hottest chick I've ever seen in my fucking life terrifies me. Half the time, I'm afraid she's going to jump me from behind with a goddamned strap-on!"

I felt sorry for the guy; I really did, but I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't help him.

And truth be told, I was also enjoying it.

"He's not going to fucking Volterra, Edward," Bella told me firmly once she'd come to her senses and righted herself.

"It's the law, you stupid ass bitch!" Rosalie spat. "Why the hell do you think Shitbrick here brought _you_?!"

"Dammit, Rose, just take him, okay? I'll call the old man and hag to come down and help with the crowd," I told her, and the second I did, I felt Bella's eyes on me.

In a desperate attempt to prevent another fight, I pulled to the side with me. "Look, I know you're pissed, but…"

"What the hell are you thinking, Edward? Emmett doesn't stand a chance with Barbarella and the Dominatrix Genie Supreme up there!"

"Will you just listen to me for once?! Please?!" I shouted, holding her face in my hands. Eventually, she fucking nodded. "I'm considering this a form of payback to him. First, he gave me fucking hell at your place, and you know that. Second, he kept us from learning the truth for six damn years, Princess. And yeah, I'll admit, I fucking hope Aro shoves his nasty ass cock in his mouth," I told her, watching as her face heated with anger.

Fuck!

Think, Cullen, think….

"But chances are, Emmett's going to drop your name, and after your little show the other day, I doubt Aro'll want to piss you off further; Emmett's most likely getting off with a slap of the wrist," I continued, and then puked on the inside as I thought further about what I'd just said.

**Uh oh...**

**Looks like Emmett has a date with the Volturi!**

**Next update is tomorrow!**

**Leave love ;D**

**T**


	43. Chapter 43

**A few days late but hopefully, the two updates (including this one) I plan to post today will make up for that!**

**ENJOY!**

"_Will you just listen to me for once?! Please?!" I shouted, holding her face in my hands. Eventually she fucking nodded. "I'm considering this a form of payback to him. First, he gave me fucking hell at your place, and you know that. Second, he kept us from learning the truth for six damn years, Princess. And yeah, I'll admit, I fucking hope Aro shoves his nasty ass cock in his mouth," I told her, watching as her face heated with anger. _

_Fuck!_

_Think, Cullen, think…._

"_But chances are, Emmett's going to drop your name, and after your little show the other day, I doubt Aro'll want to piss you off further; he's most likely getting off with a slap of the wrist," I continued, and then puked on the inside as I thought further about what I'd just said._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Apparently, Bella's mind was just as dirty as mine because as I looked at her, I could see the wheels turning in her head and knew instantly that she'd taken my comment in the sexual sense.

Again I say…ew.

"I don't give a flying shit about these so-called fairy rules; their form of payment there in Volterra is abusive and bullshit, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that sick freak slap _anything _on Emmett's wrist," she ranted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And just how are you planning on seeing to that when you're here, Bella?" I asked exasperatedly as I threw my hands in the air.

"Because you're going with them," she smirked, moving and placing her hands against my chest.

Wait, what?

She actually expected me to willingly go back to that hellhole and endure more of Aro's advances _without _her there to stop him?

Fuck that noise.

"The hell I am! You know that he has this weird fucking obsession with me! You're the only one I've ever seen control him the way you did."

"Oh come on! For someone with a massive fucking cock and large balls, you sure as hell don't put 'em to use. Quit being a damn pussy and stand up to the motherfucker! I'd go, but I can't leave Emily with Charlie or another sitter again."

Okay, how the fuck is it that she manages to both expand my ego and shoot off such a low blow at the same time, in the same damn sentence?

Taking a look around and seeing that Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose were all looking at us, I leaned down to whisper in her ear, wrapping my arms around her waist and palming her delicious ass.

Emmett glared, but I couldn't have cared less.

"Then I'll stay with Emily; you go with Rose and Emmett," I whispered, sucking her lobe into my mouth teasingly.

"You're kidding me, right?" she asked me incredulously, pulling back to look in my eyes. "You? Babysitting Emily? Yeah, right."

"I'm dead serious, and what's so wrong with that? That kid loves me like I love her, Bella, and you fucking know it. Aro won't react to my threats the way he does yours, so yeah, I'm offering to babysit," I shot back defensively.

I didn't understand what everyone's fucking problem was. They were all staring at me like I'd grown a second head.

When my eyes finally met Bella's again, her expression had softened.

"What the hell are you all standing around for? Rose, Alice and Jasper, shouldn't you be tending to the fucking crowd in the bar?" Bella said loudly, as irritated with their presence as I was.

They all began mumbling and bitching under their breath as they headed back inside the bar, leaving Bella and I to talk once more.

"Are you sure about this, Edward? You'll be responsible for bringing her to school, feeding her, helping her to bathe…"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Swan," I scoffed. "You act as though I'm a fucking invalid. There's nothing I can't handle."

"Awful confident, aren't you?" she questioned with a smirk, taking my tutu in her hands and giving it a rough tug and spin around my waist, I assume putting it back in its proper position.

To me, as long as it was covering my cock, it was proper.

"Hey, if it keeps me from having to face that sick bastard, then hell yeah. But listen, if you're uncomfortable with the idea of me watching her, I get it…"

"You may be a hair-brained fuck-up who is a constant pain in my ass, but you're amazing with Emily. I know she'll be taken care of, it just took me off guard. You've never offered this before."

"Well, yeah, but I hadn't fucked you yet. We were still at each other's throats and couldn't stand the sight of one another," I laughed, my voice trailing off as I took in the bitch brow and the sneer on her lips.

"Maybe _you_ felt that way, but I didn't. Look, thanks for watching her."

Why? Why did my foot always find its way into my fucking mouth?

Was I ever going to say anything that didn't fuck something up, or hurt Bella?

Not wanting to let her leave angry, I caught up to her and jerked her back to me by the arm. "I only said that as a fucking joke, goddammit. I felt…_feel_ the same as you do, Bella. And don't think that this is over just because you're leaving. We're figuring this shit out once and for all when you get back." And with that, I pressed my lips eagerly to hers, sliding my tongue along hers in the briefest of kisses.

"You know where the spare key is?" she panted as I pulled away from her.

"So quickly you forget what I am and what you've experienced with me the past week," I breathed into her ear.

Her laughter bubbled up as she slapped my arm. "Smart ass!" She smiled before starting to walk away.

"Wait!" I exclaimed, panic setting in. She wasn't really planning on leaving without going home first, right? "Aren't you coming back to the house? You've got to tell Emily what's going on, and I need a full rundown of her routines and…"

"I thought you said there wasn't anything you couldn't handle?"

"Bellaaa…" I ground out, emulating 'Happy Feet' as I tap danced in place.

"Okay, okay!" she giggled. "Go in and make sure that they don't need you in there first, afterward, let that bitch know they aren't taking off to Volterra without me, then we'll run by my house really quick."

Thank God!

I kissed her chastely before pushing past her to see if I was needed in the bar to contain the crowd.

I couldn't help but ask myself a question though.

As much as I loved that little girl, was I taking on too big of a challenge?

If I was, it was too fucking late to back out now.

**Oh shit. What has he gotten himself into now?**

**Next chapter (posting tonight) will be told from Bella's POV for the first time! WOO HOO!**

**Then...the following chapter we'll hear from Edward Cullen: Tooth Fairy & Babysitter Extraordinaire!**

**Things are about to get crazy LOL!**

**Thanks for all of the reviews and support that you guys continue to show me! It's much appreciated and warms my heart!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	44. Chapter 44

**Okay, so to keep with the usual chapter word count, I split this chapter up into two parts. **

**The second half will post tomorrow morning ;D**

**Enjoy!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**BELLA'S POV-**

"Mommy!" Emily called out with her beautiful wide smile.

The gaping hole where one of her front teeth used to be was a constant reminder of Edward.

I still couldn't believe all that had transpired between us since my finding out, and believe it or not, I didn't regret any of it.

And yes, that included the face allergy and swollen lady bits too. Not to mention, he was fucking gorgeous. God help me the day he discovers just how hot he really is.

After sending Naomi, my neighbor's fifteen-year old daughter home—she'd been babysitting Emily for me—I quickly went upstairs to get my things together.

Edward stayed down and kept her occupied, and thank God for that because had he have come upstairs, we'd have wound up in bed and I'd never have left.

Once I was sure I had all I needed, I went back, meeting him halfway down the staircase.

"Em just got here. Can we talk before you leave?" he asked, with that smirk of his.

Damn him.

I knew just from the look in his eyes that the last thing he wanted to do was talk.

"What about? I've got to go, Edward," I sighed.

"Bella, please?"

Fuck me. I couldn't say no to him. Not with him looking the way he does.

I couldn't decide what I liked more on him: his day to day t-shirts, button downs, and jeans, or him in the buff, hard cock standing at attention gloriously and his fucking wings extended behind him.

I don't know what it was about his wings, but I couldn't keep my hands off of them. And it wasn't just because they were an instant trigger for his dick.

Though, that was a bonus.

I turned and headed back into the bedroom, Edward hot on my heels.

"What's u…"

I was stopped by the incredible force of his lips on my own, his tongue licking along my bottom lip, begging for entrance which I happily gave him.

As much as he pissed me off at times, I could kiss this man for the rest of my life and never tire of it.

He kissed me with vigorous passion, sending a rush of wetness between my legs, and seriously making me question my choice on not fucking him before I left.

When he pulled away, we were both gasping for a breath, his forehead against mine.

Something…something was different in that kiss, and I hadn't the slightest fucking idea what it was.

I wasn't sure I could even explain it.

"What the." Breath. "Fuck." Breath. "Was that?" I questioned.

"I know why you're going, and I get it, believe me; just promise me that you'll ignore whatever that fucking bitch Barbie out there tells you."

"What? What would she possibly…"

"Swan, she hates my ass. Has since day one. And now that she can't stand you, and you're with me, she's going to say whatever she can to make us fucking miserable."

Holy fuck. I think he just admitted that we were together for the first time.

"Did you just…" I began to ask, smiling at him with narrowed eyes.

"Say we're together? Yeah, I think I did. That a problem, Princess?"

Instead of answering him, I threw caution to the wind, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him back toward my bed.

"I thought you had to leave?" he teased, resting his hands on my ass.

"I also promised you make-up sex, now shut the fuck up and kiss me."

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Nearly an hour and a half later, I found myself finally headed out the front door with Emmett, Edward holding Emily up on his shoulders as they waved bye to me.

Seeing him with her had always made me weak, but it did even more so now. How someone could be such a colossal fuck up with words and people skills, then look like he does and interact with my daughter the way he does…it was just beyond me.

I was in love with him. That much I knew for a fact. Hell, I'd been in love with him since I first saw him with Emily in the hospital, right after I'd given birth to her. Next to Emmett, he'd been my one constant.

No matter how fucking ugly our screaming matches got at work.

The only thing that sucked was that even though he said he'd wanted me for a while, I was fairly certain his attraction was purely sexual.

Anyway, getting off of that subject, before we left, I'd given Edward a schedule of sorts for Emily. Her soccer schedule, bath, bed…I'd even given him a list of all the foods and drinks that were appropriate for her to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I knew he'd have it under control, but I still felt weird knowing that Em and I were going out of town, and I was leaving her, my baby girl, with Edward fucking Cullen.

When Emily figured out what was going on and learned that Edward would be staying with her for a few days, she'd screamed and jumped in his arms, as excited as I've ever seen her.

Once Emmett and I had gotten in the car, I thought of something and hurriedly pulled my phone from my pocket, texting Edward and hoping he'd get it before we drove off.

**What are you going to do at night when you go on the clock?—B**

I pressed send and watched as seconds later, he reached into the pocket of his jeans, retrieving his phone.

I tried not to laugh, I really did, but I couldn't help it. He had sneakily given me the bird as he scratched at his jaw, then began tapping at his phone.

**I didn't even fucking think of that! Don't worry, I'll come up with something. Just hurry back and don't listen to her shit.—E**

**I told you, I won't believe a word the bitch says. Can we text when I'm in Volterra?—B**

**No cell phone towers. Remember?—E**

**Then how did I get Em's call when we were there the other day?—B**

**Damn, didn't even register with me. You can try it. I gotta go. Emily wants me to read her a book in bed.—E**

**Oh! Give 'em hell!—E**

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh at the last one.

This dynamic between us was slowly but surely changing.

The last time we'd texted each other, I'd been pissed at him and we were arguing. And now, we were actually being civil.

The sick part is…I actually like fighting with him. Seeing Edward Cullen pissed off is by far the hottest thing in the world, and as twisted as it sounds, his ass and legs in a pair of fucking heels…

The leotard and tutu though, that shit could go.

However, I can say with utmost certainty that once he went back to the male uniform, I was going to miss the easy access the leotard provided me with to his beautiful dick.

"Wipe that stupid ass grin off of your face, Bells, and tell me exactly where the fuck we're going," Emmett demanded once we'd driven away.

I looked out the window and took in a deep breath.

This was going to take a while.

**Okay, so this basically let you into Bella's head just a little bit. **

**The next half of the chapter will be in Volterra with Aro BWAHAHAHA!**

**And let me just say that Fairyward with Emily completely melts me into goo! **

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**I've also just posted my first attempt at a Drabble fic. I'll have more up tomorrow, but it's called Thrift Shop, based on the song by Macklemore. **

**Give it a shot if you're interested! **

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	45. Chapter 45

**Surprise! I couldn't get Fairyward to leave me alone LOL!**

**See you at the bottom!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Bells, I'm telling you right now, there's no fucking way I'm strokin' some creepy, old ass fairy's dick," Emmett bellowed, his face turning an ugly shade of green.

"Well, if I have anything to say about it, you will," Rose hissed from the backseat.

"Oh no he won't," I bit back.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Just because you're fucking that asshole, Cullen, doesn't mean you have any say in our world, bitch."

Hell to the no.

I undid my seat belt and twisted myself in my seat to throw my fist into her face, sending her head flying back against the seat.

My buffoon of a brother jerked the car off sideways as he looked back and began laughing his ass off.

"_You fucking cunt!_" She screamed, about to lunge at me to retaliate when her phone went off.

She cursed under her breath and hissed Carlisle's name.

Score!

"What? I'm not going to let the bitch get away with that and not…She's _what_?! Are you fucking insane?! Neither one of them know what the hell they're doing! What the fuck ever!"

When she hung up, I glanced at her in the mirror on the visor just in time to see her shoot me a bitch face.

"So," she said in a venom filled voice. "When were you planning on telling us that you were about to take over for Carlisle and Esme?"

"Wasn't my news to tell. Besides, why the fuck would I tell you anything, you busted, trailer trash hoe bag? Edward thought it best not to say anything."

"Bullshit. That pencil dick would be gloating about it. So, he's obviously not saying anything because you won't let him."

"Believe what you want, Rose. Makes me no fucking difference. And to set the record straight, he's not a pencil dick. Though for someone like you, I can see why you'd say that. He'd have to tie a damn rope around his ankle and to the bed post just to find his way out of your loose snatch."

"You know what, _fuck _this! I don't give a shit who you are, or who you're going to be, _no one _talks about…"

"Actually, Bells, she's not that loose. Trust me, I know."

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

He'd already slept with her.

I didn't know if I wanted to throw up, cry, or kill the bitch.

I looked to see her eyes double in size with rage as she zeroed in on Emmett.

This trip was getting off to a great fucking start.

Insert eye roll here.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I don't think I'd ever get used to seeing this much pink in one place. The first time being here was rough enough, but seeing it again just made me want to erase the color pink permanently.

Rose, Emmett, and I hadn't spoken a word to each other since we'd gotten to her place and used the dust.

She was pissed at Emmett and wanted to kill me—her soon-to-be boss.

Emmett was afraid to talk to her after having spilled the beans, and he knew that he'd gone too far from the look I'd given him.

And me? I wanted to erase Emmett's part in our conversation entirely, and desperately wanted to shove a white hot branding iron up the Barbie's ass.

Yeah, Edward's nickname for her had worn off on me.

Shit, I fucking missed him!

It didn't seem right being here without him.

I pulled my phone out and was about to send a text his way when Aro came pirouetting into sight, just like he had the first time.

And his uniform hadn't changed.

Shit.

I hurriedly glanced at Emmett to see that his ugly green was now ghostly white.

I'd never in my life seen that big oaf scared of anything, but this? This was priceless.

I didn't know if it would take or not, but it was worth a shot. I aimed my phone up and snapped a shot of Emmett on camera to show Edward when I got back, or maybe before then, depending on whether the texting worked or not.

I then met Aro's gaze and watched his adam's apple bob. The smile on his face was now nervous.

Strange how little old me could do that to someone with as much power as he possessed.

"Bella? To what do I owe this pleasure?" he questioned.

"Ask the bottle blonde next to me. She's the one that dragged us here. I'm just making sure no bullshit goes down."

"Shut the fuck up, Bella. Like you have any say here," the Barbie snapped. "We're here because this giant ass douchebag, Emmett, was in training with me and decided to run into a crowded bar. He outed us to any and all who would fucking listen."

"So he's broken fairy law?" Aro asked, clearing his throat and taking a few steps closer.

He reached out to touch Emmett's shoulder, but just as any Swan would do, Emmett struck out, nailing Aro in the face with his fist.

"Back the fuck up, Swan Lake," he barked.

I doubled over laughing, watching as Emmett's fists remained up and poised to strike again, fear written all over him.

When Aro came back up, holding his nose, his eyes cut over to me in anger.

"What's the meaning of this?"

"Aro, I'd like you to meet my brother, and like me, he's still human. He hasn't been sworn in yet."

"Is this true?" he questioned, looking at Rosalie who looked like the cat that ate the fucking canary.

"Yes, but it was happening this weekend. It doesn't matter if he had his damn wings or not! He still broke the law!"

"I'm sorry, my dear Rose, but he's your responsibility. Any and everything he does up until he's sworn in falls on your shoulders."

"If you're saying I have to jack you off, you've got another thing coming, Aro," she ground out. "I'll break it first."

"Oh no, no woman touches my cock, dear Rosalie," he answered, shooting a look in my direction. "You will be our subject for the remainder of the evening."

"And just what the fuck does that mean?"

"It means you're his slave for the night," I told her smugly, enjoying every minute of this.

"We don't use the word slave as we find it demeaning, but essentially, Bella, you have it right. You'll do whatever we ask of you, my dear Rose. Whether it be packaging a fellow fairy's cock in ribbon, or fucking another fairy with a prized strap-on, you're our subject. If you refuse, you'll be held in contempt and sentenced to a week in the chamber, bound by rope and chains, and used as we see fit."

Rose cut her eyes over to me and then Emmett.

"However, I'm afraid, Bella, that Emmett cannot get off scot free either. Unlike yours and Edward's visit, there is nothing to fix. This revolves around a law being broken. I see how you feel about someone getting me off, which is why Emmett will be forced to suck the strap on as Rosalie wears it for a full five minutes. There's nothing you can do to stop this from happening, I'm afraid."

I knew he wouldn't get away clean, I knew that. And I also believed he needed to have some kind of consequence for what he'd done. Despite how much I hated that blonde headed bitch, it wasn't fair for her to take all the blame, which was the only reason I was going to allow Aro's sentencing.

"Bella?" Emmett whined as he looked at me, pleading.

"I'm sorry, Em. This was the best I could do. The only other possible punishment for you would be to suck or jack Aro off, and that shit's not happening. Just look at it this way; it's a fake cock on the woman you have the hots for."

I then watched as Aro's guards came and took the two of them away.

I was going to get so much shit from him when he returned to our rooms.

**No words...**

**I can't wait for the reviews on this one!**

**T**


	46. Chapter 46

**Sorry about not updating. My daughter came down with the flu/stomach bug :(**

**BUT, tonight is a double update. So as soon as you finish this one, you can move to the next chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Watching her walk away from me, get into that car, and drive away was harder than I expected it to be. On one hand, I was afraid that maybe I really had gotten in way over my head as I'd never fucking babysat _anyone_ before. And in a sense, I was also worried about her going off to Volterra without me.

I mean, when she'd gone with me, she had wound up protecting me rather than me protecting her, but still. I'd sent her off with Emmett the dumbass rookie, and Rosalie the bitch Barbie. Then there was Aro.

What if she'd only gotten lucky on her last visit? What if he'd found a way to retaliate?

This was the shit that plagued my mind.

That and the fact that I already fucking missed her.

I'd never missed anybody before, so this was all new territory.

What the fuck did this mean?

However, I was pulled from my thoughts by the wiggle worm that sat atop my shoulders.

"Uncle Eddie, are we going to go inside now? Mommy's gone and I don't like to be outside when it's dark," Emily's sweet little voice murmured above me.

As I wrestled her down off my shoulders, she latched her arms around my neck and clung to me.

Poor thing, she was scared of being out here.

Funny that I'd never noticed that before, what with all the late night barbecues and parties Emmett and Bella had thrown through the years. I guess it was due to Bella having actually been here.

Once I'd gotten Emily inside and noticed just how late it actually was, I brought her upstairs for bed.

"Will you read me story?"

"Sure thing, Sweet Pea. What do you want me to read?"

"Bear at the Beach," she whispered adorably.

I moved to her bookshelf and finally found it.

As I sat down beside her in her bed and read it to her, I was taken off guard.

This book, which I'd never heard of, hurt my heart.

It was a story about a bear that sets off on a quest to find himself a father.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what went through this beautiful little girl's mind, and I sure that if I knew, my heart would break.

And to think of what kind of pain this put Bella in day in and day out…

I fucking hated it.

Maybe that was part of why I had been so fucking bitter the past six years.

After I'd run Riley out of town, I'd wanted to ask Bella out not only because I cared about her and wanted to be given a chance with her, but because I wanted to try and step into that role for Bella.

Not that I would ever fucking admit that to anyone.

But I had to say, Bella had done an amazing job at raising her so far. Emmett was around constantly and great with Emily—so was I, I guess—and she truly was a happy child. Never left wanting for anything.

Except a father.

It wasn't long before I felt wetness on my cheeks.

What the fucking hell was going on with me?

I glanced down to see Emily sound asleep beside me.

After leaning down and placing a kiss against her forehead, I turned off her bedside lamp and headed down into the kitchen for a quick drink.

As I got a handle on myself and shook off thoughts that I'd rather not be having, I pulled my phone from my pocket to see if Bella had texted.

Nothing.

I quickly tapped out a text since I was about to head up to bed; after all, I had to get up early to get the munchkin ready for school.

**Just finished reading Sweet Pea a story and she's now sound asleep. I'm heading up to bed. Again, don't worry, she'll be fine. Let me know when you make it there.—EC a.k.a. Pinkalicious**

I had to throw something in to make her laugh, and I knew that would. And I was sure I wouldn't hear the end of it either once she returned.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Okay, I don't know how the fuck moms around the world did this shit. Every. Fucking. Day.

I was woken by the munchkin at six o'clock this morning, something I hadn't done, well…ever.

Before even having the pleasure of making myself a cup of coffee, I'd been begged to slave over the stove making pancakes.

Now, don't get me wrong, I was more than happy to oblige the sweet little angel, but dammit, I was barely functioning.

Then, just as I'd begun to pour myself a cup of wake-me-up, she'd pleaded with me to help her get dressed and then fix her hair.

This…this is why men worked and the moms stayed home. When Emily handed me an elastic band and hair bow, I was stupefied. How the fuck was I supposed to know what to do with it?

Bella hadn't prepared me for this. I mean, seriously? Shouldn't she have fucking given me a lesson or something on how to fix her hair?

Needless to say, when I'd finally dropped her off at school—it was by the grace of God that I didn't ram the asshole on the 101—she looked like Stevie Wonder had done her hair with a fucking waffle iron. Thankfully though, she was beautiful enough to pull it off.

When I'd gotten to the office this morning, Jessica had been overwhelmingly annoying and there was a huge stack of work on my desk that had accumulated during my time away. Tons of articles and shit that I had to weed through for the week.

Normally, this was Bella's job.

And thinking about that and all that she went through every morning before even coming up here, combined with the shit she endured by my hands for so long left me feeling even more guilty for my actions.

Mother of fuck, winning her over and gaining her complete trust and respect was going to be an even bigger task than I originally thought.

As I opened the file with Mike Newton's name written across it, I flinched. He was a shit reporter that we had here at the paper. I only kept him on because the old man seemed to like him and refused to let me fire him. But seriously, who the fuck wanted to read about the local donut shop owner's affair with the drive-thru girl at McDonald's?

Exactly.

Suddenly, my phone dinged with the alert of a text.

**Glad to that you're finally seeing things my way, Pinkie ;D We got here a few hours ago. Aro's still a prick; he wouldn't let Em off. As we speak, he's in a room somewhere with the bitch supposedly sucking off her strap-on. Did Emily go down easy for you? Thanks again.—BS**

Her telling of what Aro had put the Barbie and Emmett up to caused a loud laugh to burst from my chest.

She'd just made my fucking day.

**Holy shit! That's fucking classic! Better than anything I could've come up with! Did he try anything on you? If he did, I'll fucking kill him. Sweet Pea went down just fine. However, I could've used a warning about how fucking hard it is to wrap a damn elastic band around her hair and get it to stay o.O –EC 'Pinkie'**

**My my my, it sounds like you're developing a protective/possessive streak. I think I like it *purrs* I'm sorry; you said there was nothing you couldn't handle so I just assumed you knew how to do a simple ponytail.—BS**

As stupid as it sounds, I actually felt my pants grow tighter at her flirting. Fucking minx.

**I'd be willing to bet good money that you're now fighting a hard-on. Am I right?—BS**

**EVIL—EC 'Pinkie Does Dallas'**

**LOL!—BS**

That was the last of the texts as I went back to work.

I may have been missing her last night, but now that feeling was tenfold.

But, Bella and work aside, I now had an even bigger problem.

What the fuck was I going to do tonight when Emily was up and I went on the fucking clock?

**Oh no Eddie! What is a fairy to do?**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	47. Chapter 47

**See you all at the bottom, Ladies (and gents?)**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**Bella's POV**

"Oh my fucking God, Bells! How the hell do I make it go down?" Emmett exclaimed as he burst through the door of my room in Volterra's housing unit.

I winced, turned my back and shook my head. "Em, being my brother does _not _make it okay to ask me shit like that!"

"What?" he asked in confusion. "Fucking ew! I'm not talking about my junk, goddamit! My cheeks, the inside of my fucking cheeks are swollen from the sucking and it's uncomfortable as shit."

This was not fucking happening.

My brother was _not_ in here asking me for advice on how to make the swelling on the inside of his cheeks go down after having sucked a cock for a while.

"You're on your fucking own, Em. I'm not having this discussion with you. You want advice? Go ask Aro or that bitch Rosalie."

"So that's it? You condemned me to that shit and now you're washing your hands of me? What the fuck?"

"Hey!" I shouted. "It's not my fault that you went fucking psycho and made a damn scene at Harry's! I did what I could, but when I was here with Edward, we hadn't broken any rules. I just manipulated his ass into fixing the shit we wanted fixed. You want to blame someone? Blame the bitch that actually brought you here."

I then walked away and went into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door.

I could hardly contain my laughter over the fact that he'd actually fucking done it.

I had thought for sure that he would have knocked the fucking shit out of Aro, or hell, even Rosalie, before doing it.

Edward was going to get a kick out of this once I told him.

Is it crazy of me to say that I couldn't wait until I was back in Forks and in his arms?

I seriously missed the hot as fuck, pain in my ass.

Even with his impossible condition of foot in mouth and wicked temper, I was counting the minutes until I saw him again.

And I missed my baby girl with everything in me. This was only my second time being away from her for this amount of time, the first being when Edward and I came.

A constant worry that had plagued my mind was worrying about how Edward was going to handle his fairy get up when it took hold tonight.

I mean, I knew he wouldn't leave her at the house unattended, and I knew there was no way in hell he'd actually take her out on a route, but I didn't trust his old man. I just prayed that the perverted fuck stayed away and left Edward to care for my Emily in peace with no interruptions.

Needing something to take my mind off of that, I pulled my phone out and found that I had three texts from Edward waiting for me.

That was weird as my fucking phone hadn't made a sound.

The first text came with an attachment.

**How do we look?—EC a.k.a. 'Princess Fairyweather'**

When I opened the picture file, I just about pissed myself from laughing, and melted at the same time.

Edward sat—obviously at my daughter's tea table—in all his fairy glory, with Emily perched beside him, teacup in hand.

And cupcakes? Had Edward fucking Cullen actually made _cupcakes_?!

What melted my heart was the makeup that was haphazardly draw all over his face, the disastrous paint job on his nails, and the horrid hair style—all apparently done by Emily's hand.

She herself was also dressed up, and the glowing smiles on both their faces left nothing to the imagination of how much they were really enjoying themselves.

I instantly knew what he'd done as a cover for when he went on the clock.

I'd been privy to many princess tea parties with my daughter, and each time I came out looking just like Edward, only it looked a hell of a lot less disturbing on me. This was definitely a picture I was keeping.

There weren't many men that would subject themselves to a makeover at the hands of a six year old little girl, but then again, Edward was no ordinary man. Something I was beginning to realize more and more every day.

I closed that text and moved to the next one.

**I don't know what exactly they make children's lip glosses from, but whatever it is tastes like ass, and now, I smell like a fruit cocktail. Btw, does this nail polish come off?—EC**

**Oh you two look absolutely beautiful! I love the purple eyeshadow, it really brings out the color of your eyes ;D While the nail polish does come off, I would leave it. It completes your work uniform. And I have no idea what's in the lip gloss—BS**

I then moved on to the last one.

**You might want to sit down for this one…Are you sitting down? Okay, here it goes. You ready?...I fucking miss you :( -EC**

I didn't care if Rose and Emmett didn't get out of here until a week from now, I needed to leave and now. The picture of him and Emily combined with that last text left my heart in my throat, and a longing for him stronger than anything I'd ever felt.

**I miss you too, Edward. What does all of this mean?—BS**

I didn't have to wait long before my phone dinged with his response.

**I was hoping we could maybe figure it out when you get home. This is good, right? Or am I fucking it up again without realizing it? Wouldn't be the first time.—EC**

**No, you're definitely not fucking it up and I think when I get home sounds good to me. And it's good, Edward. Really good.—BS**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

The texts had continued into the night, the elephant in the room being set aside—where we were going from here—as our conversation moved to his telling me about Emily's soccer practice and the rest of their day.

I'd woken this morning, more than ready to leave Volterra and never look back. Emmett had called me a few hours ago, telling me that we would be leaving at ten in the morning, which was in thirty minutes.

We'd only been here in Volterra for a total of six hours, but in real time on Earth, it equaled that of a full day and a half.

Meaning that Edward would most likely either be sleeping, or about to go to sleep when we got back…if my calculations were right.

One thing I found myself hoping for, and felt guilty about too, was that Emily would go down easy when we arrived back home. I knew that once I saw Edward, especially with how much I'd missed his crazy, mental ass, that I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of him, or those wings—I was actually having withdrawals from touching…I needed my fix.

And God, if it's not too much to ask, I pray that Emmett be roped into going on a route with the bitch, because he sure as hell wasn't going to want to be around to listen to what I had planned for Edward.

**Even though it may not have been one of the craziest chapters yet, I find it to be one of my favorites.**

**Maybe that's just the sap in me coming out LOL!**

**Next chapter will be E/B, but after that, we're finally moving to Bella being sworn in! BWAHAHAHA!**

**T**


	48. Chapter 48

**I'm on a roll, LOL! Blame it on Fairyward being overactive in my mind the past 24 hours. **

**Hope you enjoy this one!**

***TT&ABOFD~***

Every muscle in my body hurt, proving that I was way too fucking old for this shit.

After picking Emily up from school today, I had taken her to a place in Port Angeles called Jump Galaxy. I, myself, had never been there, but I'd heard Bella and Emmett mention it many times.

I knew Emily loved it, and that showed in her reaction when we pulled up.

Walking in had completely thrown me for a loop. I was as excited as a ten year old child, and as terrified as a brittle old man with a new hip replacement.

There were bounce houses scattered everywhere in a huge enclosed space—and it wasn't only for the children.

The employee made sure to tell me that parents were encouraged to join in on the fun, and even made a point to show me this tunnel-like thing that she claimed was an obstacle course on the inside.

What was uncomfortable for me was that I was the only fucking guy here. The rest were women, most of which looked at me like I was something to eat. And that's not a egotistical, over-exaggerated statement either.

So, in my khaki pants, white button-down dress shirt, and dress socks, I'd happily joined Emily on the jumps.

Sure, everything had started out fine with us having a blast, but then? Then she'd brought me over to the obstacle course.

I was fairly certain that after my fifth time through it, I'd not only pulled every fucking muscle in my legs, ass, and back, but I'd also broken one of my wings.

I then made the mistake of taking her for ice cream once we'd left.

Never again.

No one had warned me about giving a child sugar _after _depleting their energy.

My whole point was to wear her out so that I'd have time with Bella, should she happen to come home tonight.

But as usual, things didn't go as planned. Instead, I'd brought home a child whose energy was back tenfold.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I'd taken four Advil in the past three hours and so far, it hadn't done shit for me.

While Emily played in the backyard on her swing set, I'd taken it upon myself to get a lasagna in the oven—what? I know how to cook—and to get the house cleaned up a bit. The house wasn't destroyed by any means, but Emily had gone a little crazy when we'd gotten back and she had toys scattered everywhere.

Bending over when everything on my body fucking hurt was hell. All I wanted to do was lay down and cry.

Once we'd eaten dinner, and I'd managed to give her a bath, I wanted nothing more than to just go the fuck to bed. But I couldn't.

Not only did I still need to read her a book and get her in bed, I also had yet to go on the clock. Realizing that, I glanced down at my watch to see that it was already after nine.

What the fuck?

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dialed the old man.

"This is the one and only time this is happening, you little shit," he griped without so much as a hello.

"Only time _what_ is happening? I haven't been put on the clock, dick head. Where's the uniform?"

"Are you seriously that oblivious? Jesus, you really did take after your mother with your damn head of yours. I'm giving you the fucking night off. As much as it sickens me to say it, I'm proud of you for what you've done for that bitch and her little gremlin. That and I've been in your position so I know how fucking hard it is. Just don't get used to this shit. You're back on tomorrow night."

With that, he hung up, leaving me completely fucking astounded.

He was _proud _of me? Was he fucking drunk? Had he overdosed on Viagra or some shit?

But then, what he'd said set in; I had the night off.

For the first time since having been condemned to this life, I had the fucking _night off_!

I did a fist pump and started to jump up in celebration, but every muscle seized and I fell to the floor crumpled.

Of all the nights to have off, it had to be one when I was in too much pain to fucking move.

"Uncle Eddie, will you read me a story? I'm sleepy," Sweet Pea murmured as I put my phone back in my pocket and walked over to the front door to lock up for the night.

"Sure thing. Why don't you go upstairs and pick one out. I'll be right up, okay?"

She nodded and turned to walk up the stairs as I headed into the kitchen, rinsing off our dirty dishes and placing them in the dishwasher before turning the lights out and following her up.

"Hello?" I heard the sweetest voice call out as Emily flew past me down the stairs, her blonde curls bouncing with her steps.

"_Mommy!"_ she shrieked in laughter as she ran to Bella.

I felt excitement, relief, and disappointment: Excitement because she was back and I could hold her once again; relief because I would actually get to sleep in tomorrow morning; and disappointment because I hadn't gotten Emily to bed in time.

What surprised me was that when I finally made it to the foot of the stairs, I found only Bella standing there. Emmett and Rose were nowhere to be seen.

Bella stood looking radiant as she held Emily close to her, and smiled at me…wickedly.

I motioned to her that I was go upstairs to give her time with Emily, but she shook her head and beckoned me over.

Emily informed her of how I was about to read her a story and then headed back upstairs to resume looking for one after some encouragement from Bella.

As I slowly and stiffly walked over to her, she arched a brow and looked at me in confusion.

"Edward, its after nine; why aren't you in uniform?"

"The old man gave me the fucking night off, if you can believe that," I answered with a grin as she smiled and reached up, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Was he sick?" she asked with a laugh, pressing herself against me.

"I've been asking myself that question since he fucking called," I told her wryly, putting my hands on her waist tentatively, praying that I didn't pop a fucking boner because there would be no way for me to explain it to Sweet Pea when I go to read her book.

"What's wrong with you?" she mused with narrowed eyes. "You're holding back. Why?"

"I don't wanna…you know," I told her, gesturing to the general area of my junk and then my wings, mouthing the word 'poof'. "I still need to read her a book."

As I figured she would, she laughed and kissed my cheek.

Just then, Emily appeared on the stairs, a big smile on her face as she watched me and Bella.

"Hey Sweet Pea, you ready?" I asked her, letting go of Bella and heading for the stairs.

"Yeah," she answered, holding up the same book from that first night…Bear at the Beach.

"Oh, Emily, honey, maybe you should pick a differen…" Bella began to interject, obviously afraid of what I would think after reading it.

I stopped to glance at her over my shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella. I've already read it; no big deal. I've got this," I told her with a wink and watched as her eyes closed and she shook her head. "Oh, hey," I said, breaking her from wherever it was her mind had gone, "there's lasagna in the oven if you're hungry. I'll be back down in a minute."

"You _cooked_?" she exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Don't sound so surprised," I grumbled with a roll of the eyes and headed upstairs.

Good to know that not everything had changed.

**Okay, so Bella's back. Next chapter will probably be a bit longer than the rest as I plan for it to be B/E reunion and also the beginning or her swearing in at the old man's house.**

**It probably won't post until tomorrow as I've got to get the next cluster of chapters for Thrift Shop (my new drabble) out. **

**It's sad how far one of your children getting sick can set you back LOL.**

**Anyway, as always, thanks for the reviews!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	49. Chapter 49

**Warning: This chapter will take on a bit of more serious tone. Not to worry, no tissue boxes are needed and there is still humor weaved in here and there ;D**

**See you at the bottom!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

With Emily finally asleep, I started to make my way down the stairs, back to the kitchen where Bella was waiting.

My original plan for tonight was to talk about 'us' with her, hopefully ending the night by sinking myself into her.

But, as always, I'd fucked that up; there was no way my muscles were going to allow me that kind of energy tonight. I was spent.

When I finally walked into the kitchen, Bella was standing at the sink, rinsing off a plate with her back to me. I slowly, but cautiously approached her, sliding my arms around her waist and resting my chin on her shoulder.

"_Shit_!" she hissed, jumping as her head whipped around and knocked the fuck out of mine.

"Fucking dammit," I groaned, holding my head in my hands.

"Crap, Edward, I'm sorry," she rushed out, then proceeded to slap my arm a second later. "You jackass! You can't just sneak up on someone like that! Especially at night!"

"Excuse the fuck out of me for trying to hug my girl," I ground out, not believing the way this was starting out.

Just my fucking luck.

I let my eyes meet hers, only to see her now looking at me in sympathy.

After a small sigh, she stretched her arms out to me and after arching a brow, I eased into them. "You aren't going to clock me this time, are you?" I mumbled, burying my face in her hair and pulling her close.

"A week ago? Yeah. But after these past couple of days, no. Thank you for taking care of my baby girl," she whispered into my ear.

I pulled back to look at her in skepticism. "Why are you thanking me? You saved my ass from having to face Aro again. If anything, I should be thanking you."

"No, Tink, I mean it. You really took care of her. The light in her eyes and the smile on her face in that picture you sent said it all. Don't get me wrong, I knew you were good with her and I've seen it several times, but that? I never knew you had that in you."

"Shit, you're making me sound like a…"

"Will you shut up for five seconds and fucking kiss me already?" she griped, stomping on my foot at the same time.

She'd most likely just saved me from putting my fucking foot in my mouth again.

And she didn't have to ask me twice.

I briefly narrowed my eyes at her and shook my head, grinning all the while, before bringing my mouth to hers.

Fuck, I'd missed her; missed this. Her tongue tentatively pressed against my bottom lip and I happily granted her fucking entrance.

The kiss quickly turned passionate, and within seconds, her hands were tugging at my hair and her leg was hitching on my hip to wrap around my waist.

I had to stop it, no matter how badly my cock fucking begged me not to.

With a firm grip on her hip, I gently pushed her back, putting some space between us as I broke the kiss, us both breathing heavily.

"What…?" she asked, confusion and rejection both shining in her eyes.

"Believe me, I don't want to stop, but there's no way I can pull off fucking you tonight."

"And just why the hell not?" she demanded.

"Everything in," I began then thought of a better route. "You've been with her to Jump Galaxy, right?"

"Oh my God," she laughed, bringing her hand to her mouth. "First, you let her put make-up on you, then you baked fucking cupcakes, and now you're telling me that you, Edward fucking Cullen, let her talk you into going to Jump Galaxy?"

"Hey, I'll have you know that she didn't talk me into anything. I wanted to take her mind off of you being gone, and I wanted her to have some fun. And if I'm being totally honest, I hoped she'd go down easy tonight so you and I could spend _quality_ time together, but as always, my plan backfired. I not only dealt with a room full of hungry housewives feasting their eyes on me, but I also wore out every fucking muscle in my body going through that blasted obstacle course. I suspect that I even broke a wing."

"So what? Does that mean if we _were _to attempt anything, and I happened to touch your wings, that you'd be going off half-cocked?" she quipped, trying desperately to hold in a laugh but failing miserably.

"Funny. That's real funny, Swan. Anyway, I brought her for ice cream after, which was why she was still up when you got home. So, as disappointing as I'm sure it is to you, I'm afraid that me and my cock are out of order for the night."

She chuckled for a second and then reached out a hand to trail a finger down the seam of my button down shirt, her face solemn.

Shit, this wasn't good. She was going emo on me. I instantly began running over everything I'd said, both in my head and outloud, given that I had an unbelievable talent for fucking things up and saying the wrong shit.

"Edward, can I ask you a question?"

"Depends. Am I in trouble?" I asked unsuredly, gulping.

When had I become such goddamn pussy?!

"What is all of this about?" she questioned, her hand motioning between the two of us. "Are you with me just for the sex? Because I'm having trouble figuring out how you went from calling me the biggest bitch in the world on a daily basis to being sweet like you have been the past few days."

Okay, so apparently we were going to have the talk now. Not that I was complaining because I'd planned to do this myself anyway, but the question she'd just asked stung. I hadn't seen it coming and I sure as hell didn't know that this was the shit going through her mind when we were together.

But now that she'd said it, I could see why she'd think that because the truth was, I really had been awful to her in the past.

"Fuck," I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. "In case you didn't notice, you just propositioned me for sex and I turned it down. Granted, that was the first time I have, but if this was just about sex to me, Bella, would I have said no?"

"So you think that _I'm_ only in it for sex?" she shot back, brows furrowed.

"No, I didn't say that. Listen, I'll be as forward as I can, but you know me; there's a high possibility that my mouth will run away with me and I'll piss you off."

"Tell me something I don't know," she joked.

"I know that I've been fucking awful to you in the past, and I have no real of explaining my actions in a manner that you'd understand, just know I feel really fucking guilty, okay? But here's the deal, Swan: I wanted you, wanted a real fucking chance with you six, almost seven, years ago when you first found out you were pregnant with Sweet Pea. That desire never went away. I still want that chance with you, and I'm willing to do whatever I have to to prove to you that I'm serious. I'm a colossal fuck-up whose mouth knows no bounds, I'm crude, I'm an asshole, and I've even pussied out and jacked off another m…"

I didn't get to finish. My verbal diarrhea was swallowed by Bella's mouth hungrily pressed against my own, her hands fisted in my shirt.

When she pulled away after suckling on my bottom lip, she looked up at me with misty eyes, and a big smile on her face.

"You really need to learn when to shut up," she murmured, moving a hand from my hair to scratch lightly at my jaw. "Are you sure that you can handle what being with me entails?"

"You just lost me," I told her flatly, confused as ever.

"Edward, I'm a single mother with a six year old daughter. A little girl who's never known what's its like to have a father. I don't want to get into something serious with you, and then have you bolt as soon as you realize that this, we weren't what you wanted. I couldn't take the heartbreak it would cause to her."

"Aren't we jumping the gun a bit?" I asked her, my voice nearly inaudible.

"I'm not," she breathed. "I'm in this as far as I can go."

"What exactly does that mean? You're speaking in riddles, Bella, and I'm not sure what you're telling me or what it is you want me to say."

"I think that if you really concentrate, you'll see what I'm trying to…"

Then, it hit me.

As I looked at her, the emotion was right there in her eyes, staring me straight in the fucking face. I could feel it in the way she was stroking my jaw, in the way she'd kissed me moments ago.

I felt my pulse speed up as a lump formed in my throat. I was fucking panicking and there was shit I could do to stop it.

_She loves me._

One thing was for sure, I needed to think and do it fast because if I bolted from this room or waited too long, chances were, I was going to fuck this up with her before it ever really began.

**Okay, so we didn't get to the beginning of her swearing in ceremony. E/B talking just got away with me.**

**What is he going to do now? How will he handle Bella's psuedo confession?**

**The next chapter will post tomorrow with his response.**

**If we don't get to the swearing in on the next one, it will definitely be Chapter 51.**

**Wow, hard to believe that it's already reached that number as I'd originally intended for this to only be 8-15 chapters long. LOL!**

**As always, leave some love 3**

**T**


	50. Chapter 50

**ENJOY!**

_As I looked at her, the emotion was right there in her eyes, staring me straight in the fucking face. I could feel it in the way she was stroking my jaw, in the way she'd kissed me moments ago._

_I felt my pulse speed up as a lump formed in my throat. I was fucking panicking and there was shit I could do to stop it._

_She loves me._

_One thing was for sure, I needed to think and do it fast because if I bolted from this room or waited too long, chances were, I was going to fuck this up with her before it ever really began._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

What the hell was I supposed to say?

She already knew about my fear regarding the 'L' word. Didn't she know that she was setting me up to fuck everything?

Shit, now my hands are clammy.

I clenched my eyes shut as I stood in place, trying desperately to come to some kind of answer to give her.

"Jesus, you weren't lying when you said you had a fear of…"

"You have no fucking idea," I told her shakily.

"Edward," she whispered, and suddenly her hand was resting against my neck. "You don't have to say it back; I just had to make sure that you know how I feel. But I have to ask, would it really be so horrible to fall for me?"

My eyes shot open, looking at her as though she'd grown a second fucking head. Had she looked in the damn mirror lately? "What?!" I exclaimed. "_Horrible_? Bella, I fell for you a long fucking time ago; that's not the issue here."

I sighed, taking a step back and running my hands over my face in frustration.

I wonder if she'd care if I downed the bottle of Jack I saw in her pantry; God knows, I fucking need it right now.

But then, then I heard a giggle. I peeked out between my fingers and caught her looking at me with wet eyes and a watery smile.

"What?" I asked, completely baffled. "You're smiling. Why are you smiling? Shouldn't you be kicking my ass or yelling at me or…_something?!_"

"You and that mouth of yours, Cullen. You just outed yourself without realizing it?"

"I did?"

Oh fuck, what did I say? What in God's name did I say?!

I thought back over my words and froze.

Holy shit on a fucking cracker! She'd fucking tricked me into admitting it without having a freak out.

As I gaped in shock and narrowed my eyes at her fuckery, her hands took hold of my wrists and pulled them around her waist.

"That was all I needed, Pinkie. I know you have issues with that, and I didn't want to push you. I just needed some kind of a fucking reaction. Something to tell me that you weren't going to fucking bail when it got to be too much," she confessed, pressing her forehead against my chest.

Not liking the way she was thinking, I hooked a finger under her chin and forced her to look at me.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I've fucking been here since day one, Princess. I haven't bailed yet. What makes you think that this would change that?"

"True, we're about to be King and Queen fairies over this region, which by the way, Rosalie is highly fucking pissed off about."

"Shit, you told her?" I exclaimed, knowing full well that if that bitch knew, then Alice and Jasper did too.

"Nope. Your old man did. After I knocked the fuck out of her."

Whoa, hold the fuck up! Bella…_my girl_…punched the bitch Barbie? And I wasn't there to see it?! I fucking hated my life. This shit was _not_ fair.

"And why am I just now hearing about this?! What did she do?"

"She was talking shit about you, and I lost control. Before she could hit me back, the old pervert called and laid down the law. She pretty much avoided me the rest of the time there. Now," she groaned, leaning up and pressing her lips to mine chastely. "We have more than enough time to talk about all of that. Right now, I just want to take you upstairs and thank you for this weekend…properly."

"Swan, I already told you, we're out of commission for tonight."

"Who said anything about fucking?" she asked, raising her brow at me in annoyance.

"What the fuck are you talking about then?"

"When was the last time you had a massage?"

Oh fuck me running!

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Here it was.

The night of Bella's swearing in had come. And not only was she being sworn in; the passing of the torch—so to speak—from the old man and hag to Bella and I was going down tonight as well.

As with all swearing in ceremonies, Aro and his partner, Caius, were in attendance, and thankfully they'd worn sarongs to cover their wrapped cocks.

I was feeling lighter than I'd felt in months. The massage Bella had given me last night had not only been the first one I'd ever had, but also proved to be exactly what I fucking needed.

She'd worked every kink out of my shoulders and my back. Even my legs.

Hell, it had been so good that I'd fallen asleep.

However, I was positive that I'd fucked up big time when woke up this morning. Bella had come into the bedroom, carrying cups of coffee for the two of us. When she'd noticed me sitting up and my cock standing at attention, she'd grinned and said something about me being in a good mood.

I'd then responded by telling her something along the lines of. "That's right, bitch. Now get to suckin'."

Yeah, it wasn't exactly my best line.

I still have the fucking blisters down my chest from where she'd poured the scalding hot coffee on me.

My girl played fucking dirty.

Anyway, back to the present; pretty much everyone was here, gathered in the front yard of the 'rents house. We all stood around, shooting daggers back and forth at one another.

Bella had finally forgiven me after I'd complimented her on the way she looked tonight—which was fuck hot, but I still didn't like the amount of skin it showed. _MINE._ That and I'd been trying all damn day to be less abrasive in the way I made my affections known to her.

So far, I'd only called her a bitch twice today, which was a record. And I had made the mistake of telling her a few hours after the bed incident that I would _allow_ her to suck me off if she fucking fingered herself in front of me.

Can't blame a dude for trying.

Emily was with Charlie tonight since Emmett had to come with us, and I could honestly say that I missed the little Sweet Pea. And I totally would have taken her being with us over Emmett.

Ever since he got back from Volterra yesterday, he's grated on my last fucking nerve, begging me for a way out of this life and bitching about what he and Rosalie had been put through.

If you ask me, they fucking deserved it.

"All right, let's get this shit over with," the old man announced, approaching Bella, which caused her to move into my side, clinging to my leotard.

"You're going to have to let go of me at some point, Princess. And you nails are scraping against my burns," I sneered, knowing it was petulant of me, but at this point, I didn't fucking care.

That shit hurt.

"Yeah and remember why it is that you have burns to begin with, Tink."

"Uh, because you were a bitch and threw coffee on me?!" I shouted slash whispered in her ear.

"I swear to God, I'm about to nail you in the fucking balls, Edward. Shut the fuck up! And why is he looking at me like that?" she murmured, watching as he literally undressed her with his eyes.

"Because. When you are given your wings, he stands behind you, and rubs a certain mixture into your shoulders."

Her whipped around as she scowled at me. "And you're fucking okay with his nasty ass hands touching me?!"

Fuck. I hadn't thought about that. This was going to make Aro's announcement at the end that much more worth it.

**Wow. Edward was kind of all over the place wasn't he? **

**I think I lost track of how many times he fucked up and then made up for said fuck ups LOL!**

**For real, I see maybe 10, but no more than 15 chapters left. **

**We're definitely winding down :(**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	51. Chapter 51

**Man, it feels good to finally get this out! **

**RL really hit me hard this past week, and its not getting any easier :( **

**Just please bear with me as I try to get all of this figured out.**

**Anywho, here we go and I'll see you all at the bottom!**

"_Because. When you are given your wings, he stands behind you, and rubs a certain mixture into your shoulders."_

_Her whipped around as she scowled at me. "And you're fucking okay with his nasty ass hands touching me?!"_

_Fuck. I hadn't thought about that. This was going to make Aro's announcement at the end that much more worth it._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

The old man deserved every bit of hell Aro was going to put him through once back in Volterra.

I'd been standing here for the past twenty minutes—and yes, I was keeping time—watching as that sick son-of-a-bitch rubbed the cocktail of dusts and oils into Bella's shoulders.

I met eyes with Emmett a few times and even his reflected the same emotions as mine.

The fucking pervert was taking his sweet ass time, and enjoying himself entirely _too _much.

Bella glanced at me from the corner of her eye at one point, and I knew that if he didn't stop soon, she was going to take matters into her own hands and that was _never_ a good thing.

"I'm pretty sure the shit's rubbed in now, asshat," Emmett snarled, taking both Bella and me completely off guard.

_Fuck,_ I thought as I hung my head and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Really? I don't think it is," the old man shot back and started to press his hips against Bella's ass.

I would have reacted and knocked him in his fucking teeth, but my girl beat me to it. She whirled around, ramming her fist in his face as her other hand firmly gripped and twisted his junk.

I didn't need to hear his howl of pain to know that shit fucking hurt. As it was, I was trying my hardest not to reach down and cover myself.

"Try that shit again and I'll rip your fucking balls from your body, you old piece of shit," she hissed, releasing him and shoving him backward.

The hag stepped forward, muttering profanities and waving some stick that I'd never seen her use before, in Bella's direction.

I then watched with great satisfaction as my girl's eyes widened and her cheeks flushed. Her wings had just expanded beautifully behind her and now…_finally_…she understood exactly what it was I went through each time it happened. It was a feeling that couldn't be explained, but she had definitely felt it. And judging from the grin on her lips, she was horny as fuck.

Sue me if you will, but I couldn't fucking help looking really close at her wings and wondering if they were living up to Bella's theory of resembling the state her pussy was in; as in I couldn't tell whether they were moist, or getting there, or not.

And I'm sure that if she'd heard the thoughts in my head just now, she'd either jack slap me or she'd laugh her ass off.

When I snapped out of it, I saw her…

_Oh hell, please, God….NO!_ She was fucking prancing and twirling over to me on the tips of her toes.

There were only two fairies I knew of that did that shit: Alice, and Aro.

I stood staring at her, fucking praying that she hadn't been changed. Well, her personality anyway, because if she'd been transformed into a perky, happy, over energetic fairy, we were going to have a big fucking problem on our hands. That, and it would be just like the old man to do something like this.

Bella now stood before me, smirking and licking her lips. I watched her cautiously, unsure of what to expect. I knew what she wanted, but I had something else on my mind. I leaned forward, brushing my mouth against her ear. "You look beautiful, princess, but….there's something I'm just dying to do."

"Yeah?" she panted eagerly. "What's that?"

I noticed as I reached my hand past her shoulder to fondle her wings, that everyone's attention was focused solely on us.

"Mother fucker!" she shouted, her knees nearly buckling as my hand made contact.

"Hey, there's no need for that shit out here!" Emmett bellowed, glaring daggers at me.

"I can't believe you think you can actually get away with what you just pulled, you little bitch," the old man groaned from beside the hag.

"Shit, you should consider yourself lucky; I've seen her do a hell of a lot worse," I laughed at him, earning a look of warning from Bella.

"You may have been sworn in, but you're not in fucking charge yet. I can still turn you over to the Volturi," he spat.

"I'd love to see you try," she laughed menacingly, turning around and pressing back against me.

"Yeah right, after the vice grip she had on Aro' s dick, I doubt he'll ever be willing to crucify her for your bullshit," I grinned smugly, but that grin was quickly removed as Bella whipped around and rammed her knee into my balls, sending my stomach to my throat.

Fuck, if I needed proof that Bella's personality wasn't changed, that was it. My girl was still here and just as bad ass as ever.

And dammit to hell, I was going to be feeling consequences for that one comment for days to come.

"When will you ever learn to shut the _fuck _up?!" she screeched.

"What the fuck?!" Emmett roared. "You jacked the dingleberry off, Bells?!"

"No. She wasn't pleased with the payment that I demanded from Edward, so she took matters into her own hands and forced me to not only do it for free, but we came to a deal on another matter," Aro spoke up, stepping forward with Caius in tow.

I looked up from my kneeling position on the ground, watching as the old man's jaw dropped and his eyes shot to me in skepticism before narrowing.

"You fucking little shit. You didn't go to get her problems fixed! You went to fuck me over!"

"No," I growled, wincing as I moved to stand, using Bella's wing as support to get up; I didn't give a flying fuck if it pissed her off, she had it coming. "I didn't go for the purpose of fucking you over, but I can promise you, you'll be fucked in more ways than you can think of, _Dad_," I sneered.

His eyes bulged and the hag's hand flew to her mouth.

I knew that Aro didn't need to say anything more—though he'd announce it anyway—but they knew. They read between the lines, and they were scared to fucking death.

They now knew what was coming, and watching them be hauled off was going to be one of the biggest highlights of my year.

**My oh my...our Bella has finally gotten her wings *squees***

**Not sure if that's going to be a good or bad thing for her yet, considering how much hell she's given Edward over his.**

**And now that Carlisle and Esme have a good idea of what's in store for them, things are going to get really interesting BWAHAHAHA!**

**Thanks to all who review, have faved, or followed! Your support means the world to me!**

**Leave some love! **

**T**

**What I'm reading this week:**

**Tip of the Spear by Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy- ALWAYS love me a Militaryward!**

**Not the Marrying Kind by BestScentEver-Angsty but OH SO GOOD! Give it a shot!**


	52. Chapter 52

**FINALLY! I've been trying to get this out since last night LOL!**

**See you all at the bottom!**

_I __knew that Aro didn't need to say anything more—though he'd announce it anyway—but they knew. They read between the lines and they were scared to fucking death._

_They now knew what was coming, and watching them be hauled off was going to be one of the biggest highlights of my year._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Oh my dear Edward, I can't say that I appreciate the way in which you worded that, but I'm afraid that you aren't wrong either," Aro laughed, arching his brow at me suggestively—I'm so going to throw up—and then setting his eyes on the old man, who now looked at him in fear.

It was almost like he was waiting for Aro to show any sign of joking with him.

"I don't know what that little shit has told you, Aro, but he's fucking lying!" he shouted.

"Really?" Aro mused, approaching the old man and lifting his head up, crooking his finger beneath his chin. "You realize that you've just contradicted yourself, and done all but outright said you're guilty? My my my, Marcus will be delighted when he learns that it is _you _we intend to gift to his beloved, Felix."

"Gift? _Me_?"

I couldn't help but smirk, and at this point, Bella had stepped back to lean against me once more. Apparently, her anger had subsided and she was enjoying watching this just as much as I was.

"What the fuck? I'm not a goddamn dog! You can't just _give _me to someone; I'm a fucking human being dammit!" the old man roared.

"Oh, but I can…and I will. After having met with our dear Edward, and the beautiful and commanding Miss Swan, we—Caius, Marcus, and myself—took it upon ourselves to take a look at your behavior the past few years. Upon checking, it came to our attention that you have gone completely against our code. Your morals are shameful, and with the number of rules you've broken, including your treatment of the fairies in your region, you more than deserve the sentence you're being given."

"Right, and our dear _Edward's_ done nothing? You're so full of shit. All of you…"

"That is your opinion, but despite your son's unusual talent of fucking things up, if you notice, he still manages to get the job done. He hasn't broken any laws, and those that he has was with your suggestion or order. Such as telling Miss Swan Swan of our lifestyle. But if you're looking for the good in this, you'll be happy to know that your wife will be joining you."

"Are you crazy? I'm not bringing Esme to that freakshow!"

By this point, I'd buried my fucking head in Bella's neck and shoulder, laughing until I had tears in my eyes. She'd moved even more tightly into my body, using her hands to hold my hips close against her ass.

"Is it bad that I actually feel sorry for the fucktards?" she asked, whispering into my ear.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I wheezed with laughter. "I've been waiting for this shit to happen for years. You know, maybe if you'd have taken _him_ by the dick, we could have avoided this entire thing completely."

I immediately felt her body tense up and fucking knew without a doubt that I'd just stepped in it big time.

Her hand reached around and before I knew it, her nails were firmly digging in to my balls and cock. I whimpered and tears of pain sprang to my fucking eyes.

Maybe Aro could grant me a fucking filter for my traitor of a mouth.

_Oh shit! Fuck!_ I screamed in my head as she twisted forcefully.

"You want to rephrase that?" she ground out loudly, and I knew there was no way in fucking hell that God and everyone else here hadn't heard her.

"I'm sorry," I breathed desperately as I lifted my head and found that we did, in fact, have an audience.

"You see how I have him at my fucking command?" Bella sneered, obviously directing it at the old man.

"Damn, go, Bells!" Emmett bellowed, which was quickly followed by a cry of pain, something obviously inflicted by Rosalie.

"If you remember correctly, you little bitch, I put the option of you and I on the table," the old man spat.

"Who gives a fuck about your sorry ass!" the hag roared. "To know that I actually sat back and put up with your shit for so long makes me sick. Knowing that you fucking attempted to start up a fling with Edward's tramp? And Aro tells me that I'm to be punished too? What may I ask have I done to deserve any sentence?"

"Did you or did you not place bets with Carlisle regarding Edward's misfortunes? Did you, or did you not, encourage him in his horrible treatment of those in his region?" Aro shot back in his classic arrogant fashion.

Bella finally released me, and then blew me the fuck away when she started massaging afterwards.

"You realize you're giving me a horrible case of whiplash, right? Are you pissed at me or what?" I harshly said into her ear.

"What I am is fucking horny! I've had a damn trickle going down my leg since you used my damn wing as a rope to pull your pathetic ass to your feet! And what's worse, you keep putting your damn foot in your mouth, ruining the moment and making it impossible for me to defend you. Is it so hard to keep your thoughts to yourself?!"

"Welcome to my world, Princess. Now you understand why I'm so fucking pissed off and assholish all the time," I purred, kissing her cheek and turning my attention back to the scene unfolding before me.

Obviously, we'd missed the part where Aro informed the hag of just exactly what she'd be doing around Volterra.

She wasn't pleased to say the least as she was currently struggling against the fierce hold that Jane—another member of the Volturi—had her in.

And then there was the old man, who was spewing hateful remarks at anyone that would listen as he was held by both Demetri and Alec.

When the fuck had they and Jane gotten here? And why hadn't I seen them until now?

"One thing still remains that we need to take care of," Aro announced, walking up to Bella and I, his eyes roaming over us and frowning in disappointment as he realized that my cock was once again tucked between her thighs. "The transfer of power must be made before we leave."

"Aro, how do you plan on getting those two to sign off on it? They fucking want my head, and Bella's, and not only that; you told me that only the head of our region could change my uniform. I'm sorry, but I don't want to fucking go the rest of my life wearing this shit."

"Um…baby?" Bella started, moving a hand to play in the hair at the back of my neck. "Once they sign over power, you'll be in control of what you're fucking wearing. This is cutting corners."

I'm such a fucking idiot. Why the hell didn't I think of that? And I run a goddamn newspaper for fuck's sake! You'd think that I'd have realized that.

"Since we're already here, there will be no need for them to sign over anything," Aro voiced, a wicked grin on his face.

Oh fuck me. If that bastard was about to tell us that he was taking over our region, I was jumping off the first bridge, or in front of the first train, I came across.

"Not to worry, dear Edward; I won't be taking over," he laughed.

Shit, I must have been thinking out loud again.

"Carlisle and Esme Cullen will be stripped of their title. I'm sending them away with Caius, Demetri, and Jane. Alec and I will be here for the remainder of the night. I'll draw up the appropriate documents, and we'll need to have a sit down to go over all that…"

"Aro, I've been in this shit long enough to know what's expected of us and what our responsibilities are."

"Be that as it may, you still need to learn of things that they were forced to keep from you. However, there is one power that is possible to be transferred, if you wish, and…"

"Are you referring to his sick ability to view every aspect of our lives, like a fucking peeping tom?" Bella questioned.

"Hang on a fucking minute," the Barbie interrupted angrily. "Don't we have any say over who is named the King and Queen of our region?"

"Do you not agree?" Aro challenged.

"He's a fuck up and she's…she's a fucking bitch that has little to no experience!"

"And you're just an envious bitch because she has what you always wanted," Alice piped in.

"What are you talking about, my dear Alice?"

Bella was staring a hole in me as I glanced at Alice in confusion.

"Bella has the respect of all other fairies in our region," Alice began, ticking points off on her hands. "She has immunity to the dust which makes her uniquely special. And finally," she paused, locking eyes with Bella. "She's got Edward."

The_ FUCK_?!

**Little bit of a cliffie ;D**

**How do you think that will all play out? Edward sure seems surprised by the revelation LOL**

**I realize my updating isn't as frequent as it once was, but I'm trying to get it back on track. **

**Thank you all for sticking with me! And I hope you all have a very Happy and Blessed Easter!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	53. Chapter 53

**HOLY SHITE! I passed 1,000 reviews?!**

** I can't even begin to express how much I love you guys!**

**I hope I didn't keep you guys waiting too long; I got this one out as soon as I could ;D**

**Enjoy it and I'll see you at the bottom!**

"_Hang on a fucking minute," the Barbie interrupted angrily. "Don't we have any say over who is named the King and Queen of our region?"_

"_Do you not agree?" Aro challenged._

"_He's a fuck up and she's…she's a fucking bitch that has little to no experience!"_

"_And you're just an envious bitch because she has what you always wanted," Alice piped in._

"_What are you talking about, my dear Alice?" _

_Bella was staring a hole in me as I glanced at Alice in confusion._

"_She has the respect of all other fairies in our region," she started, ticking points off with her hands. "She has immunity to the dust which makes her uniquely special. And finally," she paused, locking eyes with Bella. "She's got Edward."_

_The FUCK?!_

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I glanced at the Barbie in complete fucking horror, clutching Bella as tightly to me as I possibly could.

"You _bitch!_" she screamed at Alice.

Emmett stood there staring into open space dumbfounded.

Leaning down to Bella's ear and gently turning her head until she looked at me, I fixed her with as serious a look as I could. "Swan, Princess, baby, if there was ever a time for you to put your foot down and fucking claim me, mark me as your own, do it right the fuck now, please," I begged. "If that trailer trash bitch comes anywhere near me and makes a move, I swear to God, I'll fucking rip her wings off and shove them up her ass."

And as usual, instead of agreeing with me, or simply fucking nodding, Bella began laughing hysterically.

"So not the reaction I was hoping for," I whined.

With her giggles dying down, and everyone's eyes focused on us now, she took my face in her hands. With a fuckhot warning in her eyes, she glared at the Barbie before pressing her lips to mine and literally fucking my mouth with her tongue, her leg hitched up around my hip.

It was pure torture and ecstasy both at the same fucking time. All it would take was a slight thrust of my hips, and I'd be sheathed inside of her hot pussy, which was wetter than all hell pressing against me.

To add to the show and ward off any thoughts the damn bottle blonde had of making a move, I palmed Bella's ass, squeezing and pulling her further into me as I took charge and deepened our kiss.

"Okay, okay! I think you've both made your points!" Alice laughed beside us, pulling me by the tutu—I still hate this fucking thing—away from Bella's sweet lips, which I was pleased to say were now fucking red and swollen.

Although, the furthest I moved was back behind her to hold her around the waist. But dammit, I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye because the darkened, lust-filled gaze she had in her eyes was too damn much for me to handle. I was already _thisclose_ to giving everyone here a damn show and solidifying our relationship by fucking her against the tree behind me.

Hell, maybe I should. If the kiss didn't give the Barbie a hint, that surely would.

"Is this true, Rosalie?" Aro questioned, slowly approaching her.

I barely caught sight of the Barbie furiously staring at me over Aro's shoulder, but the second I did, I lowered my head and began a trail of open mouthed kisses down Bella's neck, across her collarbone and to her shoulder.

Then, just for shits and giggles, I started on my way back up. Anything to keep me from having to deal with the matter at hand.

Bella didn't seem to mind either as her hand twirled in the hair at the back of my neck.

"He _was _mine until that fucking whore came along!" the bitch shouted out, stopping me in my path and causing Bella to instantly tense up.

"That's a damn lie, and you know it!" I roared. "Bella, I swear you're…" I started, but she pressed a finger to my lips.

"I know, Pinkie," she said, smiling at me, but it didn't last long because after reaching behind her and readjusting my cock so it wasn't visible to everyone else, she stalked towards Aro and the Barbie.

Me? I stood there with pride, knowing she was about to go the fuck off. I also clasped my hands together in front of me, self-conscious about the hard-on and whether she'd hidden it good enough. If she had, I desperately needed to learn her trick because so far, I'd failed miserably at concealing it.

Now, when I say I expected her to go off, I never thought she'd fucking start by grabbing the bitch by the hair and throwing her to the ground.

"You fucking _used _my brother?!" Bella ground out, landing a kick to her side.

"He wanted it!" the bitch hissed.

"Let me tell you something, _Rose_," my girl sneered. "I'm a selfish woman, and I _don't_ do sharing. You see that fucking gorgeous man standing over there, his dick standing hard and proud?" she continued, turning her gaze to me and flipping a switch, bringing the lust back. "He's fucking _mine. _His _cock _is mine. If you think for one second I'm going to let you try to come in and get your greasy hands on him, you're fucking twisted. If you didn't already notice, his dick is hard for _me_, not you. He doesn't want you, and he never fucking will. Stay the _fuck _away from Edward. Stay the hell away from my brother. It's Edward and I that'll be running this fucking ship tomorrow, and you can bet your trashy ass that I'll make your life a living fucking hell if you don't step the fuck off."

Was it possible to fucking get off just from watching someone tell another off?

If so, I'm positive I just did.

And for once, it wasn't me that was on the other side of the argument with her.

When Bella turned to come back towards me, the Barbie stayed on the ground, murder in her eyes.

"My dear Bella," Aro spoke up, stopping my girl in her tracks. "Perhaps I can take Rosalie off of your hands and place her in Volterra. The fairy court was rather pleased with her performance during her stay."

"_What?!_" Barbie shrieked.

Damn, I didn't think it was going to go this far. Bella really must have made an impression for Aro to straight up offer something like that. No one in their right mind would want to be sent there.

"You know what?" Bella started, glancing back at the Barbie over her shoulder. "Do what you want with her. Just get her the fuck out of here," she finished, turning her eyes back to me and pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "And another thing, do you mind if we all break for just a few moments? I need a minute to clear my head."

"Sure, dear, but tell me this: is it _your_ head that needs clearing, or our dear Edward's?"

Immediately catching his innuendo, Bella frowned and set her eyes on him. "What I just said to the bitch on the ground? The same thing goes for you, Sparky."

Then, without another word, she strode toward me with determination and what I'd come to know as Bella's 'fuck me' face. When she was close enough, she nipped at my lips, grabbed my hand and pulled me forcefully behind her into the woods behind the old man and hag's house.

Fuck yes.

Looks like a tree was getting fucking lucky after all.

Pun intended.

**Wow, Bella sure doesn't beat around the bush, does she?**

**Damn, considering how things went in the last half of this chapter, that really sounded bad too, didn't it?**

**LOL!**

**I'll have the next chapter up either tomorrow night or Friday morning since I'm going out of town this weekend. **

**I totally don't want to leave you guys hanging with the way this one ended ;D**

**Anyway, you know what to do!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	54. Chapter 54

**Are you ready for a LEMON?**

**Enjoy ;D**

"_Sure, dear, but tell me this: is it your head that needs clearing, or our dear Edward's?"_

_Immediately catching his innuendo, Bella frowned and set her eyes on him. "What I just said to the bitch on the ground? The same thing goes for you, Sparky."_

_Then, without another word, she strode toward me with determination and what I'd come to know as Bella's 'fuck me' face. When she was close enough, she nipped at my lips, grabbed my hand and pulled me forcefully behind her into the woods behind the old man and hag's house._

_Fuck yes._

_Looks like a tree was getting fucking lucky after all._

_Pun intended._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"You realize we'll be overheard, and that we will most likely become the focus of everyone's attention, right?" I asked, warning her in the case she hadn't thought of that.

"Good. Then nothing will have changed," she growled, pulling me along. "We've been the focus of everyone's attention all damn night."

"Well, this is unexpected. I never took you for a fucking exhibitionist, Princess," I laughed.

"Oh, I'm not, but right now, I want you so bad that I just don't give a fuck who sees what."

And it was with those words that Bella stopped in front of a massive oak tree, spun around grabbing me by the leotard, and literally threw me against the hard bark.

She didn't hesitate in pressing herself against me and fisting her hands in the hair at the sides of my head, crashing her lips against mine.

_Oh for the love of all things fucking holy!_

My adrenaline was rushing at a furious pace through my veins as all the sexual tension from the night burst from my chest in a muted roar, swallowed by the sweet lips of this beautiful woman that couldn't seem to get me close enough, fast enough.

I'd never fucking seen her like this; she was acting out the way I'd felt for her for years, with the same amount of aggression.

As our tongues twirled together with an animalistic hunger, she reached her hand beneath my tutu and took hold of my thick cock.

Me? Shit, my hands when straight for her fucking wings. That way, this time she'd experience the full effect of what it had been like for me each time we'd come together.

"Unf…fuck…Edwar-rd," she stuttered, whimpering as her legs began to buckle.

She'd just fucking come, and I hadn't even touched her delicious pussy yet.

I removed my hands for just a second, moving them to her ass and flipping us, putting her back to the tree as her legs came up to wrap snugly around my waist, pulling me impossibly tight against her.

"Jesus…Bella," I gasped, fighting to keep my release at bay as her hips began aggressively bucking and grinding against my hardened dick.

"Dust us, baby," she whispered, her hand cupped around the back of my neck, pulling my lips down on hers.

I kissed her chastely before pulling away.

_What the _fuck _was she talking about?!_

"_Dust _us? Are you insane?" I barked, thrusting my hips up and into her spandex—or whatever the fuck it was called—covered center, feeling the wetness and heat burn through, scorching me.

"Fucking do it already. It's my first time as a fairy and dammit, we're going to make this one memorable," she ground out with a wink.

…M_y God, I've created a monster._

I did as she said and dusted us both, instantly shooting us up into the thick, heavy branches of the trees and beneath the cover of its thick leaves.

"This one!" she shouted, placing her feet on a rather wide and sturdy branch.

But she only stayed there for a second before lifting a few feet, her wings fluttering rapidly as she took hold of the branch above her head and once again locked her legs around my waist.

Her pussy was at exactly the right angle, and I couldn't say I'd _ever _done anything like this before.

Fuck, I just thought we were doing it _against _the damn tree. Not in the mother fucker.

"Edward, either you whip it out, or I will, but one way or another, you're fucking me just like this," she purred, arching her brow at me.

Not even giving it a second thought, I jerked the tutu down and ripped the leotard off, taking the tights and shoes with it, before kicking them off the limb and down to the ground below.

With a groan, I pulled Bella's top from her body, freeing her breasts as they bounced against my chest. I wasn't going to have her go back down naked as the day she was born, so I tore the bottom of the spandex panty under her lacy tutu.

Once everything that needed removing was gone, I launched forward, grabbing her torso tightly against me. "Hang on tight, beautiful," I snarled before rearing back and plunging myself into her harder than I ever had before.

"Shit!" she cried out, thrusting in time with me, and amazingly keeping up. My hips pistoned in and out of her at a furious and rough pace. "So fucking good," she mewed.

Grinning smugly to myself, I tilted my head forward, taking one of her erect nipples into my mouth, taking it between my teeth and flicking at her hardened bud with my tongue.

Her pussy gripped me fiercely, making it impossible for me to stop.

"You like that, baby?" I asked around her tit, looking up at her through my lashes to see her staring heatedly back at me, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

Fuck, she had no idea what that shit does to me.

I released a loud roar, pulled her hands from the branch above and pounded into her with relentless strokes as we rose up a few more feet into the tree. With her arms free and now clinging to me at my level again, her lips latched to my neck, nipping and licking me as though I were her last meal.

If she kept this shit up, I was afraid I'd fucking break her. I was surprised she wasn't crying out in pain from the way I was driving myself into her.

As we continued our vertical climb, her legs released their hold from around my waist as she lifted herself off of me and pinned me down on a branch.

Splinters up my ass and on my balls was so _not_ how I saw this going, but at the moment, I couldn't be bothered with it because instead of her sinking that sweet, hot pussy over my cock, her sinful mouth took me in.

The moans and groans, mewls and whimpers, coming from her as she bobbed her head furiously over my dick had my hips bucking up involuntarily. Shit, her mouth felt so fucking good I was close to fucking tears.

I tangled my hands in her hair, holding her head still as I began fucking her mouth, praying that my release would barrel through me soon…

Before others came looking for us.

My balls began to tingle and the coil in my groin tightened as I awaited the wave to wash over me, but just as I was about to fall over that fucking edge, she ripped her mouth from me, jumped up, and impaled herself on me.

"Fucking Christ, Bella!" I shouted, as I nearly convulsed on the spot from the feelings she was evoking in me.

Our lips molded together, teeth clashing and tongues tasting as we began to climb once more; this time with Bella riding me like a fucking pro. "Princess, I can't hold off any longer…" I warned her, now biting at her neck.

"Touch me, Edward…" she pleaded breathlessly.

I pulled back to look into her eyes and understood. We then both smiled as she reached for my wings, and I for hers, causing us both to cry out with the euphoria of coming together.

We kissed then, slow with languid strokes, our breathing ragged as she clung to me, our wings slowly bringing us down to the ground.

Thankfully, those that had been gathered around the tree listening and watching, had scattered, giving us time to position ourselves the best we could before rejoining the meeting.

"Edward, you are _not _going back out there with nothing on! I don't give a fuck if you're hiding behind me or not. That bitch is still out there, and I'll be damned if you're gonna give her a peep show."

"Possessive, aren't you?" I teased, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her flush against me, kissing her nose as I did so.

"You're _mine_, dammit. And in case you weren't listening earlier, I don't share."

"Think about it: If we were to walk out there, you standing in front of me, and her knowing what just occurred, it would only solidify what you have that she _never will_," I whispered, palming her perfect ass.

Speaking of, she was taking these fucking splinters out later. And with her teeth if I had anything to say about it.

I watched as she considered what I'd said, but then, something occurred to me.. If there was any doubt in her mind, any jealousy at all—which I'm sure there was—there was something I could do slash say that might make it a bit easier for her. Besides, it wasn't like she didn't already know.

She'd already tricked me into admitting it. Just not in those exact words.

Hooking my finger under her chin and looking deep into her eyes, I took in a deep breath and bit the proverbial bullet. "I fucking love _you_, Bella; that's all that should matter."

Her eyes widened as she took in what I'd just said. At first she smiled widely, but then she fucking confused the shit out of me by frowning.

"You waited until we got _out _of the tree to tell me that?" she whined.

I couldn't help but laugh. She was ready to go again. I fucking loved this woman.

"We've got all night, beautiful. Besides, I don't think my ass can take another sit down on a fucking branch," I grumbled, watching as she giggled and pecked at my lips.

"I love you too, Tink. Now," she said, taking up position in front of me and wrapping my arm around her breasts, effectively covering her nipples, her ass covering my junk. "Let's get back out there and get this over with."

And as we began to walk, her arms snaked around my back, her palms taking hold of my backside.

"You're playing with fire, baby," I rasped into her ear, awkwardly making our way to the group.

"Like I care? The bitch might get a small peep show, but she'll get a peep show with my hands covering all the goods."

_Holy hell…the Barbie was going to flip her shit._

If this side of Bella was a glimpse into what our future was going to look like, I was fucking _all in._

**Wow, LOL! **

**This was the longest chapter yet. **

**Once E/B started, they wouldn't stop *facepalm***

**I'll be back with an update on Sunday night/Monday morning as we're going out of town.**

**How do you think everyone else will react to E/B's lack of clothing?**

**BTW, we're down to 6 chapters left :'(**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	55. Chapter 55

**See you at the bottom!**

**;D**

_And as we began to walk, her arms wrapped around my back, her palms taking hold of my backside. _

"_You're playing with fire, baby," I rasped into her ear, awkwardly making our way to the group._

"_Like I care? The bitch might get a small peep show, but she'll get the peep show with my hands covering all the goods."_

_Holy shit…the Barbie was going to flip her shit._

_If this side of Bella was a glimpse into what our future was going to look like, I was fucking all in._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Sure enough, as soon as Bella and I emerged from the darkness of the trees and back into the front yard, all eyes were focused on us.

Some were glaring—Emmett, the Barbie, and the 'rents, specifically. Alice and Jasper were grinning at us like fools, while Aro and his guys were smirking with smug looks upon their faces.

It was best that Bella was covering as much of my assets as she could because I'd completely fucking forgot about his creepy ass.

"I trust you two got it out of your system?" Aro asked amusedly.

"Not even close. We're only humoring you all by finishing this fucking meeting," I mumbled, loud enough for all to hear, earning a firm squeeze of my ass from Bella.

I winced from the stinging pain of the splinters. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to keep quiet were she to do that again, I lowered my head to her ear, resting my chin on her shoulder and whispered, "As much as I love your fucking hands on me, Princess, right now, you've got to trust me when I say don't squeeze my ass like that again. I've got splinters in places I didn't even fucking know existed."

I could feel her laughter as her body shook against me, making it rather difficult to keep her breasts covered, but somehow, I actually managed.

"And yet _I'm _the whore?" the Barbie shouted angrily. "What the fuck does that make her? She's standing here in front of us all, twat hanging out for all to see, tits barely fucking covered by his arm, and he's completely fucking naked because she just _fucked _him in a goddamn tree!"

"Get the fuck over it already," I groaned, knowing she'd heard me from the way she gasped. "Everyone this side of Seattle knows who the fuck you are, and most have already had their damn turn with you, Rosalie. The only reason you're after me now is because I'm the _only _one left in our fucking region who's dick you haven't sucked, and you _never _will. Me…my body…we belong to Bella. No one else. So, Aro, when you're ready, you can send her the fuck back to Volterra with the old man and hag. The three of them deserve to be in he…"

_Fucking ow! _I winced, biting down on my bottom lip fiercely. Bella had just stomped on my foot.

"If you want him to take them away, don't insult him, dumbass," she hissed, maintaining the smile on her face as she continued to look out at the crowd of fairies before us.

"Wow," I chuckled into her shoulder. "It took you all of five minutes to go from saying you loved me to calling me a dumbass and inflicting pain."

"I'll do a hell of a lot worse than that if you don't shut up!" She threatened. "I don't know if you've noticed, but anytime either of us say anything, everyone goes silent and they concentrate on us. So, the longer you stay quiet, the faster this can be over, and the sooner I can have you the way I want you," Bella finished, her voice a purr by the end, causing my cock to harden and press between her legs.

"Okay, I'll shut up," I whispered, smiling as I kissed her neck.

Bella turned her head and brushed her lips against mine once…twice…and then slowly fixed her eyes on Aro.

"What are you going to do, Aro? She isn't wanted here, and if she stays, she'll only start causing problems."

"Caius, lover, I'm going to stay overnight to complete the contract with our dear Edward and Bella. Would you mind taking these three hellions back to Volterra? I should be back first thing in the morning."

While all of this was panning out exactly how I'd hoped, there was a lot left hanging in the balance. For one, with the Barbie, the old man, and the old hag being shipped out, that shorted us three fairies.

See, the old man and hag each had their own routes. With them gone, that meant that I needed to find two fairies that could take their place. There was no doubt that Emmett could cover the Barbie's route as he'd already been in training long enough to know what to do. Bella and I would continue to do my route together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah….probably the stupidest fucking move I've ever made. Most are probably wondering why the hell I wasn't going to just put her on her own route, especially with our track record. But the truth is, no matter how fucked up a night we managed to have, we always got the job done. Besides, I was convinced that had I not have been the one to train her the past week or so, we never would have gotten to the point we are now in our relationship. We'd most likely still be yelling insults and obscenities at one another.

Shut it. I know we still do, but that's besides the fucking point.

And another thing we were going to be faced with; Emmett's heartbreak. I could see from the look in his eyes that he had actually been pretty caught up in the Barbie, though I have no idea how anyone could be interested in that.

There was one idea I had rolling around in my head that I fully intended to bring up to Bella later tonight, and it involved bringing one of Seattle's fairies into our region. And not only would it be to fill the empty route slot, but it would also be a great matchmaking attempt in regard to Emmett.

Bella pressed her ass against me, slow and with purpose as I continued to grind my hips up into her. Caius and the others were already hauling the old man, hag, and Barbie off, but before they could get her back into the house, she lunged at us, thrusting her hand between Bella's legs and grabbing the head of my cock.

I cringed, knowing that this wasn't going to end well.

I just hoped that my dick stayed in one piece and that the bitch on her knees in front of us didn't get a wild hair up her ass and decide to put her fucking mouth on me. If she did, I'd be scrubbing my cock with fucking Comet for a damn week before I could ever feel good about it again.

However, just as Bella's fist collided with the bitch's face, the Barbie's hand slid off me rather painfully, bringing me to my fucking knees as I brought my hands hands down to cover my junk, leaving Bella exposed. It all happened in a matter of seconds, but had it not been for Bella's quick reflexes, things would have wound up a hell of a lot differently.

We watched in silence as Aro's henchmen carried the Barbie and the 'rents away.

Once they were gone from our sight, Bella crouched down beside me.

"Her hand…was on my…" I wheezed.

"Would you have rathered it be Aro's?" Bella rasped as I fixed her with a glare.

"So not fucking funny," I growled, but my anger was short-lived because suddenly, her hand was on my dick. "Ung…son of a bitch," I moaned, slumping my head against her chest.

"Aro, do you think you could at least put him in some clothes for now? Just until we sign the damn contract?" Bella questioned, clearly not playing around.

"Bella, Princess, you might want to mention him giving you a top too. My arm is no longer covering you, and you're flashing half the region at the moment."

Bella's eyes grew wide as I smiled up at her. Before she could even think of something to cover herself with, I yanked her down into my lap, solving both our problems as her breasts pressed against my chest, her body locked tight against mine.

"Okay, I've _had it!_" Emmett roared. "Edward, fucking bring my sister back to your place. This shit is done for the night; its been nothing but one massive clusterfuck of information for me. I mean, I just found out that the woman I was falling for had the fucking hots for my best friend, who just so happens to be fucking my baby sister, whose fucking pussy is hanging out, and that shit's not okay with me!. I'm still not sure about all of this, but apparently, its tough shit if I am because there's no way out. Dream of Genie," he said loudly, pointing at Aro, "I mean no disrespect but seriously, you can finish whatever it is you need them for tomorrow. I think we should all just go the fuck home because if not, I'm going to lose my fucking shit right here in front of God and everybody, and I'd rather just do that in the privacy of my own fucking home, if that's okay."

When Emmett finished, everyone's jaw was on the floor. He wasn't _going_ to lose his shit.

No. That ship had already sailed.

_His shit was lost and not coming back._

Bella was right all along; Emmett wasn't cut out for this. I should have just listened her.

Not sure what to do, I glanced at Aro who actually nodded his head at me, telling me to take Bella and go.

What the fuck was it with the Swans? Why was he okay taking orders from them, but not me?

That shit was really starting to piss me off, regardless of how much I loved it when Bella laid down the law with him.

"Edward, I can't leave him here, not like this," Bella pleaded with me. "He's not okay."

"Princess, I promise you, Aro may be creepy as fuck, but I really don't think he's going to do anything other than try and help Emmett make sense of all this shit. Hell, Alice and Jasper will probably stay behind and help as well."

"I'm his fucking sister, goddamit!" she exclaimed angrily.

I couldn't hold it against her because I knew that it wasn't me that she was mad at. She was worried about him, and fuck, so was I.

"Would you rather us just stay here instead of my place? Either way, I need to bring you indoors. We're both fucking naked, and we either need some damn clothes or a fucking bed to fall into."

"I'll go with you to your place, but only if someone calls us should Emmett ask for me," she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"I swear it," I groaned, pulling her closer before slowly trying to get to my feet, her pussy sliding along my cock.

Fuck, this was going to be a long ass trip home.

**Oh no, Emmett's cracked.**

**And Edward's obviously still horny.**

**If you'll give me tomorrow to post updates to two of my other fics, I'll have the next chpater up on Thursday ;)**

**As always, thanks for all the reviews; including those that have favorited and are following!**

**Leave some love! **

**T**


	56. Chapter 56

**Here you go, Ladies!**

**Enjoy!**

"_Would you rather us stay here instead of my place? Either way, I need to bring you indoors. We're both fucking naked and we either need some damn clothes or a fucking bed to fall into."_

"_I'll go with you to your place, but only if someone calls us should Emmett ask for me," she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck._

"_I swear it," I groaned, pulling her closer before slowly trying to get to my feet, her pussy sliding against my cock. _

_Fuck, this was going to be a long ass trip home._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Wouldn't my luck just have it that the night went from pretty fucking amazing to damn humiliating in a matter of minutes.

I once had thought that my old man was the sickest, and meanest son of a bitch out there, but I was wrong.

So fucking wrong.

Bella had asked Aro to at least give me something to wear for our trip home so that I wasn't left wandering the streets in the buff, which let's be honest; I'd most likely be arrested for that shit.

Ladies and gents, I'd underestimated just how evil and creepy that mother fucker was.

Here I was, out front of the old man and hag's house, dressed in a complete replica of Aro's uniform from Volterra—only difference being that mine was in fucking black.

I'd never seen a black uniform before except for in Volterra, and it was reserved for those that served as Aro's resident Doms.

Thankfully, he'd spared me the humiliation of dressing me in front of the gathering of fairies in our region.

However, it still fucking sucked that he was given a prime view of my cock…wrapped in black fucking ribbon.

I could literally feel his eyes feasting on me hungrily and I swear, if that cocksucker had attempted to touch me, I'd have lay his ass out and threatened him within an inch of his life.

But luckily I didn't have to.

I had Bella with me, and as she had made clear tonight, she didn't fucking share. And my _goods_, as she had put it, were for her eyes only.

She'd all but forced Aro out of the house and away from me, actually growling and getting in his face about it.

Now, I'm not one for gloating, and I fucking _hated _this costume, almost more than the pink shit I'd been wearing, but Bella loved this; it was obvious in the way she gave me the once over and licked at her lips.

That and the firm, permanent grip her hand had on my ass was a big sign. And while I wanted to scream out in agony from the splinters that were still there, it was the sweetest form of torture I'd ever known.

A few times during our trip home, Bella had brushed her hand against my dick, playing it off as accidental, though I knew better. Of course, the stroking of my wings was ridiculous, although, she hadn't really thought that aspect through as now all I had to do to get back at her was move my hand behind her and rub against her own set of wings.

You know what, though? The wrapped cock wasn't even the worse part of this uniform. No, that I could deal with because Bella was obviously starving for it.

It was the goddamn jeweled clip on nipple rings slash clamps. Aro's were actually pierced but me, while I knew he probably wanted to see me pierced, I wasn't about to have that shit done.

Hell, just wearing what I had on made me feel like a damn emo burlesque dancer on testosterone pills.

I just thanked fuck that we didn't have a route to work tonight. Granted, we'd still gotten a list, but Aro had told us that we could just call it a night. And it was a good thing too because I wasn't about to visit any child wearing the shit I had on.

Bella was the lucky one. Aro had simply just given her the purple top back and replaced the tutu she wore that I had ripped at the crotch.

Yeah, I was starting to see a pattern.

My Princess was becoming the regional favorite, while I was fading into her shadow.

And I couldn't have been fucking happier.

"Can I ask you something?" her soft voice spoke as we flew.

Let me explain something really quick too: now that she had wings and her own bag of dust, it made travel with her a hell of a lot more interesting. We'd walked for a while, but when we took to the skies, she didn't fuck around. Instead of flying beside me, she aligned herself underneath me and wrapped her legs around my waist, my dick brushing against the hot apex of her thighs with each movement.

Not that I had any complaints, but damn, if she kept this shit up, the town of Forks was going to be privy to a damn downpour of glitter glue.

Fuck, she's even got me calling it that now.

Returning my attention back to her, I sighed, praying I didn't regret this.

"Depends on what it is," I laughed.

"Did you know Rosalie wanted you? And be honest," she told me as I looked down at her in seriousness.

"I swear, I knew nothing, and even if I did, as I said before, I wouldn't have fucking touched her, because even though I may not have shown it and have been an ass, you're the only woman I want," I finished, leaning my head down and kissing her neck softly.

"Shit, ow!" she cursed. When I raised my head and set my eyes upon her face, she was rubbing at her eye. "As soon as we get to your place, we're washing your damn hair. I can't believe he did that to you."

I guess I forgot to mention that since my hair hadn't been long enough for Aro to replicate his high ponytail, he'd settled for giving me a rock hard fucking mohawk. The first one I've _ever _had, and it would definitely be the last. I felt like a damn idiot.

"Oh, don't even pretend like you hate this uniform. Ever since he put me in this shit, you're eyes have been all over me and my cock," I told her smugly, wrapping a hand around her and pulling her further into me by the small of her back.

"How could I not? Look at you! Your dick is wrapped for me, these pants make your ass look phenomenal, even more so than it already is, and although I could do without he nipple jewelry, your chest is bared to me and I'm sorry, but I can't help it. It's taking everything in me not to impale myself on you right the fuck now," she breathed with raw emotion, scratching her nails along my jaw and thrusting her hips against my cock once more.

I groaned, pressing my forehead to hers and answered. "Then what the hell are you waiting for? It wouldn't be the first time we've gone airborne," I smirked, our wings picking up speed as I ground my hips back against hers.

And just as she began to reach for me, my phone buzzed in the man purse slung across my chest.

Bella did me the favor of reaching into it and pulling out the phone.

Dammit, it was the old man. Apparently, sending him to Volterra was just the easy part. Getting rid of him completely was obviously going to be more of a challenge.

**The old man just won't take the hint!**

**Bella sure has some kink in her, doesn't she? And it looks like it's 'rubbing' off on our beloved Fairyward LOL!**

**I'll try to have another one posted tomorrow, but I've got to get another fic updated, so it all depends on that!**

**Hope you all enjoyed this one...I know I did ;D**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	57. Chapter 57

**ENJOY!**

_I groaned, pressing my forehead to hers and answered. "The what the hell are you waiting for? It wouldn't be the first time we've gone airborne," I smirked, our wings picking up speed as I ground my hips back against hers._

_And just as she began to reach for me, my phone buzzed in the man purse slung across my chest. _

_Bella did me the favor of reaching into it and pulling out the phone._

_Dammit, it was the old man. Apparently, sending him to Volterra was just the easy part. Getting rid of him completely was obviously going to be more of a challenge._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I sighed as I looked at Bella, her eyes twinkling with mirth as I answered the phone. She was up to no good, of that I was certain.

As it was, her hand was already making its way to my cock while her mouth lavished attention on my neck.

I swallowed deeply and cleared my throat. "What the fuck do you want, old man?"

"Y-you can't leave m-me here! Do you have any clue at all as to what's fucking expected of me? Don't you care?1"

The old bastard sounded desperate, fearful, and completely panicked; that much was obvious from the tremor in his voice.

"Let me get this straight, you put me through hell, you make me watch you rub your nasty ass junk all over my girl on top of everything else you've done and yet, you're calling me and wanting me to bail your fucking ass out?!" I asked, laughing and groaning at the same time.

"What was that?" he spat. "Are you seriously banging that sweet ass while I'm on the fucking phone? I had no idea you had it in you, you little shit."

"You know what? Fuck you, and I hope Aro and his boys do the same. Later, _Dad._ Kiss the hag for me."

"Let me talk to Bella," he shouted, resulting in Bella having heard him, her hand currently wrapped around my cock.

"Why the fuck would she want to talk to you? It's bad enough that she was forced to feel your dick between her cheeks tonight, don't you think?"

Yeah, the grip she had on my cock? Fucking ow.

Aro hadn't been kidding when he'd talked about her grip.

My eyes moved to meet hers. I quickly pulled the phone from my ear and covered the mouthpiece with my hand, giving me a second of privacy with her, but then thought about it. It didn't matter because at the moment, the old man and hag were still labeled as the heads of this region and they still had their powers. Meaning that he could still see and hear everything that fucking happened.

Which also meant that he saw this costume.

Someone up above really fucking hates me right now.

"Easy, Princess," I whispered, craning my head down and kissing her, letting my tongue glide along her upper lip. "We don't want to give them a show, now do we?"

Her eyes sparkled as she thrust her hips up against me rather forcefully, causing us to take a bit of a dive in flight from the momentary lack of concentration. "Give me the fucking phone," she breathed against my lips, nipping at my chin. "And if you refer to any other man or fairy's cock in relation to me, not only will I cut you off for a week, I'll have Aro take your ass back with him for a day or two. Maybe he can teach that mouth of yours how to use a fucking filter."

Did she not realize that she was asking for the impossible?

I'd known her all my life; you'd think that by now, she'd have come to understand that I _had _no filter.

Believe me, if I fucking had one, I'd use it because my mouth got me into more shit than I cared to remember. Then I thought of what Aro might have me do in order to _fix _my filter and the thought of that made my stomach clench as I groaned and gave her my phone.

Instead of hearing her speak, I heard tapping and clicking.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes to find that she'd taken the battery out and, after smiling coyly at me, dropped the fucking phone to the ground below.

I stared at her in shock, my jaw dropped.

"You know, I'm sure Aro can find a million uses for you with a mouth like that," she laughed, looking at me and waiting for a reaction.

I was sure that she began to see the disgust on my face because she quickly closed my mouth by putting her finger under my chin.

"What are we going to do now when and if someone calls about Emmett?" I questioned, arching a brow as I slowed us down.

We were approaching the water tower in town and fuck, my wings needed a damn break. That and I wanted a damn cigarette.

I suppose I could have smoked while flying but I didn't think Bella would appreciate me using her breasts or her face as an ash tray, and I didn't really feel like suffering through burning hot embers scarring my face tonight.

"I thought about it and figured that if he got himself in more trouble tonight that Aro could take care of it. At this point, I'm not against what they would do to him. He's a grown adult who's controlled me for the past six years. They can handle him. We're always so fucking busy fixing other people's problems, working, or being interrupted. Tonight, I just want to focus on us," she answered, steadying herself and placing her arms around my waist.

It was now or never.

There were things…issues…that she and I needed to talk about and I figured that now was as good a time as any. Emmett was occupied. The 'rents were gone, and Emily was with a babysitter.

I knew there was a chance that Bella would be argumentative and go on the defense but I had to risk it because…well, because I wanted to know more about the side of her that she'd always kept locked away and hidden from me.

The betrayed and abandoned part of herself.

"Bella, I think it's my turn to ask you a question," I said, waiting for her to respond, which she did by narrowing her eyes at me. "We've skirted around the whole Riley thing—about how he left you and Emily—for a while now, and I know that you've talked about it with Emmett. I just…I've been here for you…just as long as Emmett has, and I guess I just want to know why you never felt comfortable enough to talk to me about any of it," I told her nearly inaudibly as she glanced back at me over her shoulder, pain in her eyes.

"Way to kill the mood tonight, Edward. Is that uniform laced in estrogen dust or something?" she snorted.

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out the one time that I actually try to really talk to you about shit that matters. It's something I've wondered about since you had that little girl, and besides, don't you want to know more about the night I drove his bitch ass out of town?"

"Why are you doing this? Why now?" she asked, throwing her hands in the air and whirling around to face me. "I thought we were going to your place? You know, for a shower and hopefully some fun before bed…" Bella asked with a pout, leaning against the railing.

"All right, you know what? Forget it. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm open to it, okay? I just…I want to make things good with us and I want to do it the right way," I told her softly, walking a few steps and arching a brow at the fact that she began biting her lips appreciatively.

"Well, you can start by getting that fine ass of yours over here," she giggled.

I did as she asked, but knew she was only trying to distract me.

Oh what the hell, I could save the talk about Emily and Riley for another time. Right now, I just wanted to fucking be with her.

"By the way, Princess, you'd never allow Aro within ten feet of my cock, so that statement of yours is invalid," I rasped, pinning her against the cold rail, and trailing my lips along her neck as I thrust my hips forward, slipping my wrapped cock between her thighs.

"You don't…" she moaned, her fingers digging into the stiff sides of my hair, fighting her way through the massive amounts of hair gel, ripping my hair in the process, but fuck, at this point? Pleasure was pain.

"What do you want, Bella? Hmm?" I asked, my tongue flicking out against her ear lobe before taking it in my teeth as my right hand moved to palm her breasts. "You want me to take you, right here…" I gritted out, rolling my hips forcefully against her. "You want me to fuck you up here for all of Forks to see? Is that what you want?"

Between her moans and whimpers, Bella's head finally came up to fix me with a heated stare.

"No. I want you…in your bed…and I want you to make love to me, Edward."

Oh fucking hell.

"Y-you want me t-to go _slow_? You realize how hard that'll be considering the way tonight has gone?" I asked, arching a high brow.

"Oh believe me," she grinned smugly, "I'm well aware of how hard _it's been_ and _will_ be," she quipped, running her nails along the underside of my shaft. "In fact, I'm counting on it, Lick."

I sucked in a sharp breath, praying that she wasn't fucking serious.

It's not that I was opposed to making love to her, but right now? Tonight?

All I wanted to do was take her in the roughest, most animalistic way possible.

We needed to break in those fucking gorgeous wings of hers, and I had a lot of damn rubbing to make up for.

I wanted to pound that pussy so that she felt it into next fucking week, but I knew that if she truly meant what she'd said….there was no way in hell I could deny her.

"You should see your face right now," Bella said, stifling a giggle. "You look like I just ran over your puppy or some thing. Is it really that hard to slow down and just make love?" she questioned, stroking her hand against my cheek.

"You've spent the better part of today and night getting me all riled up. You literally just fucked me into oblivion in a damn tree, and you grinded that sweet pussy against me the entire flight here, and now you're going to ask me to _slow down_?"

Fuck, the look she was giving me tested every shred of sanity I had left in me. She was looking at me with love in her eyes, pleading desperately as she slowly rolled her hips against me, stroking my cock along her folds with masterful precision.

"_Fuck!_" I groaned, crashing my lips into hers, ignoring the faint sound of Emmett's yell that echoed through the night from miles away.

Apparently, he was being punished for his outburst after all.

**So Edward tried getting serious and Bella wasn't having it. Hmmm...**

**I hope to have the next chapter out tomorrow or Tuesday sometime.**

**I'm also struggling. These two just run away with me when I get to writing.**

**And it doesn't matter if I have the chapter outlined, they always steamroll me LOL. Sooooo...**

**I may extend to 65 chapters...I'm seriously debating it right now.**

**Hope you all have had a great weekend!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	58. Chapter 58

**I was feeling a little citrusy this morning ;D**

**I'll see you all at the bottom!**

"_You've spent the better part of today and night getting me all riled up. You literally just fucked me into oblivion in a damn tree, and you grinded that sweet pussy against me the entire flight here, and you're going to ask me to slow down?"_

_Fuck, the look she was giving me now tested every shred of sanity I had left in me. She was looking at me with love in her eyes, pleading with me as she slowly rolled her hips against me, stroking my cock along her folds with masterful precision. _

"_Fuck!" I groaned, crashing my lips into hers, ignoring the faint sound of Emmett's yell that echoed through the night from miles away._

_Apparently, he was being punished for his outburst after all._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Edward was right. So fucking right; I'd been teasing him all night, and my asking him to go slow with me tonight wasn't exactly fair.

I already knew what he was capable of when he was riled up and full of sexual tension, but now, I wanted him nice and slow. I wanted it to last.

Especially after the way that he'd shocked the shit out of me earlier with saying he loves me. And in those _actual _words.

Hell, I'd be lying if I said that at this moment, with his lips sinfully attached to my throat, his hands gripping my waist and his hips thrusting up into my heated core, that I didn't want him to just fucking spear me right the fuck here.

I wasn't completely heartless though. I knew that in order to make it through tonight—fuck, just the next five minutes—he would need to have some kind of a release because right now, his body fucking rattled just from the exertion of trying to remain still and watch his movements.

Having had enough of that, I reached between us, taking hold of his perfectly thick, long cock, and looked up at him from beneath my lashes.

"So, I _am _making love to you up here?" he questioned, his eyes hooded.

"No, I meant what I said, Edward. I want you…in…" I breathed, brushing my lips against the head of his beautiful dick, my tongue reaching out to catch the drop of pre-cum that had begun to leak from him. "Your bed. Right now," I then whispered, watching at his green eyes blazed down at me, focusing on my mouth as I took the head of his shaft between my lips, swirling my tongue in a circle against him. He hissed and bit at his lip as his hands tangled in my hair. "Right now," I continued. "I'm going to give you some relief."

With that, I winked at him and then focused back on the sight in front of me. I took hold of the ends of the ribbon that were tied at the base of his cock, and pulled, letting the ribbon fall to the ground.

I exhaled a soft breath and leaned forward, brushing my cheek against his length, then pressing several open mouthed kisses against the hot, velvet soft skin, adding a bit of suction each time I pulled away. His large, strong hands clutched at my hair tighter. I could feel from the tension in his hands that he was just barely hanging on to his control.

Why not give some of that back to him? After all, I'd still be getting what I wanted out of this anyway.

I stopped all movement and met his eyes once again. "My head…my mouth…is to do with as you wish," I purred, placing my hands over his on both sides of my head.

"_Shit,_" he groaned, instantly pressing his tip against my lips as his torso slumped forward, him bracing his hands on the railing behind me.

His head hung between his shoulders as he watched me take his dick into my mouth. I remained still, letting my mouth do all the magic while he started out with slow and deep strokes in and out.

As his pace began to pick up speed, I brought my hands up to palm and squeeze his glorious, leather clad ass.

I heard him let go of a feral growl at the same time that one of his hands released the railing to grab at the back of my head, pulling me into him and forcing his cock into my throat.

While it was a bit uncomfortable, there was nothing I wouldn't do for him, and quite frankly, he was fucking delicious. I eagerly ran my tongue up and down his shaft, swallowing around him before pulling away.

I took a quick breath and then resumed the position he'd had my head in and grinned around him as he began to rapidly thrust in and out of my mouth in long strokes, pulling all the way and pushing all the way in each fucking time.

Watching him completely let himself go, using my mouth however he wished to please himself, and then having his intoxicating scent and delicious taste all around me had me wetter for him than I'd ever been.

The throbbing between my legs was painful and hard to fucking ignore but if I was going to get off, I wanted to it be by his hand, mouth, or him inside of me. I refused to do it myself.

I moaned around his thickness as he pushed himself in hard and deep, grinding his hips against my mouth as he rolled, my lips firmly wrapped at his base.

Then, an almost roar, burst from his chest as he pulled out of my mouth and hooked his hands under my arms, pulling me up and into his arms, instantly crushing his lips against mine, his tongue twisting against mine viciously.

"Wh—why'd you stop?" I panted, pulling apart from him.

Instead of answering me, he grabbed me by the hips and lifted me until my ass rested on the cool, steel metal of the railing.

I braced myself with my hands as Edward took hold of my calves, raising my legs up until my knees were at my chest. I just barely fucking sat on the railing.

"I'll make this up to you later, I promise, but right now, I've got to be inside of you," he rasped, reaching a hand down and once again tearing the fabric of my bottoms, exposing my dripping core to him. "Fucking hell, Princess, I can _smell _you," he whimpered, bending down briefly to press his tongue flat against my folds, making a solid pass before rising back to his feet, fixing me with a heated stare and plunged himself completely inside of me.

I wasn't sure what it was about this angle, but I'd never felt him this deep before and one thing was for fucking sure, I wasn't going to last long.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**Meanwhile, back in Volterra…..**

**Carlisle's POV**

He's fucking dead.

Fuck. This. Shit.

I don't know how the little fucker managed to get me and Es sentenced to slavery here in Volterra, but I didn't really care; his ass was toast if and when I ever got the fuck out of here.

Apparently, our initial thoughts about bringing that manipulative, skanky ass bitch, Bella into the business and pairing her with my dickhead of a son was our fucking downfall.

I knew…I just knew that she had a hand in this shit. Hell, it was probably her that came up with the idea of what Aro should do to us.

But Edward…that miserable, fuck-up, didn't have to go along with it!

Shit, I'd given him hell all his life. You'd think that he would have grown accustomed to it and have laughed at the crap Es and I had pulled on him. But no.

He had to be a whiny little bitch and piss and moan about everything under the fucking sun. And now, while he sat up in a water tower in Forks, buried balls deep in that sweet bitch of a beauty, I was here in Volterra being waxed, oiled, and primed.

They'd yet to fully explain what my job entailed but I had a pretty good fucking guess. There was only one thing that they used men for here in Volterra.

Was I nervous? Not as much as I was disgusted and pissed off. I'd seen a few dicks before obviously; I _am _a man, but I, in no way, wanted to spend my days lavishing my attention on cocks that weren't attached to my own fucking body.

I knew already that they planned to fuck me, torture me, tease me, even fucking use me, but those bitches didn't know what was coming because as soon as I had the chance, I was going to fuck up each and every one of these motherfuckers. And when I was done, I'd have Edward transported here to take my fucking place.

I didn't give a shit if Es made it out. She fucking pissed me off on the way here; bitching at me about making a play for Bella in front of Edward and then blaming me for getting her into this shit with Aro.

Obviously she didn't get the fucking memo that it was in fact Edward and Bella's dumbasses that were to blame. Not me.

And Rosalie?

That girl was and has been a fucking bitch from hell since day one and the one thing that Edward had actually gotten right was when he'd said that he was the only one this side of Seattle that she hadn't fucked or sucked.

And boy could she get the job done. Damn.

Oh shut the fuck up, I wasn't proud of it.

Es doesn't know either. I just hope and pray that Edward never finds out and tells about it.

I really needed to get my hands on the Fairy Handbook because I needed to recheck my rights, benefits and such. For all I knew, I'd find a way out of this hell hole.

I'd already tried phoning Edward, but that bastard had hung up on me and was of no use, which brings me back to my opening statement.

He's fucking dead.

**So, we've heard from Carlisle. I plan to do an Aro POV either next chapter or the one after.**

**Also, a few have pointed out that Bella seems to have up some walls and is having trouble opening up to Edward.**

**Given their past, I don't blame her, but you guys are right and they WILL talk VERY soon. **

**How was the citrus? ;D**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	59. Chapter 59

**I'll spare you the reasons for my lack of updates, but you should be happy to know that I'm back on track.**

**Things finally started slowing down and I'm just thrilled to be writing again! LOL!**

**I won't keep you any longer...ENJOY!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**Aro's POV**

While I would have much rathered have Edward's delectable ass and his most glorious dick in place of Carlisle, I had to accept the sad fact that it just wasn't in the cards.

Carlisle Cullen wasn't necessarily an unattractive man, but what was I going to do with a man who's cock had seen better days?

The awkward, eye-opening conversation with Edward and the fierce bitch of his, Bella, had put me in a hard spot. I had thought that Carlisle had filled them in on everything that came with taking over a region.

I was sorely mistaken.

Not only had he not told them, but they'd both freaked out. And if they didn't assume the positions, it was going to throw the whole region into an uproar.

You would think that the stipulation of marriage was something the fucking twit would have disclosed to them, but apparently not. Instead, I was left to do it, and much to my chagrin, they'd left abruptly, giving me their word that I'd receive an answer by the time they went on the clock tonight.

I'd be a liar if I said that I almost hoped they went their separate ways because of this. If that happened, it raised the chances of dear Edward allowing me a taste.

Back to the topic at hand, due to Carlisle's negligence regarding his son and possible future wife, I now had full reason to torture and punish him back in Volterra. I'd already sent in the order, and I had placed the task on the shoulders of Felix. Not only was he the strongest of our fairy fleet, he also possessed the biggest cock—next to Edward's, that is.

Carlisle Cullen wouldn't know what hit him once it all began.

As for his hot mess of a wife, Esme…she was assigned to cleaning the palace, but I really didn't see us getting much use out of her. She was old, and quite frankly, I firmly believed that anything with eyes would run the fuck away from her. _But_…the walls and floor of the palace were completely unhygienic as we hadn't cleaned since last spring, so at least she had something to do.

Rosalie, the hot, trashy blonde….now her we could work like no one's business. She'd already become one of our most requested guests slash slaves.

It was no secret that the vast majority of my kingdom preferred slaves and partners of the male persuasion, but from the moment that woman had been sent back to them, they just couldn't get enough.

She'd been praised so highly, that I was seriously considering having her get me off once I returned.

However, there was no telling when that would be. It all depended on Edward and Bella and the decision they made.

But no matter what, even if they decided to honor the contract and marry, I'd still be forced to remain here and oversee the region until such ceremony occurred.

And as our ancestors are my witness, it would be in a matter of days. Not weeks or months.

There was only so long that I could go without having my beautiful Caius' lips firmly seated around the base of my fucking cock.

**Edward's POV**

I was going to fucking kill my old man.

Seriously.

Bella had already done everything she could to talk me down from going to Volterra, just for the soul purpose of kicking his ass.

The meeting with Aro not only opened our eyes, but it filled us both with uncertainty, fear, and downright hatred.

I couldn't believe that the old man hadn't thought to fill us in on the most crucial part of the fucking contract!

According to fairy law, in nearly unreadable fine print, it stated that no fairy coupling could take over a region unless they were bound to one another by marriage.

In the case we weren't married and were unwilling to do so, the position was put to a vote within the region.

It was fucking bullshit!

"Edward, just calm down! Please," Bella pleaded, slumping to her knees on the rug next to my bed.

"How the hell am I supposed to fucking do that?! I just found out that in order to take over the region and kick my old man the fuck out, I have to marry your ass!"

_Fuck._

I didn't even have to look at her to know that I'd just fucked up. I fisted my hands in my hair, biting furiously at my bottom lip, and clenched my eyes shut.

"Shit, Bella, I…"

No, I get it. You're freaking out, you didn't see it coming, and neither did I. But I'm sorry that you see marrying me as some kind of life sentence," she ground out lowly.

"I didn't fucking say that dammit. Don't you go putting words into my mouth. Remember what happened the last time. You overreacted. Us? Getting married? No matter how things have changed between us, any sane person would call us fucking idiots for even thinking about it! It's way too fucking fast, and besides, I planned on going about the particular idea in the traditional way, such as asking the father for fucking permission first! With the way Aro was talking, it would have to be in a matter of days," I ranted, moving to collapse on the porch steps, wrapping my arms firmly around my knees.

"Can I just tell you how I feel about it? I'll give you time to think it over and then you can give me your response, okay?"

I looked up at her brown eyes looking deep into my own, pleading. There was no anger. Instead, it looked more like she was hurt. I could plainly see it, and fuck me running.

I could feel a lump forming in my throat. This was moving an unbelievably fast pace.

And as Bella took a seat beside me, she placed her hand over mine, running the other through my hair affectionately. It was with a sweet smile from her that I nodded my head, my chin starting to quiver.

Goddammit! Either Carlisle was back in power for the meantime and fucking with me again, Aro had taken hold of the reins, or I'd officially turned into a damned full blown, estrogen overloaded fairy.

And as the first traitorous tear fell from my eye, Bella wiped it away and began talking.

I just hoped we could discuss this without it turning ugly, like most of our conversations do.

**I know the chapter is a bit shorter than the previous chapters have been...sorry.**

**The next chapter will be much longer as we'll revisit the conversation between Aro and our favorite duo through Bella's POV. **

**In the meantime, here's what I'm reading:**

**In Pursuit by Sarge's Girls- **A normal night out changes everything for two innocent sisters, who stumble upon something that will change their lives forever. Two brave U.S. marshals have to keep them hidden and keep them safe. How far are they willing to go to do what's right? Are the consequences worth it all?

**Salacious by cutestkidsmom- ** In a world where money is power, and power is everything, Edward must stay true to the society he was raised in to, and stay true to its values. Laid back Bella is the object of his affection, and he will stop at nothing to have her, What is your life worth? Would you hand it over to a beautiful stranger for money?

**Misguided Love by xxxKittyMasenxxx- **COLLABORATION with biotech-gurl. Edward Masen - Hollywood heartthrob whose choices in life are dictated by the studio. Bella Swan – owns and runs a small bookshop that she inherited. This is what happens when a text message is sent to the wrong person.

**Reconnecting Roads by MidnightLove87- **Two exs join together after four years apart to make it home for the holidays before it's too late.


	60. Chapter 60

**Okay, this chapter is by far the longest at 3k+. **

**Here's the continuation of E/B's talk regarding their possible marriage. **

**Hope you all enjoy!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**BPOV**

If someone had told me two months ago that I would become a fairy and then possibly marry Edward Cullen, I would have straight up laughed in their fucking faces.

But now, what would once have seemed like a bad dream was all too real and the love that I felt for that gorgeous pain in my ass was so strong it literally terrified me. Not just because of the pain it would cause on my heart if we ever happened to split up, but because of my daughter.

I had to think of Emily, and quite honestly, with Edward having told Aro this morning that we'd have an answer for him by tonight, it left me with little to no time to fully think it out. No matter what, we'd be making a hasty decision, and I don't do fucking hasty.

Last night, after our tryst on the water tower, my manfairy had done exactly as I'd asked, actually going above and beyond, exceeding my expectations. We'd made love well into the early hours of the morning. I'd honestly expected it to be slightly awkward as every encounter between us before then had been nothing more than a hard fuck. I suppose that us speaking those three little words had something to do with the change of pace we'd suddenly taken, and now, I wasn't sure which I enjoyed more.

Not that I'm complaining.

However, we'd shown up at Edward's parents' house this morning, fully set on signing the contract, naming Edward and I King and Queen of the region. Just imagine our surprise when we figured out how wrong we were.

_***flashback***_

"_Tell me again why Aro can't just fax you the fucking contract," I groaned as I rolled over onto my side, gazing at the man responsible for the jello-like state my body was in this morning._

"_I don't want to go either, Princess, but I told you, he needs our signatures, fingerprints, and apparently, he's got other shit to run over with us. Stuff the old man never told me about," he rasped, reaching up to brush my hair back off my shoulder as he kissed my hand that was drawing invisible patterns against his chest._

"_Fingerprints? Why the hell does he need our fingerprints, Edward?"_

"_Hell if I know. I don't question it. You've met Aro. Has anything made any sense in regard to him?"_

"_You have a point," I sighed. "I just don't want to move. I'd rather lay here in bed with you all day," I whined, _

"_Sore?" he asked smugly._

"_Pfft, don't flatter yourself, Tink. I'm warm, and I'm tired."_

"_Liar," he laughed, turning slightly to wrap his arms around me and pulled me to lay on top of him, the sheets now tangled around our bodies and resting dangerously low across my lower back._

"_Oh my God, last night totally went to your head," I giggled, letting my forehead fall against his chin._

"_Maybe, maybe not," he murmured, pressing a kiss to my head, "but then again, it depends which head of mine you're referring to."_

_Lifting my head, I arched a brow at him and smiled as I shook my head. "What am I going to do with you?"_

"_Well, there are a number of things I can think of," he whispered huskily, eliciting a moan from me as I lowered my head and captured his lips in my own, instantly seeking out his tongue._

_But as our luck would have it, the blasted alarm on his phone rung out, signaling that it was time for us to get ready and head the hell over to meet with Aro._

_Needless to say, we arrived at his parents' nearly forty-five minutes later to find Aro waiting for us on the porch steps, horrifically dressed in some of Carlisle's clothing, which to be honest, wasn't any better than his work uniform._

"_Sorry, we're late," I told him, Edward following close behind me._

"_Oh, my dear Bella, you may be able to fool your father or brother with that nonsense, but not me. I can smell his sexy ass all over you. Do remind me to pick your brain of all the details later," he winked, making my stomach turn as I glanced at Edward over my shoulder._

"_Aro," Edward greeted. "Did everyone make it back to Volterra in one piece?"_

"_Of course they did, though your father is less than pleased with the turn his life has suddenly taken. Come, let's move this conversation inside; we have much ground to cover."_

_Reigning in my possessiveness of Edward, I did my best to ignore Aro's comments before and slowly followed him into the house._

_A firm slap to my ass caused me to turn and face Edward, who was wickedly grinning behind me. "What was that he said before I came up?"_

"_Oh fuck that, I'm not telling you shit. You'll run with it, and lord knows we don't need either of your heads to get any bigger," I muttered._

"_I have to say, Princess," he whispered into my ear as he grew uncomfortably close to me as we walked, "I _do _smell fucking amazing on you."_

_And with that he picked up his pace and ran ahead of me, stretching his hand out behind him, reaching for mine._

_I obliged just as we entered the dining room, where Aro had various papers scattered over the table._

"_So, first things first," Aro stated authoratively, cracking his knuckles once we'd sat down. "When will the ceremony be held?"_

"_Ceremony?" Edward asked. "But I thought we were sworn in last night?"_

_Aro stared at us blankly for a few moments. "Shit," he sighed. "That old bastard didn't inform you of the marriage clause, did he?"_

_My eyes widened, my heart stuttered and my mouth went dry as I slowly turned my head to look at Edward. _

_Only, he was no longer sitting. He was standing and towering over the desk, glaring at Aro._

"_What the _fuck _are you talking about? Marriage clause?"_

"_Read for yourself," Aro told him, rubbing at his forehead as he pushed the documents toward Edward, his perfectly manicured fingernail pointing out the paragraph of interest._

_I watched as Edward read it and launched from his chair, pacing the room and pulling at his glorious hair._

_Aro slid it in my direction, but instead of reading it, I rose and stalked over to my man._

"_Edward?" I whispered questioningly, grabbing his bicep and stopping him to look me in the eye._

"_It's there. I mean, it's damn near fucking invisible, but it's there. I can't believe that bastard didn't fill me in. How the hell did I not know about this?!" he hollered, turning his attention back to Aro as he stormed away from me. _

"_Obviously, Carlisle didn't do his job. It's been written as fairy law for decades, dear Edward and Bella."_

"_And if we don't want to get married?" Edward fumed._

"_Then your title over this region is stripped. The decision of who becomes King and Queen will be put to a vote in the region with only married couples being eligible nominees."_

"_This is fucking bullshit!" he roared, slamming his fist down on the desk. "We've just barely made it past our differences and now you're telling us that we have to fucking get _married?!_"_

"_No one says you have to, just that if you want to rule this area, you must," Aro explained calmly. "Bella, dear, you've been awfully quiet which is quite unlike you. What are your thoughts?" _

_I could see Edward's eyes finally land on me as I looked to my lap and shook my head "I'm sorry, Aro. I need a minute…_alone_," I whispered, looking up at Edward with my last word, watching as he flinched._

_***end flashback***_

Edward never did follow after me, but I'd heard him loud and clear when he'd told Aro when to expect an answer.

Thankfully, the stubborn ass had actually waited for me to go back inside before we left and headed back to his house. We didn't speak the entire trip which led us to the argument we were now in.

The calloused way in which Edward spoke about possibly marrying me hurt. It fucking stung like a son of a bitch. Especially when—just last night—we'd admitted to loving each other.

Or was he just pulling that out of his ass too?

"_Edward, just calm down! Please," Bella pleaded, slumping to her knees on the rug next to my bed._

"_How the hell am I supposed to fucking do that?! I just found out that in order to take over the region and kick my old man the fuck out, I have to marry your ass!"_

His words echoed over and over in my mind. It was painfully obvious that he didn't want to marry me. I just didn't know what to say to make it any better.

*** Bringing us back to the present***

"Can I just tell you how I feel about it? I'll give you time to think it over and then you can give me your response, okay?"

I looked deep into his eyes, pleading, as he glanced up at me. There was no anger. However, I made sure to let him see that I was hurt. It was something he needed to get a grasp on.

I knew everything was moving fast, and as I watched him swallow roughly, I knew. He was scared.

I sighed and took a seat beside him on the porch step, placing my hand over his, running the other through this hair affectionately. I gave him a reassuring smile, letting him know it was okay when I noticed his chin starting to quiver.

My heart faltered and damn near broke as I watched the first tear I'd ever seen fall from Edward's eyes slide down his cheek. I gently lifted my hand to his cheek, and wiped the tear away.

"I'll admit that when Aro first mentioned it, I was freaking out inside and kept telling myself that there was no way in hell we could do this. Not us. But after having some time to think about it all, I don't think I'm afraid anymore. I'm more nervous about how you're going to react and deal with all of this," I whispered, finding that he was now gripping my hand tightly in his.

"Edward, we've known each other since we were in fucking diapers. Despite the fact that we spent years arguing and don't always get along—hell, we fight more than anyone I've ever seen," I paused, smiling as he chuckled lightly, "you, Em, and I know each other better than anyone else. Granted, you and I mainly use our knowledge to push each other's buttons, but still. As you said the other night, you've been here for me and Emily since day one, and you've never complained, never judged me about it, even when there was so much you could've said. Unlike Em, you let me deal with it in my own way. You never pressured me to talk about it, and come to think about it, I never thanked you for any of that back then. So, thank you. I wish I could tell you exactly when it was that my feelings for you morphed from a crush to being in love, but what matters is the fact that they did.

"Yeah, we may be moving incredibly fucking fast, and of course I'm afraid, but not of you. Not of marrying you. The _only_ thing I truly fear is you agreeing to marry me, things not working out, and then Emily having her heart shattered because of it," I had to pause because unknowingly to me, tears had begun to stream down my cheeks, only alerting me when Edward's hand came up to wipe them away.

"Bella," he choked out, but I pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him.

"Edward, I know you're terrified, and believe me, you have made it no secret that you don't want to get married, and that's fine. I just…I wanted you to know how I felt. If your fear has anything to do with what we _both _now are, then you're going to have to learn to deal with it. I don't care that you're a fairy, or even the fact that you have an extremely gay fairy lusting after you, that's not why I love you. I'd love you no matter what you are, and that won't change. Same with Emily. You know my little girl loves you. I don't mean this to freak you out, so I hope it doesn't, but you're the closest thing she's had to a Dad since she was born. And if you only knew…"

"Stop," he whispered, his voice cracking under the force of his words. "I never told you…hell, I've never told Em, but she's slipped up before and called me 'Daddy'. And Bella, as much as you think it would freak me out, it hasn't. In fact, it's done the complete opposite. I love that child as though she _were_ my own. You know that. And I love you, too. I think I always have, but I wasn't willing to admit it to myself until fate pushed us together this last month or so. I'm sorry…so sorry for the way I reacted both at my parents' with Aro, and here, but it was the fear and initial anger talking. I'm not afraid to marry you. Hell, I'm not even afraid of saying 'fuck it, let's do this.' What has me so angry is the fact that if we actually do this, I'll be robbing you of what's supposed to be the best day of your life. I hardly call a trip to the J.P. the wedding of your dreams. And honestly, up until hearing your explanation, I thought for sure it would be you saying no to this. Especially after all I've done to you, everything I've said…"

"So, what are you saying?" I questioned, taking his face in my hands and gazing into his beautiful eyes.

"Mother of fuck, Princess, I think we just agreed…We're getting married?" he asked, eyes wide as he stared a hole in me.

"I believe that's what we just agreed on…Jesus, are we fucking crazy for even considering this?" I screeched, smiling widely as he pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms tight around me.

"We're fucking insane. You know Charlie is going to castrate me, right?"

"I actually think he may be the least of your worries. Think about what Emmett'll do."

Edward groaned as he rested his head against my shoulder. "Fuck him. I'll have Aro take his ass back to Volterra if I have to."

I reached out, grasping and twisting both his nipples, not taking any shit about my brother.

"Ow! Shit!" he exclaimed. "So, Emily…what do we say to her, Princess? She doesn't even know you and I are together yet. We're going to be throwing this at her pretty damn fast. By the way, that comment you made about things not working out, erase it from your mind. I don't care what I have to do, but I always promised myself that I would marry once, and I'd marry for love. I fully intend to keep that. I think it's a given that I'm going to fuck up colossally from time to time," he paused, seeing the look I was giving him.

My eyebrow was arched high as I gave him my best 'bullshit' stare.

"Okay, _often…_that better?" he sneered, to which I nodded. "All kidding aside, Bella, I really do love you and I swear, I'll do my best to see that we never part, okay?" he asked, gently kissing my lips. "Now that we have the marriage part settled, he's going to want to know when, and I promise you, it'll have to be the next couple of days. Aro isn't a patient ma…_fairy._ In these couple of days, we've got to let Charlie know, I have to put a notice in at work, we've got to alert the fairies of the region to bear witness…"

I fisted his hair at the sides of his head and pulled him roughly against me, crushing my mouth against his. His kissed me back with a ferocity I'd yet seen come from him before I pulled away. "What the hell was that for?" he panted, his breaths fanning across my lips.

"We have until nine or ten o'clock tonight to give him our answer, and I don't have to pick Emily up until tomorrow afternoon. Knowing that in a few days time I'll be your wife does things to me, Tink, and right now, I fully expect for you to take care of those things," I purred, slipping my hand between us and palming his cloth covered cock just as his shirt ripped and his wings burst from his back.

"It took you long enough to take the initiative," he answered with a growl, sliding his hand up over my shoulder.

"Why do you say that?" I questioned.

"Because, Princess, I've been staring at your fucking wings extended behind you for the past five minutes," he quipped, his hand instantly taking hold of my right wing just as his sinful lips latched to my neck and his hips thrust up into me.

How the fucking hell had I missed the release of my wings?

**I don't know about you guys, but I think Fairyward handled that a bit better than I expected him to.**

**The next chapter will surely be interesting as we get a bit of lemon, Emmett's reaction to the news, and a bit of a surprise.**

**This story is winding down and I fully intend for the end to come at Chapter 65. **

**There may or may not be a sequel as I have two other plot bunnies eating away at me LOL! I don't know if i could handle 5 different 'Wards at a time! OY!**

**Thanks for all of the reviews and I apologize for the sporadic responses and updates :(**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	61. Chapter 61

**I got this one out as fast as I could! :D **

**Now...**

**Are you ready for some citrus?**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**EPOV**

What was it with fairies around age forty? It seems they were all suffering from some sort of midlife crisis or some shit.

When Bella and I headed back to my parents' to inform Aro that we were, in fact, getting married—I'm still not used to saying that—we were put on the clock and instead of putting me in my usual prima ballerina uniform, also known as Alice's norm, he'd dressed me in the black version of _his _uniform once again.

This was bad for three reasons: First, Bella loved the fuck out of this uniform, and from her side of things, I could see why. The downside to that was that she wasn't going to have anything other than my cock on her brain all damn night.

Two, I wasn't fucking stupid. I knew as well as Bella that Aro had put me in this crap to provide himself a view of my dick, something that would forever be uncomfortable and screw with my head. I will admit that watching her go off on his prissy ass for eyeballing me was something I'd never forget. My girl…_fiancée…_was a force to be reckoned with. Hell, even I was somewhat afraid of what she'd fucking do if she caught even me admiring my cock for too long, and it was attached to _my goddamn body!_

And finally, the third reason was the fact that I was visiting _children_, not Madame Fifi's House of Pain. Just thinking of what could happen should a brat wake in my presence tonight filled my stomach with bile. I didn't feel right about any of it.

Bella tried her hardest to calm and reassure me that nothing would happen in way of the children, but I'm afraid it was going to take more convincing than that.

As it was, we had taken to the skies, headed to the first house. Bella had wanted to walk at first, but after I'd blown up about someone driving by and seeing me, she quickly changed her mind.

What she didn't know, and what I knew was going to get my ass in trouble, was the fact that I'd found and brought along yet another shock device. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to use it on her tonight, but…Bella was Bella and unfortunately, there was nothing Aro could do about her 'touching' disorder.

Only this time, it wasn't concealed in her uniform.

No.

This time, I'd brought a taser gun.

Yeah, I know; she was so going to beat the ever-loving shit out of me if I used it, but if it was my only means of preventing her from fucking something up tonight, then it was well worth it.

"So, let me ask you something, Lick," Bella started from beside me. "Is there something in the strands of the ribbon or some shit that keep you constantly hard?"

"I'm sorry…_Lick_?" I questioned, having heard nothing else she'd said past that.

"Well, I certainly can't call you Pinkalicious, and Tink has worn out its welcome. So, Lick it is…you know, short for licorice?"

The things this woman's mind comes up with.

I simply shook my head and groaned. "Can't you just call me, Edward? Or Cullen?"

"Nah. Where's the fun in that?" she smiled, moving to fly beneath me once again. Apparently, this was her preference for flight. Maybe I should look into buying a harness to strap her beautiful ass into. "So, you gonna answer my question, Lick?"

"Don't call me that, Princess. I'm warning you. And I didn't catch anything you said past the name."

"Your warnings hold no real threat to me, and you know that," she winked, leaning up and kissing my lips chastely. "What I asked you was, what is it about this uniform or that ribbon that keep your cock hard throughout the duration of your shift? Normally, I have to rub your wings or something to make it rise."

How the hell was I supposed to answer something I didn't know the fucking answer to?

"I have no fucking idea," I snorted, trying to think of something that might explain it. "It has to be Aro's doing. Hell, for all I know, they use a magic fabric or some shit in Volterra. I'd rather not think about that shit, and just get our route done as fast as possible. This uniform is uncomfortable as hell, and I want this gunk out of my hair."

"You do know what's in your hair, right, Lick?" she asked, and there was that damn name again. I was so tasering her ass.

"Yeah, a shit load of fucking hair gel." Yeah, Aro had even gone as far as to reproduce the Mohawk from the night before.

"Oh boy," she sighed, averting her eyes.

That wasn't good. That never meant anything good. "Bella, what the fuck is in my hair?" I deadpanned, dreading the answer.

"Glitter glue," she answered after a lengthy pause. Her eyes then turned dark as she continued to look at me. "Apparently, Aro got one over on you, Lick, and marked you in the only way he knew how. That sick, twisted little bitch!" she screeched.

Despite how sick my stomach became, how violated I felt, or how much I wanted to drown myself in a boiling hot tub of water, I ripped the taser from my bag and pressed it between her breasts.

Holy shit!

This fucker packed a punch, one way more powerful than I had ever anticipated. I watched in horror as Bella howled in pain, cursing like a sailor as she plummeted at a rapid pace toward b hthe ground below.

Taser in my hand forgotten, I dropped it, letting it fall to the ground as I raced furiously after her, praying she wouldn't take vengeance upon me in the sky.

But as my feet touched down, I realized that not only was she nowhere in sight, I'd landed right in the middle of Charlie Swan's front yard.

One, two, three, wake up.

FUCK!

"You are one sick, cruel, son of a bitch, you know that?!"

My back went ramrod straight as the hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention.

I whipped around, but there was no one there. "Bella? Princess, I warned you. I'll admit that I went about getting you back the wrong way, I'm sorry. I love you. Now will you please come out so we can get the fuck out of here before your police Chief daddy walks outside?"

"What were you doing with the damn taser to begin with?" she asked, her voice coming from somewhere above me."

Shit, this was so not going to help my case. "I think you know why I brought it," I answered, my pussy ass voice cracking in fear.

"Didn't you learn your lesson the first time? Things were great with us, so why the hell did you feel the need to electrocute me again?!" she hissed, dropping from the tree overhead and scaring the shit out of me.

"It's not like I _wanted _to do it, but you're like a stubborn dog or child. The word 'no' has no meaning to you! It doesn't work! I've tried it!"

"Okay. So, according to your logic, it would be perfectly fine for me to zap you in the balls every time you put your foot in your mouth? Because that's basically what you're saying, and if that's the case, I'd need to permanently fixate one of these bitches on your ass," she growled and before I could take notice of the device in her hand, she stabbed me with it in multiple places, laying my ass out.

I didn't know which part of me hurt worse.

And what I certainly didn't expect was for her to take advantage of my situation and impale herself on my fucking cock…in her daddy's front yard! Thankfully, his lights were off.

However, as she moved above me, fucking us both into ecstasy, my arms still not working, I was lost in my head to a sense of whiplash.

Just when I thought I had this woman figured out.

"I don't think I'll ever understand you, Princess. What the hell are you doing?"

"Fucking the stupid out of you."

Oh…well…in that case.

I tried to sit up, to take advantage of the situation and gain the upper hand, but I still hadn't regained movement in my arms. At least it didn't feel like it. And on top of that, Bella had my wrists firmly pinned to the ground with her hands as her pussy clenched deliciously tight around my cock, moving up and down at a fast and furious pace. My woman was fucking riding the hell out of me.

Attempting to thrust my hips up into her like I desperately wanted proved to be pointless. I was helpless to stave off the explosive release that I just knew was coming, and she was on a mission. Her hips had begun to slam down on me with even more force than before and her pace had been relentless.

"Fuuucckkk," I moaned, biting my lip and gazing up into her eyes. "Unf…Bella…" my gritty voice called out.

With a smirk and arched brow, she leaned down, taking me in a deep, passion filled kiss, complete with teeth clanging and heavy panting. Her hips stopped for just a moment, giving me a moment to get my thoughts together.

Her hand released my wrist as she sat back up, slowly grinding her hips against me, my cock still buried to the hilt inside of her and throbbing painfully.

"Lift your knees up, baby," she whispered, desire blazing in her eyes.

Who _was _this woman?!

"What for?" I questioned huskily, narrowing my eyes. I didn't trust her ass right now.

"You're going to take this fucking pants off."

"How am I going to do that with your sweet ass on me, Princess?"

"Easy, Lick. Unbuckle the belt above your cock, lift your ass and slide them down. I want my eight second ride," Bella purred, winking at me.

_Fuck me_!Had she seriously just referred to me as a damn bull? And where the fuck did that come from?

Knowing better than to question her right now, and desperately wanting to know what she had planned for me—because she definitely had a fucking plan—I did as she said and was rocked into an orgasm unlike any other as she stayed true to her word and fucking rode me. As the waves of euphoria ripped through me, Bella continued to move above me, smirking sexily as one arm reached behind her.

"It seems that you've regained movement in your arms," she breathed, smiling down at me as she fucked my cock back to life.

"Hmmm…how about that?" I murmured, taking her ass in my palms and aiding her hips in rocking harder and faster above me.

I watched her chest in rapt attention, waiting on her top to fall from her shoulders, but when her fingers probed at the tight hole of my ass, my breath hitched.

Her eyes burned into mine, gauging my reaction to her invasion.

As her finger continued to circle and apply pressure, I knew what she wanted and given the heightened state of arousal and emotions, there was no way in hell I wasn't giving in to her. I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down to me, crushing my lips against hers, forcing my tongue into her mouth.

Her hips intensified the rocking motion as I felt my cock grow and swell inside of her, her walls gripping and pulling me further inside of her. I could tell she was close from the way she moaned and her free hand clawed at my chest, from the way her up and down motions became more erratic, and just as her coil snapped and her heat clamped down on me, her fingers pushed inside of me, hooking and hitting a spot I'd never fucking known existed, sending me into a second orgasm, my seed spurting against her inner walls in several streams.

As I pumped my hips the best I could beneath her, her finger easily slid in and out of me in deep strokes. Just knowing that she was comfortable enough to touch me there, brave enough to do what she'd just done, amazed the shit out of me. And the knowledge that I had actually liked it didn't faze me. The only person that would ever come close to that part of me was her.

My Bella.

My soon-to-be wife.

Her lips never left mine, even after she withdrew her finger and lifted herself off of me, my cock now flaccid. She moved to lay beside me, pushing her hand past the hard, gunky build-up in my hair.

"Fuck, I love you," I panted, turning my head to look at her in wonder as her nose brushed mine.

A brilliant smile stretched across her face as she looked at me, humming to herself. "Hmm…I love you too, and I'm glad it worked."

"Wait…" I asked, looking at her in confusion. "What worked?"

"Fucking the stupid out of you."

"Bells?" Charlie's voice called out from the front porch. "Is that…what the hell?" he shouted, his eyes squinting to focus on where Bella and I lay in his front yard. "What the fuck do you kids think you're doing?!"

"Oh shit, Princess, grab the dust…grab the fucking dust…_he's coming!_" I whispered as loudly as I could in her ear as my eyes focused on him.

If he made it close enough and discovered who we were, there would be hell to fucking pay.

I groaned as she reached blindly for the dust, grabbing my balls instead. "Wrong sack," I hissed, removing her hand and placing it in the general area of the man purse.

"Sorry," she snickered, kissing my cheek as she reached into the bag, grabbed a handful of dust and chunked it at him.

Me? I wasted no fucking time. I took hold of Bella and shot up to the sky, not bothering to stick around.

Bella was tightly tucked in my arm, laughing her crazy, sexy ass off. "You are such a fucking pussy, Lick," she giggled, pressing a kiss to my neck.

"I am what I eat," I answered her, moving her beneath me. "And what made you decide to do…that?" I asked, seriously interested.

"Why, baby? Did you like it?" she leaned up, whispering into my ear as her tongue flicked my ear lobe.

I couldn't think of anything to do other than kiss the fucking hell out of her. So, I did.

"I'll take that as a yes. And if you must know…think of it this way. Now, there's not an inch of your glorious, fuckhot body that I haven't been. That I haven't claimed," she breathed. "And seeing Aro's reaction to exactly that will be priceless."

Did she…

Had she just told me…

Sweet Mary mother of fuck…my girl, Bella fucking Swan had just claimed me in one of the most physical ways possible. She'd officially marked me as hers, and it was in a place that no one, outside of her, would ever dare to venture again.

"That it will," I laughed, pressing my lips to her cheek, lingering for a second and then pushing us full throttle to our first house. We still had a route to do and after the events of tonight thus far, I could only imagine what the rest of the night would bring.

**So...**

**I'm thinking I really need to make a list of all the nicknames Bella has given our poor Fairyward LOL**

**In actuality, I had more planned for this chapter other than just the lemon but its all good. The rest will be moved to the next chapter.**

**These two just don't know when to shut up!**

**Thank you all again for the reviews!**

** Every time I see the grand total this little fic has received so far, it just blows me away 3 **

**I hate that this is so close to its end :( **

**I honestly never thought it would go past 10-15 chapters...soooooo wrong was I!**

**Anyways, please read and review and I hope to have the next chapter up tomorrow or Friday night.**

**T**


	62. Chapter 62

**RL has kicked my ass since the last update so I apologize for the delay. **

**Between getting sick, having a birthday party, and the devastating tornadoes of the past few days here in Oklahoma City, I just haven't had time.**

**Anywho, I'll let you get on with it!**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**EPOV**

I'm getting married.

I, Edward fucking Cullen, Tooth Fairy Fuck-Up Extraordinaire, am getting fucking married.

And even more mind boggling than that? It's to the woman that had once been damn close to being my fucking enemy.

Granted, the wedding wouldn't take place for another day and a half, but that didn't make it any less real.

Bella and I had finished off our route last night with a bang.

Literally.

After I'd beamed us up off Charlie's property, we'd had a streak of, big surprise here—yes, that's sarcasm—bad luck. The first house, as I was placing the cash under the kid's pillow, the Taco Bell that we'd consumed earlier in the night came back to bite us in the ass. Bella released a fucking fart so damn rancid that it damn near put my ass on the floor.

I'm talking the kind of flatulence that leaves your eyes burning and your lungs fighting for air. The kind that disintegrates your fucking nose hair and makes your stomach retch.

Yeah, it was that damn bad.

When we'd finally recovered from that, without waking the kid, thank fuck, our food turned against me as well. Only, mine hit at the worst possible time and just so happened to hit Bella full force in the fucking face and sent her careening down the staircase.

Needless to say, after she beat the ever loving fuck out of me at the foot of the stairs, we headed to the next house, and I'm sure we looked like something from Michael Jackson's Thriller video walking down the damn street.

You'd think that that would have been enough, right?

Hell fucking no.

Her obsession with touching shit? Yeah, it fucking came back with a vengeance in the second house.

She'd set off the fucking house alarm, which, how the hell she'd done that I still don't know as I'd never done it myself…shockingly enough. Bella had also managed to somehow knock over a table adorned with two crystal vases, and then…_then _she'd gone into the fucking parents' bedroom instead of the kid's.

The fucking mom stayed asleep miraculously, but the dad...

No, wait; saying he was a dad doesn't get the point across…he was a goddamn beast. He apparently slept with a loaded gun next to the bed.

All of this shit in _one _fucking house.

The dude had chased us both around for a good ten minutes until I finally managed to dust the motherfucker.

At the third house, I'd threatened Bella with a sex ban should she touch fucking anything, and to my surprise, the bitch bought it. Though, she very well could have just been humoring me because anyone with a damn brain in their head would know that there was no way in hell I could ever abide by my own fucking rules.

She didn't touch a damn thing in that house. Instead, I'd tripped over my own damn feet and face planted in what was obviously the favorite shitting spot of their massive Great Dane.

That's right. I'd be smelling dog shit for the next fucking month thanks to the amount that actually went in my nose. I don't think Bella would ever let me live it down.

By the time we finally finished the route that night, we were so pissed and fed up with each other that, for the first time since all this shit had started, I went home and Bella went back to Emmett's.

She claimed that she 'didn't want to deal with smelling dog shit' all fucking night.

I weakly retaliated that I didn't want to 'smell her nasty ass burrito farts'.

Real couple of bad asses, right?

Not.

We held firm to that for no more than an hour and a half before I showed up at Bella's door, pleading for her to let me in, which she did without hesitation.

Which is how I find myself now straddling her, massaging her neck, shoulders, and back as she lays on her stomach atop the bed. After all, it was technically my fault that she had fallen down the fucking stairs.

And before you ask, yes, we were clothed. Emily was in bed, and I wasn't about to risk her walking in on me on top of her mom like that. I traumatized enough children in my line of work, I didn't need to start doing it outside of work as well.

"Shit," Bella groaned, "Is that your phone or mine, Lick?"

Again with the fucking nickname!

"It's gotta be yours, Princess," I whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss behind her ear as I handed her her phone from the bedside table. Why the hell we'd decided to change our ringtones to the same fucking thing was beyond me, though it _was _funny at the time. Bella found the song and put it on my phone last night after we'd become 'engaged'. It was 'King of the Fairies' by the Irish Rovers.

I would never understand how she found or came up with the shit she does, but God love her for it.

Anyway, I knew it was her phone because mine was fucking dead as a doornail. And I mean it was fucking dead…as in, never coming back to life. In the process of kicking my ass earlier, she'd shattered my phone and then, after it fell from my manpurse, accidentally kicked it into a puddle of dog piss in the backyard.

Aren't I so lucky to be able to call her mine?

"Hello?" Bella mumbled out as she placed the phone on the pillow beside her head, having turned it on speakerphone.

"Bells, we got a problem," Emmett groaned.

"We?" she questioned back.

"Yeah, I'm fucking begging you to tell me that you didn't mount Ed in Dad's front yard last night," Emmett fumed through the phone.

Her head rose and she turned to look at me wide-eyed. "You mean, he knew it was me?!" she screeched.

"_Jesus! What the fuck were you thinking_?!"

"Well, considering that you just said I 'mounted' him, I think it's obvious what I was thinking, Em," Bella snorted, flipping herself beneath me and thrusting her hips up and against me, which to be honest felt fucking weird considering she was more or less humping my ass, not my dick.

"This is serious, Bells! If he saw you, that means he's going to have questions regarding why you and Ed were dressed as fucking fairies! He asked me and I told him that I had no fucking idea. And yes, he knows it was Edward too. He said there was no mistaking it was him because when you two stood and Ed locked eyes with him, the fear of God was looking back at him."

Shit, shit, shit! There was one thing that neither of them had fucking realized, and one that would prove to completely screw us all over and majorly jeopardize the likeliness of Charlie giving me permission to marry his daughter.

I glanced down at Bella in horror, to which her brow furrowed. "Em, did you see Charlie, or was this told to you over the phone?"

"Oh, so you _are _there you fucking prick! It was on the damn phone. Why?"

"How soon can you meet us here at your house?"

"Ed, I don't know where you're going with this, but you better get there fast."

"Baby, what's going on?" Bella asked, placing her hand against my neck.

"Princess, we fucking dusted his ass," I told her, arching a brow.

I waited for that to sink in and then a few minutes later, nodded as she slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my fucking God, this is not happening," she grumbled loudly.

"Hello?! Mind explaining to me why dusting him has anything to do with this?" Emmett shouted frustratingly.

"Em, remember how Bella was allergic and immune to the dust in the beginning?"

"Dude, we're so fucked," Emmett whined. That big ass bastard was actually fucking whining. "But come to think of it, he did sound weird over the phone. You don't think he blew up too, do you?"

"I don't know but I fucking hope not. There's only one way to find out if he did or not, and that's where you come in."

"Wait a minute. Are you saying that you want me to go to his house?"

"Well, Emmett, Bella and I sure as hell can't go right now. Sweet Pea is in bed, and not only that, but if he saw Bella literally fucking me in his front yard, he'll rip my balls off and shove them down my throat. In case you've forgotten, I kind of need to stay in his good graces. Especially if Bella and I are getting married in a day and a half."

The line went eerily quiet, the only sound to be heard was his heavy breathing.

Oh.

Shit.

Bella and I hadn't told him. Dammit!

"You're going to _what?!_" he seethed.

"Em," Bella said softly. "Em, please, listen to me, okay?"

"Listen? You want me to fucking _listen_?! Bells, your asshole boyfriend, _my best friend_, just fucking _told _me, not asked…_told_ me that you two are getting married. _IN A FUCKING DAY AND A HALF_?! What kind of shit is that?!"

"Emmett Swan! If I were you, I'd tread carefully because as soon as we're married, we'll be in charge of this region and believe me, you don't want to fucking cross me right now," Bella bit out angrily. "Edward and I knew nothing about this until yesterday. Apparently, it's written in fairy law that in order for he and I to take over the region, we have to be married. Otherwise, it's put to a vote within the region with only married fairies being eligible for nominations. Edward and I talked it all out and we're both on the same page. We want to be married and Aro won't let us wait past the day and a half."

"Bells, he hasn't even asked Dad…"

"No shit, asshole! Why do you think I said I needed to stay on his fucking good side? Em, you know me, and you know that despite everything from the past few years, I'd never hurt Bella. All I've ever fucking wanted is her, and you know that. I want Emily too. I love them both, and I love your dumb ass too, though in a different way…"

"Ed, seriously? Cut the shit. Right now, it's taking everything in me not to drive over there and beat the fuck out of you. Only thing stopping me is the fact that Bells really does love your ass, why I don't know, but she does. I'll drive by Charlie's and see how things are, then I'll come home, but Ed, I mean it man, don't fucking push me when I get there."

Without another word, the dick hung up and Bella's eyes were glued to me as I desperately tried not to explode.

Her small hands soothingly ran up and down my neck and through my hair as she rose to sit up and pressed her lips against mine.

I'll admit, I didn't kiss her back right away as I was still pissed, but her soft lips and the desperate way that her fingers threaded into my hair annihilated my resolve and I soon found myself kissing her back with passion.

However, just as I was getting into it, she pulled away and her lip curled comically.

"Wha…"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to kiss you, taste you, yet smell the potent stench of dog shit?" Bella grimaced. "I love you, Lick, but until you wash your face with bleach, and snort some Listerine, I'm not kissing you."

"You know, you could just dab a little Vicks VapoRub under each nostril. Why must I be the one that suffers? And besides, I'm hurting, Princess. You're brother, my best friend, fucking hates my guts and I can promise you that I'm the last person on this damn earth he wants you with."

"Baby, it isn't up to him who I'm with, date, or marry. He's just going to have to get used to it. And if he's so opposed to it, he can stay the fuck home and not come to the wedding."

I leaned forward, kissing her neck as I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her tight against me. "You sticking up for me is sexy as hell and I fucking love you for it, Bella, but I'm not going to let you marry me without your brother or Charlie in attendance. They're your family, and dammit, regardless of what he's said, I want Em to be my best man."

Her body tensed against me as she glanced down. "You…you're planning to have a best man? Shit, now I have to find a fucking maid of honor."

"Wow, aren't you just the excited bride…" I laughed. "Can I make a suggestion?"

"Edward, I swear, if you value the cock between your legs you will _not _say that bitch's name!"

"What's wrong with Rose? You two got along so well…" I didn't get to finish before Bella launched forward, tackling me to the bed and effectively pulling the muscles at the top of both thighs. Fuck that shit hurts!

"Dammit!" I wailed, flinging my feet and calves out from under my ass and rubbing viciously at my thighs.

"Shit, sorry, Lick. I didn't mean to do that," she smiled sheepishly.

I arched a brow. "You didn't mean to tackle my ass to the bed?"

"No, I _meant _to do that. I just didn't mean to hurt you…though it serves you right for knocking me down the stairs."

"Okay, technically, it was my gas that did that. Now, really, Princess, don't you have a girlfriend you can ask?"

The smile left her eyes as she looked away from me and bit at her bottom lip.

What the fuck was up with that shit?

I never got the chance to ask her though because her phone make a tinkle sound, similar to Tinkerbell's sound effects, signaling a text.

I watched her for a moment longer and told her firmly, "This conversation isn't over," before turning to grab her phone.

It was from Emmett and it had an attachment. Thinking nothing of it, I opened it.

_Oh mother of fucking hell! This shit is NOT happening again! We are so fucking screwed!_

Charlie Swan was now the new face of Pringles.

**OH BOY! I think we all know where the next chapter is going LOL!**

**I want to take a moment to ask you all to pray for those in Oklahoma that have been affected by the tragedy of the tornadoes. Billions of dollars worth in damages, too many lives lost, parents left completely heartbroken...there aren't enough words to cover how devastating this all has been.**

**My family were narrowly missed by the tornadoes but are just as affected as everyone else as we're actually here to see it. **

**A few other authors and myself are putting together a Fandom Fundraiser to raise money to put towards the disaster relief. **

**I'll post the link to the site as soon as we get it up and running for those that want to donate. **

**I will submitting a few pieces to the compilation. **

**As always, thanks for the reviews, and let me know what you think!**

**Love you ladies! Ya'll rock!**

**T**


	63. Chapter 63

**Again, sorry for the wait. **

**Oklahoma City once again was hit by another round of violent tornadoes, and as most of you have learned by now, I live in Oklahoma City, so...**

**Yeah.**

**No worries, we're safe.**

**Anywho...let's catch up with our favorite duo!**

**BPOV**

"I can't breathe. OhmyGodEdwardIcan'tfuckingbreathe," I rushed out, pacing along the length of Edward's living room, hands fisted in my hair.

Ever since he'd shown me the picture that Emmett had sent me, I hadn't been able to breathe, much less think straight.

My father, Charlie Swan, fucking _Police Chief of Forks, Washington_ was about to be enlightened and brought into the world of tooth fairies. At any moment, I would wake up and this would all be just some huge, horrible nightmare, right?

Right?

If that were the case, I would have woken the fuck up by now. I'd pinched the shit out of myself a thousand times over now, and while my fuckhot fiancé was standing off in the corner hugging himself as though he were afraid of me, I was still pacing and still unable to breathe with the knowing doom of what was to fucking come.

Oh what I would give for Aro to be able to make this shit go away.

For him to be able to completely undo this entire…

"Can that asshole fix this fuck up?" I shouted, stopping suddenly and rushing Edward, which obviously scared the shit out of the poor guy because he jumped and flew back against the wall, cowering away.

"What?!" he shrieked, holding his hands up in front of his face.

"Jesus, Edward, I'm not going to hit you," I told him, gently moving his hands from his face and pushing them to my waist.

"Right, Princess, if you could see yourself from my side of things, you'd think different. Look, I have no fucking idea if that dingleberry can fix this or not, but either way, we've got to face Charlie. There's no way around that. But you've got to take a deep breath and calm down, Bella," he chuckled, pulling me against him easily, pressing his lips to my forehead. "You can't go in there all fired up like this, baby. If Charlie pops off, which he most likely will, you'll explode on his ass, and I can only handle one hotheaded Swan at a time."

"Seriously, Tink, isn't there some calming dust or something you can jack from the family vault or some shit?" I questioned pathetically as his hand rubbed soothing circles against my back.

"Don't you think that if there was I'd have used it by now on _you_?" he asked, grinning down at me, his eyes actually fucking sparkling.

"So then there is a vault?" I questioned, arching a brow curiously.

"Swan," he started, tilting my chin upward with the knuckle of his forefinger, "shut up."

And with that, his lips descended on my own, effectively shutting me the fuck up.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"This was a bad idea. I should've let you and Emmett handle this shit. Why the fuck did I insist on it being you and…."

"Edward, seriously, if you don't stop your bitching, I'm going to knock the fuck out of you," I hissed as we waited for Charlie to come to the door.

Edward had just finished knocking, and as it was, I could hear the old man grumbling to himself as he stomped down the creaky, worn out stairs of my childhood home. Thank fuck we were actually dressed in normal clothing because if we had been in our fairy attire, I'm not sure Edward would have survived it.

"Don't you get it?!" he exclaimed dramatically. "If Em was right, if he really saw you fucking riding me last night…"

Just then, Charlie threw the front door open and Edward's back went ramrod straight.

"Oh, he was right, and believe me, we will talk about _that _shit in a minute, but what I want to talk about now is just what in the fuck it is you two did to my face."

Words escaped me.

Did I really look this fucking bad?

Holy fucking hell. I couldn't have been _this _fucked up!

Shit! Edward had actually sunk his cock in me looking like Puff the Magic Dragon? Seriously?

I looked over my shoulder at Edward who's eyes were locked on Charlie's, refusing to look anywhere else, and I knew why; he was afraid that if he broke eye contact, my Dad was going to blindside him with a right hook, and he was probably dead on in that assumption.

Taking the initiative, I moved to stand in front of Edward and faced Charlie. "Okay, let's move this inside, Dad; you're letting all the damn mosquitoes in."

"Princess, while you give your Dad the run down, I'm going to call Em and have him go over to Aro's to find out if there's anything to he can do," Edward mumbled nervously.

Pussy.

"Uh, ok, babe, check on, Emily, kay?"I asked him, taking a step closer and pressing a kiss to his cheek sweetly, trying to calm his nerves at least somewhat.

He nodded and side stepped into the kitchen as my Dad watched angrily—I _think _he was glaring—after him.

"Quit looking at him like that, Dad; he's done nothing to you," I snapped, turning my eyes to him.

"Oh, don't you even think about trying to bitch at me, Isabella Marie. It's your fault that I'm in this shit to begin with, and you're lucky I haven't hauled your ass upstairs and locked you away for the stunt you pulled with that son of a bitch in my front yard last night."

"First off, don't talk about him like that because you love Edward, and you damn well know it. Second, you can only make guesses about what we were doing in the yard last night; you never asked, and you obviously don't think very much of either of us, especially me if you think I'd ever do that. And third, I'm a grown woman with a fucking six year daughter, I'd love to see you try and lock me up, you old, man. Now sit the hell down because I've got a lot of shit to explain to you, and then there's something really important that Edward and I want to talk to you about."

I watched as he faced off with me for a few minutes, his eyes nothing more than tiny slits. His shoulders rose and fell rapidly to show just how much I'd gotten to him. I knew I'd pissed him off, but to be honest, I really didn't care.

He could talk down to me, that was fine. I was used to it, and I _was _his daughter after all. But I wasn't going to stand for him talking that way to Edward. Sure, he was a huge pain in my ass and often times pushed me to the point of wanting to ram my fucking fist through his teeth, but regardless of all that, we loved each other fiercely and I knew that there was nothing in the world he wouldn't do for me or my baby girl. Which brings me to the most important point of all. Emily. My baby girl loves him, and he loves her. And that…that matters more to me than anything else.

And if Charlie can't respect that, then quite frankly, he can stay out of our lives. I know some would say it's childish, or rash, but that's just the way I see it.

That was part of what I was going to lay out on the table tonight.

And Edward had no fucking clue.

I was going to tell my Dad tonight.

It was either he give my hand to Edward, and accept him as my soon-to-be husband and Emily's father, or he see he way out of our small family.

Granted, I'd give him plenty of time to think about it because there was a lot that was going to be thrown at him tonight. And honestly, I wasn't worried.

I knew Charlie. There was no way he was going to turn his back on me and Emily, or Edward for that matter. He'd accept it. He'd give my hand to Edward, of that I was certain; it would just take some convincing.

It was the talk about the fairy shit that was going to be interesting and not so much fun.

I had no fucking clue whether or not he was going to go for it or not.

I wanted to say that he was going to declare that Edward and I were insane, and then demand to know what drugs we were on.

But then, I also had a feeling, and a very, very fucking bad one at that…that Charlie was going to be on board with this. And if that happened to be the case, he would have to meet Aro.

Oh fucking hell…Charlie…meeting Aro?

"Dad, stay here," I told him quickly, "I'm gonna go get some Benadryl from the kitchen."

I hurriedly ran from the living room and into the kitchen.

Edward, who was standing hunched over the counter with his head in his hands, startled and whirled around when I came in, nearly crashing into him.

His arms flew up in front of his face, again to shield him as though he were about to be hit.

"What the fuck?!" I screeched. "I'm not going to hit you!"

"Then quit fucking charging me like that! What's wrong? Where's Charlie?"

"We've got a problem, and we need to fix it. _Now_!"

A small smile slowly made it's way onto his face as his hands lowered and moved to rest on either side of my hips. "All right. Slow down, Princess. What's wrong?"

"Aro," I stated as if it were the most obvious answer in the damn world.

Edward just stared blankly at me. "Okaaayyy...and your point is?"

"Think about it, Tink. Let's say that Charlie fucking agrees to this life, what do you think his reaction is going to be when he meets Aro's creepy ass?"

"Bella, baby, obviously this hasn't dawned on that sexy head of yours yet, but he's going to meet Aro whether we fucking like it or not. Whether it be because he's agreeing to this life or because he wants out."

Then something else screamed at me in my head louder than anything else.

_OH MY FUCKING GOD!_

"Holy shit...if he tries to fix Charlie's allergy problem...he won't make him...he won't have to..."

I watched as Edward's face went deathly pale and his fingers dug painfully deep into my hips, surely leaving marks. If that sick fuck had any intention of trying to make my father consume any of Edward's...

_No! Fuck that! _

I'd cut that fucking fairy's balls with a damn butter knife first.

Afraid that I'd lost Edward, I took his face between my hands and tilted his head down, waiting for his eyes to lock with mine.

"We've got to get back in the living room."

"Okay," he mumbled flatly.

"We're not fucking leaving here until he's agreed to joining us fairies, Edward. That's all there is to it. Aro is just going to have to find another fucking way to cure him of the allergy, and I don't give a flying fuck what he says, there's another way."

"You swear you won't let them near my..."

"Baby, hear me loud and clear because I'm only saying this once, since the day you first sunk that glorious cock of yours into me, it's been mine. No one...and I mean _no one_ fucking touches or comes near it or _you, _for that matter, without fucking warranting a goddamn death wish upon themselves," I growled menacingly, as I grabbed hold of a fistful of his t-shirt in my hand and jerked him to me, crushing my mouth to his, claiming him as mine the way I'd done many times in last twenty-four hours.

And true to the raging, horny as hell fairy I'd fucking fallen head over heels in lust and love with, Edward's beautiful, proud wings burst through his shirt and expanded behind him and his arm wrapped around me, pulling me against him.

"Just what in the blue hell do the two of you think you're doing in here? Bells, where's my damn Benadryl? And Edward, you sick son of a bitch, quit spearing my daughter and put your fucking wings away. You've both got a hell of a lot of explaining to do because either Emmett drugged me, or you two or mixed up in some seriously messed up shit."

With his head down, Edward pulled away from me, the skin of his hand burning hot beneath my own as I turned to look at my Mr. Pringles.

"Dad, why don't we do this at the kitchen table instead? Have a seat and I'll start some coffee. Baby, take a few minutes to get some air, okay?" I whispered to him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Edward gently squeezed back, winked at me and without question walked out the door.

**OH MAN! The next update will surely be an interesting conversation!**

**I plan to have it up next week. **

**Bare with me as I've got three other updates to push out, and four pieces for fundraiser compilations!**

**Which again, let me give another shout out to those that missed it that the Fandom4OK fundraiser IS up and running!**

**There will be a O/S for this one and I don't want to give any spoilers for it as it will be a futuretake ;D**

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**www dot Oklahoma dot fandomcause dot info**

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**As always, please leave some love!**

**T**

"


	64. Chapter 64

**LONGEST CHAPTER YET FOLKS!**

**ENJOY!**

_"Just what in the blue hell do the two of you think you're doing in here? Bells, where's my damn Benadryl? And Edward, you sick son of a bitch, quit spearing my daughter and put your fucking wings away. You've both got a hell of a lot of explaining to do because either Emmett drugged me, or you two or mixed up in some seriously messed up shit."_

_With his head down, Edward pulled away from me, the skin of his hand burning hot beneath my own as I turned to look at my Mr. Pringles._

_"Dad, why don't we do this at the kitchen table instead? Have a seat and I'll start some coffee. Baby, take a few minutes to get some air, okay?" I whispered to him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze._

_Edward gently squeezed back, winked at me and without question walked out the door._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**EPOV**

On a night like tonight, when the breeze was cool and the sky was clear for once with the moon shining and the stars all over, Bella and I should be out enjoying it, but no. We were stuck here, fucking bringing Police Chief, Daddy Swan into our line of work…most likely anyway.

I swear, I have got to have the worst fucking luck on the damned planet because everything bad always seems to happen to me.

And yes, I know. I brought this shit on myself. _I _tasered Bella. _I _let her mount me in his front yard, and _I _was the dumbass that dusted Mr. Pringles. So yeah, this whole damn thing was my fucking fault.

Big surprise.

Insert sarcasm here.

As I puffed on the last bit of my cigarette, satisfied that my wings had completely calmed, I flicked the butt out onto the gravel drive and headed back inside.

The laughter that met my ears took me off guard. How in the hell had my girl fucking managed that? She'd pulled off the impossible!

I cautiously peeked into the kitchen, seeing that they were both still sitting at the table, Mr. Pringles obviously laughing as he was vibrating and the sound was coming out, however, his face was sadly still void of any emotion. Fuck, I felt horrible about that shit. We really need to work on that.

Bella laughed with him, and I guess she sensed my presence because she turned around and reached for me. I slowly proceeded forward, leaning over her chair to brush my lips across her forehead before taking the seat next to her, making sure to leave space between us; I knew if I sat close enough, the evil minx would find a way to weave her hand between my thighs and violate me somehow.

It was just in her nature; she couldn't help it. That was something I'd come to realize…finally.

Yeah, I know. Took my ass long enough.

"So, Edward," Pringles started with a clearing of his throat, "tooth fairies, huh? I don't suspect your next step is to tell me that your grandparents were kin to the Easter Bunny and their parents were descendants of unicorns?"

My hands gripped the edge of the table, my knuckles turning white from the force of my grasp.

_You will not pummel the ass. You will _not _pummel the ass!_

"Dad, I told you not to fucking goad him."

"Oh, come on, Bells. Can't I rib him just a little? You've got to let me have at least a little fun with this! The jackass, also known as Fork's most eligible bachelor, is low and behold a goddamn _tooth fairy_ packing fairy dust for christ's sake!"

"Um, he's not Fork's most eligible bachelor anymore, Dad. He's my…"

My eyes went wide as I not so subtly stomped on her fucking foot. There was no way in hell I was about to let Bella tell him like that.

"Bella, Princess, can I speak to your Dad for a minute alone?"

"Eddie, I know you want to do this proper and all, but I already know what's coming and…"

"Please?" I whispered, taking her hand softly in mind, hoping that the pleading in my eyes communicated to her just what this meant to me.

Thankfully, it did because she silently rose from the table, but before she walked off, she turned to Charlie. "Dad, don't ruin this for me," she murmured quietly.

Something in her tone worried me. I just knew that Bella had left something out. I don't know what she had up her sleeve, but whatever it was, I was afraid to find out.

"Edward, son, if you're about to tell me that you're my son-in-law, I'll castrate you right the fuck now," he growled.

_Oh God, this was so not going to go over well._

"No, no, sir. I'm not…at least not yet. Sir, how much did Bella tell you in regard to her and I and our position in our region?"

"All she told me was that some crew called the Vulcans were grooming you two to become the head honchos."

I buried my face in my hands as my shoulders shook. Obviously the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"Nothing, just that the first time I mentioned the Volturi to Bella, she called them the Vultures and you've just called them the Vulcans. Anyways, yeah, they want to name us King and Queen of our region. However, when my parents nominated us and Aro—he's the head of the Volturi—approached us about, they had neglected to tell us that in order to officially be crowned, the fairy coupling must be married.

"Bella and I went in to sign the contract and that's when Aro told us, showing us the fine print at the very bottom. She and I were freaked out, hell, we even argued a bit about it, but sir, we came to a decision. Ultimately, I think I had always planned to wind up here with you and I sitting at this table one day anyhow, I just never thought it would have been this soon. And I can't imagine what you must be thinking, but I…I love your daughter. I love her, and Emily, with all my heart, and I want to ask you for their hands."

"Son, if you and Bells have already made the decision to get hitched and are basically being forced into this by the 'fairy brigade'," he said using air quotes, "then why go through all this mumbo jumbo of asking me for her hand? Why the show?"

"Because, sir, I'm a traditional man and despite the circumstances, I want to do everything as right as I can."

"When exactly is this shindig supposed to take place?"

"Day after tomorrow," I mumbled, looking down and picking at an invisible spot on the table.

"Damn, you guys sure don't mess around, do you?"

"No, sir."

"Jesus, will you stop with all this sir shit? Edward, I was there since your momma pushed your scrawny ass out her twat twenty-eight years ago and you've never once called me 'sir', so don't even think about starting now."

"So…"

"You love her?"

"Yeah, I do," I sighed, feeling my lips curve upward with a smile.

"Just when did this thing with you two start, anyway? I mean, you know that I'm not stupid, right? I know about all the hell you two have given each other the past few years. And I also know that it was you who ran that prick out of town."

How the fuck did he know all of this shit?

"Emmett told you everything, didn't he?" I muttered, rubbing a hand over my face. "Some of it. The rest I just know, Edward. You two aren't as good at covering shit up as you think you are. So tell me, when did this happen?"

"Well, it started when she found me in Emily's room one night on a routine tooth pick-up. It was the first time I'd had to visit Emily as it used to be my sister, Alice's route. I'm known around the region to be a constant fuck-up meaning that I have horrible luck on my routes. I mean, I get the job done, but yeah…let's just leave it at that. Anyway, I tripped and fell in her room, Bella found me and freaked and a huge fight ensued between us for the next few days. She started coming with me on my routes and I don't know…it just…the animosity between us transformed and…"

"You mean that the truth came out?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You knew?"

"Like I said, you suck at covering shit up. Son, I'll give you their hands, but you've got to do something about my fucking face."

"Deal," I beamed, stretching my hand out to him, feeling my heart grow three sizes and a huge weight lift from my shoulders. "You know that Bella had this same issue for days after finding out about me, right?"

"No!" he guffawed. "Really?! Bells, come in here!"

"What did you do?" she asked, running in like her ass was on fire as she set her eyes on him accusingly.

I hurriedly stepped up behind her and pulled her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her, pressing my lips into her neck. "Easy, Princess. He said yes. All is good. We have permission."

She turned her head to the side and raised a brow. "Seriously? Did you drug him?"

"Bells, knock it off," Charlie laughed. "You didn't tell me that you had this reaction when you got…um…"

I chuckled into Bella's shoulder as he struggled for the right words.

"Dusted. The right terminology is when we got 'dusted', Dad," Bella snorted, slapping the outside of my thigh.

"Em called Aro. He should either be calling or showing up any minute now. Most likely, he'll show up, and Chief, I gotta warn you…he's not like any other…"

"Dad, he's gay."

"Kids, you're acting like I have a problem with that," Charlie answered as though he were offended.

"No, Chief, you're not understanding us. It's not that," I sighed.

Fuck. You guys know exactly what I mean. Aro wasn't one of those fuckers that you could explain to someone. He was a character all on his own. There was no one else like him, and I prayed to God there never would be again. At least not in the realm of fairies.

"Anyway, he'll be able to fix this, but the thing is, you need to decide what it is you want to do, Chief."

"What I want to do? What the hell are you talking about? I want my face fixed, dammit."

"Chief, Aro is going to want a decision. Either you're joining us, or you have your memory erased and everything about tonight is forgotten."

"We're talking about me, Charles Swan, becoming a goddamn tooth fairy? Do I have that right?"

Bella turned her head to look at me and whispered to me that he was about to lose his shit, and not half a second later, he erupted into stomach clenching laughter.

"Tink, baby, exactly how much dust did you chunk at him?" she questioned, turning into me a bit more, her lips brushing against the corner of my mouth.

"I'm starting to think maybe too fucking much," I told her dryly, moving to kiss her fully, not able to hold back anymore, no matter how brief the kiss was.

"Stop that shit, you two! Not under my roof! You did enough in my yard yesterday, don't you think?" Charlie barked.

Dammit, he was never going to let that shit go. I wonder if there was any way that Aro could erase just that one solitary memory from his fucking head.

"Dad, listen, we'd really like it if you decided to join us. Emmett did, and Edward's family is in it too, granted his parents were forced to leave our world and now reside in Volterra…but," Bella began, urging him to listen.

And just where in the fucking hell was she getting this _we _shit? Didn't she understand that if he fucking joined, he'd have to accompany us on our routes because Emmett was experienced enough to train him yet?

"I don't want to have hide such a big part of our lives from you. I want you to be included in everything; most importantly…our wedding."

"Bells, let me ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me, okay?" he questioned, and all the while I tried to keep my composure.

What?!

I really did! Here they were, trying their damnedest to be serious and sentimental, and poor Charlie looked like fucking Mr. Pringles with _zero _expression. I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to be able to keep a lid on it.

"How...if Marilyn Manson's fuck buddy here hadn't dusted me, would you have even told me about any of this shit?"

_Marilyn Manson's…_oh no, sorry, Princess, all bets are fucking off the first time this dickwad goes on

"Dad, telling you was already in the works. We never would have gotten married without telling you. As it was, we were coming by here tomorrow so Edward could ask for your permission. And don't talk about him like that. The shit he was wearing isn't his normal uniform. His got ruined and as a prank, that's the shit that Aro dressed him in."

Charlie harrumphed and rose from his seat just as the door opened and we heard the click of heals on upon the tile.

_Aw fuck._

"Chief, meet Aro," I mumbled, just as the devil himself came twirling into Charlie's kitchen, everything on display per the usual.

Charlie stumbled back and reached behind him, grabbing his police issued glock from his waist band, pointing it at Aro. I'm sure he was glaring underneath all the puff, but not knowing which way this was going to go had my stomach in knots and I'm sure if it had me fucking nervous, then Bella was surely shitting bullets.

"So this is the infamous Charlie Swan; the man we have to thank for bringing the beautiful Bella Swan into our lives."

"Listen here, Marco, I don't give a fuck who you are, what your title is, or what your customs are…you're in my goddamn house and when you're in _my _house, you'll keep your pecker put away, you hear me? If that's going to be a problem, I can take care of it right now," Charlie told him in a take-no-bullshit tone, aiming his gun directly at Aro's dick.

I had to stifle my laughter because he, Bella, and Emmett went together like three peas in a fucking pod.

Aro stood stock still for a moment and eyeballed Charlie then me for a second, raising a brow in question almost as if he were asking whether he meant business or not. I nodded and was amazed when Aro folded his forearms out in front of him and literally pulled an I Dream of Genie move out of his ass and bobbed his head, instantly changing his pants to a solid pink leather.

_How the fuck were the Swans able to do this shit?!_

"Can we get down to business now, my dear Charlie?"

"I haven't, nor will I ever, be your _dear_; it's just Charlie, Marco."

"And my name is Aro, you arrogant twit," Aro grated, stamping his foot.

Almost simultaneously, Bella and I both turned and buried our heads into each other's chests; well, she buried her face in my chest, I buried mine in her neck slash shoulder, and we felt apart laughing.

"Glad to see that you two seem to find this so amusing considering that you're to blame for this entire situation," Aro piped in. "Perhaps we should send you to Volterra to join your parents as a honeymoon gift, eh Edward?"

My head flew up and I was damn sure I'd pulled something as I fixed him with a glare. "You even think about trying and I'll sic Bella on you," I threatened.

Suddenly, I found myself on the ground, cupping my hands over my balls which now throbbed in agony as my beautiful girl had just kneed the fuck out of me.

"Don't you sit there and threaten to sic me on him like I'm some kind of guard dog, Tink," she hissed. "Aro isn't that fucking stupid. He already knows what happens to him when he crosses me. Isn't that right, Aro?"

"Bells, just what do you have on Cleopatra over here?" Charlie asked.

"Using your word, Chief, she nearly ripped his pecker off herself. She did you proud, and before you nail me for saying that too, Princess, I didn't say that in a bad way at all."

"My God, people, can we please get on with it and discuss the matter at hand here? Obviously you suffer from the same issue that Bella had. Now, before we decide which course of action to take on this, another decision must be made. Will you be joining our cause, Charlie? I trust that our dear Edward and Bella have informed you of all you should know?"

"I…" Charlie turned to look at Bella and me. "Edward, son, can I talk to you for a second, alone?"

"Uh…yeah, come on," I told him, moving into the living room and toward the back door, Charlie following close behind me. "What is it?"

"If I do this shit…if I join, how often do we see this cracker?"

"Hardly ever. To be honest, I've seen him more these past few days than I have in the past seven years, and the reason for that is because we've had so many recent additions to the realm."

"Bells really wants me in this, doesn't she?"

_Say no! Say no dammit!_

"Yeah, Chief, I think she does. And the region could use another. We're sorta short staffed at the moment."

_You really have turned into a fucking pussy!_

With a heavy sigh, Charlie nodded and urged me back into the kitchen.

"All right," he mumbled, catching both Bella and Aro's attention, "I'm in. Now, what the hell is it that I have to do?"

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"I cannot believe he tricked my Dad into drinking a vial of your Dad's jizz while we dumped dust on him. Do you have any idea how close I came to shooting that bastard's dick off myself?!" Bella screeched as we flew back to her house.

"Princess, why do you think Aro didn't fucking tell us what was in the goddamn vial until after he drank the shit? If I had known, I wouldn't have let him! But hey, at least he doesn't look like the Pringles man anymore!"

"Oh, _Edward_!" she shouted, pounding her fist against my chest as she once again was flying beneath me.

"Bella?" I asked softly, knowing that this was probably going to be my only chance to talk to her about this as when we got up in the morning, the plan was to talk to Emily about us.

"Yeah?" she huffed.

"Can we talk about the important stuff now?"

"What do you mean?"

I brought us to a stop and lowered us to the ground, seeing that we were above La Push Beach.

"Princess, we've got a huge talk ahead of us with Sweet Pea in the morning, and I'm sorry, but I just don't think that you and I are anywhere near prepared for it. You didn't even know until a couple of days ago that it was me who ran Riley out of town. And I…I just think we should talk about things, Bella. I want you to open up to me. Let me in on that aspect of your life. On how it's been for you with just you and her. And I'm not talking about what everyone sees on the outside because I know all about that. I want to know what's been going on in here," I whispered, placing my hand over her heart. "When I stayed with her…when I kept her while you were in Volterra, she asked me to read her a book, Bella."

"Bear at the Beach," she throatily replied, turning and walking a few steps away.

"Where did she get that book?"

"Emmett bought it and gave it to her last Christmas. I'd never heard of it, and I honestly didn't think anything of it the first time she asked me to read it, but…then I did. Edward, you don't have to say anything. Believe me, I know, okay? It ripped my goddamn heart out. Emmett, I love him with all my heart, I do…but he's never kept it hidden that he disagrees with how I've handled things. Half the time I feel like he blames me for Riley having left. Like it's my fault somehow, and in some sick way, I believe him."

_What the mother fuck?!_

"Baby, you can't be serious! How can you possibly believe that it's your fault? That Em blames you?"

"Because it's been drilled in my head enough. Every gift Emmett's ever given her has something to do with her not having a father or needing to find one. Everything he's done since I became pregnant with her has been in attempt to keep me from meeting anyone because he doesn't want me to spread my legs and repeat history. Edward, I'm just his whore sister that couldn't keep her legs shut and he got stuck taking care of them."

"Oh Bella, Princess, baby…no. Why…God I wish you'd have talked to me…that I would have had the fucking balls to do this sooner. I can't believe you've been holding all of this in! Emmett doesn't think that of you, and if ever heard that that was what you believed, it would shatter him. He hates the fact that he didn't see the truth about Riley before all of it happened. He blames himself for not having been able to prevent it. To him, you were the innocent. I promise you, Princess, Emmett loves you," I whispered to her, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist from behind as she sunk down into the sand on her knees.

We sat for a while, my lips placing soothing kisses against her cheek and neck, shoulders and lips, hoping to calm her cries as she eventually relaxed against me, sitting between my legs, enveloped entirely in my arms.

"Edward, tell me, why _did _you feel like you had to run Riley out of town? Why you? Why wasn't it Emmett?"

With a heavy sigh, I rested my chin on her shoulder and closed my eyes. This was the fucking hard part.

"Because. If you remember, I was the one that introduced you to him, Princess. _I _was the one that told you he was a stand-up guy, and that you could trust him. When he hurt you like that, I…it was almost like it was me hurting you. And then I saw what it really did to you. The more I think about it, I think that's why I was so fucking hateful the past few years. When Emmett wouldn't let me try to make things right by dating you, I did the only other thing that made sense. I vowed to make you hate me as much as I did for what I'd done. I'd introduced you to a monster. Promised you that…"

"Hey…hey," she murmured softly, her hands holding either side of my face, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized she'd not only turned around, but that I was also sobbing. "Edward, stop. None of that was your fault. I don't blame you for any of it, and quite frankly, it's ridiculous that you've blamed yourself all these years. You wanna know something that I haven't told you, Emmett or anyone else?" she asked, smiling sweetly, pecking at my lips as she wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Oh fuck, there's no telling. Do I _want _to hear this?"

"Hush it you," she teased, poking my chest. "I had a massive crush on you before you even introduced me to Riley."

"Aw shit, are you serious? You mean, I coulda had you in high school too?" I whined.

"Mmhmm," she giggled, kissing my lips again. "You wanna know something else?"

"What?" I mumbled into her mouth.

"When we're married, I want you to adopt Emily, and I want her to have your name. I want her to be yours."

Her words were no more than a breath against my cheek, but I heard them nonetheless.

I pulled away and looked at her with narrowed eyes. "You're serious?" I questioned.

"I am."

"I love you, so much…you know that, right?"

"I know, and I love you too, Tink," she smiled, just as my wings popped out of my shirt and I tackled her, pushing her back into the sand.

**WOW...a lot covered in this chapter...at least for these two anyway LOL**

**Only two regular chapters and an epilogue left! **

**Of course, that's not including the futuretake that will be in the F4OK compilation ;D**

**The next chapter will post next week!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	65. Chapter 65

**ENJOY!**

_"When we're married, I want you to adopt Emily, and I want her to have your name. I want her to be yours."_

_Her words were no more than a breath against my cheek, but I heard them nonetheless._

_I pulled away and looked at her with narrowed eyes. "You're serious?" I questioned._

_"I am."_

_"I love you, so much…you know that, right?"_

_"I know, and I love you too, Tink," she smiled, just as my wings popped out of my shirt and I tackled her, pushing her back into the sand._

***~TT&ABOFD~***

**BPOV**

I woke the next morning, the impending conversation to be had with my daughter immediately seeping into my thoughts.

It wasn't stress or anything of the like, just…different. It would be unlike any other talk we'd ever had before, and it was the knowledge of exactly what it was I—_we_—would be telling her that caused a smile to stretch across my face, and warmth to spread throughout my chest.

As I stretched my arms over my head, I yawned, realizing that for the first time in a _very _long time, I felt well rested. I glanced to my right, frowning when I found Edward's spot in bed vacant and cold, then reached for my phone on my bedside table.

No fucking wonder! It was ten in the morning! I hadn't slept this late since before Emily had been born! Well, no, that wasn't true. The last time I slept this late was in Volterra, but that didn't really count because Emily wasn't actually _with _me there.

Then, it hit me.

Edward was missing. Emily hadn't woken me.

They were alone together, and I didn't know where they were, or what it was they were doing. Now, some of you are probably saying that I should have learned to have a little more trust in him when it comes to her, especially after the couple of days that he'd kept her, but truth was…bad habits are hard to break. No matter how I loved that wicked, sexy manfairy, he wasn't called a fuck-up for no reason and well…it was my little girl and I just wasn't used to oversleeping when she was home with me.

Call me crazy, but I felt like a bad mother; I was used to it being just Emily and I. I'd never had anyone to really depend on before. Sure, Emmett had been here, but he'd never done anything like letting me sleep in.

Yawning once more, I pulled myself to sit on the side of the bed, Emily's laughter carrying from downstairs.

I couldn't help but smile to myself, realizing that she was at least enjoying herself. I just hoped that whatever I was about to walk in on in the next ten to fifteen minutes didn't leave me ready to rip his appendages from his fucking body, which would be a damn shame considering just how thoroughly—and fucking well, may I add—certain appendages had worked me over last night.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Teeth freshly brushed, and fully woken, I finally made my way down the stairs thirty minutes later. I'd continued to hear Emily's laughter, but hadn't gotten any closer to figuring out what they were up to, until I walked into the kitchen, that is.

I couldn't help but grin as I watched the scene before me.

Edward stood at the sink in a white t-shirt with his pajama pants slung low on his hips, hair in classic disarray, as my daughter stood on a kitchen chair beside him. They were both smiling brilliantly, and just the sight of it touched my heart. Emily was giggling up a storm, dipping her hands into the soapy dish water and covering my beautiful man's face with bubbles.

The way that he turned into an instant softy for her told me all I needed to know about him. It made up for everything cross he'd ever said to me…in my book, anyway.

"I can't believe you did that!" he told her in mock horror, jaw dropped as he wiped at his face. "Do you know what happens to beautiful little girls that cover people in bubbles?"

"They get ice cream?" she asked him adorably.

Oh my God, she really was brutal. She was pulling the pout out on him, but to my amazement, Edward arched a brow at her and put his hand on his hip.

I was so calling him out on that shit later.

"Nope. They get…swirlies!" he shouted, scooping her up and whirling around, about to haul her up the stairs, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me standing in his path.

I was smirking and leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. "Swirley? Really, Edward? You want to give my six year-old _daughter _a swirley?"

"But she got bubbles in my hair," he whined, setting her down and stomping his foot as his shoulders slouched in defeat.

Emily grinned triumphantly and came to stand beside me. "Uncle Edward's in trouble, huh mommy?" she asked, giggling.

"That he is, baby. Edward, I'm sure you and I can both think of worse things than bubbles to have in your hair," I told him, arching a brow as he instantly grimaced. "What is it exactly that you two have been up to this morning?"

"We made you breakfast, mommy!" Emily shrieked, running over to the counter, pointing to a tray that I'd completely missed before. On it sat a plate that had pancakes, eggs, bacon, a muffin and coffee.

I glanced at Edward in question, a smile tugging at my lips as he looked away sheepishly. "We were just about to bring it upstairs, but I wanted to get the dishes done really quick. As you can tell, we kind of ran into some trouble. Sweet Pea started it."

"I did not!" she exclaimed. "He squirted me with the sprayer!"

I turned to the accused, trying not to laugh. "What?" he asked, raising his hands in surrender. "She had pancake batter on her! I was trying to get it off."

"And just why did you have pancake on you, baby?" I asked Emily, squatting down to her level.

"Uncle Edward threw a spoonful at me for calling him a drama queen," she pouted, frowning at Edward.

Oh my God.

"I tell you what, sweetheart, why don't you go upstairs and change clothes, then come back down and eat some breakfast with me, okay?"

"Are you going to spank him?"

I watched as Edward turned around, obviously trying to hide his laughter. "No, Emily, I'm not going to spank him. He _is _in trouble though."

It was with that that she started laughing and ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"You oversensitive, adorable, sexy, considerate man…how the hell am I supposed to handle this?" I asked him, approaching him from behind and wrapping my arms tight around his waist, burying my face deep between his shoulder blades.

"What do you mean, Princess?"

"Well, you let me sleep in, for one, which by the way, I haven't done in years with Emily in the house, and I'm not quite sure how to feel about having done that, but thank you," I rambled, pressing a kiss to the fabric of his shirt. "Then, you make me breakfast with my daughter, but you kind of killed that gift when you acted like a two year-old. Seriously? Food fighting and swirlies? What am I going to do with you?"

"Take me in the pantry and have your way with me?" he asked and looked over his shoulder at me, waggling his eyebrows up and down playfully as I slapped at his arm.

"No one is having their way with anyone until showers have been had. I think I've still got sand in places it doesn't belong, Tink. Have you touched on the subject of…stuff….at all with her this morning?" I asked as he turned in my arms.

"Bella, I wouldn't dare bring any of that up without you. We'll move that conversation at your pace, okay? I'm following your lead here, baby."

"She didn't have any questions as to why you were in my bed again this morning?"

"I told her that you had a nightmare, and that I came in to keep you company, but you fell asleep. She seemed to buy it, but you know Sweet Pea; she's a smart cookie, Princess. She's probably already onto us and just hasn't said anything. Kids are much more observant than we give them credit for."

"When the hell did you become so knowledgeable about children?" I asked, chuckling into his chest.

"Baby, I may be Edward Cullen, asshole extraordinaire, but I'm also a tooth fairy; kind of don't have a choice."

"So, you'd rather be _clueless_?"

"Mommy, he gave you the pout and batted his eyes like a princess, didn't he?" my adorable precious daughter asked, tugging at my shirt as she came up beside us and glared up at me with her hands on her hips.

Neither Edward or myself could keep the laughter in at that point.

"What?"

"You didn't spank him! You're hugging him!" she laughed, pointing her finger at him and then me. "Mommy?" Emily asked, her voice dropping an octave.

"Yes, baby?"

"You and Uncle Edward are acting weird."

I glanced up at Edward as he winked at me. I'll be damned. The blasted fairy was fucking right.

Taking my daughter's tiny hands into my own, I squatted down to her level once again. "My smart, beautiful little girl…yes, Uncle Edward and I _have _been acting a little weird, and we want to talk to you about something important, okay?"

"About what, Mommy?" she asked. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, baby. You aren't in trouble. I tell you what; let me eat this wonderful breakfast you made for me, and when I'm finished, we'll all go sit down and talk about it, okay?"

"Okay, but you still need to punish him," she huffed.

"How about this," I started, watching as Edward side eyed me from where he leaned against the kitchen island. "While Mommy eats, why don't you take Uncle Edward upstairs and give him a makeover? He was just telling me that he needed the perfect shade of pink on his nails to match his dress to the costume ball this weekend."

"Is the ball for your work again, Mommy?" she giggled.

"Yep," I told her, grinning as Edward glared and shook his head, although the grin on his lips told me he really wasn't angry.

"Your work likes to have dress-up parties a lot, huh?"

"We sure do, baby, and make sure you help him get his make-up and hair just right too, okay? I need it just right so we can take pictures to send to his stylist."

With my daughter's excited giggles filling the kitchen, she danced across to grab Edward's hand and pulled him out and up the stairs with him.

It wasn't long after he disappeared with her that my phone dinged in my pocket.

**Why are you doing this to me, Princess? Do you have some weird fantasy of being with a transvestite that I should know about?—DQ**

**I have to ask, Tink…are you referring to yourself as 'Drama Queen' or 'Dairy Queen'? And no, no fantasies. And I'm serious about the pictures.—Your Princess**

**MINE? *groans* And just who do you plan on sending these so called 'pictures' to? It's 'Drama Queen', smart ass. I don't even want to think about what 'Dairy Queen' would have translated into. Gotta go…gettin' my nails did.—Tink**

**In all seriousness, I know she loves the time she spends with you, and you her, so I'm just making it happen. Love you & thank you for giving my baby girl someone to count on—Your Princess**

It was nearly ten minutes later that I finally got a response, and I couldn't help stop myself from bursting into laughter when reading it because he'd obviously waited 'til his nails had dried.

**Stop it…you're making my fucking mascara run—Tink **

However, after I finished the amazing breakfast they'd made for me, I decided to give them time to finish the makeover instead of going up there and interrupting. After all, it gave me some time to clean up the living room a bit—Edward had already cleaned the mess he'd made in the kitchen.

So, imagine my surprise when thirty minutes later, he came flying down the stairs, eyes wide with fear. Had it not been for his panic stricken expression, I'd have surely fallen over from the hilarity of his appearance. The last time she'd done a makeover on him had nothing on this, and that's all there was to it.

"Don't freak out," he told me, placing his hands on my arms, holding me out in front of him as he stared at me.

"Okay, you telling me not to freak out only freaks me the fuck out that much more," I told him, narrowing my eyes.

"There was a bit of an incident…"

"Where's Emily?"

"Princess," he pleaded, his face twisting into a grimace.

Not willing to take any more of his beating around the bush, I gently pulled him to me by the shirt. "The sooner you spit it out, the better this will turn out for you in the end, baby. Just tell me."

"Well, there's good news, and there's bad news. The good news is that she doesn't take after you and Charlie. The bad news? She was doing my hair, raked the comb against my wings, they exploded and I dusted her, Bella. She's out."

As soon as the last words left his lips, his hands went up to block his face in the case I tried to hit him, and he cowered away.

I took in several deep breaths, trying to calm myself. While I definitely wanted to knock him the fuck upside the head, now that I was a fairy myself and knew of the sensitivity of our wings, I understood. I couldn't blame him, and I knew that he'd only done what he had to do in his circumstance.

When I was sure I wasn't going to attack him, I reached out to him and pushed his arms away from his face. "Where is she now? Did she hit her head? Is she okay?" I asked, trying not to cry.

Edward's eyes darted back and forth rapidly between my own before it finally seemed to dawn on him that I wasn't mad at him, but that I was worried about her instead. But then, then he did the unexpected; his jaw dropped, he shook his head and began laughing.

"I cannot believe you actually fell for that shit; you seriously think I'd _dust _Sweet Pea? That I'd fucking _pop one _in front of her?!" he exclaimed.

_Oh that little asshole! _

I can't believe I actually believed him.

I sucked in my bottom lip, balled up my fist and slammed it as hard as I could into his right shoulder. "You dick! What the hell did you go and do that for?!"

"_OW!_" he wailed. "I was just playing with you, Princess. Damn, I didn't think you'd actually believe me! You know how full of shit I can be, and come on, you know as well as I do that it takes longer than a few minutes for my wings to go back down. Shouldn't that have at least let you on to the fact that you were being played?"

"Well, where is she then?" I whined, taking a step towards my own personal mental patient slash temporary cross-dresser, and sunk into his chest, inhaling his scent, which just so happened to be a mixture between cotton candy and the beach.

Odd I know, but there really was no other way to explain it.

"She's putting away her make-up and picking up what mess was scattered around her room. She'll be down in a minute. So, how was breakfast?" he asked, hugging me against him.

"Delicious," I hummed, "thank you. How's the lip gloss today?"

"Still fruity, and still tastes like ass. How about you kiss me and get this shit off?"

"No can do, Tink, at least not until I get a picture of you with us girls," I answered him, rising up onto my toes to press a kiss to his blush covered cheek.

"_Bellaaaa_," he groaned, "why do you have to take a picture?"

"Because. These are memories, and honestly, Emily doesn't have many," I answered quietly, pulling away and moving to the foot of the stairs. "Em, baby, come on back down the stairs."

Not a second later, I felt the heat of Edward's hand cover my shoulder. "Sorry, Princess. I wasn't really thinking. Didn't mean to bitch."

"It's fine, Edward. It's not your fault. I just get emotional sometimes. This is something you should know by now," I told him, chuckling lightly as Emily came bounding down the stairs, dressed in her one of her Disney Princess dresses—Cinderella's to be exact.

What I wasn't prepared for was that when Emily reached the end of the staircase, she completely bypassed me and launched herself into Edward's arms. He caught her easily and hoisted her up onto his back as if it were nothing new.

Emily's arms hugged him tight around his neck as he held onto her legs behind him. Not able to pass up the moment, I pulled my phone out and snapped a picture, capturing the moment just right as Emily pressed a kissed to his cheek at the exact moment the camera flashed.

As I went to put it away, Edward caught my hand. "Nah uh, you said you wanted one of me with _you _girls. You were included in that, Princess. Come here. I need one for my phone."

"You're serious? You want a picture of the three of us for your phone? A picture in which you're wearing makeup with your hair done up like Shirley Temple?"

He arched a brow and pulled me against him, pressing a brief kiss to my lips, shocking the shit out of me and earning a gasp from Emily as it was our first one in front of her.

_Way to break the fucking news, Edward_!

After snapping a quick picture, I decided that they had just become my two new favorite pictures, and I quickly fired them off, sending them to both his phone and Charlie's.

"Mommy, is Uncle Edward your boyfriend?" Emily asked from atop Edward's back.

He froze and looked at me, his eyes wide with realization as I tapped my foot against the floor and stared at him pointedly for a minute.

"Sweet Pea, why don't you come down from there? I think it's time that your mom and I talked to you, okay?" Edward told her softly, gently pulling her down.

"Okay, but that's not fair! If she gets a kiss, I want one too, Uncle Edward," Emily told him indignantly.

"Emily Ann! You watch the tone you use when you talk to your Uncle Edward! He's been very nice to you today, and you owe him an apology for speaking with an attitude."

"Bella, it's okay, I was rude," Edward interrupted, and had it not been a sweet moment, I'd have slapped him for undermining me. He then bent down and gently pecked her lips like any father would do a daughter. It was the first time I'd ever seen him kiss her like that and I had to admit, it did something to me. I'd seen many guys around Emily, but it had never been like this. Seeing her with Edward had always struck something in me, and now? Now I knew why; this was how it was meant to be.

Eventually, we made our way into the living room, and settled into the couch. Edward sat next to me, and Emily took her new favorite spot to be; up on Edward's lap, snuggled in his arms, which just so happened to be my favorite place.

"Emily, honey, what would you say if Mommy were to get married?" I asked her softly, unsure of how else to really put it. I'd never before been in this situation, and I couldn't exactly have the girlfriend boyfriend talk with her because Edward and I…well, there was no time for that.

"Married? You're going to marry Uncle Edward?" she asked quietly, looking up at me and then at him, playing with his fingers as he held her in his lap.

"I would like to very much, yes, but I want to know how you would feel about that, sweetheart."

"Would we have to move?" she questioned adorably, her face twisting up comically.

"Yes, honey, but it would still be here in Forks. You'll still get to go to school and see your friends."

"What about Papa Charlie and Uncle Em?"

"Oh, Emily, of course you'll still see them. Are you okay with the idea of it, sweetheart?"

Her little brow furrowed for a moment as she looked down and when her chin tilted back up, Edward and I were both unprepared for the quivering lips were met with.

"Uncle Edward, if you and Mommy get married…you'll be my Daddy?"

We knew what she was asking. I couldn't speak as sob caught in my throat, my hand flying up lay flat against my neck. My vision blurred as my heart broke for my little girl. I couldn't even begin to imagine how confusing this all was for her in her tiny little mind, but then again, I could because I'd lived the past six years with her.

"Yeah, Sweet Pea, I'll be your Daddy. But you want to know a little secret?" he whispered into her ear, loud enough for me to hear. "I've always loved you, my sweet little angel, and even though your Mom and me aren't married yet, you can call me Daddy anytime you want, okay? You're my little girl, Sweet Pea, you understand?"

A small sob ripped through my baby's chest as she rose up onto her knees and threw her arms around Edward's neck, hugging him with all her strength.

I had given up all hope at restraining my emotion. Tears streamed down my face as they now did Edward's as well. His arms held her to him tightly, rubbing her back as she clung to him.

Minutes later—though it really seemed like hours—she let go of him and crawled into my lap, hugging me tight as well.

"Mommy, I have a Daddy," she smiled brightly, still teary eyed as she glanced over at Edward really quick and then back at me.

"I know, baby, and you know…he's always been with you, but we're going to be a family now. Would you like that? Is that okay?"

"When are you going to marry him? Tonight?"

"No, honey. Not tonight. It will be the day after tomorrow. We have a lot of plans to make, but we wanted to check and ask you first. We love you, Emily," I cried, pulling her into my arms.

"I love you too, Mommy. Love you, Uncl…Daddy," she corrected loudly, squealing when Edward closed the distance and joined us in a family hug, wrapping us both in his arms.

With tears in our eyes, I craned my neck over Emily's head and pressed my lips firmly to his, trying to convey just how deeply I loved him. How much harder I'd fallen for him in the past ten minutes…

He smiled wistfully at me as he pulled away and I grimaced, licking at my lips.

"What was that face for?" he laughed.

"You're right; that lip gloss _does _taste like ass."

"Mommy said a bad word. You gotta put a dollar in the word jar."

"Oh my God, you guys started one of those?" Edward asked me in horror as I nodded, knowing he was fucked. "I might as well put in a hundred dollar bill to cover me for the week then," he mumbled, pressing his lips into Emily's hair.

And as she burrowed further into our small family cocoon, I realized that I no longer had to worry about her missing something in her life. She'd never go without. Because of the wonderful man beside me, she was going to have it all.

**So, it was another really long chapter (for this fic, anyway)**

**One more reg chapter & an epi left now :( **

**It is going to be REALLY hard saying goodbye to Fairyward, BUT I think I may have a sequel in the works...**

**I'm plotting and outlining, so we'll see!**

**Leave some love!**

**T**


	66. Chapter 66

**I'm baacckk! Hey ladies! I know, it's been a while, right?**

**With the Fandom4Oklahoma fundraiser now over-it was a huge success too, so thank you to all that contributed-I'm now getting back into my regular updating. **

**I'll leave you to it and see you all at the bottom...**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Tell me again why we're being subjected to this shit again?" Emmett grumbled beside me as Charlie stood in front of me, straightening the tie on my tux.

"Look, you don't like it? Fine. Bella's right down the hall. Take it up with her," I told him.

I so wasn't putting up with this shit. Not today.

No.

I was getting fucking married … holy shit … I can't breathe.

Suddenly, my neck was on fire and my fingers were rapidly tugging at the crisp, white collar of my shirt.

"Jesus, Edward, how many more times am I going to have to do this shit before you quit fucking with it?" Charlie bitched at me as he ripped the tie off and gave me a bottle of water.

"What the hell am I doing, Charlie?! Bella and I haven't even been together for two months, and I'm about to _marry _her?!" I ranted, pulling at the ends of my hair. "How the hell are you okay with any of this? Either of you?" I shouted, gesturing at him and Emmett both. "How have you not ripped my balls and cock from my body and shoved them down my fucking throat yet?"

"Ed, chill out…even in my most skeptical moments, you've never doubted any of this between you and Bells. Don't you start now," Emmett laughed.

"Sure you didn't strap your pecker to your leg too tight?"

_What the fuck?_

I looked at Charlie in horror. "Don't ever talk to me about my dick again."

But the truth was, he wasn't making a joke; I had seriously taken a fucking roll of duct tape, used half of the motherfucker, and taped my cock to my inner thigh.

Why?

Because of a beautiful, six year-old little girl that, after today, would become my daughter. Sweet Pea would be here today—we wouldn't have it any other way. Everyone's wings would be exposed; there was no fucking way around that, but I'd already set a rule in motion with Aro for the wedding, and it stated everyone in Volterra was to strap their cocks down and leave them concealed for the duration of the ceremony and reception due to the presence of a small human child.

And before you ask how we managed to get Emily into Volterra without blowing our cover to her, we dusted her while she was sleeping to ensure she wouldn't wake, and then beamed ourselves the fuck out of Forks.

I don't really think I need to explain why strapping my cock down was a necessity. Every damn time Bella came near my wings … well, you know the drill: Rub, tickle, scratch, pull … and _BAM! _My cock fucking explodes everywhere. Exactly how it goes every damn time, and I wasn't about to let it happen like that in front of our little girl on our wedding day.

As for Emily, hell, she was over the moon about the wings. Bella and I had managed to somehow make her believe that we were turning our wedding into a fairy wedding just for her. It worked to our advantage.

We were able to keep our wings out, she thought we were playing dress up, everybody was fucking happy.

"Daddy!" Emily's voice squealed—I'd never get used to hearing her say that—as she came bounding into the groom's quarters. With Charlie having just finished readjusting my tie for the umpteenth fucking time, I squatted down just a little and easily caught her as she launched herself at me.

"Hey, Sweet Pea! What are you doing in here? Mom know where you're at?" I asked her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Yep!" she giggled. "She told me to give this to you and come right back. I don't want to," she pouted, hugging my neck.

Aw shit, she couldn't do this to me. Not now. I looked over at Emmett for help but he was scratching at his neck and looking everywhere _but _at me. So, I shifted my attention to Charlie who had his arms crossed at the chest, a smug grin on his face as he watched in amusement.

Fuckers.

They were so going to get it on the first night Bella and I took over.

"What did she tell you to give me, sweetie?" I asked her.

She handed me a folded up letter, and as I took it, I gently set Emily back down. It was probably best that I not be holding her. Bella loved getting me riled up and I highly doubted that today would be any fucking different.

"Papa Carlisle is weird, Daddy. He's not going to visit a lot, is he?" Emily questioned as I started to open it.

_Oh Jesus! Fuck! What had he done?_

"Em?" I boomed, not even fucking around. "Go check on Bella. Now. According to Sweet Pea, my old man is in there."

I'd have gone in there myself, but … yeah, fucking traditions.

_Tink,_

_I'm sure by now, Emily has told you that your bastard old man barged into my bridal room. I've called in Aro and the guards, hence the reason our daughter is now with you. I didn't think that watching two men shove a fucking remote control bullet up his ass was something for her to watch. _

_Anyway, I suppose in most cases, these are most commonly love letters, but I'm sure that at this point, there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. I love you, Edward Cullen. So much, and I can't wait to get the hell out of here and show you just how fucking much. _

_Xoxo_

_Your Princess_

_P.s. Make sure you strap that cock down nice and tight ;)_

Oh, she was one evil, twisted, sexy as fuck little hellcat. And she was all fucking mine … soon-to-be legally.

I couldn't believe that she had actually called in Aro's crew, and to know that she was actually having to bear witness to his punishment? Fuck! All I could say to that was thank God it was her and not me for fucking once.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I always hear women talk as if the bride walking down the aisle is the most nerve-wracking part of a wedding. Why does no one ever talk about the pure fucking anxiety and hell the groom experiences up there at the damn altar, waiting on her ass to get up there, huh? Where's the consideration for him?

Because I'll tell you something, my fucking palms were sweating like a motherfucker, the collar of my shirt was unbelievably tight, and I could swear that my damn wings were fucking vibrating in anxiety.

Hundreds of eyes were fucking staring at me. Some smiling, some judging, and a hell of lot were sizing me up as they were on fairy council in Volterra. Thank fuck Bella and I had thought to make the rules in regard to their clothing to protect Sweet Pea. It was going to make today so much easier on the damn eyes.

What I wanted to do more than anything right now was give every one of these fuckers the damn finger, but knew that would do nothing but piss Bella off were she to find out—and she would. Of that I had no doubt because no matter how nervous I was at the moment, today was her day. If there was ever a time for me to watch myself and make damn sure I _didn't _fuck up, it was this day. I owed her and Sweet Pea—hell, I owed myself—that much.

"Ed, man, you might wanna smile, dude. You look like you're awaiting a lethal injection or something," Emmett muttered beside me.

"They're fucking spooking me! They won't quit staring!" I whispered loudly as Emmett started cackling beside me.

"You're the groom. Why don't you fucking wave and smile? You're supposed to be happy, man."

"I am! I just don't like being the center of attention! You know that! I feel like I've got something growing out of my fucking forehead!"

Emmett continued to laugh as I forced a fucking smile on my face.

"Time to get this party started. I'll be back my man," Emmett told me as he raced off down the aisle and behind the trees off to the side.

My dick was itching like a motherfucker thanks to the duct tape, and there was shit I could do to stop it, without drawing attention to myself that is. Yeah, try fucking standing in one spot, nerves shot to hell with _that _fucking problem added to it. Not the easiest thing to do. I was really testing the limits of my restraint here.

I let my eyes sweep over the crowd. I recognized several of Volterra's council, all dressed in more clothing than I'd _ever _seen them in. Caius, Jane, and Demetri were found standing beside the Barbie; fuck, she was pissed. I also noticed one of the fairies that I was bringing into the region—the fairy that I was fixing up with Emmett … Bree Tanner. She was originally based out of Seattle, but I'd called her up and she'd been more than happy to move out to Forks and help us out. Not only that, she was single, she was sweet, and she was exactly what Emmett needed.

He just didn't fucking know it yet.

When my eyes settled on my old man, he was standing beside Felix, Marcus, and the hag. I knew once the actual ceremony was over and everyone moved into the courtyard of Volterra for our reception, my vengeful parents would waste no fucking time in hunting down me and Bella. I could only hope that Aro and his crew kept them on a short fucking leash.

As the first notes of the wedding march began to faintly play in the background my eyes focused in on the willow trees whipping in the breeze at the end of the aisle. Everyone turned to look, waiting patiently for the first glimpse of Bella, none more impatient than me.

There were only five in our procession: Sweet Pea, Emmett and Alice—Bella had picked her for maid of honor because she simply didn't trust anyone else—and then of course, Charlie and Bella. I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it to Bella's appearance.

Fuck, as it was, I felt like I was going to fucking pass out at any given second just from the anxiety, adrenaline, and the suffocating heat from being inside this damn tux outside in the heat of the day. Granted, we were covered by the giant willow trees, but that didn't fucking help my case.

A light purple carpet, cloth—whatever the hell you want to call it—was laid out, extending past the altar and creating a makeshift aisle in the soft green grass between the rows of guests. Sweet Pea was slowly making her way up the aisle, looking as beautiful as ever. I wasn't sure if it was Alice, Bella, or fucking Aro who was responsible for having picked out her dress—all pink and glitter, complete with extravagant wings—but it was pure perfection on her little body.

She smiled brilliantly and giggled as she tossed the various colors of rose petals from the wicker basket Aro had provided her with. I could almost feel the nervousness begin to fade away as I watched her; I'd never before seen her so fucking happy. I wasn't sure whether to attribute the change to just being here in Volterra surrounded by the fairies, or if it had something to do with me and Bella actually marrying … with me becoming her real Daddy.

Aw fuck! Dammit! I'm supposed to save the fucking tears for when I'm looking into Bella's eyes! Not when I see the flower girl coming down the aisle!

As she got to the makeshift altar, I squatted down onto my haunches, taking her into my arms for a tight hug, hoping she could qualm my nervousness. She giggled and pulled away. With a quick peck on the lips—like she usually did now—Sweet Pea stood beside me. Her tiny hand was wrapped in mine as I rose back to my feet.

I then turned my attention back to the aisle where Emmett and Alice were currently making their way towards us. I had to admit, the pale green shade of Alice's dress looked absolutely beautiful on her. My sister was an absolute vision and I just knew that after tonight, Aro was going to be begging her to join the council here in Volterra. She'd be an excellent addition to the female population.

_Why the fuck am I thinking about their population?!_

Emmett, as usual, had a goofy grin on his face the entire stretch. I couldn't help but glance over at the Barbie to see her reaction to him as he passed her, and it was just as I'd hoped. She actually looked remorseful, and rightfully so. She'd completely fucked a good man over, and for what? Because she actually thought she'd have a chance with me? Shit.

I looked over my shoulder, watching Aro take in the scene and knew he'd just witnessed the same scene I had. He leaned forward, crooking his finger at me so I took a step back.

"No worries, dear Edward. Much as Carlisle was punished earlier, I'll make sure the same torture is bestowed upon Rosalie once the ceremony is complete," he told me quietly with a wink.

I couldn't help but smile in response, and let me just say seeing him dressed in an actual tux rather than the dominatrix shit was fucking mind blowing; despite the fact that it was fucking hot pink, glittery, and his hair was crimped. Who the fuck did that shit anymore? Wasn't that reserved for the damned eighties?

As Emmett stepped onto the altar beside me, he slugged my arm, asking me if I was ready, effectively bringing my damn nerves back.

And with a vengeance, might I add.

I took Alice by the hand and pressed a kiss to her cheek before sending her toward the bride's side, Sweet Pea with her.

Then it was time.

My fucking stomach was at my throat, my heart was ready to burst from my chest, and my mouth drier than it had ever been.

Charlie was the first to step into my line of sight, his gold colored wings extended behind him. In the case I haven't explained that shit yet, we had cut slits into the jackets of our tuxes, making it so that our wings just slid right the fuck in. Aro's fashion team had done them in a way that looked pretty fucking cool if I did say so myself.

_Oh sweet mother of fuck …_

I was going to need more tape.

As Bella came into view, all breath fucking left my body. If it weren't for Emmett standing beside me and holding onto my arm, I'm sure my knees would have buckled.

I'd seen her sexy.

I'd seen her beautiful.

I'd even seen her fuckhot.

But this? This was all of those things rolled into one.

With fuck me heels beneath her perfectly pedicured toes, her legs seemed to go on for miles, leading up to the edge of her _very _short—probably _the_ shortest—fucking wedding dress I'd ever seen. It fluffed out around her hips, then came in tight at her waist with a long flowing, layered train in the back. I'd never fucking seen anything like it, and if I had my way, she wouldn't be in the fucker for very long.

Her hair, which I'd grown accustomed to seeing down and flowing in sexy waves down her back was pulled to the side to flow over her shoulder as her eyes fixed me with a lustful stare, her wings slowly flapping behind her.

Bella was turned on, and if she felt even a _smidge_ of what I did right now … tonight was going to be one for the damn record books.

The idea of the vision walking toward me now becoming my wife was hard to conceive. What the fuck had I ever done to be this fucking lucky?

"I don't know, Ed. I've been asking myself that question since you two got together, but you better be good to her," Emmett growled into my ear. He released my arm as Charlie stepped up to the alter, placing Bella's hand in mine.

Would you fucking believe me if I told you I could feel the tape beginning to give way under the strain of my cock?

Yeah, well …

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Think we can sneak away for a minute before they bring out the cake?" my newly announced _wife _murmured. Pressing herself against me as we danced together on the dance floor, her arms wound around my neck as her fingers played with the ends of my hair.

"Hmm, Princess, I'm going to need a lot longer than just a minute," I whispered back against her lips, softly kissing her for the hundredth time. "Besides, I plan on taking this fucking tape off only once tonight."

"Ugh," she groaned, burying her face in my neck and biting at the flesh of my neck. Her body moved further into mine as one of her arms drifted down, her hand snaking between our bodies. "Dammit, baby, I want to feel you. Why did you have to make this fucking tape rule?" she whined.

I had to smile, but I also wasn't stupid; I knew where that hand was headed and if it reached its destination, no matter how much I'd used, my dick would break through the fucking restraint. I hurriedly stepped back and caught her hand, pulling it up and pressing my lips to her knuckles.

"You know why, and you're not helping," I laughed. "It's hard enough as it is."

"Which is only more reason to get away for a minute," Bella purred.

Her eyes were shining as she chuckled along with me. With the gentle breeze blowing, our guests surrounding us, and the faint music playing, I couldn't remember a time I'd ever been happier. The light from the lanterns, hanging from various limbs of the trees, caused the ring on her left hand to sparkle, only solidifying and serving as a constant reminder of why we were all gathered here tonight.

I don't know what the fuck it was about that moment, but I felt a burning behind my eyes, signaling the threat of fucking tears. Her hand moved to rub against my jaw, lightly scratching at the stubble there.

"Edward?" she questioned on a whisper, her brow furrowing.

I sighed with a shake of my head and took her other hand, holding it up between us as I kissed her ring. "Do you like it?" I asked, my voice cracking.

At the last fucking minute, I'd found some time away from Bella and Sweet Pea to go into Seattle and find her a ring. I may not have been able to give her the wedding of her dreams—hell, none of this had been normal—but I was damned if I wasn't going to at least splurge on this. I couldn't have some plain jane wedding band on Bella's finger; she deserved better.

And apparently, Bella'd had the same idea because when it came time for her to slide the band onto my finger, she'd plucked a platinum, diamond studded band from Alice's palm; one I knew damn good and well hadn't been supplied by Aro or my parents.

Her eyes fluttered closed for a brief second as she grinned and cupped my face between her hands, pulling me in for a kiss, her tongue sweeping across my bottom lip before dipping inside for a quick taste.

"I _love _it, though I have no idea where you found the time to do something like this. You know I didn't …"

"Princess, if you value my sanity, you won't finish that sentence," I growled, clutching her to me, "because I'll just argue with you over mine, which I fucking love, too, by the way. You stand here blabbing about me finding time. How the hell did _you _find the time, is what I want to know?"

"I brought Emily with me. She helped pick it out. It's a symbol of how much we _both _love you, baby," she told me softly.

Oh hell, if I wasn't on the verge of crying before, I sure as fuck was now.

Everything, everything today had been fucking reversed.

I was just waiting for the tossing of the bridal bouquet and the removal of the garter because I wouldn't be surprised if it was me that tossed the goddamn flowers, or if Bella fished up the pants of my leg to pull the fucking garter off.

Before I could crush my mouth to hers and say fuck it to keeping our level of PDA decent, I felt a tug on my tux jacket.

Both Bella and I glanced down to see Sweet Pea staring up at us with attitude written all over her, hands on her hips and foot tapping impatiently.

"What's wrong, Sweet Pea?" I asked her, letting go of Bella and squatting down.

"Mom's moponalizing you, Daddy, and I want a turn!" she whined, stomping her foot.

_What the fuck did she just say?_

I glanced behind me at my wife whose hand was clamped over her mouth as her shoulders shook with laughter. I arched a brow in confusion, begging for some help.

"Monopolizing, baby? You think Mommy's been monopolizing Daddy on the dance floor?"

"Yes! It's not fair!"

When it clicked, I couldn't help it. I swooped her up into my arms, laughing boisterously. Bella hurriedly leaned in, catching my cheek with a kiss before moving off the floor and out of sight.

My little girl wanted a dance with her Daddy and that's what I was going to give her.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Dude, if you don't get Bells out of here and soon, she's going to combust," Emmett warned, coming up on my right once I'd set Sweet Pea down.

I'd danced to a handful of upbeat songs with her, but it was when I caught sight of the fucking Barbie making her way onto to the floor and toward me that I got the hell out of Dodge. Sweet Pea didn't seem to mind too much either as she'd taken off in the direction of Alice; seems she'd adopted a new favorite aunt.

Running a hand through my hair and scanning the crowd for my wife, I huffed. "What makes you say that?"

"Have you not _seen _the way she's been eye fucking you all night?" he screeched.

"What the fuck? Em, you realize that you're talking about Bella, right? Your _sister_. The one that you fucking can't stand the idea of me being with."

"Ed … shit," he hissed, slapping his hand on the back of his neck in aggravation. "All right, I know that I've been less than accepting of all this shit from the get go; I haven't made it easy. But I can see, especially tonight, how wrong I've been. Dude, I've never seen her this fucking happy, and it's because of you. And getting back to what I was saying before, when you were dancing with Emily out there, which by the way was the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen, Dad had to enlist Alice's help."

"Enlist Alice's help? What for? Bella wouldn't have done anything to Emily! Have y'all lost your damn minds?!"

"No, but she was balling her fists up so tight that she drew fucking blood. We didn't know what was wrong until Aro came over. Dude, I never thought we'd see the day that fucker's nose shriveled and his lip curled in disgust, but it fucking happened tonight. He was appalled at how … fuck it. All I'm going to say is that you need to fucking find your wife and calm her the hell down. Shit, at this point, I'd even tell you to remove the fucking tape and relieve her because I don't think she's going to make it past the cake."

"The cake? Why would the cake have any bearing on her control?" I questioned, completely oblivious.

"Trust me. Oh, did you know the fucking Cake Boss is a goddamn _fairy_?!"

"For the love of God, Em, I've been a fairy a hell of a longer than you have. Of _course _I fucking knew that! Now, where is my wife?"

"Last I saw her, she was chugging a bottle of pink champagne," he said, a deep laugh bursting from his chest. "Quick warning, your damn mom has been up her ass since she wandered over there."

_Shit!_

With my brows raised into my hairline, and my cock at the ready, I hauled ass through the crowd, nodding my head and smiling at those that acknowledged me passing. I had to say, it was fucking hard to believe that Bella was as fucking turned on as Emmett was making her out to be, because if she was, then she was more wound up than I'd ever seen her.

The comment he'd made about Aro _alone_ spoke volumes. I'd never seen, let alone heard, of anyone _too _aroused for his liking. To know that it had turned his stomach cracked me the fuck up. At the same time, I had a sneaking suspicion that his reaction was partially due to the fact she was _my _wife; that when that itch of her was finally scratched, it would be done by _me_. The only place my cock would ever call home was _her_ _pussy_ and I knew that one fact disgusted him more than anything else.

What I didn't understand was how tonight differed so greatly from any other night that Bella and I had been together. We'd always been attracted to each other; always had a problem controlling ourselves around one another; and sure as fuck were always horny, but what was it that had caused her to go so fucking overboard tonight?

Well … as I got to the table holding the champagne and other choices of alcohol, Bella was nowhere to be found. I did, however, find myself surrounded by several of the fairy council.

This was so not fucking good.

**BPOV**

I could see him, pushing his way through the crowd of fairies, his head of wild, bronze-colored hair a dead giveaway. I wasn't sure whether it was something in the air, if Aro had somehow managed to drug me, or what the fuck it was, but I wanted Edward … no, I fucking _craved _him unlike anything I'd ever hungered for before. It was a raw need inside of me, and I could literally feel it trying to claw its way out.

The first moment the desire hit me was when I laid eyes on him at the end of the aisle.

Now, my husband has always been sexy as hell, but today? Tonight? There just weren't enough words to describe him.

From his glorious hair that I fucking loved and was yearning to bury my fingers in, to his perfectly sculpted, angular jaw which was dusted with just one day's growth of stubble. From his beautiful, dark and long lashes over deep green eyes that I often found myself lost in to the full, yet soft lips I could spend forever kissing and loved to see spread into his brilliant smile.

And that was just the face.

Most already would consider me certifiable to consider Edward Cullen fuckhot in his fairy get-up, but to each their own. However, seeing my husband in a fucking _black tux_, standing at the altar only hours earlier, looking as gorgeous as he is with his wings extended magnificently behind him … fuck, it had sent a steady stream of arousal coursing through my veins.

A stream that hadn't waned, but instead, only intensified.

When Aro had finally pronounced us man and wife, or actually in his exact words 'Edward and Isabella Cullen; King and Queen of the Northwest Region; Washington Division'—it was quite possibly the longest fucking title I'd ever been given—Edward had kissed me with more passion and zeal than I had ever felt from him.

Again, the stream? Yeah, it was a raging river after that.

Which brings us to the dance floor where I actually made a fucking move, hoping he'd take me up on it and swoop me up into his arms. Dammit, dancing with that man, holding him that close to me, his wings taunting me as they extended behind him, and having the delicious scent of whatever cologne he wore permeate my sense was putting me in overload. I was helpless to stop it. I could feel the need for him crawling beneath my skin, and it was all I could do not to fucking sink my teeth into him on the fucking floor in front of God and everybody.

Never.

I never thought _Tink _would cockblock _me_, but he did, and when my baby girl came up and begged for a dance with her Daddy, I couldn't say no.

Though I _was_ surprised that I'd managed to make it off the fucking floor without eating it considering how unstable my legs were.

It was stopping and watching the two loves of my life from the sidelines that did me in. Seeing my man, my new husband, and formerly known as Fork's hottest bachelor, Edward Cullen twirling around the dance floor with my sweet little girl, smiling, laughing, and holding her close, as though it had always been the two of them together … it was damn near strong enough to fucking knock me up on the spot.

I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me.

It had never been that strong before.

_EVER._

I could feel a warm sensation in the palms of my hands, and it wasn't until Alice approached me, squealing, that I snapped out of it and realized exactly why she was freaking out.

So, anyway, long story short, after some talking and a few distractions, I managed to find a hideout under the canopy of the huge willow trees out behind the wedding reception. The lanterns mainly hung from the limbs of the trees toward the front, so the ones in the back out here were pretty much cloaked in darkness once you made it far enough in.

No one was out here, and no one had really paid any attention to me either. Matter of fact, it had been Aro's suggestion that I find somewhere to hide until Edward managed to free himself up. Apparently, I was too wound up for even a bastard as sick as him to handle.

Which was pretty damn bad.

Let's face it: I had fucking Niagara Falls between my goddamn legs right now. Not much could beat that.

Bringing me back to where I was, I watched him as he obviously scanned the area for me. His forehead crinkled in worry as he searched aimlessly, obviously concerned at having not found me.

The ache between my legs was already too much to bear, and my nipples had already hardened to the point of pain, yet the only thing I could do was wait; sit here and hope that eventually he'd make his way over here and find me.

I had to stifle a giggle as I observed him taking in his surroundings, and the large amount of Volterrian manfairies that were circling him like vultures.

Fuck he was magnificent …

And all fucking mine.

Then?

Then it was as though some deity above had heard my inner pleas and decided to have pity on me because sure enough, my gorgeous man began to awkwardly shuffle his way towards the trees, not knowing that I lurked here in the shadows.

No fucking way was I letting him cockblock me now; if he could fuck me at a damn regional fairy meeting, he could damn well do it at our wedding reception too.

With his first step backward into the darkness, I lunged forward, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and the other around his waist, just under his wings, jerking him back with me.

His tall, hard body tensed for a brief moment, but then I felt him go lax.

Oh fuck, having him this close, I could have come right there on the spot with little to no effort at all if I tried hard enough. Exhaling raggedly, I gripped him and pressed my face firmly between his wings, inhaling his potent cotton candy scent and feeling my clit scream at me in desperation. Edward's sharp intake of breath didn't go unnoticed either.

A growl sounded out low in my throat as my tongue snaked out and licked a slow trail along the base of one wing at the seam of his jacket. Either I'd underestimated how turned on he actually was, or I'd just discovered a serious trigger; whatever the cause, it fucking worked. Edward hissed and whipped around so fast that he actually knocked me off balance. Had it not have been for his arms coming around me, I'd have fucking ate the damn ground.

He didn't pause to rub noses with me as he usually did, he didn't even lock eyes with me.

Fuck no.

The minute he turned, his lips crashed into mine as his body surged forward, careening us backward with wild abandon until I felt the bark of a tree at my back. His tongue thrust hotly into my mouth, swallowing my wanton moans.

No way was I letting him take control. I'd wind up cockblocked again. I knew I would; he was way too fucking controlled earlier.

I bit down on his bottom lip, wrapping my arms around and taking his perfectly round, muscular ass into my hands—all those months of walking in heels at night had paid off—squeezing firmly and pulling him into me, finally feeling his cock straining against his inner thigh.

Holy … shit! He had never been _this _large or this fucking _hard _in all the times we'd been together. How the fuck he wasn't on his knees, crying in pain was beyond me. I hadn't even laid eyes on his dick yet, but I was willing to bet the fucker was an unhealthy shade of purple and weeping.

Edward's head slumped to my shoulder, his mouth latching onto my neck as he released something between a groan and a whimper, grinding himself into me.

"Take off the tape," I whispered into his ear, raking my nails against his neck and clawing at his ass with my other hand.

The mane of unruly bronze slowly rose from my shoulder, his lips sucking at the flesh of my neck as he pulled away. When the green eyes that I loved so much locked on mine, I didn't give a flying fuck whether he protested or not. That fucking tape was coming off.

His lips curled upward on one side as his brow arched. "Oh, you want it bad, don't you, Princess?"

Fuck that. He wasn't going to tease me.

The satisfaction of watching the blood drain from his face as I fixed him with the full myriad of emotions I was feeling was beyond thrilling as I slid my hand between us—this time, without him stopping me—and wrapped my hand around his thick, swollen cock. As best I could anyway, what with his pants and the blasted fucking tape in the way.

I gripped him tightly, and immediately captured his lips in a kiss, swallowing the guttural roar that burst from his chest.

"Baby, remove the … tape and … we're going to have … big problems … later," he panted against my lips when I finally released him.

_Fuuuccckkk, I love when he calls me baby._

"Let there be problems then; I'll hide you between my legs like I always do," I hummed. "Besides," I whispered against his cheek, "it gives us reason not to separate for the rest of the fucking night."

"Jesus fucking Christ, they weren't fucking around. What the hell has gotten into you?" he laughed hoarsely, his smile blinding, sending another rush of wetness between my legs.

"Nothing yet," I deadpanned, grabbing him by the lapels of his tux behind the tree.

**EPOV**

Who the fucking hell was this woman?!

As soon as she had my ass on the other side of that tree, my belt, button and zipper were fucking annihilated.

And her eyes?

Holy mother of …

Look, I love Bella, and God knows I wanted to fuck her six ways to Sunday, but the fire in her eyes, the way she was looking at me was pure fucking evil and I swear, she was fucking possessed.

I was fucking scared of what she was going to do to my cock once it was in her grasp; I never thought I'd ever say those words.

If I had any hope of feeling right about taking her out here against this damn tree instead of in a bed for our first time as husband and wife, I needed to calm her down and bring her back to me. The way she was right now, she was too fucking wound up, and I—call me an idiot for refusing what would probably have been an amazing ride—couldn't have it be like this. Not the first time. Dammit, I wanted … well, at least I would _try_ to be gentle with her.

Not that there would be anything gentle about the _size _of my fucking cock tonight; the bastard was a damn monster. I knew that without even seeing him.

"Princess," I rasped, cradling her face in my hands. She continued trying to push my pants past my hips, her small hands moving at a frenzied pace. "Bella," I spoke louder with a bit more bite behind it, causing her eyes to dart up and lock on mine.

"Don't you dare even _think_ of stopping me," she warned.

"Who said anything about stopping, hmm?" I gruffed, crooking a finger beneath her chin and pressing a succulent kiss to her lips. "Just slow down, beautiful, that's all," I thickly whispered, leaning forward and raking the stubble of my jaw against her throat, letting my teeth pull at the juncture between her neck and shoulder.

"Fuck," she keened, pulling at my hair with one hand and shoving at my pants with the other. "Edward, we don't have time."

Biting down into my bottom lip, I drove my hips forward and up, ramming the hardness of my cock right where she needed to feel it. "Where's the fire, baby?"

"Please, baby … it hurts," she cried. "It hurts so fucking bad. I just want … I need you, Edward," she cooed, kissing first my cheek, then my jaw, my chin, then finally my lips, finishing with a whispered, "I love you."

With my eyes now heavy-lidded, and my body feeling nothing but pure fucking want for this amazing woman in front of me, I took a step back from her and maneuvered my pants past my hips, drawing in a breath through my teeth as the cool breeze blew across the swollen head of my cock.

Unable to help myself, I let my eyes travel south, and …

_Oh shit!_

Okay, either I'd cut off circulation and wrapped the fucker too damn tight, or this was the fucking largest I'd ever gotten.

Was it fucking normal for a dick to turn purple and blue?

Take away the gray color of the tape, and my cock looked like one of those damned rainbow popcicles, only tripled in size. I shifted my attention back to Bella.

Her eyes were fucking huge, focused in on the monstrosity attached to my leg. Her hot, pink tongue hungrily lapped at her lips. When I cleared my throat, hoping to distract her, she smiled at me with a shake of her head, bringing our mouths together in urgency.

"See, had you have listened to me earlier, he wouldn't be so angry now, Tink," she breathed into our kiss, causing a laugh to erupt from us both.

"Princess, he's been angry since I read your letter this morning, and I love you too," I answered, kissing her roughly. "Now, are you going to get to unwrapping, or should I pull my pants back up and take us back into our wedding reception?"

Bella's eyebrows shifted warningly at me, and I'll admit, she scared my ass for a minute, but then she fucking smiled and sunk down onto her knees.

You'd think the vision _alone_ of seeing her on her knees, her full, red pouty lips poised at the tip of my ever-swollen cock, would have been enough to make the coil in my groin snap … but no.

It wasn't even when she looked up at me from beneath her lashes as her lips slid along my shaft, sucking, licking and grazing with teeth while her hand deftly, yet gently worked on removing the fucking tape.

Something I should have thought of? Fucking shaving my hairy ass gorilla legs before _wrapping them in motherfucking duct tape!_

No, it was when she pulled the last strand of tape from my leg and cock, sheathed me inside the heat of her mouth, and reached two fingers around to place with my ass.

My body jerked to life and I knew if I didn't stop her, this was going to be over long before I ever managed to get inside of her and relieve the initial problem—her insane need for me tonight.

With a mixture between a groan and a whimper, I hooked my hands beneath her arms and pulled her up, her mouth slipping off my cock with a pop as she looked at me in confusion.

"Trust me, Princess," I dryly muttered before roughly grabbing her face in my hand and jerking her to me, claiming her in a punishing kiss, one sure to bruise.

Not breaking our kiss, my hands moved to beneath the short hem of her wedding dress, and up between her legs. My hand was met with scorching heat, drenched folds and slick, bare skin, causing me to only kiss her that much harder.

I moved to cradle her ass in my hands and lifted her up, a bit higher than normal, lowering her down directly over my cock, slow and easy.

"Ah … fuck …" I hissed, trying my damnedest not to fucking drive into her. "You okay, Princess?"

Then, in a move that took me completely off guard, she wiggled in my hands and forced herself down over me, taking me all the way to the fucking hilt. Her head fell forward, leaning against my collarbone as she whimpered into my skin with hot, breathy pants.

And just when I thought she was going to allow us time to adjust? Fuck no! She began riding and bucking against me like a mad woman; my Princess couldn't get enough. Hell, it was like it didn't even fucking matter that my cock had just magically tripled in size tonight.

Now more than ever, I was convinced that something fucking weird had happened tonight, but _what_ I wasn't sure. Whether it had anything to do with the mere fact that we were in Volterra or not, I had no fucking clue.

Her nails clawed at my tux jacket and the back of my neck, her teeth pulling at the skin of my neck as she sucked and lapped at me.

"Oh fuck, baby … shit …" she mewed, "fuck, Edward! You feel so goddamned good inside of me," Bella breathed raggedly, pulling away and fisting my hair in her hands as she pressed her forehead to mine, locking our eyes together. "I love you, Tink," she whispered with a smile, winking at me while she rolled her hips above me as I moved inside of her against the willow tree.

"I love you too, so fucking much," I half-shouted, eliciting a laugh out of her and nearly bringing my ass to my knees from the way her pussy gripped my cock on the inside.

"I have to ask you a question, baby," Bella cooed, slowing her movements and wrapping her thighs tighter around my waist. "How … does it feel to know that you're … fucking … _your wife_ for the first time?"

I narrowed my eyes at her as I stilled. "Is that what this is for you?" I questioned, raising a hand to trail a finger down the side of her face.

It was as if my asking her that one little question changed the tune of fucking everything. Her movements, her facial expression … everything became softer, slower, and screamed love.

And as you can tell, the pussy formerly known as Edward Cullen the Douche has reemerged.

Her arms draped over my shoulders and when I felt my wife go for my wings, I knew. She was back. My girl was back.

Bella began stroking my wings like it was going out of fucking style, and as my cock grew impossibly harder and larger inside of her, I let my hands leave the underside of her ass to play her wings as well.

Once our attention had been focused back where it needed to be, our releases came fast and fucking hard, and you best believe that all of this shit would be brought to Aro's attention because something had happened with us tonight that just wasn't fucking normal.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

Sometime later, once we'd finally managed to right our clothing—and decided not to retape my cock—Bella and I began making our way back into our wedding reception.

It was hard to believe that we'd only been gone for a total of twenty minutes; it had felt like a hell of a lot longer. As we re-entered the crowd, her hand clasped tightly in mine, we received several nods and smiles.

Neither of us were stupid enough to believe we'd fooled them all. After all, our lips were swollen all to hell and my hair, well … my fucking hair spoke for itself. Quite frankly though, we didn't really give a shit if anybody knew what we'd been up to or not. The only thing we really cared about was Emily being exposed to the perverse nature of the fairies here in Volterra.

"So, Em told me that you were bombarded by the hag earlier. She say anything to upset you?"

"He did?" she snorted. "I didn't think he was even paying attention what with the way his eyes have been glued to Bree all night. Yeah, she approached me, and she started shit about how miserable she's been and how it's our fault, but honestly, Edward, I was too damn _worked up_ to care about any of that at the time," she answered, giving my hand a squeeze and winking at me.

"Ah! Bella, Edward, there you are, dear children!" Aro's shrill voice rang out as Bella buried her face in my shoulder. "We've been looking everywhere for you; it's time for cake!"

"Mommy! Daddy!" Came Sweet Pea's voice from behind Aro.

She ran out from behind him, nearly knocking him on his ass—oh, how I wish she had—and as usual, leapt into my arms; only this time, Bella was beside me and joined us in a family hug. I just prayed that she didn't have the same reaction she did before because I wasn't sure I'd have the fucking energy to go for another round of that magnitude this fucking soon.

My cock needed therapy after what I'd put him through today.

As we followed Aro over to the cake table—well, he called it a cake table, though there was yet to be a cake on the fucker—we were joined by Charlie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and the rest of our fairy family. And yes, that includes those we'd rather not fucking claim.

There were several instances during the time that Bella and I were waiting for our cake to be revealed that my old man had an outburst, or tried to charge me. Apparently, he still had the anal bullet up his ass because every time he tried something, he was left twitching and his whole fucking body seized up. Half the time, he looked like he wanted to throw up.

I also had to assume that Aro had made good on the promise he'd made me at the altar—fuck, that sounded really bad—about the Barbie because each time she shot Bella or me a dirty look or shouted something obscene, she too would have a reaction similar to that of the old man.

Eventually, Aro, flanked by the Cake Boss, Buddy Valastro came out wheeling a huge cake.

Let me ask you something: if you were the cake baker and knew that the couple getting married had a small child, and that child would be in attendance, would you present them with a fucking sexually explicit wedding cake at their wedding reception?

Well, this bastard did! I saw it first and when I did, I had Sweet Pea hide her eyes, and passed her off to Jasper down in the crowd. Thankfully, Alice had something in her purse that would double as a fucking blindfold. Once this shit was over, I was so getting this bastard back. The tale of Hansel & Gretel didn't have shit on what I was gonna do to this asshole.

The cake featured two large, masterfully sculpted figures of Bella and me. It looked like they'd been modeled after us the night of the regional meeting. Bella wore nothing but a miniature tutu, and shoes. My figures hands palmed her breasts, my ass was bare, and you could see how they'd sculpted my cock between her goddamn legs. It was vulgar, distasteful and completely disrespectful. I wanted to fucking cry for Bella.

I was pissed.

This was our wedding day … her day. Supposed to be the happiest day of her life, and yet she was being made a mockery of? Over my dead fucking body!

But then, then I heard something I never would have expected.

She was laughing.

And not just a small laugh; she was laughing her ass off.

Pissed off as I was about the fucking cake debacle, I let it go—the baker asshole would regret making that shit later—and turned my attention to the rest of the our reception, which thankfully, wasn't much more.

The bouquet toss, and removal of the garter from Bella's thigh was all that was left before I could finally take my wife up to our what would be our personal getaway in Volterra for the next three fucking days.

At least I think that's all we had left.

Shit.

"So, who do you think she's going to curse by tradition?" Emmett questioned beside me as Sweet Pea pulled at my tux jacket, asking for me to pick her up. I did, and she immediately nuzzled her faced into my neck , resting her head on my shoulder; the poor angel was tired.

"What the hell are you talking about, Em?" I laughed.

"Daddy, you gotta put money in the jar," Emily mumbled, causing a laugh to burst from my chest.

"Sorry, Sweet Pea," I murmured, kissing her cheek and rubbing her back.

"I'm talking about how she's going to curse whoever catches that freaking bouquet, dude! You know the tradition! Whoever catches it is supposedly the next to get married …"

Emmett's words broke off as I watched my wife bend her body back and launch that fucking bundle of flowers backward, and wouldn't you know? It fucking landed square in the middle of the Barbie's cleavage.

Seriously people, I couldn't make the shit up if I fucking tried.

When Bella turned around and saw exactly where her beautiful bouquet had landed, she was pissed. Not really sure if she would need me or not, I carefully handed Emily off to Emmett.

"Oh, _hell no!_" she shouted, lunging at Rosalie and jerking the flowers from her chest. "I'll be damned if I'm going to curse some pour soul into marrying you."

"Wait!" Aro interrupted, jumping between them, his back ramrod straight and arms outstretched between them. What the fuck was his deal? I'd never understand that man. "Bella, dear, let's wait and see who catches the garter, shall we?"

He then shot a wink over in my direction, and I wasn't sure whether I should be wary of what he was trying to tell us or not, but just the thought of placing my face that fucking close to Bella's pussy in front of all these people …

Fuck … Aro was either the sickest, most perverted motherfucker on the planet, or he fucking knew what had happened between Bella and I under the willow tree—if that was the case, he was using the garter as a means to see me pop a fucking boner.

And pop one I did.

That's what happens when you get down on one knee before your wife and find, with your head buried beneath her skirt, the fucking garter wrapped around her thigh as close to her glistening pussy as fucking possible. I didn't let her get off easy either. I licked, nipped, full-on bit, and played the flesh of her inner thigh before snagging the garter in my teeth and dragging it down her leg.

When it came time to launch it, Alec caught it, and the reaction from the Barbie was priceless. Bella and I totally didn't fucking get it until we glanced at Aro and he held up his pinky, wiggling it—insinuating the small size of his … shit, do I really need to fucking say it?

With my wife in my arms and looking up at me, we burst into laughter. "You realize that here in Volterra, they take the bouquet and garter traditions seriously," I told her once we'd caught our breath.

"What?" she deadpanned.

"Yeah. By this time next week, the Barbie and Alec will be hitched as well. It's fairy law."

"Edward, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"Princess, what about this life _isn't_?" I questioned, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips, feeling her instantly reciprocate. When I pulled back, she hummed in contentment.

"Nothing, but if it weren't for this life, I wouldn't have you, so it can't be _that_ bad," she grinned.

Her beautiful brown eyes were shining, her skin was glowing, and she was looking at me with love written all over her.

I wasn't sure what the fuck I'd ever done to deserve this. Shit, I wasn't even sure what it was about this life that she found so fucking appealing. Hell, for all I knew, it all boiled down to a fetish for glitter and wings.

But whatever it was I owed this new life to, I was thankful, and there was nothing in this world that would ever make me give this shit up.

Well, unless they discover a way to permanently remove these blasted fucking wings.

Or that little bastard who likes shoving fairies out of windows … if they could get rid of him maybe …

Nah, not even then.

**Perhaps I should have mentioned that it was also the longest chapter of the fic, right? LMAO**

**It was also the LAST regular chapter.**

**I know... I know**

** *sniff, sniff***

**There will be an epilogue and it will post before the end of this week, and I can assure you that it will be a RIOT, and take us back to the hilarity that this story began with ;)**

**So much for this only being 8-10 chapters, eh?**

**And to my FAB betas, Daisy Crazy & Twi-Mom12292005... You ladies made it pretty! Love y'all crazy asses and you keep me laughing LOL! Thank you for the help!  
**

** You all know the drill by now, right?  
**

**Leave some love?**

**Please?**

**T**


	67. Epilogue

**So...**

***deep breath***

***passes out tissues***

**Here it is, ladies; the grand finale.  
**

**I cannot BELIEVE I've finally gotten to this point LOL**

**WARNING: I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU NOT EAT OR DRINK WHILE READING**

**See you at the bottom for a final A/N...**

***~TT&ABOFD~***

"Dammit, Edward, are you _trying_ to piss the girl off? Get your ass outside and get some goddamn air. You're gonna wind up divorced if you keep on this way!" Charlie shouted at me, shoving me down the cold, sterile hallway of the hospital.

The hospital in bum-fuck _Volterra_.

I was in fucking hell.

No man deserved the shit I'd been put through tonight, and I had half a fucking mind to walk right back into our room and tell the bitch exactly what was what.

Ah, fuck … no, I didn't. And she wasn't a bitch.

Well … dammit, yeah, she was, but Bella was _my _bitch. More than that, she was my wife; regardless of how ugly shit was getting in there—Charlie was right—I needed to get the hell out and breathe some fresh air before I fucked things up beyond repair.

I mean, who thought we'd see the day she'd be kicking me out, yelling profanities and calling me every fucking name under the sun?

All right, shut the fuck up, it's been a while since any of that shit's happened, okay?

But … _while_ keeping Aro and the goddamned _Barbie _in the delivery room to hold her damned hand?

Right?!

So, maybe you see why I was so pissed off … and fucking confused.

Okay, okay, it's not like it's a secret I'd turned into the world's biggest pussy, so … yeah, I admit it; I was hurt. Really fucking hurt.

And there was shit I could do about it.

Bella didn't want me anywhere near her.

My own goddamn wife was in the fucking room down the hall, in unimaginable pain, and she didn't want me anywhere near her. She didn't need me. In fact, I was pretty fucking certain my _breathing_ pissed her the fuck off.

As usual, instead of taking all the shit I was being dealt, and keeping my mouth shut, I'd reacted … and _not _in a good way.

What?! Everyone in that damned room tried to play it off as though they were shocked when my fat ass mouth opened up and shot off, too … like it was something new.

I mean … Come on, people! I was Edward fucking Cullen! I was _known _for my mouth and tendency to fuck up. Hell, as far as I knew, that was part of what made Bella fall in love with my dumbass! So why was it all of a sudden a problem?

"Come on, man. I'll go with you. I can't take any more of that screaming shit," Jasper muttered, coming up behind me and clapping his hand over my shoulder.

"Jazz, I can't do this," I grumbled, ripping at my fucking hair as I literally hauled ass out of the hospital toward the courtyard. "I can't just go the fuck outside while she sits in there, screaming out in pain …"

"Edward, you can't take it personal. I know that's hard to hear, but it's true. She's not herself right now. Don't you remember how much hell I caught from Alice?" he asked, barking out a dry chuckle.

You're probably wondering when Jasper became a friend, but to tell you the truth, he really hadn't. However, at the moment, Emmett's weak ass was passed the fuck out in the nurse's station. Apparently, hearing the word 'dilated', and then seeing the anesthesiologist prep the fucking epidural was more than he could handle. Bree, the fairy I'd introduced him to at the wedding—they'd hit it off and were now partners on routes—sat beside him, fanning him with one of Aro's spare hand-fans that he kept tucked inside of his purse.

Don't fucking ask 'cause I'm not going there.

Back to Jasper, he _did _have some understanding I guess of what I was dealing with. Just a few months ago Alice had given birth, and if you haven't already guessed it, Bella's pregnant … and in labor—has been for the past eight hours.

Eight hours of _fucking hell!_

"I don't remember Alice going so far as calling you a sparkly, carrot-topped, pencil dick grasshopper, or blaming you for every fucking thing that had ever gone wrong in her fucking life."

Jasper grimaced with a laugh. "No, she didn't, and she never refused to 'fuck me with Rosalie's pussy' either, but she did yell other harsh shit, Edward. It might not have been the same, or carried as much venom to you as it did me, but it still fucking sucked. The thing is, she _is _in pain, and you're the only one that's truly in this shit with her, so of course she's going to lash out. Bella's lashing out at you because she knows, or at least expects, for you to still be there no matter what. You're the only one she has right now. Sure, the way she's going about it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but …"

"How the hell do you know all that shit? The shit that's going on inside of her head, I mean," I asked him, expelling a heavy breath from my lungs.

Fuck, I wish like hell I hadn't given up smoking months ago.

Something I'd done out of love for the woman in the building behind me.

"Most of it's the shit Alice explained to me later on."

"Okay. Then explain to me her dependency on Aro and Rosalie, because up until eight hours ago, they were our enemy, Jazz. Now? Now, they're her best friend, and me? I'm nothing. I'm the enemy. Hell, with the way things were before I was kicked out, I may as well be fucking dead to her."

"You're seriously confused as to why Bella got pissed and kicked your ass out of that room, aren't you?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"Dude, I fucking know I've got a big mouth, but I'm her husband! I didn't deserve any of the shit I got thrown in there!"

"Edward, you fucking accused her of turning tricks with Rosalie on the side when she wouldn't let you hold her damn hand! And if that wasn't bad enough, you said that she shouldn't have any trouble pushing the baby out considering how easy it was for you to _get in. _You called your _wife_ loose in front of God and everybody! Hell, I'm not even a woman, and _I_ was fucking offended!"

"What the hell am I going to do, Jazz? You know that I didn't mean any of what I said, and I know, somewhere inside, Bella knows it too. They have to let me back in there. I can't … I can't miss the," I started, feeling myself get choked up as I collapsed onto one of the stone benches, burying my face in my hands.

I felt Jasper's hand rest on my shoulders. "Just breathe, man. I'll go back in and see what I can find out. Keep your phone on, okay? Try to relax, and think about what all this might be like for her, Edward. I know it seems like it should be about _both _of you, but until the child is born, it's all about Bella. She needs you, but if you're gonna go back in there half-cocked, it won't be good for _anyone_."

"I know," I groaned, shaking my head as his footsteps faded away, letting on to the fact he'd gone back inside.

Thank fuck; finally, I was alone again. Don't get me wrong. I was glad to have the support and the ear of someone else, but really? I wasn't a child. I knew I'd fucked up.

And as I sat there, I couldn't help but think back to the day this rollercoaster began.

_***flashback***_

"_What the hell, baby?" Bella whined, grinding her bare, drenched pussy over me, my cock having gone soft inside of her with my last release._

_Since we'd been married, she was completely insatiable. Her sexual appetite was just as intense as it had been the night of our wedding; it had never waned. In fact, it had only intensified more and more each fucking day—literally … and pun intended._

_Okay, that's not _entirely _true. We found out days after the wedding that there was a flower in Bella's bridal bouquet called the sex blossom—apparently, it only existed in Volterra. How it wound up in her arrangement we had no idea, but according to Aro, that was what had caused her intense reaction. Of course, it had baffled us all considering the fact that, up until that point, she'd proven to be immune to every dust put before her. Then again … this wasn't a dust. _

_Anyhow, the increase in her libido, the ferocious hunger for sex, had come back almost three months ago, but—for me—it was like it had never really left. There was just a month in between._

"_Jesus fucking Christ, what do you want from me, Bella?" I panted, gripping her hips in my hands to stop her movement on me. "I just fucked you six ways from Sunday, and—not including the five times you came—I fucking exploded three times! That's a damn record, and I'm pretty fucking sure you broke my dick this time, Princess," I told her, laughing dryly as she slumped forward, burying her face in my neck, her hips continuing to fight against the hold I had on her._

"_Edward, please," she begged, kissing my neck, "you feel so good, and I don't think I can stop."_

_Unleashing a growl, I forcefully sat up, taking her face in my hands and making her look me in the eye. "You're my wife, and I love you, but I'm not a goddamn machine."_

_That had been the wrong fucking thing to say, and I knew even as I said it, but something was obviously going on with her. She needed to talk to somebody, be checked out, or … shit, _something_! I had even considered putting in a call to Aro because after three months of this shit day in and day out, I was done. _

_I was a man and I loved sex with my wife just as much as the next man, but Bella was pushing the limits of what was reasonable and what wasn't. There were nights that my cock had been fucking chafed to the point of pain from having been fucked so goddamn hard the night before._

_And you just think I'm joking._

_So, after I'd lashed out, Bella jumped from my lap and, instead of coming back out and arguing with me, she'd grabbed a nightie, stormed out of our bedroom—or should I say waddled?—then proceeded to lock herself in one of the guest rooms. _

_I'd tried knocking, texting … fuck, I _even _attempted to pick the lock. None of that shit worked. I mean, yeah, I could've used the fucking dust to magically open the door, but if she wanted me out that bad, forcing my way would only piss her off more; I'd fucked up enough for one night._

_I didn't see her again until the next afternoon. _

_She never came down for breakfast with Sweet Pea and me, which was really unlike her. Had it not have been for the note she'd slid under her door when I'd knocked, I would have been fucking worried. She'd said that she wasn't feeling well; that she was going to take the day for herself to get her head together, and if I needed her, I could text her._

_What did I do? I wrote on the back of the note that I loved her, that I was sorry, and slid it back under the door like the whipped pussy I was. Then, after dropping Sweet Pea off at school, I stopped by the local flower shop and put in an order for the best fucking arrangement of roses they had. I also arranged for lunch from her favorite restaurant to be delivered to the house. _

_Sure, it all cost me a pretty fucking penny, but after my colossal foot-in-mouth mistake last night, I needed to grovel at least a little._

_Though, I didn't entirely think it through because if I had, I would have realized all of what I'd done for her would only make her want me and my poor, over-worked cock that much more. _

_However, when I returned home that night, not only was I _not _met with an overzealous, horny wife, I arrived to find our daughter missing, and a hot, home-cooked meal on the table._

_Bella hadn't felt up to cooking shit in at least a fucking month so that alone told me something was up._

_As I entered the dining room, I looked cautiously around me, not sure if a frying pan was going to come flying at my head or what the fuck was going to happen. This shit was all new to me, and—with as badly as I'd fucked up last night—I wasn't exactly feeling safe._

"_You're home? I told you to text me, baby," Bella said quietly, coming around the corner and slowly approaching me. _

_She'd texted me? When the fuck had that been? She knew I never checked my phone at work. _

"_Guess I didn't see it. What's the occasion? Where's Sweet Pea?" I asked her as she stepped up against me, sliding her arms up my chest and around my neck, rising on to her toes for a kiss._

_I was pretty fucking sure I was imagining all of this._

"_She's with Emmett for tonight. I needed to talk to you, so I asked him and Bree if they would mind keeping her."_

"_Princess, if this is about how I acted last night …"_

"_It is, but it isn't. Edward, your words hit hard and hurt me last night, but they also made sense because you were right. I was up all night thinking about how I've acted. I haven't been myself since before we were married really," she confessed, sighing as she kissed my cheek and walked away, grabbing two glasses of champagne from the dining room table._

"_I told you I was sorry, Bella, and you know I didn't mean for what I said to come out the way that it did. Fuck, baby, you know that I love making love to you, but I just …"_

"_I spent the day with Alice," she interrupted, handing me a glass._

"_Okay, mind telling me why you're interrupting me with talk of hanging out with my fucking _sister_?"_

_I eyeballed her then, raising a brow as I took a sip from the glass. What the ever loving fuck? _

_Mother of _ass_! _

"_Princess, what the fuck is this shit? Did you even check the date on this champagne? Was it sitting open in the damn basement for decades or something?"_

"_Sweetheart, it's not champagne; you're drinking white grape juice."_

_I couldn't stop myself from grimacing. "Oh good God, woman, no wonder it tastes like shit! What the hell possessed you to pour grape juice in my wine glass instead of fucking champagne?" _

"_Nothing possessed me, Edward. I can't have alcohol."_

"_Right … did you hit your head? Unless you're pregnant or you've suddenly developed an aversion to drinking, then …"_

_Her throat cleared and when I looked at her, she was smiling, and her eyes were angled toward her stomach, where her hands were slowly stroking her…_

_Oh son of a bitch. What the fuck had I done?_

"_P-princess?" I croaked, my voice breaking as my hand shook. "A-are you saying what I think you're saying?"_

"_I took three tests this morning, baby. We're pregnant."_

_I could feel my knees starting to become weak and my head beginning to swirl. An involuntary burst of boisterous laughter erupted from my chest as my palm slapped against the wall._

"_You're going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that to get one over on me, Princess," I answered unsteadily, downing the rest of the grape juice, not giving a shit how vile it tasted._

_***End Flashback***_

Now, I know you're thinking I probably fucked the whole night up, but the truth was I'd actually-_for once—_saved my ass. After I'd popped off, Bella got defensive and angry, saying that I was making a joke out of having a child with her and started to walk out on me. She was so fucking hurt; it scared the fuck out of me because I thought I had screwed things up beyond repair without really even realizing it. However, knowing Bella's past the way I did, I knew if I didn't rectify the situation and fast, I had the potential to hurt her more than anyone else ever had, and I _refused_ to be that person. To do … to have done so, would have fucking destroyed me …

Just as her pushing me away now was.

I sucked in a heavy breath, pushing my fingers through my hair. This fucking sucked.

If only I could fucking fix things _now_ the way I had _then_.

I looked over my shoulder at the hospital doors behind me; knowing that she laid in a room beyond those walls, fighting and preparing to give birth to our first child. And she didn't fucking want me anywhere near her.

Yet, she had the fucking Barbie there to coach her, and Aro there to deliver.

Nothing.

Fucking _nothing _had gone right from the second her water broke, which happened while out on our route, mind you.

That fact alone started the whole goddamn battle between Bella and I. Charlie, Emmett, and Jasper seemed to see it from my side of things—at least they claimed to when they were in front of me—but then they'd get around Bella, and the fuckers would start kissing her ass.

Two-faced motherfucking pussies. They threw me under the fucking bus. Every. Damn. Time. and tonight had been no different.

I'm probably completely losing you here.

See, the problem was this: from around Bella's second trimester of her pregnancy and on, I didn't think it was fucking safe for her to accompany me on our routes.

You know of mine and Bella's tendency to fuck up, so can you blame me for being a bit skeptical and wanting to fucking protect her?

Right! Well, Charlie and Emmett saw it my way, and so did Jasper, but Bella didn't. She fucking fought me tooth and nail every goddamn night. There were times that I would actually tie her ass to the damn bed before leaving, only to run into her at one of the houses, thanks to Em or Charlie having cut her loose.

Yeah, you can imagine how much fun those nights were. She was a bitch from hell when she had a score to settle. Add her hormones to that … I was fucked.

She was bound and fucking determined to work through the end of her pregnancy, and it truly scared the fuck out of me. I mean, would you believe me if I told you that our fuck ups rose to an all-time high _after _she became pregnant?

Because they did.

I went through more shit than you could ever imagine. Why?

One reason.

I was protecting her ass.

Her touching tendencies … the unbelievable ability she had to wake people up and have my ass chased by men built like fucking houses? Yeah, I took all of that shit like a fucking pro, in addition to my fuck ups. Only now we were adding Charlie's to that.

Oh, I forgot to mention that, right?

He was on the routes with us. He was fucking worse than she was if you can believe that.

And you should have seen the fucking shit fit my bitch wife threw when I asked her to wear crocs, or at the very least, tennis shoes instead of the goddamn stripper shoes just as a safety precaution on the route. You would think I was asking her to take part in a gangbang or some shit.

Fuck, I didn't like the shoes either—they were ugly as hell—but if it kept her from breaking her leg, or injuring our child, then yeah, they were worth wearing.

Anyhow, what led to me being out here, and her in there, holding hands with two of my arch enemies was that when we'd been on the route tonight, she'd seen a child's pogo stick off in a corner.

As fucking nasty, embarrassing, and grotesque as it was, I'm pretty damn sure I don't need to go into detail of exactly what happened, but when it did, I exploded on her. I started in on my bullshit about how if she'd have just fucking listened to me and stayed the fuck home, this wouldn't have been happening.

That didn't go over well.

Charlie, who—unbeknownst to Bella—had been laughing his fucking ass off during the whole episode, started taking her side and exploded on me, calling me an insensitive bastard; saying that I wasn't being supportive.

That only fueled the fire.

I tried holding Bella's hand and smoothing over my mistake, putting my anger away for the meantime, but she wasn't letting shit go. She started blaming me.

Bella was yelling, scratching, fucking punching … she even went so far as to say that if I had just thought to hide the fucking pogo stick from her, she wouldn't have been tempted to ride it.

Yeah? I couldn't believe she fucking went there either.

When she did, I lost my shit. Everything that I had held back for the last nine months came out. Shit about how she made me feel more like her over used, under-appreciated, sex toy than anything else. How she didn't give a shit about her and our baby's well-being. It got really fucking ugly and it was stuff that, under any other circumstances, never would have come out.

She completely flipped out on me and I didn't … don't blame her.

Shit, that wasn't even the worst of it either. It only got worse once we arrived in Volterra.

When she announced to me that Aro was her mid-wife and was delivering our child, I saw nothing but red.

It was only Bella and me in that room when she'd gotten up onto the table, placed her heels in the stirrups and spread her legs only for him to shove his nasty fucking fingers inside of her.

Exactly. I stood there while 'I Dream of Genie' and Ozzy Osbourne's love child fingered my fucking wife.

And as if _that _wasn't enough, she'd called in the fucking Barbie to hold her other hand and coach her.

I don't know what the fuck Bella's reasoning behind anything was anymore, but I wigged the fuck out on her. Everything came slamming down on me and when her contractions began coming more frequently and violently, I turned into enemy number one.

There was only so many times I could take watching Aro's grimy hands go near her pussy and, with my fucking stress level through the roof—when Bella snapped at me—I went for blood.

She fought right back and, well … the rest you've heard from Jasper.

I'm sure I'm leaving a shit ton out, but I can tell you one thing; it was obvious seeing Aro in that room, crouched between my wife's thighs, face to her pussy, that his stomach was sickened. He was strictly dickly. No one would ever have to worry about that man going after their woman. It was just knowing he'd had his hands on my wife that pissed me off.

Knowing she was willingly accepting his touch and comforting words …_ that _fucking hurt.

I knew that I was doing and saying all the wrong fucking things tonight, but as I had told Jasper, she knew that about me. Sadly, it was a part of who I was. I couldn't fucking help it. It didn't make me love her or our child any less. It also didn't make me _not _want to be in that fucking room with her, holding her goddamn hand.

My phone began to vibrate against my thigh as my ringtone sounded out. Panicked, I pulled my phone from my pocket, and rolled my eyes when I saw that it was my sister.

"Yeah?"

"What in God's name is wrong with you?!" she hollered at me.

"I don't need you to tell me how big of an asshole I am, Alice, I'm well aware, okay?!" I said loudly, my voice a higher pitch than normal.

"Don't you get all smart-assed with me, Edward. I just got off the phone with Jasper and since you answered your phone, I'm going to assume you're still outside. Am I right?"

"What's your fucking point?" I growled.

"My _point_ is that your wife is in there giving _birth _to your first child, Edward … _yours._ I don't know if Mom and Dad slammed your damned head in a solid oak door when you were a baby or what the fuck happened to you, but you should be in there, holding her hand. Not that two-bit tramp. I cannot believe that you actually walked out of that room; that you actually _let _Bella kick you out."

"What choice did I have?! She doesn't fucking want me in there, Alice! Trust me, I _want _to be in there with her!"

"As much as you two rabbits fuck, I _know _you've got a set of balls … fucking _use _them already! Get your ass in there, kick that bitch, Rosalie out of there, and be there for Bella. I know it's hard to believe right now, but even though Bella says she doesn't want you around, acts like she can't stand the sight of you, and wants you as far from her as possible … it's the complete opposite, okay? I was there not that long ago, remember? She needs you to be strong, Edward. Right now, you're …"

"Being a pussy. Yeah, I know. Fuck, okay, I'll try. How's Sweet Pea doin'? Is she helping you with the Nozzle?"

"Edward Anthony! I've told you to quit calling my son that! His nose is _not _that big! And yes, she's been a great help. God … argh! Just … go help your wife, asshole," she grumbled angrily, hanging up on me, leaving me to scrub my hands over my face in frustration.

Or nervous.

Fuck it was probably both.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but Alice was right.

She was always right.

Well, except when it came to her and Jasper's son.

Kid's nose was fucking huge; Adrien Brody didn't have shit on that kid.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

My nerves were shot to hell as I raced down the hallway, back to Bella's room. Charlie saw me coming and stool with Jasper, who for some strange reason was smirking, and Emmett was obviously feeling better because he was standing right along with them.

_Oh hell fucking no!_

I could hear Bella in the room screaming, groaning, and crying. My wife was fucking crying out in that goddamn room. If that bitch Barbie and Aro were doing their fucking jobs right, that shit would _not _be happening.

"What the fuck is going on in there?!" I hissed, turning away from the door and facing Jasper, Charlie and Em once more.

"Your wife is skiing. What the fuck do you think, asshole?!" Emmett exclaimed.

I swear to God, one of these days I was going to say fuck it and knock the shit out of him.

"Why the hell are you still standing here?" Charlie grumbled.

Before I could respond, a loud groan sounded from within her room. "Oh my God, what Edward ever saw in you …"

"_Rosalie!_" Aro chastised. "That's enough! I think it's fair to say no one understands it, but she doesn't need you throwing it in her face right now."

"_Edwa …_" Bella painfully moaned out loud. My head whipped around, fixing Charlie, Emmett, and Jasper with a glare.

"How fucking long has she been calling out for me?"

"That's the first time, Ed," Jasper answered, frowning at me. "Now, get your ass in there."

Fuck.

Like he even _had_ to say it.

I snorted and barged through the door, not bothering to knock or take the time to consider the fucking fact that Aro could possibly be between my wife's legs with his hand shoved in her pussy.

Which he fucking _was_.

Did his damn hand _ever _leave?

"What the _fuck_ are you doing in here?" the cum guzzling tramp sneered, her breath hot against the back of my neck as my eyes were still glued to Aro. "She kicked your ass out. You're not fucking wanted, so unless you want to be escorted by sec ..."

To hell with this shit.

I whirled around, a feral growl snapping from my chest, as I gripped her arm and stared down at her with all the anger I could fucking muster. "Call security, you fucking bitch … _I dare you_. You may reside in Volterra, but you still belong to _mine and Bella's _region, and believe me, what you've been through so far won't compare to the hell I'll put your pathetic ass through. _Now_," I ground out, gripping her arm firmer as she began to struggle, "I don't even want to try and understand why the fuck she wanted your ass in here to begin with, but it's done. Bella's _my _wife and if _anyone_ is going to be beside her, holding her fucking hand and coaching her through this, it's going to be me."

I saw a flash of movement in my peripheral vision and caught her fucking fist just in time with my free hand; she'd just tried to fucking knock me out. Bitch had just fucked up.

"Emmett! Jasper!" I hollered, holding her wrists tight in my grasp, my chest heaving with rage. The second they walked through the door, I literally threw her ass at them. "Get that bitch the fuck out of here before the putrid stench of her crotch rot permeates the room any more than it already has."

Her eyes filled with hate as both Emmett and Jasper looked at me in shock while pulling her out of the room.

"Ed-Edward," Bella groaned in agony from behind me. I spun around, finally locking eyes with my wife.

Needing no words of encouragement, I rushed forward, reaching out to take her hand, praying to fucking God that she actually took it this time and didn't go off on my ass.

"Princ …" Was all I managed to get out before she took my hand—son of a bitch, I was going to need a fucking x-ray after this—and jerked me forward.

"I don't know what the hell he's doing, but he's had his goddamn hand in my twat for fucking fifteen minutes now. _Do something_ or I swear to God, the first chance I get, it'll be your balls that I return to him in the tooth bag, and I will _personally _oversee having them turned into fucking fairy dust."

I slowly moved my ear away from her mouth and let my eyes meet hers.

Holy fuck.

She wasn't fucking around.

My wife wouldn't really be that fucking cruel, would she?

What the fuck was it about child birth that made you women lose all sense of self? Because right now, as badly as I'd wanted to get back in here, that one threat alone was making it impossibly difficult for me not to retaliate back with something just as fucking evil.

So what did I do?

I closed my eyes, swallowed thickly, and nodded my head, whimpering internally like the good little pussy I was.

Motherfucker my hand hurts! Next method for punishing her on a night out? Bamboo shoots under her fucking finger nails.

"You making balloon animals? Your hand stuck? What the fuck are you doing down there, Aro?" I snapped, feeling Bella bear down on my hand. I bit down into my lip to keep from crying out.

"Edward, darling, that was gross," Aro announced, his perky head finally coming up for air, both hands visible. "Dearest Bella, that was not fifteen minutes, so don't flatter yourself, and if you must know, I was checking to see how far you've dilated. It appears you're ready for the epidural."

"Oh thank God!" Bella moaned, her hand going lax in mine for just a second.

Literally, it was only for a damn second because right after, a fucking contraction hit and not only did she take my hand, she pulled me in.

As my eyes settled over her face, my heart fucking shattered. She was in so much goddamned pain, and all of it was in an effort to bring our child … _my_ child into this world.

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to hers, whispering sweet nothings and coaching her with her breathing as my mind wandered off into not so pleasant areas.

_My child._

Was it wrong of me to half expect it to come out of her with fucking horns, a tail, and fangs?

No, I knew that wouldn't happen; my wife, despite her tough exterior, was a beautiful soul, and an amazing person.

When she wanted to be.

That didn't mean our kid would come out _lookin_' normal though. Right now, my mind was running wild. As it was, I had a hunch the kid just might possibly have a fucking hammerhead from all the fucking Bella and I had done—most of the time, with her initiating. I'd fucking pounded into her so goddamn hard, there's no way that kid hadn't suffered from it.

Of course, thinking along those lines led me into thoughts of just how in the blue _hell _Aro expected to get the fucker to squeeze out of Bella's tiny …

Oh fuck me … I think I'm going to be sick.

"Edw-ward, b-baby, please, make it stop," my wife screamed through tears, her teeth now bearing down on the knuckles of my left hand, effectively clearing the fog from my head.

I just knew I was going to be having nightmares for weeks over that shit.

"Fucking A," I grumbled, kissing her forehead tenderly, "Aro, when the hell can she start pushing?!"

"Don't you take that tone with me; she's still got another two centimeters to go. Do you think you can control that fucking mouth of yours long enough for them to administer the epidural? I need a break after listening to her moaning and screaming, and looking at that snatch for the past several hours straight."

I narrowed my eyes at him as his prissy ass stood in his fucking pink Betty Boop scrubs. The disturbing part of that? He'd gotten someone—or he'd done it himself—to add a lacy trim to the edges of the pants and top, and yes, his fucking cock stuck out and was at attention. Not that I'd made it a point to notice. It was still wrapped … over latex that he wore.

Again, don't ask 'cause I ain't fucking going there.

As he made to walk out, I leaned into Bella, pressing a gentle kiss against her temple and whispering that I'd be right back before turning and cornering him against the door of the room.

"I know that out of the two of us, my wife is the one that intimidates you, but right now, she's in fucking pain and that shit is _not_ okay with me. In fact, it pisses me off. You've yet to really see me pissed off you piece of shit, so here's what's going to happen. You'll take your break, but when you come back, all these fucking cheap shots that you keep taking at me, and all the degrading comments you've been making in regard to my wife's delicious pussy … they're going to stop. If they don't, I'll make you wish you hadn't crossed me because even though I've kept my silence 'til now, I'll do a hell of a lot fucking more to you than she ever did, and trust me … _you won't like it._"

Not only were his eyes focused unwaveringly on my own, I could swear that the motherfucker was about to kiss me.

And instead of doing just that, his hand latched onto my fucking cock and balls.

The reflexive action took me by surprise at how fast I had my hand around his fucking throat and him pinned against the wall. "Do that shit again, and I'll do as Bella said the first time she laid eyes on you. I'll say hello to your kitty with a fucking butter knife, we clear now?" I hissed.

When Aro nodded furiously, I released and dropped him, pushing him out of the room, then turned and made my way back to Bella.

"I-if I wasn't in labor and hurting so damn bad, I'd so be f-fucking you ri-right now," she mumbled, taking hold of my shirt when I was in reach and tugging me down toward her.

"That's the last thing you need to be thinking about right now, Princess," I mumbled, resting my hand gently against her stomach and lightly rubbing over it. "I'm sorry for getting so fucking angry."

"I-it's not your fault, baby. You and I b-both know you have no damn control over your _m-mou-uth-hh_," she began to screech, her hand instantly finding mine, wrapping around it tightly and bearing down as another contraction hit.

Fucking A, this was insane.

Then I remembered something … something I'd learned at one of those damn Lamaze classes that Bella had actually managed to drag my stubborn ass to.

"Bella, baby, take your feet out of the stirrups."

"What the fuck, Edward?! Why the fucking hell would I do that shit?! I wanna _have _the fucking baby! Not go to sleep!" she roared.

_One, two, three … don't fucking explode. Don't. Fucking. Explode. _

_Take deep breaths. _

_You love her. She's not a bitch. She's your wife._

"I'm not trying to put you to sleep, Princess. I'm trying to get you into a more comfortable fucking position so I can rub your back until the anesthesiologist gets here. I'm trying to fucking _help _you; just like …"

"_Oh God_," she cried out, moving her legs and slowly moving with my help, wincing through the pain. "I'm doing it again," she whimpered, her hand reaching around to lace through the fingers of my hand on her waist. "Tink?"

"Shhh, Bella," I laughed, not believing that she was spending so much fucking time talking.

"You're not a pencil-dick grasshopper," she groaned.

"And you are neither loose nor a whore," I whispered into her ear as I let my hands apply soft pressure into her back. The gown they had her in was soaked through with sweat. "But for future reference, don't ever pick that fucking bitch over me again, or mention my dick, her twat, and fucking in the same sentence."

Despite the contraction rocking through her, Bella barked out a laugh and smiled at me just as the door behind me burst open.

Shit. It was about fucking time.

The anesthesiologist.

Wanna take a wild stab at who it was?

How many of you fuckers have watched Dr. Oz?

Yeah?

Well … there you fucking have it. He may be some big talk show celebrity asshole in the real world, but apparently, here? He served as a variety of things. Or at least that's what I'd heard. Some of the shit was pretty fucking disturbing, to be honest with you.

After watching him administer the epidural through a needle created by Satan's incarnate while Bella proceeded to snap every bone in both my hands, she laid back and eventually became lax.

That of course didn't last for very long before Betty Boop's bitch came walking back in.

"How are you dear Bella? Think we're about ready yet?"

"She's fucking _been _ready," I growled as Bella stroked my arm.

Aro rolled his eyes at me and slipped a pair of latex gloves onto his hands.

"Hell no, double those bitches up. I'm not about to have those fucking press on nails of yours rip through and scratch her or some shit."

"Calm down, Edward, you're getting riled up again," Bella murmured tiredly beside me.

"Calm down? You want me to _calm down_?" I screeched, feeling anxiety I hadn't realized had settled back in begin to pump through my veins.

"Okay, extra set," Aro snapped curtly, purposely letting the latex slap against his skin for dramatic effect. Drama king, remember? "Now, can we please get on with this?"

I sighed and nodded, leaning over and pressing my forehead to Bella's as she tilted her head upward to kiss my nose. "You gotta chill out, Tink," she sighed.

"Easy for you to say. Ready for this?"

"No, not really. I'm so fucking tired, baby," she cried.

I glanced down the bed to see that Aro had placed her feet back in the stirrups and was obviously checking to see if she'd dilated any further, meaning he had his fucking hand buried in her pussy again.

"Fantastic news!" the overly happy crack fairy squealed from down below, "We're ready to push! Edward, be a dear and help her sit up. Support her back because she's going to need your help. Bella, darling, when your next contraction hits, I'm going to need…"

"I know how this fucking goes, motherfucker; I've done this shit once already!" she bit out, gripping my hand and leaning her head against my shoulder.

Bless her damn heart.

She fucking tried. Fifteen minutes of pushing and we were no closer to seeing our child. The longer Bella pushed, the more it appeared my fears were coming true.

I'd fucked her so hard our child had developed a hammerhead and could no longer fit down the birth canal.

I watched Aro call his nurse, Jacob, over for a moment and whisper in his ear before sending him out of the room. When he returned a few minutes later, he was pushing a cart with some long ass hose looking thing which resembled something akin to an elephant trunk or some shit.

"Princess, what the _fuck _is that?" I asked her. Her head remained slumped against me as she breathed heavily from her exertions. "Aro, what the mother_fuck_ is that goddamn thing Pocahontas just wheeled in here?"

"_That_, my dear Edward, is a vacuum. Bella doesn't seem to have the energy to do this on her own, and the baby isn't coming."

"_You're putting a fucking VACUUM inside my wife to SUCK my kid out?!_" I roared, startling Bella and leaving her to drop down to the bed as I rushed Aro, landing a firm right hook to his jaw. "Have you lost your goddamn mind?!"

Suddenly, I felt two arms pulling me backward. I glanced over my shoulder to see Emmett pale as fuck, eyes focused on the cart.

"Ed, what the hell is that?"

"He wants to shove a fucking _vacuum_ inside her to pull my kid out!"

"Oh … damn … I …"

And that was all she wrote because that fucker blacked out and started going down before I had time to catch his big ass.

"Charlie! Jasper!" I hollered.

As soon as they came in, they both shot me sympathetic looks. I'm assuming that they'd heard my outburst.

Anyway, after they'd managed to pull his big ass out of the room, Bella called me back over as Aro settled himself back on the stool between her legs.

"You ever hit m…" Aro began to bite out as they started assembling the … oh, fuck it. I can't say the fucking word again.

"Don't even think of threatening me right now," I hissed, then turned to look my wife in the eye. "This isn't right. I'm sorry, so sorry," I whispered against her lips.

"What the hell are you sorry for? You're not the one using a Hoover to deliver our child."

"Seriously? You're making fucking jokes?" I growled.

"Baby, please, I …"

"Okay, come on, Bella, I need you to push!" Aro shouted, the hum of the vacuum echoing in the room.

***~TT&ABOFD~***

I would never, for as long as I fucking lived, forget the first time I heard my son, Anthony Charles Cullen, cry out. It hadn't been easy, but eventually, Bella finally managed to give birth to our bouncing baby boy, putting my fears of him being a hammerhead to rest as he was instead born with a cone head.

Not to worry, Aro had assured us that the swelling from the suction of the vacuum would go down in time.

I'd lost count of the number of times I'd counted his fingers and toes, making sure he had all ten of each, which he did. Bella, having been completely exhausted, had only remained awake long enough to hold him against her chest and whispered tender words of how much she loved him.

I was more than happy to take care of him while she slept.

Only, that wasn't what happened.

She delivered and fell asleep after being stitched and cleaned up, then as soon as they were given the go ahead by fucking Aro, the fucking wolves descended. And by wolves, I mean Charlie, Jasper, Emmett, and the rest of the council.

They wanted to fawn and play. So I'd sat there while the imbeciles passed my son around, cooing and gawking like a bunch of old women, Charlie and Emmett both acting as children each time Anthony made a sound that came anywhere close to resembling a fucking fart.

It was ridiculous.

Eventually, I'd had to kick them out … nearly an hour later.

Once they were gone, I settled into the window seat of Bella's room, cradling our son to my chest. He was sleeping soundly, a tuft of the bronze hair, which he'd obviously gotten from me, peeking out beneath the blanket bundled tightly around him.

"He's gorgeous like his Daddy," I heard Bella faintly whisper. My head lifted to see her watching us from the hospital bed.

"Princess, how the hell are you awake? You need rest."

"Right," she softly snorted, "like I could sleep with as loud as those jackasses were?"

"Dammit, I swear, I'm going to fuck up a lot of fairies when we get out of here," I grumbled.

"You'll do no such thing," she laughed. "Tink, you're all talk and no bite. Now get over here."

"You know, he's going to be just as big of a pain in the ass as me, if not _more so_, right?" I warned her, slowly moving over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Edward, if our son turns out to be a _bigger _pain in the ass than _you_, we're sending him to live with Aro because there's no way in hell I can deal with something _worse_ than you," she chuckled, winking at me and leaning down, pressing a soft kiss to Anthony's head.

"I still can't believe they used a vacuum on him," I told her with a sullen tone.

"Yeah, and I can't believe you knocked the shit out of Aro. What got into you tonight?"

"Princess, when have I _ever _had an honest to God explanation for anything I fucking do?" I asked her, scoffing as I ran a hand gently through her tangled hair.

"True, but then again, I love that about you," she whispered, crooking a finger for me to come closer and kiss her.

So I did, albeit awkwardly, as I held our sleeping son. "I don't see why," I answered, shaking my head with laughter as we smiled together.

"He really is something, isn't he?" she mused wistfully, staring down at him in awe. The exhaustion showed heavily around her eyes, but there was no way in hell _I_ was saying shit about it.

"That he is. Just knowing that we—I had a hand … thank you, baby," I murmured to her, leaning down to press my lips against her soft ones briefly.

Well, at least that's was how I meant for it to go; Bella had other plans as she let her tongue slide out and dip between my lips ever so slightly, and after that one little taste, I couldn't resist her. I moved in closer for a deeper kiss, groaning when she pulled away, needing to breathe.

Yeah, yeah. Shut the hell up. We've covered my pussified ways several times over already; we're just beating a dead horse.

"Think you'll want to try for more?"

"Fucking _right now_?!" I exclaimed, causing Anthony to startle like a cat, and making Bella give me bitch face.

Damn, I didn't think she was capable of doing so with as exhausted as she was.

"No, asshole! Not right now, though I'm pretty sure you just answered my question!"

"Princess, my cock barely survived _this _fucking pregnancy! You're telling me you want to …"

"Baby, I'm going to stop you there because if I don't, you're going to piss me off and—trust me—that is _not _something either of us want, okay? So come lay your stubborn ass over here on this side and hold me like you always do; I'm not ending one of the happiest days of …"

"Bella?" I interrupted on a flat tone, looking her dead in the eye with an arched brow and amused smirk.

"What?"

"You're rambling, your hand is on my fucking wings, it appears our son has woken and—while I'm no expert—I'm pretty sure when he starts pulling a Stevie Wonder and mimicking a baby bird, he's fucking hungry. Wanna try feeding the kid?"

"Edward, I'm giving you five seconds to get the fuck off this bed before I ring the nurse to drag your ass out," she laughed, shoving at my arm weakly.

"I love you," I cooed, helping her to shuffle Anthony into a comfortable position on her chest. "But you just ordered me to hold you, Princess. I fully intend to do so."

"I _really _ha …" I narrowed my eyes and saw her begin to smile, "love you too, even though you're a jackass."

We both laughed as I gently shifted myself to lay beside, behind—however you want to see it—on the bed, draping my hand over her waist as she slipped the gown from her shoulder.

I watched her position our son like a seasoned pro at her breast, and …

Damn.

My son was a greedy little fucker.

He was snorting and grunting, making all kinds of fucking noises as he nursed on her, and after some time, a soft snicker passed my wife's lips.

I glanced away from Anthony and up at Bella who was smirking at me.

"What?"

"Tink, you're licking your lips. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous of our _newly born _son, right now."

"Don't be fucking ridiculous, Bella," I scoffed, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder as I softly pulled her back to lean against my chest, put her in a more comfortable position, Anthony still nursing. "You've got to remember, this is all new for me this time around."

"Have you talked to Emily?" she asked, letting her head lie against my neck and shoulder.

"No. I talked to Alice though. She ate my ass alive after I was kicked out. Jasper mentioned before leaving earlier though that he was going to try and have Alice dust Sweet Pea so he could bring her back with him. She's been chomping at the fucking bit."

"I can't believe I kicked you out, Tink," she laughed, gently lifting Anthony from her breast.

"Oh, I can," I chuckled.

"You want to try and burp him Daddy?" she cooed, rubbing her hand up and down his tiny back.

"Is it okay with you if I just watch this time and I'll do it next? I don't want to fuck up and hurt him, Bella."

"Edward," she whispered, tilting her head up to press a kiss to my jaw. "You were great with Emily when she was a baby. I can remember you burping and feeding her every once in a while when you'd come over. You'd never hurt a child, much less our own."

"Princess, Sweet Pea was months older. Anthony is only hours old. Not only that, we're in Volterra. I'm sure that after the way I attacked Aro's bitch ass today, they're going to seek revenge against me in every way they can."

"And you actually fucking think that they'd use our newborn son to do it?" she seethed, patting his back and burping him as she looked up at me.

"Hell if I know. They'd be damn fools to try."

"Remember what I said earlier about you being all bark and no bite?"

"I fucking resent that, but yeah," I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

"Well, be however fucking evil and mean you gotta be. If they even think about coming after us or our son, don't hold back."

I shook my head at her in bafflement as she switched Anthony over to her other breast. "Are you feeling much pain, Princess?"

"A little yeah, but I don't want any medication, Edward. It'll transfer into my milk and I don't want that."

"So you're going to sit here in _fucking pain_ instead?"

"As long as I have you right here holding me, I think I can bear it, okay? Just stop flipping out on me, and quit bitching, you big pussy," she teased, pinching the skin of my forearm draped over her hip as she smiled up at me.

How she could be the world's biggest bitch, possess the largest and warmest heart, and completely fucking own my ass—all at the same time—baffled me, but I was done questioning it.

I'd been done the second she'd decided that she was going to be with me, fairy or not.

I guess if there's fucking anything in this goddamned bitch of a life that I owe my parents for, it's for having intervened. Had they not jacked with shit, I'd never have wound up hitting her house that night, and thus our little story never would have taken off.

Or maybe it would have; who knows.

Either way, as I looked down at my beautiful wife feeding my newborn son, I saw my future, and for the first time in my life, I didn't loathe it.

I fucking welcomed it.

Tutus, glitter, teeth, wings and all.

**Well ... There you have it! **

**I want to thank all of you that have stuck by me and followed Fairyward on this wild ride that -originally- was only going to be 8-10 chapters. **

**OMG, just saying that seems insane! Every time I think back to how small my vision ****initially**** was for this fic I fall into hysterics. Mainly because it's going to be so hard saying goodbye to this wordy, little shit. LOL  
**

**Good thing he'll back for in mid-September, early October for a sequel, right? ;)**

**A huge thanks to my AMAZING betas, DaisyCrazy & Twi-Mom12292005- As always, I FLOVE you gals!**

**On a side note, I'll be contributing a futuretake to the Fandom 4 Animals, and it's one that will NOT be included in the sequel. It will be a look into what happens when Riley makes a surprise return to Forks ;) If you would like to donate, here's the link to visit:**

**www dot animals dot fandomcause dot info**

**Really, thank you all again.**

**XOXO**

**T**


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